December 07, 2007,
N.B. asks from Minneapolis, MN on December 04, 2007
Single Mom with Broken Heart
I'm a single mom with a beautiful almost 5 year old daughter. My boyfriend of 10 months just broke things off and left me devastated as I am very much in love with him. We still talk and are going to try a friendship, which is fine. However, I'm an emotional wreck. I'm mostly fine at work, because I have things to keep me busy and people to occupy my mind. When I get home, though, it's so hard. I don't have family in the area, and my friends have their own lives too so sometimes I feel so alone. If that weren't enough stress my daughter's father has decided not to pay his child support, so I have the added stress of trying to figure out how to pay the bills and put food on the table. I've tried looking for a second job, but with sole custody I can't afford a babysitter and don't have the flexibility needed for a part time job. It just seems like I can't catch a break lately. Anyway, if anyone has any suggestions on things I can do to keep me busy at home once my daughter is in bed or ways I can try to cope with all this I would appreciate it.
A.V. answers from Minneapolis on December 05, 2007
I feel for you - the only thing I can tell you is things will get easier everyday. The more times goes on the better you'll feel. But you're right you need to keep busy - I would suggest trying to limit the amount of time you talk w/your ex. That's not making it any easier for you to move on - Good Luck!
J. answers from Minneapolis on December 04, 2007
You might benefit from talking to a couselor or meeting with a support group. A break up is much like greiving a death and it's a process you must go through in order to get over it. Some churches could have a support group for you and some offer child care while you're with the group.
You might also try journaling.
Good Luck with this and be kind to yourself while you're going through this.
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T.B. answers from Minneapolis on December 07, 2007
Go to your county office and get help. They can help with daycare assistance, food support, heating and electrical support, medical support, etc. They can also go after him for child support and start garnishing his wages.
your main focus needs to be on your daughter right now, not men. She comes first. She probably feels more abandoned than you since her real father doesn't help and this man left. Show her you are stable and her rock. She may feel you are going to abandon her, too. Put her as your main positive focus. Give her love and support and let her express her feelings. Remember, she looks at everything you do, so ask yourself: what lessons do i want to be teaching her?
R.J. answers from Minneapolis on December 04, 2007
Being a single parent has many benefits, but it also is very difficult. One of the biggest is loneliness. A great place to meet new people - for support, family outings, or adult outings - is Parents Without Partners. Our Twin Cities Chapter has about 12 activities every month all over the Minneapolis/ St Paul area. We have members of all ages, with children of all ages - from one due this Friday to adults. Visit http://www.twincitiespwp.org/ or email me, R., at ____@____.com.
S.S. answers from Minneapolis on December 06, 2007
I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I agree with others that keeping busy will help, and yes, you DO need to take care of you...put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Also, I think spending extra time & attention on your daughter might help both of you cope with the upheaval, but I would caution you to make sure you're not relying on her to help you cope. (A know of a personal experience where the child became the "best friend" and felt so overwhelmed and responsible throughout her childhood.) This will also help avoid "withdrawal" when things even out and you spend less time with her. Best of luck to you. Take care!!
K.K. answers from Minneapolis on December 05, 2007
It really must be hard doing it all yourself. Have you thought about joining a Moms group? They are mostly free I was in one but had to quit due to working odd hours but it was fun for my kids and it was nice to have other mothers to talk to. I found the group on Meetup.com but there are others out there. I have a 5 yr daughter if you want to have play dates let me know.
N.K. answers from Minneapolis on December 04, 2007
If it's daycare you need, I'm sure that one of us SAHMs would be more than willing to help out. Where do you live and when would you need daycare?