Sleep Lady Shuffle

Congrats! Teaching your baby to sleep is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. It's not always easy and doesn't always go "by the book" but consistency is key. My son was easy on learning to sleep (30 minutes night 1, 15 min night 2, 5 minutes night 3 and then done). Where we struggled with him was when we cut him off from the middle of the night feeding around 8-9 months or so. And we had nights where he was up for 2 hours 45 minutes. I was in my office at 3am emailing my Pediatrician asking if this is truly what he meant! He said yes, and it will get better. And it did. 5, 10, 15 worked wonders for us.

Our daughter taught herself. We put her down so we could give her brother a bath, she may or may not have been crying, and when we came back she was asleep!

But really what's most important is that the parents need to be taught. Consistency is KEY. And you need to be committed. Here's where I think you need to make an adjustment: You've got to leave the room and stay out of the room. Then check back every 5, 10, 15 minutes. Otherwise in her mind you're just watching her get hysterical and not doing anything about it. If you're out of the room she'll figure it out eventually. It's more peaceful for all of you.

Good luck and keep it up!
E.

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Hi J., letting your baby cry it out until they fall asleep is one of the hardest things you will have do as a parent, however it is only temporary as they will learn to fall asleep on their own. It may take a few nights, it might take two weeks but the end result is putting your baby down AWAKE and they do not cry and fall asleep on their own. You can actually walk out of their room and not have to worry about waking them up, it's unbelievable! You should read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. In this book he explains the biological need for sleep and the impact it has on babies when they don't get it (waking up all night is hard on them as well!). There were nights when we were going through this with my kids I would leave the house and my husband would stay because I couldn't take it (he was stronger in this department). We started doing this with my daughter when she was 9 months old but I wish we had started earlier because the longer you wait, the harder it is to turn it around. Good Luck! We've all been there.

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It may seem harsh mom but you have to let her cry. Check her once only to make sure she's dry and leave her. Babies know from birth how to get your attention...they cry. If you don't break the habbit now, when will you? When she 1,2, or 3? It's way too late by then. She has to learn now that you and daddy are in charge and it's bedtime. It'll be extremely had for both of you but this is something most people go thru while raising their children. Good luck.

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We did something similar to this for my daughter when she was one and a half, congrats to you for figuring out that your daughter is old enough now! The first days are the hardest, but the good news is that it only gets better! We had four days of absolute he**, and on the fifth night, my daughter only cried for ten minutes. After a week, she was going to bed without crying, WE COULD NOT BELIEVE IT! IT WAS WORTH IT (although at times I felt like crying myself, it was worth it in the end to have a child that sleeps well). She then slept all the way through the night and everyone in the house was getting the sleep we needed.

Like another poster said, I would recommend not picking her up, it's sending mixed messages, and just reinforces that "when I cry at bedtime, you will pick me up!" I know it is soooo difficult. By standing at the bedside, your daughter will know that you are there. I also recommend putting her in her crib, saying goodnight, then moving closer toward the door each night, eventually to the doorway, then outside the door (it took us about a week to get to the hallway).

Good luck,
M.

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I would suggest - not picking up - just rub her back and sing quietly and speak calmly - -
My kids are 17 & 20 now - but I remember standing over the crib - while my arm was going numb - rubbing their backs - and speaking nice quiet words of encouragement. I even made up my own words to a song - which included phrases like - nighty night ... - - go to sleep. .. - and J. is such a good girl....

picking her up - will only make your transition worse....

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Hi J.,

As I am a mom to older girls 13, 12, and 8...I'm not really sure what this new method is. However it sounds very similar to the Ferber method that I used many a moon ago to get my girls to sleep. You let them cry in 5 or 10 minute intervals. Don't pick them up, pat them on the back and leave the room. It is agonizing, especially the first night... night two will be a little bit of the same, BUT within the week you would be surprised what it does. It feels like torture in the beginning, but honestly it is just teaching them to calm themselves, without using being picked up, or fed as a means of calming. After bouts of sickeness and other things that would interupt their sleep patterns, I always went back to this and it works like a charm.

