Sleep Issues - Carlisle,PA

I think your son is old enough for you to explain that he sleeps in his room alone and Mommy needs her sleep too! I think the more things you do, the more you feed into his fears or his needs and it can get worse if he believes that you are reinforcing this.

I love the Ferber book of sleep solutions. There are TONS of great tips and ways to handle these situations. There is one for this issue that involves going back at intervals but you must be firm in that he is going to sleep in his room alone. I highly recommend buying the book. It will get you motivated to nip this problem before it gets worse!

Best of luck!

Hi,

We had similar issues with my 3 year old daughter about a year ago. She slept great, just like your son did for a long time, and then all of a sudden she started wanting us to stay with her while she fell asleep. It was kind of nice to lay with her at first, but it quickly got old and it only took a few nights before it became a habit that she needed. So, I understand what you are going through!

Anyway, I think the problem was that she started to let her imagination go wild and she got scared. So, we ended up leaving the big lights on in her room and that made a really big difference. I also slowly made my way out of the room by first laying on the floor while she fell alseep in bed. Then each night I just backed further out of the room until I was in the hallway. It made it a little easier on her, since she wasnt going from cuddling up next to me to not having anyone there at all.

Anyway, I hope that helps! You might want to try a light or something like that if you think that he is getting scared.

I don't have time to read the other posts, so I'm sorry if I repeat them. It sounds like more than just a sleep issue. You say he needs you ALL of the time. It may be an anxiety issue. I suggest discussing it with your pediatrician and perhaps getting a referral to a child psychologist for evaluation. If he truly feels this way all day he may need some medication.

Sleep is a really tough issue, and you have my sympathy! When my daughter was 18 months she couldn't go to sleep alone and would wake crying for me every night. She'd had some serious health issues and even though I'd been told she was okay after surgery, it was hard to leave her, especially when she was upset. We met with Dr. Ferber himself at Children's Hospital in Boston. I'd heard he was really strict, cry-it-out, and I was nervous, but he was wonderful and warm. He explained that if you let your child fall asleep with you there and then discover in the night that you're gone, it's the same as it would be for an adult to roll over in the night and discover that your pillow is gone. You need your pillow to fall asleep and without it there, you're going to be up looking for it until you find it rather than go back to sleep. The child has to learn to fall asleep without you. He helped us come up with a gradual plan where I slept on the floor in her room and she could see me but had to fall asleep in her own crib, without me holding or touching her. When she could do that, I would gradually step out of the room for longer periods just after putting her to bed, saying I'd forgotten my book, or needed to brush my teeth, or I had to tell Daddy something. I would always come back, but the times got longer. He said that when she could fall asleep with me out of the room, we'd be home free and we were! After that, I moved back out of her room and she slept through the night. If she woke, I could reassure her, but go back to my own room. It's a process, but it worked for us. She's almost 10 now and hasn't had to have me sleep with her since then! Good luck.

We're going through this with my 30 month old, but I don't do any more than step into his room for a minute or 2 and reassure him that everything is ok. I think it is really important for them to feel like they have some control over their imaginations and fears. I've taught my son to do a deep breathing technique, and some calming songs he can sing. I've also found that leaving on more light (he's always had a night light, but on nights he's had a nightmare I'll leave on his closet light with the door shut) helps. Truth be told, I'm afraid of the dark too, so I take this seriously, but know that it is really important for him to feel in control of his fear. I've also found that he has more trouble nights that we haven't cleaned up his room before bed. The unfamiliar piles of clothes, toys, etc. seem to fuel the fear. This too will pass--

That must be frustrating! I know it's hard to deal with these sleep issues. I didn't read all the other answers, but my advice would be: first of all - no, don't let him scream. At this point, it isn't that he needs to learn to sleep - he's 3 years old and he obviously already knows how. Also, leaving him alone to cry would only make him trust you less and become even more desperate to be with you at all times, to make sure you aren't going to leave him alone again. My advice would be to work on your bedtime routine. Make it a little more lengthy for a while - read lots of books etc, to make sure that he is getting lots of good Mommy time in before he goes to sleep. Hope this helps!

Hi W.. One of the most important gifts we can give our children is the ability to sleep independantly. You are not helping him by staying in his room until he is asleep. I know it breaks your heart, but you have to be strong so that he can learn how to sooth himself and get some sleep. Have you ever watched Super Nanny? She has a great method for teaching children to sleep alone that have not done it before. They also teach a great method on Nanny 911. Check them out. It won't take more than a few nights to end your pain and get him back on the good sleep track! Best wishes