Signs We Should Change Daycare

Hello, I am an actual daycare owner of a child care center and I can tell you that yes, children do go throught seperation anxiety. I have had children in my care since they were 2 months old and at three years old they went through the seperation thing so that is perfectly normal. There have been a few times that one particular child was biting other kids here as well but I was concerned for the child being bitten. Children will and do bite...ALOT so that is to be expected BUT the director should try to work with you and the other parent in regards to steps that they would take if this continued. I tell both parents that if it doesn't stop (biting) I would terminate the care of that child, and you know what? It works because after that, the kid stops biting!! I am not sure how but I think the parents really get on them about it and they stop. Hope this help!!

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oh yes absolutely get him out of there. for as little as he is, he is telling you enough through fear of the place and cries.
the fact that he is being biten is another huge red flag about the place. i know daycares are supposed to give two chances to the 'biter' and the third time he/she is to be taken out of the daycare. the fact that you don't get reports is another huge thing. the other ladies offered you advice on new daycare. i am not from PA but wanted to tell you my opinion. good luck
vlora

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Hi M. i have been a daycare provider for 14 years and yes children do go through different stages of seperation anxiety. My son went to 1st,2nd grade fine third grade he cried every morning for about a month. But in your case since its more than him crying and your gut is telling you something is wrong and you and your child are not getting what you should be getting out of this daycare i would take him out. As a daycare provider i always tell parents to feel free to let me know if they have any concerns or questions about anything. I would never blow a parent off like they didnt have a right to ask me something. for goodness sakes they are taking care of the most precious thing you have so for their lack of care i would pull him immediately. i would also suggest wherever you put him do suprise visits i always encourage my parents to do that. I hope this helps get your baby out of there. good luck steph

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Get him out of there. Now. Babies should never be kept in the same part of a day care center with children with teeth. They should have toddlers in one part, babies in another and older kids in a third. There is absolutely no reason your baby should have been in the same room with a kid who even had teeth.

Just because someone seems nice doesn't mean they are good people.

And you don't have to have any proof of anything.

Get him out of there. And because a baby is coming home with bite marks, notify social services. They need to explore how it is that a baby -- who should not be kept in the same room with a kid with teeth, let alone be in a position to be bitten more than once -- gets bitten.

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The Daycare where my son goes will tell me the day something happen no matter if he did or if it was done to him. I told about every timeout he gets and everything. I never got a written report or anything like that I was told by the person who seen it happen. I mean if you feel something isnt right dont stay there because the people seem nice. Thats YOUR child they are caring for and thats your only worry. I mean he must be telling you something if he doesnt want to be there. I mean just trust how you feel now matter how it will make someone else feel.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M., I would switch daycares. You are paying this place to take care of your child, listen to you, and keep you informed on whatever happens as soon as they see you. I had my daughter in daycare starting at 15 months. She cried for the first week or mabeye a little more but when I would pick her up, she didnt want to leave. Anything that ever happened wheter it was a bite, another childs hit, or a scrape-would be on a form with what happened, what time and day, what action was taken, and how she reacted. Take care and hope everything works out!
K.

Hello. I am a Mom and I work at a daycare. I do know from experience, both personal and professional that around the 16-18 month old age range there is certainly a prolem that develops with separation anxiety. My now 27 month old daughter had the same problems, and we were at the SAME daycare. Give him time. Also remember, biting IS something that a lot of kids do. We have the same p[roblem here, and we do the best we can to keep kids away from other kids that bite. Talk to the director of the center and express your concerns. You have every right in the world to talk to the director and let her know your concerns. And if you aren't satisfied, then pull him out and change daycares. But remember, you then have to remember that if you do change, you may be dealing with his separation anxiety from the people that were at the other daycare! I hope that I helped. Let me know if I was any help or not! J.

Follow your gut. My daughter started daycare when she was 2 months old. When she was about 5 months old she began having night terrors the days she went and was terrified of her crib. I just didn't feel right about the place after that so I started taking her to another place and she was a completely different child. If the daycare center is close to your work, I suggest stopping in on your lunch break and check on things. I use to stop in at lunch time and witnessed some things that really bothered me. As far as your son's routine, if he is unhappy with where he goes maybe a change in routine won't be too hard. Good luck in finding a new place, hope everything works out.