Hang in there... it DOES get better. You are actually giving your child and yourself the gift of SLEEP. It is important for both of you, to sleep well, to function.

Good Luck!

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Ah, J.. So many opinions...so many viewpoints.. and in the end, so overwhelming! I'm sure you knew you would a diversity of answers all of which you probably have heard before. Maybe all you really need is just some reassurance that you are not alone and furthermore, that you are not a bad mom. And trust me, you are neither.
In as short of an answer as I can give, here is my experience. Once I put my daughter down for the night she would cry and I would let her cry it out for a little bit before going in. In part, this was my way of assessing if there were improvements from night to night. After my set time limit was up, I would go in and sooth her. I did not pick her up, but I would continue to talk to her or sing to her all while patting her on the back. As she would calm down and drift off, I would lower my sounds (shushing, singing, talking, etc)and soften my pats until I stopped all of it completely and she was asleep. If she started to stir again, I would get a little louder again to keep assuring her I was still there. Eventually, at her 9 month appt. the doctor said to let her cry it out for as long as I could take it. The first night, she cried for 19 minutes and then fell right to sleep- no intervention by me. Most every night after that, she has been great at going to sleep on her own.
I think you have been given lots of great advice here, but in the end, just know that although you do need to resist just "giving in" so as to not have a harder time later in life, you also need to do what makes you feel comfortable too. The trick is finding that balance. Maybe she is not ready for it yet. But that is up to you to decide. In the end, she will still love you tomorrow morning. =) Good luck!

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I agree with the last comment. It will not be so bad the second night. I would not pick her up though. I pat my son's back and he stops crying. I let him cry for about 10 minutes and go back in another 10 minutes if necessary and then he finally goes to sleep. I know you hate to hear her cry but she will work it out and then everyone will be happy!!

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We did a mini version of the sleep shuffle for our 5 month old after a vacation got him all mixed up on his sleep. I would recommend not picking up. It does calm them, but they freak out more when you put them down again. Just be consistent & it WILL work. I know it is tough, but you are giving her a wonderful gift of sleep! It will be sooo worth it - promise! Best. Hang in there

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I admit, I didn't read the other responses. I have a 2 year old, I remember when he was younger and we tried very hard to have him fall asleep and stay asleep on his own. He had always resisted falling asleep and would almost fight it, and sometimes cry because he was tired but didn't want to fall asleep! Anyway, it was tough, but we had a rule that he was allowed to cry for 30 minutes and if he was still crying after 30 mins, then we would check on him, see if he needed to be changed, if he was too hot/cold, etc, if he was thirsty-then, back to bed for another 30. That worked pretty well. He learned to give up crying and go to bed if he was tired. Same thing if he wakes up crying. Let him go for a bit and see if he falls back asleep. If not, check on him. Now, he sleeps like an angel!! I don't know if the sleep lady shuffle works-we never tried it. I think the important thing is still teaching your little one when bedtime is (they NEED to learn to fall asleep at bedtime) but at the same time, not making her feel abandoned if she may need something like changing.
Good luck!

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i have used the Sleep Lady shuffle with success. I know it may seem hard, but do not pick her up. Like she suggests, you can leave the room as you did and check back frequently if you need to. But part of not picking your baby up is teaching her to put herself to sleep instead of your comfort. Now I don't always practice what I preach in the middle of the night. When my 18 mo old wakes up in the middle of the night and cries, I have to go in quickly since she shares a room with her 3 yr old sister. She will lay back down, but will frequently check if I'm still standing there. My 3 yr old responded to it much quicker and easier. She is now a great sleeper. I am still working on achieving that with the 18 mo old.
I hope night 2 turns out as successful in the end as the first.

