My 6 yr old DS has recently started clinging to me constantly when we are home and refuses to go to sleep unless I promise to stay with him all night. This is wiping me out and I need some advice or tips on what to do.
Thanks all for your advice. We actually do co-sleep each night that we are together. He gets upset because I can't/won't go to sleep at 8pm. We are looking into a therapist to deal with his anxiety over the separation and recognize that even though we try to keep things seemingly normal, kids are very intune with what is really going on.
He needs what my grandson who was going through a custody battle called "the talking doctor". A therapist who can help him. He's distressed and confused about his father and your relationship. He told you he doesn't like two houses anymore.
Make him a bed on the floor in your room and let him sleep there when even when his father is at home.
This little guy needs some counseling. I know of a couple of really GOOD counselors so if you are in the Portland area I would be happy to refer you to them. Otherwise go to your pediatric doctor and ask to be referred.
N.
Well it is clear that you son is in distress over the failing relationship between you and your spouse. Children are so much more aware of things then we often give them credit for. He is afraid of losing everyone in his life and being left abandoned. You need to be extra sensitive at this time, no yelling or being impatient. As far as his fear at night (ghosts) I know many adults with blatantly dismiss their children's fears, saying 'there are no ghosts sweetie' the truth is, there are....and children are more innocent and have their eyes open to seeing things that we often cannot. Do not dismiss your child's fears, my kids often can see 'the other side' and tell me in explicit detail what they are able to see, and it is often terrifying. Do not ever tell your child that what they are seeing is not real. He probably cannot articulate what he is afraid of, because it is just too overwhelming. Many kids have been told, 'Just go back to bed there is nothing to be afraid of' and their fears are dismissed as being untrue. Don't ever do that. Just comfort him and tell him to say a prayer (or do it with/for him) praying to God for safety, sweet dreams and protection. Let your son stay with you in your room/bed. Realize that his clinginess and tantrums are do to so many things building up in his life - and this is the only way he can cope or express himself, the only control he has left over his life that is changing to something he is not happy with.
Be the mom that supports him 110% and think how things would be if you were in his shoes.
"Fear of Abandonment".
I don't know why you and your husband are split up, but your son feeling the way he does makes me curious. I hope your issues with your husband can be worked on...I know it's easier said than done. Good luck to you!
I would try to get him into a therapist. It would help him work through feelings of the divorce and also help him deal with his new anxiety. He could be scared that since daddy isn't around all the time anymore then he is at risk of losing you too. Please remember this is a complex situation for adults and for children their whole world is imploding. By not talking to him about it you make light of a very terrifying situation. You should put it in terms he can understand with reassurance so that he feels safe. I would DEFINITELY get him a therapist to work through this whole thing though. Kids are damaged by divorce and separation no matter how hard we try to protect them.
Perhaps you could co-sleep with him for a while until he is past this.
Divorce is very hard for kids, they will never really understand why the divorce is happening. I also think that spending time with your ex (you and your son) and co-parenting from different houses is making it harder for him. I am not saying that it is a bad thing, it's just hard for a six year old to comprehend whats going on. It sounds like he is feeling very insecure and needs to be reassured that you are going to be there for him. Find out if he is doing this with his dad too so you can all work together.
Can you sleep in his room or let him sleep in your room? He might think you will leave too. I would suggest some family counceling (including your hubby), if there is any chance to work things out then it is always worth trying.
