Sleep Issues

Great suggestions from the other moms...I thought I'd add another. Maybe you could try giving him something to distract him from this habit at bedtime. Perhaps a flashlight or a toy that puts a light show on the wall would make him forget to make a fuss out of bedtime.

Hope you find a solution soon...there is nothing that shakes my 'mommy confidence' more than lack of sleep for any of us!

~L.

My first child had sleep issues as well...what worked for us after many people gave us advice was just letting her cry. My husband was first opposed to this but we found a compromise that worked for him...we would let her cry for 5 min...then you go in there and not make any eye contact and say...night, night time we love you...then you lay him back down....then you wait 10 min and then do the same thing....you just keep doubling the time and eventually he will fall asleep..this was a perfect compromise with my husband because he wanted our daughter to know that she was loved and not just left there to cry once we put her to bed...you do the same the next night and so forth and eventually it will be a piece of cake to put him into bed...you also do the same thing in the middle of the night..you and your husband may not get much sleep for a week or so but it is worth it in the end....when you let him cry and scream for awhile and then go and get him and bring him to your bed, you are just asking for the same thing to happen again the next night because he knows that if he screams long enough, you will come. My husband and I were prepared for the worst when we did this and was pleasantly surprised. This may not sound like a good idea to you but it worked for us. Some people may not be comfortable with letting their child cry but it is up to you....I was at my wits end when we did this....my second child went down much easier but just recently she has been crying when you put her down for her nap and at night...we started this same thing and she doesn't cry much past a minute if that at all and then quiets down...it's amazing to my husband and I that kids can be crying and screaming one second and then sound asleep another....good luck!!!

Hi S. -

It depends on how you want to handle the situation. I read once that we parents should "start as we intend to go". In other words, if you are not an advocate of co-sleeping, then I would not bring him back to bed with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so (IMO), but if you don't intend to keep it that way, it may be short term relief, but long term issues for your family as it will complicate getting your son to sleep in his crib.

There are a lot of approaches, you just have to find the one that is right for you and your son. I have never been able to let my son cry-it-out, so I used the "put down method". I would go in and lay him back down and talk softly touching him... just until he was calm. Then I would leave. If he cried again, I would repeat. THis is extremely h*** o* you and can be time consuming, so you really have to commit and just stick with it. But during the process, it is tough. I would respond to all night wakings this way. THis worked for me b/c I felt I was getting my point across that it was bedtime and that is where he would stay, but I wasn't leaving him in there to cry by himself.

THis is certainly only one of the many ways to address the situation and the only one I can really speak to b/c I have used it.

It is really difficult when kids wake or won't slepp and we are sleep deprived...I am living it right now as well! I think all we can do is be consistent and patient. So, decide how you want to handle the situation and stick with it as best you can. It may be exhausting for a little while, but in the end I am sure it will pay off!

Good luck.

Is he teething? Hot/cold? Ear infection? after you first determine that there is no physical problem, the only thing that worked for us was letting him cry it out. BUT we needed to first understand that we were trying to put him down too late. A baby who was napping would easily go down at 8:30. Now 7:00 - 7:30 is his time for night, night. Establish a routine (dinner, bath, 2-3 short books and night night is ours) and stick to it. We had to turn off the monitor and shut off the T.V. 45 minutes before the routine began, but it's been working.

does he have his 1 year molars yet? my boy is 12 months and his top molars have been coming in for the last 2 weeks or so and that is what he has been doing. some nights are better than others... he is actually starting to be more comfortable again. i can finally see them starting to sprout and his gums are not nearl as inflamed. i bet that is what it is if it came on suddenly. hang in there. i'm sure this will pass. :)

Around 15 months old, children begin to experience what is known as separation anxiety. They are savvy enough to know how much they need you to take care of them, but their brains are not developed enough to have "object permanence" which is the concept that things continue to exist when the can't see or hear them. Your child is about the right age for this to be kicking in. Your boy is in terror that you no longer exist and he is alone in this hostile world.

A few things that help. Peek-a-boo helps children develop object permanence for you, and so does hiding things under a blanket and asking"where is it?", then letting the child find it. Also, you can record a cassette or CD of you reading a favorite story, and play it as your child goes to sleep. Sometimes hearing your voice is enough to calm your child.