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Hi J.,
Well, you have to do what's comfortable for you - but I'll tell you what happened with my daughter. We didn't break down and do this until she was 8 months, but I wish I'd done it earlier. Basically we just put her to sleep and that was it for the night. When she woke up, we just let her cry it out. Eventually. The first few nights I did go and pick her up, rub her back, everything you mentioned. Not only did it not help, she got even less sleep than she normally would have. Our going in and coming back out upset her and didn't allow her to relax and go to sleep - she never knew if we were coming in or not. Once we stopped doing that, it was a lot easier on her. After the 3rd or 4th night I think she realized that was how it was going to work and she was able to sooth herself to sleep. It wasn't a perfect system for a long time, but she is 23 months (today!) and bedtime is never a problem any more. BTW- do you have a bedtime routine for her yet? Stories, songs, etc? I found that to be CRITICAL. Three stories and the same three songs every night, then bed. It works like a sleeping pill on our daughter now. Once she hears the end of that third song she even reaches for bed!
Good luck,
MC

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I have not read the other responses, and I'm sure I'll get flack for this...stop picking her up and leave the room! That is why she continues to cry - because you have now chained a behavior - you have to break the chain. Cry = emotional mom standing right there with her = pick up baby. It's a conditioned response, just as when someone sneezes, we say "God bless you".

I don't know what has worked for others, but I can tell you my experience with my child. At 6 months old we faced all of the same problems. She would cry anytime you put her down, so we basically had to rock her to sleep. Once she was asleep, we would put her down in the crib but she would wake up screaming 10 minutes later.

We started the "Ferber method" (I hear the sighs already),a nd it WORKED! Not only did it work, but we only had to do it for TWO DAYS. By the third night, she fell asleep in less than 10 minutes and has never had a problem since!

The Ferber method is all about having the SAME ritual every single night. Take a bath, dry off, get dressed, brush teeth, and putting the baby to bed. Maybe you want to rock for a few minutes, or maybe cuddle for five or ten minutes first. Once you walk into her room, put her down, say good night, tell her you love her, pat her back or tummy, then leave the room.

Set a timer - wait 10 miuntes, even through her blood curdling screams, then go in, pat her tummy or back for one minute, DO NOT TALK, then leave the room again. Now set the timer for 15 minutes. Do this over and over, adding 5 minutes to the timer until she falls asleep. Have a bottle of wine ready the first night cuz you'll need it!

The next night, do the same thing. By the second night, my daughter was asleep after my second reappearance (so about 30 minutes). The third night, she stopped crying and went to sleep in less than 10 minutes; I never had to go in there!

Now some people I know have had to do this for up to 3 weeks. But the consistency will set in, and she will go to sleep a little earlier each night knowing that you are still there even though you are not in the room with her. Good luck!

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I have found that the best way to deal with teaching a child to fall to sleep themselves is to leave the room and let them cry till whenever they fall asleep provided they are 6 months or older. Your presence just prolongs the fussing. I know it is hard but in the long run, you all get to better sleep which makes baby happier much quicker. You attach to your child all day long and a night or two of cry it out by extinction method will not interfere with that attachment - you will be doing your baby a favor as my doc put it. Good luck.

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I don't know what the sleep lady shuffle is, but what I have ascertained, it is not going to work. I use the method that you stumbled upon at the end of the night, which worked, I might say, just as I would suppose it would. That is, the patting and shhhhing only serves to keep baby awake and waiting to be picked up and confused and cranky. Leaving the room sends a clear message and one that baby can live with, i.e. you must fall asleep by yourself. She woke up in a good mood and that is the same experience I have had with numerous infants who fall asleep exhausted after a long cry. They need that sleep more than the comforting pat on the back. Falling asleep alone, just like eating alone and walking alone, etc. is a normal human ability and one which an infant can be counted upon to grow into. Checking on her, have you guessed, is for your benefit, not hers, to assuage your feelings of guilt at allowing her to cry and to make sure that she is all right. Read more on the subject, the sleep shuffle sounds bogus.

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I don't know what the sleep lady shuffle is. We followed Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth to successfully sleep train both our daughters now 5 and 7. He's out of Northwestern.

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It makes me sad as well to read about people letting their babies cry themselves to sleep. I don't anybody is saying that you are a bad parent for choosing this particular method. It is just that their are better gentler methods available for helping you and your child to sleep well. At this a child's wants and needs are the same thing. Check out Elizabeth Pantley's 'No Cry Sleep Solution' I believe Dr Sears also has a book on sleep.

