April 11, 2008,
L.H. asks from Hyattsville, MD on April 08, 2008
Single Mom Moving to Another State
I am a single mother of 2 boys ages 10 and 4mon. I have been in a 5yr nightmare with the father of my 4 month old son. I cant'seem to shake this guy, I am in love with him but his is no good for me. I am thinking about moving to PA but I have never lived anywhere else but Maryland. I want a fresh start in a new place but I'm scared!! My job here is ok but I don't see myself going to far here, I don't have any money saved and my son only has 1 quarter left in school. I have family that lives in Pa but they have helped me ALOT in the pass and I don't want to ask to stay there. Any ideas/help?? I have to get away from this guy!!
T.K. answers from Washington DC on April 09, 2008
I was in a similar situation many years ago, with a 10 year old and a one year old. Thanks to the amazing generosity of family/friends I was able to get out of a terrible situation. Couldn't have done it without them. My mom even babysat my youngest so that I could go back to school part-time. Consider more schooling if it will help you be better able to support your children. You can apply for FAFSA (financial aid)...as a single parent of 2 children, I was able to get both federal/state grants.
Listen to what your gut is telling you. Do what's best for your children and for you! It will be hard, but it will make you stronger.
I wish you the very best in your new life!
C.E. answers from Washington DC on April 11, 2008
Just do it, if you think to hard you will always stay and slide right back to old habits and that's what he wants. You and your kids deserve a fresh start, it will be hard, but if your family will help get you established let them. I wish my sister would do the same thing for her kids.
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L.W. answers from Washington DC on April 10, 2008
PUMP YOUR BRAKES !!!! If you are in an abusive situation then find some programs in your area that will provide you with shelter etc.etc. and protection....If not then be smart, make a plan and follow through with it don't say a word just follow through with your plan..And then make that move God will figure out the rest..If you are not saved I would get saved and ask God to do the driving from there.. believe me He has done it for countless others. Stay focused, a bad move is worst than a good stand...those children need as much stability as possible.. and if they detect unsurety in you then they become uncertain. Check with a legal aid attorney and see what is necessary for you to be certain that he does not come and take your son...Think ahead.. and plan your move. Most things done at the spur of the moment don't end up wise decisions...You can detach from that guy and he not even know it, and you still physically be there. Remember anything we do is an inside job, I have moved before I move. Don't make the mistake of opening your mouth.. just do the work and be happy. If you need someone to talk to email me.
L.A. answers from Washington DC on April 09, 2008
Question for you to very seriously consider b4 you uproot your family. What's to stop him from coming there? You have to be true to you. Which change will really be most effective, changing you or where you live?
Pray on it.
D.B. answers from Washington DC on April 09, 2008
Move to PA and don't look back. You know what is best for you and your son. You know what you have to do. You actually spelled it out. As for your supportive family in PA, let them be a supportive family. IF they choose to help you, accept it and be blessed. I learned a lesson not so long ago: We all receive blessings from God. Some blessings are a result of giving to others. If you refuse the helping hand of family and friends, you block their blessings.
S.C. answers from Washington DC on April 09, 2008
what's more important -- the safety and happiness of you and your children? If your family loves and supports you, why wouldn't they help you make a change now? Can the job you're doing now be done somewhere else? If you wait until your son finishes school, can't he be registered in another school? Are you afraid that you'll fail if you move somewhere else? If you think that, then what's to stop you from failing at other things if you stay in a relationship where you are unhappy? Also, by you staying, what messages are you teaching your 10 year old son -- that he doesn't have to love and respect women, that he can treat them any kind of way because they will take it? Do you want your son to grow up and be like the man who makes you unhappy now? Because trust me, your son is watching everything. Another question is why you think that you wont' find another man who will love you, care for you and make you feel safe? Better still, don't you know that you deserve to be happy? Most families help out alot, have you been honest with them about why you want to change and why do you think they would turn their back on you now? If you've burned bridges with them, then it's time to mend them. If there's work on yourself that needs to be done, then it's time to stop making excuses and do it. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. Ask your family to help you find a lawyer, or a social services counselor to help take you through what steps you need to move and make a safe break, a new change.