Sleep Issue... - Royal Oak,MI

My son went through the same thing recently but with morning naps. As soon as I would put him in his crib he's have a meltdown. Well, as it turned out, he was getting ready to do away with that morning nap. I let him stay up an hour longer and he went down with no problems. We've since successfully went to one mid day nap. Is he napping too long during the day? Does he take more than one nap still? He might be having melt downs because he's simply had to much rest and isn't ready for bed. Just a thought for ya, hope it works out well!
Raelle

I didn't have this issue with my 3 very independent kids, but Jo Frost from Supernanny has dealt with it on her show many times and it always works. She has a book:
http://www.amazon.com/SUPERNANNY-HOW-BEST-YOUR-CHILDREN/d...
The fact that you said you "attempt" a bath sounds like he may be needing the kind of structure I see her give on the show.
With my kids I set up a reading in bed ritual early on that they still do and they're 13, 11 and 9. I always let them read as much as they wanted if they couldn't fall asleep, but they were never to get up to do anything but go to the bathroom. I read somewhere that sleeping, eating and going to the bathroom are 3 things you absolutely cannot control in your kids. All you can do is guide them. True of so many things in parenting, really. Good luck!!!

Hello E., You say that when dad puts your son down it's not an issue. I know that you are looking at how you feel about this ( he craves more time with me), but this isn't about feelings, not yours or your childs. It's about routine. If your son doesn't question your husbands firmness, that means he believes him. I made this same mistake with my oldest, by the third child it was crystal clear to me. It was MY problem, not my childs. For me, the saying " say what you mean, and mean what you say" became so helpful. My daughter knew that I didn't stand behind my words. When I changed, she became a different person. Mind you I had to wait until she was almost 3 before learning this insight about myself. But the lesson was worth the price of gold as she got older and more independent. I hope this helps for you,

hey E., (love your name. :-))

we had similar issues with our boy at that age. what worked for us was shifting the schedule to an earlier one. he was so exhausted by that late at night that he needed more attention and was more intense in his expression of his feelings.

i understand you need to work, but is it at all possible to adjust your schedule (go in an hour earlier and pick him up an hour earlier?)(or maybe skip lunch?) and get him to bed with all the playing and attention from you that he currently gets but is going down earlier?

it gets easier. :-)!!

S.

Hello E. -
I am sorry you are going through this - we just did as well with our 22 month old son. To put my bias out there - I believe that responding to your child is never the wrong thing to do. When people say - "Do you want you kid to think that every time they cry or need something, you will be there for them?" My answer is "absolutely".
I think this coud be seperation anxiety, not because you work but because its a developmental phase. Our son did this for about 12 days. And he did it less for dad in our case too. But often the seperation stuff plays out more with mom. I would rock him while he drank his milk and then put him in his crib and go back to the rocker until he was really chilled out. Most nights, I can leave after he is settled (like 5 minutes). Sometimes he would cry for about a minute when I left and then it would get quiet. If it went much longer then that, I went back in, gave a hug, layed him down and sat in the rocker again. Like I said this lasted about 12 nights and now we are on to other fun challenges.
Routine is important, but don't be afraid to make small adjustments when your childs need change however temporarily.
Good luck!!!

My girlfriend just had the same issue. When her husband put their daughter to bed no problem. She did the whole Supernanny thing. Sitting by her crib one night (no talking) next night move further, next night further, next night in the door, then in the hallway with door open, then gradually night by night close the door more and more. Good Luck!

I would try getting that book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber to get some ideas.
I also have a little boy (6 now)--but I remember those days! It is not your fault and most professionals I have spoken to said that 20 minutes a day of one on one floor time with your child is all that they really "need". Don't beat yourself up about working. He is screaming and manipulating. At the same time I also think he might need to burn more energy off in the day? A good scream now and then is a recipe for a good sleep. :) With summer coming maybe swimming will help tire him out and spending some fun active time with you too. Boys need a lot of physical activity. At least mine does and sleeping gets easier, but don;t let him get the best of you. It only gets worse if you cave. TRUST ME!

I would honestly not worry too much about it, and know that he is just going through a phase. My son who is now three years old dealt with the same issue around the same age. He would wrap his arms around my neck and not let go. Keep your routine on target and you stay firm on how you want the routine to be. He will get over it soon.

Some things you could try would be lay him down and then sit in a chair in the room--when he stands up just say to him, "I am right here. You are ok. Lay back down."

If he wants to fall asleep in your arms for a few weeks you could just let him do that. Because you have to work full time he probably likes that time with you.

Try not to stress about it--soon this will be a distant memory and he will no longer want to be rocked to sleep. YOu will miss that.

First you are an amazing woman!!! Being a working mom is very hard and your heart is really always with your son.

But my opinion he would have you 24/7 if you let him. It is you who needs more time with him, he is to young to know any different then the routine you have set for him.

There is nothing like rocking and cuddling your baby. You have to weigh out which is more important to you right now. The time you spend with him or a routine that works for all.

Kids know how to play their parents...just look he knows your husband won't play the same game as you. Don't beat yourself up on it.

I have triplets and never once did I let them cry more than 5 mins. My husband couldn't understand and never did it my way.

Do what your heart tells you. It will all work out.

Good Luck.
D.