Good luck. I know sleep deprivation is rough but my kids are 13 and 7 and I'm still alive to tell about it.

T. S.

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We started sleep training at 6 months, too.

Night #1 - 45 minutes.

Night #2 - 15 minutes.

Night #3 - a few minutes.

Basically every night since then - into the bed, awake but drowsy and asleep without tears.

Quantity of sleep = 12+ hours a night.

We followed Dr. Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". We did not go in, pick up, pat, shh, or anything like that. If the 'cry it out' philosophy doesn't work for your family, then don't feel pressured to do it. I am sorry, however, that despite your request for help people still want to take the time to jab at your parenting philosophies.

It will get better and she will be fine. It might take a few more days, but no matter what technique you use just be consistent with it.

Feel free to send me a PM if you are in need of more reassurance - hang in there, mama!

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Babies cry to tell us something...and our instincts are there to tell us something, listen to yours. Maybe try a softer approach like The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. My 24 month old is an AWESOME sleeper and my 10 month old is on his way following the same path. Good luck.

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In my experience with both my daughters, the first night was the worst! Then each night got a little better because they were getting used to it. I think it really only took about a week for my first and about the same, maybe and extra week for my second. Hang in there, tonight should be a little easier. Soon she will go down with no crying at all.

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This method worked wonders for us. Yes, our daughter did cry but she learned to self soothe and now sleeps fine on her own. So much better than what we went through before.

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J., ....Don't listen to the posts about it was wrong to let your baby cry! And don't think you are now a bad parent for letting your baby girl cry! There are some Dr's that say it is ok and there are some Dr's that say it is wrong! But it is ok, she went to sleep and woke up happy like nothing happened the night before. Good for you and stick to it.

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I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm picking on you but I'm always so sad to read the crying it out or sleep training posts. Please do the research on the effects of prolonged crying in infants. It's so sad that society thinks "sleeping through the night" is such an important goal. It's normal for an baby to wake through the night, they don't follow the same sleep patterns as adults. Babies human nature is to expect physical closeness during the day as well as night. Babies cry when we put them down because of their built-in, ongoing need for reassurance and security through physical contact day and night.

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She's to young to cry it out. You need to wait until she is a year old to do this method. We used this for both of our children & it does work; you're just doing it to soon. Please don't go forward with "Night #2".

I dont think anyone mentioned putting on music or a fan or some kind of white noise in her room. That always seems to help my kids fall asleep and stay asleep. Also a mobile on the crib to distract her while she gets sleepy. A nightlight might help too. I do this every night for my boys. And I would not let her cry for more than 5 minutes or so. I dont think its healthy. I would check out the Ferber book or look it up online.

This is just my opinion about the various poster's opinions of each other, not directed at you personally J.. If you are going to post questions on a public forum you are going to get a wide variety of responses! If you do not want to hear a wide variety of responses why would you post on a public forum!? Go talk to your best friend or whoever shares your own views. When I see things I disagree with I, and others on this site- at times feel compelled to respond-not because we are bad or judgemental people but because we care about others and we hold stong views. I do not believe the crying it out method is healthy or natural; I believe it belongs to some very outmoded ideas of parenting that are passing away. But I wish you all the best, and I hope everything works out for your child.

I have to agree with Mom B. It makes me very upset to hear about leaving babies to cry. It makes you feel terrible because it is not a natural thing to do.

Be aware that this does not guarantee your baby is now "trained" forever.

I am someone who has terrible sleep issues and was left to cry as a baby....

When we first started we did something similar to ferber, except we would pick our daughter up. So cry for 5 min, then pick up and calm down, then cry for 10 min, pick up and calm down. We never let her cry for longer than 30 min. Now that she is older we just make sure everything is ok and leave, if she cries for a full 30 min then we go back in, but most nights she doesn't cry at all. She sleeps 12.5 hours each night (but she is also 16 months). I think at six months is was more like 8-9 hours each night.