Hi M.; I am a pre school Director and have been working at the same center for 18 years. As a Toddler teacher and a Two year old teacher in my early years I have had many biters. It was so hard for me to explain the situation to the parents but I was always honest. I have seen children that do have a biting problem. We were able to solve the situation with meetings with the Director and the parents. We have had to disenroll children. Some children just target the same child. As I became a mother myself and an Assistant Director, My life changed because my son got bit 2 times in the face. I knew my staff was taking care of my child and it wasn't their fault. It was very hard for them specially now that I was the mom and the their supervisor. I understood them. I also the child. I know that the child was not doing it on purpose, she was teething and she past that stage after a while. When My son was 18 months he was moved into the Toddlers room, and guess what... He became the biter. I was just beside myself. I would go home and cry, I didn't even want to bring him to school. He did not bite because he was mean, but he bit because he got so excited about something or he just wanted to love somebody and hug them and he ended up biting. It was very hard for me... But I did always aproach the parents that my son bit and always understood the Parent, the teachers, The Director and of course the child. With everything my son also went through the seperation anxiety my times, before, during and after the biting incidents. I was and am lucky that I know my staff. I suggest that you talk to the Director, keep every paper with the biting for your records. At our center we write everything down. We send the original copy home with the parents, a copy for our files and one for our coorperate office. COMUNICATION is the best way to go. Never feel afraid to approach the teachers or the office. You are paying your money for a good daycare and you are trusting your most precious thing to the center. You can also call the county and licencing office if nothing is done. They can also help you in telling you if your center has had any other encounters with biting problems and what has been done to prevent it and help you find another center if you really do not feel that you and your child are not comfortable. And as a mom, your gut feeling counts a lot. Good Luck !!!

TRUST you gut feelings,never 2nd geuss your instincts because their right. If you start to 2nd guess your self every time, you'll just end up confused and frustrated that you didn't listning to your gut instin. Trust your motherly instincts & your son's reaction to the school, it's to easy to say anxiety for his reactions,when it may be very well that he doesn't like the school because of the kids who's biting him, and possibly other kids.

Take care of little man & your self. (YES,find another school for him.) S. mother of 5

It is quite clear that your son doesn't want to be there, you have concerns, things have happened that you are not pleased with ... so go elsewhere! I experienced this with my 2yr old. She hated the place that we brought her to. The people seemed nice but she hated it and started to say things that were not words in our vocabulary. My gut told me something just wasn't right. So after 1 week, I went with my gut and listened to what she was trying to tell me (the best way she could of course). She is at a new place now (Bright Horizons) and loving it! I am confident that she is happy and well taken care of. So my advice to you is never to doubt your gut feeling and ALWAYS listen to what your child is trying to tell you.

HI,
I would go with your gut instints and change daycares for your son's safty & peace of mind! Your son's feelings & actions toward the daycare are because of whats going on and how the other children are treating him, I'm not sure how your son is treating the other kids but if the teachers (care takers) are not trying to resolve this so it doesn't happen again to your son or any child for that matter apparently isn't doing the JOB right. In these situations before matters get any worse, its best to remove the child and relocate him somewhere else that YOU feel is safe and best for your child to grow and learn. I am a Mother of two n if it was my kids in your son's shoes I would witch daycares! hope this helps you...God Bless You

Hi! M., I went thru that with my son and let me tell you, I did not waste any time finding another babysitter. In fact I didnt take him back to the sitters the next day. My son was about the same age as your son and he did the same thing, held onto my leg and wouldn't let me go. To me that was a sure sign that something wasnt right. Your child should be happy and excited to go to the sitter and play with other children, not to be doing things like, holding onto you, like he is glued to you. And if incidents arent being addressed, like the sitter is concerned, then you should find someone else. I watch my grandkids and even thou they are my grandbabies, I tell their mommys/daddys whenever they fall, whether they hurt themselves or not. Let me know what you decide and how it all goes.

M.,
If your gut tells you it's time to move on to a new daycare, LISTEN TO IT!!! I can't think of a single thing more important than the people taking care of your children all day long. If you don't have absolute trust in them & their ability to take care of your baby, find a new place. Over the years I have had a similar issue & if I wasn't completely satisfied with the answers I was given, or there was a quick resolution found to the problem, I moved my kids. Now, we all know that researching new daycares is a pain in the butt & also that no place or person is perfect, but I think that trust is really the most important, especially if you feel like your concerns aren't being taken seriously. As far as your son not wanting you to leave him there, that is most likely a stage, it will come and go until he's about 5 (at least it did with my kids) so I wouldn't put too much stock in that. You need to go with your gut, we have "motherly instincts" for a reason. Good luck!

M.,

I went thru the exact same thing with my son. I had him in this place from 3 months old. At approximately 10 months old he started coming home with bite marks. There was one week in just a 3 day period he came home with 4 different bite marks. My problem is the daycare was not telling us. We were telling them. I talked with the owner at least 3 times. She talked with the staff, but nothing worked. Children at that age do bite, but when it's 4 different kids, why aren't they catching it. The other problem that arouse, was one of the bites was from a 2 year old. Why do I know this, well he was sent home because he developed a rash. We rushed over to the ped. The doctor was indisbelieve. She saw molars impressions. Since these teeth don't normally come in until @ 2, he was playing with older kids and not being watched.
At that point we did pull him about 2 weeks later. I was able to find a woman who watches kids from her house. She was the best. If you lived closer to me, I would recommend her, but I'm up in Chalfont.