Hi, my daughter-in-law went through this same thing. Dad put son down and he went right to sleep. Mom put him down and the screaming continued. Mom rocked him to sleep for a long time. Now she is putting him into his bed...kisses him good nite and the door stays open and he goes to sleep. What she did was...let him cry until he fell asleep...after about three nites he quit doing this because he knew she wasn't coming in any more before going to sleep....good luck! cindy

Been there, done that! Have 4 boys and worked part time and still had this happen!

Make sure you are rocking him in his bedroom. Make sure lights are low or off (off if possible). Try some soothing music too. Rock him close and tight to you (head on your chest is good - so he can hear your heartbeat. Do this until his start getting heavy. Lie him in his bead. If he stands up, lie him back down and tell him it is bed time. You might have to use force. (I know it is hard. I could not do it with the first 2, but by the last 2, I realized it for their own good.)

Once he is down, rub his back lightly. If lightly does not work, then try firmer pressure. He will fall asleep happier this way than if you made him "cry it out." If it hurts you to put your child down screaming and let him scream for 20 minutes then do not! You will feel it later! ;) This might take awhile; it might take weeks, but you are teaching your son something- to fall asleep on his own!

Email me if you need more help! Good luck

I think that you may be onto something with him wanting to spend more time with you. A couple things to consider (and no, I'm not going to tell you to quit your job).

1) Can dad cook dinner while you play with your son?
2) Can your son "help" make dinner with you, or even play with some toys in the kitchen while you cook?

My girls are almost 3 and 4 1/2 now, but both have at one point or another craved one of the adults in the house, they are also huge helpers (always have been). They love that ability to do stuff with us. Even if it's just sitting on a chair and watching - they think they are helping. If the parent that they are craving is in the kitchen, then they are spending time with them as well. Just a thought. Maybe just these little tweaks would help your son as well.

My daughter went through the same phase and still does it. What time does he get up in the morning. He may need an earlier bedtime. Mine gets up at 8 and goes to bed at 7:30, sometimes with a nap. We start bedtime routine at 7. They say the routine should be an hour, ours isn't and works for us.

We use an egg timer to tell her when it is time to go to bed. It seems to have taken away the power struggle. We tell her to set the timer, usually 1/2 hour before time, and then she will actually come get us when the bell rings and say it's bedtime. You ahve to be consistent. It is a you're the parent thing. It is a power struggle thing. The more you go in, the more he will cry until you go in. that being said, I sometimes go in.

Uh, that has got to be tough! I agree that a big part of it is probably his age, I remember going through something similar with my 5 year old when she was that age. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, you just need time. Hang in there!!

Go to the website www.sleeplady.com. Get her book or look into taking one of her phone classes. She has an awesome system that is a no-cry-it-out approach and it teaches them to get themselves to sleep. Her name is Kim West and she's been on Oprah and other talk shows. I read her book and took a phone class. It works and it's a loving approach to a difficult issues. Good luck! You'll get through it.

I have 2 litle ones, my son is 3 and my daughter is 18 months, and they both have tried this. With my son I felt like the worst mom in the world letting him cry at night, the result is at 3 we are still working on him staying in bed, some nights till 10 o'clock. With my daughter, I had learned my lesson. She does everything fast (walked at 8 months etc). She started throwing tantrums not long after she turned 1, and it took about 3 to 4 nights of letting her cry in her crib (make sure that she was dry and not in any danger of course) and everynight she would cry a little less and pretty soon she was laying right down and going to sleep. It is awful, and you feel like this neglectful parent, but it is the start of teaching them that they can't just throw a fit and get what they want.

Ah the joys of an active independant little boy! He sounds EXACTLY like my son. I am home with him during the day and he still does this. The fact that he doesnt do it for dad is huge! I really think you may need to let him cry it out. Its HORRIBLE but mainly for you. My son went through this stage too. He always went to bed so easily. Then POOF! it all changed. I had about 2-3 nights of having to let him cry. Within a half hour he was asleep. Once we broke that behavior pattern (the screaming and then him getting Mommy to come in and snuggle) it all got much better. I would call my mom when he was cry and she would help to keep my mind off it! Now hes back to sleeping like an angel (which is just about the only time he is an angel!)

We went through the SAME thing with our 17 mo. old about 2 months ago. It lasted a little over a week and dissapeared as fast as it started. We stuck to our routine, as much as we could, and when Daddy was home I let him have bedtime duties. I think it was because he was cutting his first molars, but you know how it is with kids!! It's all a guessing game! I know how difficult it can be but it'll all be over soon and you'll have you good little sleeper back in no time! Just hang in there.

I know it's frustrating, but from this side of things, 9 isn't so bad. I think it's going to be important to be consistent, even if that means screaming for a while and then being held for a minute or two. He will learn that it's going to be easier to just go to sleep instead of scream every night. 21 months is hard, because they do learn to manipulate...not necessarily in a bad way, just to get immediate gratification, but reasoning isn't quite developed yet. The fact that he doesn't scream with dad just proves that it is pure defiance and he wants more time with mom...I really think he'll outgrow it soon, but ONLY if you stand firm that bedtime is bedtime!
Good luck~
~L.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old who we used to have problems putting to bed. What we started doing is giving him a few options during his bedtime routine. Does he want a bath? If so does he want mommy or daddy to help? Who does he want to help brush his teeth, tuck in bed? We have a couple different night lights and he gets to pick which one he wants on that night. I think he started feeling like he was more in control and it helped us alot. Now we rarely get any screaming before bed. And like you I work full time and don't get home until 530 or 6.