Remember that this is a normal developmental stage, and your child will grow out of it. Trying to ignore their fears doesn't make them grow out of it any faster. When it is at its worst, they will cry when you close the bathroom door to try to pee for 20 seconds. It is tedious, though. Good luck with lots of peek a boo. L.

Hi S.,
I feel like an advocate for this book, I recommend it to everyone, but truly "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" is so great. My twins are 16-mos-old and about the age your son's at, they, too started going through crazy sleep issues. It has alot to do with getting ready to drop a nap, etc. and the book explained it all perfectly. It gave me lots of great advice, too, which is all working nicely. Don't feel like you just have to suffer through this - you can be proactive which I know, made me feel alot better. I have another little guy on the way, too, so I know how important it is to have your "ducks in a row" with the older as much as possible seeing as how everything is going to change when the new baby arrives! Good Luck!

My child as had sleep issues from birth. at about 12 months we did the approach where you put them in the crib and sit close by untill they settle or fall asleep. Each night move closer and closer to the door and eventually you will be able to walk right out the door. some parents say it take 3 or 4 days, well, it took us a couple of months, but I tell you when it works life is wonderful. also, they will go through stages with growing pains and sleep disturbance. so don't get discouraged.

I know how hard it is to do because I have had to do it, but you need to just let him cry it out. Otherwise, you will always have that problem. He is old enough now that he knows that you will be there for him and he is still going to love you, but he has to learn how to sleep on his own.
My 3 year old boy we had the same problem with. Eventually we just let him cry it out. It took an hour for him to cry the first time and I know that is hard but the second night was shorter and on and on. It took about 5 days for him to get it and now we don't have any problems with him. He stays in his bed all night with the occasional need to be comforted but no sleeping issues. Trust me it is so hard to do at first but it does get easier. And considering that you are expecting a second child you will really appreciate having the ability to get the oldest one to sleep on his own. It will save time for you and your husband.

I feel alot of parents would agree with me on this.....He does this b\c he is used to either you o your husband being there and you both being the last thing he sees before going to sleep that naturally he awakes and freaks out that youo are not there. My opinion, at any age, it's not at all helping that poor baby in the long run to put him in your bed or for either of you to be there when he falls asleep. Your actually making problems worse for all of you. You really should put him down when he's drowsy and slowly (in steps) inch your way out of his room. This doesn't happen overnight. He might take about a month for it to happen but the good thing is from that he will be an independent sleeper. I did that with my now 18 month old daughter since she was 2 months old and she sleeps through the night ever since. Unless of course she's teething or sick. Ask your pediatrician about what I just said.......I know he would agree with me. Good luck

Wow! Sounds like you have your hands full. Have you tried to set a bedtime routine? Maybe start with a bath, pajamas, bottle, and a story. Or whatever you feel would work. I use the Johson's bedtime bath and it really relaxes my son. Then, he has his bottle and sometimes I play some soft music like Mozart or Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. When you put him down, try playing some soft music in the background so he has some background noise. Letting him sleep with you is only going to make it harder for him to sleep on his own. The longer you do it, the harder it will become. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know if anything works for you.

My son is 15 months now. He experiences the same thing, but i found a solution. i put a pillow on his back so we can think i am still there with him. you can also place a nice coozy blanket around him also so we can still sense the security there.

Hey! My name is V. , i am a young mother of 4 children. My 9 month daughter is doing the same thing and it is the age mostly and some seperation anxiety,I just recently went back to work. My doctor recomends that you do not rock them to sleep and though exausting, put them in their beds and comfort them as much as possible. When they do wake up in the middle of the night just go check on them emidiatly and be breif lay them down rub their back then leave the rm again. If you continue to bring him in your room that is going to be the pattern he will get used to and always want to be in your bed. Another thing that may help is to set a schedule for him, if every night at the same time you give him a bath(that helps alot)and read him a book, then lay him down he will get used to it and though it may take time it is better then haveing a 2,3,4,or 5 year old in your bed. My now 8 yr old had to sleep in bed with me until she was almost 4. I was a mother at 16 and didn't have a clue. The three that fallowed have been much better. Wish you luck and lots of rest!