Sleep Issues - San Antonio,TX

P., what a wonderful mother you are! You have done the right thing and you have built a strong bond between you and your daughter that both of you will always cherish. I would suggest trying a warm bottle of milk if you are ready to stop nursing her along with some soothing music to help her drift to sleep. I always chose to comfort my children through the night, also because you never know for sure why they are crying until they are old enough to tell you. Nothing was enjoyable to me if my baby wasn't comfortable and happy. God bless and in time and it does take alot time, she will adjust.

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It seems cruel, but letting her cry it out for a few nights works like a charm. My 1st started sleeping through the nights in her bed at 3 months, my second at 2 months.

"The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It's a great book and VERY gentle - not the "cry it out" method. It worked well for us. Hope it helps you!

Why is it a bad habit to want to be comforted by mommy?
Also, if you wake up at night and want a snack or something to drink, don't you get it for yourself?
Look up Attachment Parenting by Dr. Sears, I think you will find an answer that you are looking for.
Could you put your daugters crib next to you and your husbands bed? And still be able to sleep with your husband?
It seems that if you follow your heart and what feels right, you will find the answer you are looking for.
Do what works for you and your family.

R.
Momma who co-sleeps and breastfeeds on demand

My son would wake up in the middle of the night to nurse too. He was used to being picked up, rocked and not put down until he went to sleep because his dad hated to hear him cry. After his father died when Jason was 7 months old, that was the first time I let him cry himself to sleep, and that was the best and hardest thing I did. Then when he was 9 months old I asked his pediatrician if Jason was really hungry when he woke up at 4am or if he was just waking up to wake up. She told me that he wasn't hungry, and what she did with her kids was when they woke up in the middle of the night, she would just lay them back down and walk out. So that night when Jason woke up, I went in gave him a kiss and laid him back down. Two nights later he was sleeping through the night.

I think Jackie has some good ideas. Also, I know what sleep deprivation feels like, and for those who are judging you, let them take issue with a crying baby on a regular basis. Sleep deprivation is torture, not just an inconvenience. I nursed my second baby alot, and even when she cried during the night. Just the nursing several times a night cuts into your sleep alot. So I started taking her to bed so I could fall back asleep.
I say do what you have to do to keep yourself healthy. I don't regret nursing. I'm just saying don't let others tell you what is best for you. Everyone is different in how they cope and manage. If your husband wants you back in bed, I think he needs to be more understanding, or better yet, let him get up and bring the baby to you, then after she's done, wake up again and return her to her bed. The saying "walk a mile in my shoes" comes to mind.
Best wishes.

I agree with Susan about the marriage part. The most important thing you can do for your child is have a healthy, happy and loving marriage. It teaches them so much more than many may realize. As for the actually getting her to sleep part, I don't know. I've never co-slept ( I think it is unhealthy and unsafe) and I did not nurse (and before anyone jumps my butt for that... it was a personal choice)so mine slept through the night by 4 months old. However, at 16 months she should be getting enough to eat during the day to not NEED to eat during the night (does she eat 'food'?). So, she's not hungry but is comforted by the nursing. What if your husband gets up with her, cuddles, soothes and then puts her down? If you get up.. then she will expect to nurse and then be disappointed (ie CRY HER HEAD OFF) if she doesn't get it. Honestly, you can not expect to get through this with out ANY tears... she is going to cry... that is what babies do. I'm not saying that she should cry herself to sleep... but she does have to figure out how to 'soothe' herself... other wise when will she learn? You won't always be there to 'fix' things.
I wish you many sleep filled nights! Good Luck!

Our Daughter was up every 2 hours EVERY night until we started her on baby cereal. The first night we fed it to her she slept all night and every night after that! Life Saver!

Honestly, thereis no gentle way of doing this. If you let her cry when she wants nursing, she will get the hint that you aren't coming in. This is not only ruining your daughter, but this is ruining your marriage. Your baby is only doing this because she has control of this situation and she knows that you will do it. Its more of a habit than something she needs or wants. If you let her cry herself back to sleep, she will stop. It sounds cruel but its not. It is very healthy to let a baby cry, it exercises their lungs and she learns to expand them. Dont do this to yourself, her and your husband!

I have a 14 month old who sleeps throughout the night. What you have to do is when they start crying put them to sleep dont nurse....When you continue to nurse the child they get use to the nursing and then that is what they look forward to. When my daughter whines, that doesnt mean pacify her with nursing or food. Thats my time to actually soothe and place her back to bed. I started this early on and now...She has no problem with sleeping through the night and actually sleeps on a bedtime schedule which allows me to get the proper rest I need as well.