Just my two cents....time to go. Your child's safety and mental well being are most important. That center doesn't take it that seriously.

All I can say is FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!!!!!!!! I have a 7 month old and she started at one day care when she was 3 months and from the start my gut was telling me something was not right with the place. Long story short, she was there 3 days and I pulled her. It was the BEST thing I ever did for her...and I! I found another day care, she started there 3 months later and I can honestly say that when I leave her there, I have no worries, no anxiety, nothing! You will know when you have found the right place. Trust me. The difference is like night and day from the first place to the second place. Im not sure where you live but my little girl is at Bright Horizons now and it is WONDERFUL! I know they have different facilities around. A little more $ than most places but worth EVERY penny.
It is wrong that your child is coming home bit and you get the reports days later. You should not be made to feel that you arent being listened to and taken seriously by the director either. I had a similar situation with the director at the first day care which only added to my anxiety with the place. But really, if your gut is telling you something is wrong, FOLLOW IT! I wish you only the best!
K.

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Thanks, R. Gagnon

I would go with your gut. If you feel like something's not right, move him to a different center. If your only problem was him throwing a fit when you left I would say keep him there, I believe that's normal behavior. But if you're not getting answers to your questions, they're not reporting things, etc that's a big problem and you're obviously worried about him being there. If you switch him I really dont' think it'll take him that long to grow accustomed to a new place, new friends. I think the sooner the better. Good luck!

I can't really say my situation is the same but I felt the same gut feeling and I think I did the right thing by taking my son out of there. He is 19 months and spent the first 18 months home with my mom but I had to put him in daycare now. I started him in one center but he cried all day everyday for two weeks. When I picked him up, I felt like they couldn't wait to get him out of there - he sensed that I'm sure. So I switched him to a lady my cousin uses that runs a home daycare. The first day he cried a little but he has only been there a week and already I can see a huge difference. He waves bye to me when I leave now and he's not crying at all. The provider does tell me that he is her shadow now but that doesn't bother her or me. I guess all I'm saying is go with your gut, you know when something isn't right! Hope that helps!

As a mom your gut feelings are what we have to know when something is wrong and if your guts says something is wrong then some thing is Wrong. I hope this helps.

This happens in several daycare's. What the staff needs to do is figure who is doing the harm , and talk to the parent of that child. If the parents and the staff work together it should stop. Another problem is one child likes to bite , then it starts other children to show there anger or frustration when it comes to bitting. If you feel like the staff isn't working with you change your childcare. Interview them and the policies.

Hello M.,

My son who is now 8 was bitten when he was younger as well so I empathise with what you are going through as with many of the moms who responded. I want to share the following points for you to consider though.

1) Be specific in the questions you ask the day care director or manager about their policy for handling such incidences and if you are unhappy with what you hear, then discuss this with your husband/partner and determine the next plan of action. Set a timeline for when you plan to see changes based on what they tell you their policy is, for example if things do not change in a week or two and he continues to come home with bite marks, then you will know what to do. Because biting is normal part of child development (although my son never bit anyone), you have to allow time for the staff to handle the situation and I think one week, no more than two is reasonable. As for my case, they did explain the policy to me and I was very very firm with them that if this continued, then I would share this experience with local parents groups, BBB or something along those lines because if they display negligent behaviour in the care of our children, what kind of business are they running? This is not good PR for them. Thankfully in my case they did have a firm policy and was clear about how they would handle this with the parents of the child who is bitting other children and also the parents of the child that was bitten. My child never came home with any other bite marks since the one incident and he remained happy where he was.

2) The other thing I want to also mention is that our children feed on our emotions, if you feel a lack of trust or guilt for having to put them in care because it is a necessity for work, they feed on this guilt we exude. If we feel sorry that they are there for many hours in a day, they also feed on this. We in turn eat and beat ourselves up because of this guilt in seing how our child cries and has difficulty separating. It is a vicious cycle. I noticed that my son was more clingy and experienced separation anxiety more often than not when I felt in low spirits or lacked confidence. Fact of life is that we no longer live in an era where grandparents are available like mine were when I was growing up. I never had to go to a day care at all. I know my son will never have this wonderful opportunity so I had to get over it quickly and face the fact that we are where we are in life today and must make the best of every circumstance. When I finally accepted this and dropped him off in day care without guilt, that changed the situation. Try it. Find the best care for our children and be involved in every step from the provider to the policies they have. Also watching our child's behaviour and knowing what is attention seeking and what really is a cry for help is also important. Parenting is common sense and as one responder said...we also have mothers instinct. We all want to protect our little ones but sometimes you have to stand back and assess the situation without being over emotional hard as it may seem. There is the psychology of child development and also ours as mothers. We go through a lot of emotions on a day to day basis and sometimes our emotions gets the better of us and may not be beneficial for our children. I know you will make the best decision for your child after you have digested some of what you read in the responses received. Good luck!

W.