P.,
Here are a few tips:
1. You can re-train her by letting her cry. I know it sounds cruel but there is some literature that supports this method. Try using google.
2.You could try feeding her formula before she goes to sleep. It may keep her full longer.
3.You could try breast feeding her in your bed, then put her back to sleep in her crib once she falls asleep.
4.Have your husband get up with her and give her a bottle.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. all children are different. do what feels right to you and what also works for you. Good Luck!!
Jen

Dear P.,

I want to encourage you - you've been giving your daughter the comfort she needs. Our culture may say you've fostered a "bad" habit, but you have been building a strong base of security and will reap the blessings later for it. We have three boys (6, 4 & 18 mos) and have seen the many benefits of early sacrifices.

That said, there are boundaries, and if your daughter is crossing yours, there are ways to deal with it. I co-sleep with my son, so even if he does wake every couple of hours (which he did especially around 16 mos due to teething), I'm only awake for 1 minute to latch him on then doze back off to sleep. Is it possible for you to sleep with your daughter in bed with your husband - or would she wake him up?

I'd suggest visiting a La Leche League meeting here in Houston. Often you can find solutions there for nursing (or sleeping or babywearing) issues - solutions that are more sensitive to building security in a child than our culture can be. I find that most pediatricians have horrible parenting advice, so I don't ask questions there!

Check out La Leche League at http://www.ykc.com/LLLHouston/

Your daughter will learn to sleep all night by herself. Our culture may think that should have happened by the time she's 6 months, or 1 year old. But the norm isn't usually until at least 2 years old (makes sense - then the teeth are all in, too). Hang in there! And here's a pat on the back for listening to your maternal instinct to comfort! : )

Blessings,
R.

Supporting you as you nurture your family.
www.NurturedFamily.com

IM GUILTY TOO!!! I have a two year old fixing to be three and when he wakes up during the night asking for juice i turn and go get it for him. Im telling u its hard.. He is my first child and I think to myself "Im his parent and im gonna do what i want" Well now he has a few bad teeth in his mouth!! This is terrible.... Didnt mean for this to happen. I understand how it is.. Everyone else only telling u to do the right thing. Your honey needs u too!! The only thing i can do and i know it will be hard is to just not do it anymore!! My sister told me i need to let him just cry and he will understand he cant have the cup anymore at night.. Same for u. Your little one will learn as well she has to be a big girl and go nite nite by herself.. good luck to u

F.

Hi!

My daughter woke up 6 or 7 times a night (to nurse) until she was sixteen months old. It was partially due to temperament, but it was mostly my fault. I, too, couldn't stand to hear her scream and cry. I read every book out there, and finally found one that had a "heart". It's called, "Sleeping Through the Night", by Jodi Mindell, Ph.D. I followed the plan, and my daughter was sleeping through the night withing 2 or 3 days! It wasn't easy, because it DID involve some crying (but not nearly as much as with other "systems"), but I was a zombie, and I had to do something. I highly recommend checking this book out.

Hang in there! It will get better!

Since my kids where baby i sleept with them. Now my oldest 10 he sleeps in his own bed my daughter 6 soon we are going to get her bed.
she still going to sleep in the same room close to me, my three year old maybe if add an extra bed maybe she will start going to her new bed.
My husband has his own room and he sleeps alone he like it that way My children always sleept with me and they never woke up in the middle of the night only if they had a night mare. this is how it works for me. they need all the attention
and love and security untill they go to sleep. There is no right or wrong way on how you put them to sleep or if you co
sleep with your children.

As a nursing mother of a little boy who is almost 11 months old I often find myself nursing him for "the wrong reasons"-such as to put him back to sleep if he wakes up at night instead of trying to find another way. Luckily he hasn't developed a habit like your daughter has. (yet!)

I am one of those moms who refuses to let my son cry himself to sleep. Everyone says that this is how you have to do it but I don't think that's true. What works for some moms/babies doesn't work for all. But it's hard for us nursing moms because we can't just take the other easy route of letting them take a bottle to bed with them.

My suggestion would be that when she wakes up try to go as long as you can without feeding her. Not saying to let her cry. But if she quits crying as soon as you pick her up try to walk around with her or rock her to get her back to sleep. Then maybe this way you can cut out every other feeding this way-leaving you waking up only about once a night. That last "cut" is the trickiest but eventually she'll learn that she doesn't NEED to eat to go to sleep.

One silly thing that I found that worked out of desperation was this. When my son would cry in the middle of the night instead of picking him up when I would go in there to check on him I would lean down under the crib and then pop up and say, "Peek-A-Boo!" This would break the mood enough to where he would relax and eventually lay his little head back down and go to sleep. So-don't be afraid to try silly or unconventional things to get her to sleep.

Good luck!!

J.