31 answers

Sick Kid at a Party

We were invited to my mother-in-laws house to attend a joint birthday party for my father-in-law and my niece's child. While my neice, MIL and I we were out shopping for last minute stuff, we get a call from my sister-in-law that their son was sick and they may not make it to the party. The son had thrown up 3 times in a 2-3 hour period. He was being taken the to dr. to get checked out, so depending on what the dr. said, they may or may not make it to the party. Opinion in the car was that if the kid was sick, he should stay home, regardless of what the dr. said. There were about 20 other people with kids coming to the party, and the host didn't want to expose everyone else. As we get home, the SIL calls back to say that the dr. said that it was probably just something the kid ate; they were on their way to the party. When people in the house found out, everyone said that they'd prefer the kid stayed home. I called the SIL. I told her that the consensus in the house was that we preferred that the son be kept home. My BIL got on the phone and I repeated the request. His response was that he didn't care what the consensus was, they were coming. I said fine, but for me personally, if your son comes, me and my kids are leaving... Hubby found out and said that I overreacted. A short time later - about 2 hours since the last time the kid was sick - the family showed up with the son. So I gathered up my kids and left; hubby was grilling so he had to stay.

Hubby thinks I'm overreacting and should go back to the party.
Thoughts?

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So What Happened?™

Thanks for the support ladies. Hubby came home a few hours later and said that everyone had been wondering where we had gone. The sick kid's Mom even asked if someone had done something to make me mad...I just hope that the kid stayed away from hubby and that he doesn't end up getting whatever it is and pass it on to us.

Featured Answers

SIL and BIL were the ones out of line... It is totally NOT OK to take an actively sick kid to a party with lots of people. (I would have left too)

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You did the right thing. There is no point in infecting everyone with a sick kid - especially with what is going around.... If the kid ate something funny, he should still stay home...

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I think they were unkind to the hosts, the guests, and their own child. Why drag him out feeling bad???? I think theat the only acceptable solution would be to bring him and tuck him in bed away from teh party guests with a movie. I think that you did the right thing. I don't know if I would hav ehad the guts to confront them on teh issue, but I would have taken my kids home and if asked told the truth. Hopefully the story got around and they were embarressed. Hopefully this doesn't make things bad for you. It's a touchy situation.

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Hi M.,
You are so not overreacting. I think that as parents our first priority is to our children and their wellbeing. We had a similiar situation over Memorial day when we attended a birthday party for a friend's child. The day went well although we noticed that one of her children, and her husband, seemed very low key. As we were leaving I mentioned that they seemed quiet and that I hoped all was well. She then dropped the 'oh, we've all had the flu all week and the husband was violently ill that morning'bomb! Within 36 hours my 2 year old was vomiting so badly and frequently that the Doc called in a script for Zofran - she was literally in the bed for five days. Which, for her is unheard of. This child is so energetic that she even stands when being read to! Of course, the flu ran through the house - even I was sick for four days, unable to 'maintain' food or fluids in my body.
I was/am so upset with the Mom that exposed all of us to such terrible virus - knowingly. Of about 18 people at the party, I think 11 became ill. What a great party favor ;O)
I realize that children get sick and that part of living in the world is that germs get passed around, but I feel that is our (parents) responsibility to try and keep it to a minimum: handwashing, keeping little ones home when running a fever, etc.
Personally, I would stand my ground. People sometimes put their own desires before the good of the ones around them but we can protect our own.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

You absolutely did the right thing! Nuff said :)

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You did the right thing. There is no point in infecting everyone with a sick kid - especially with what is going around.... If the kid ate something funny, he should still stay home...

1 mom found this helpful

Nope I am with you I would have left too. It doesn't matter what the doctor said that child could spread anything to other chidren. I just recently last weekend to be exact had a party for my sons football team and I had a child who wanted to come and the mother said is it ok and I was like if he is sick keep him home she was not offended or anything. As a parent that is the right thing to do especially since their is so much going around. Pray your hubby doesn't come home with anything since he stayed and was exposed to the child.
KRW

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SIL and BIL were the ones out of line... It is totally NOT OK to take an actively sick kid to a party with lots of people. (I would have left too)

1 mom found this helpful

Just my humble opinion. I just don't think 2 hours is a long enough wait. I would have left too. It takes a lot for a person to vomit and it should be taken seriously as a symptom.
J.

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I'm going to disagree with all the other posts, and expain why. First, my son was sick earlier this week. The bathroom was cleaned about 7 times with cleaners and bleach. The rest of the house-doorknobs, furniture, toys, etc, were all cleaned. This is in addition to all the other cleaning I do every day. My daughter got sick about 3 days before her birthday party and I changed the party to a dinner 2 days after the party was scheduled at a different place. (Not my house.) So I totally understand the whole "keep the germs away" mentality. BUT, if my son starts getting sick after a meal, or it seems like his sickness is related to what he ate/drank, I don't have all of those problems. Food poisoning and allergies aren't contagious. If my child is feeling well, why should I punish him for having a food allergy or a stomach that just didn't like whatever he ate? He already had to throw up-am I really going to make him miss a party when there's no danger? At the same time, I don't think it's so much that you overreacted. You did what you felt was right, but she really believed her son was fine. She did what she felt was right. And as far as the whole "don't let your kids out when they don't feel good" we all know that that doesn't happen. Sometimes the kids don't know to tell us they don't feel good. Sometimes adults miss the sypmtoms too. They're a little tired, but they think they're fine. Next thing you know, they're saying they have the flu and it's passed around their office or a mom's group or their family. So it's good to remember that everyone makes mistakes and life is basically a bunch of judgement calls that we make. I'm sure most people do what they feel is best; most people don't try to hurt others. I don't think she tried to hurt you, or to hurt the other kids. I really think she probably thought her child was fine. And maybe the child was. Even if people get sick-it could have been from someone else carrying a different virus. There's not always a way to tell. And as far as the working mom thing, that doesn't make someone an authority on kids being sick (unless maybe they're a pediatrician). My SIL worked in a daycare and told me all about all the legislation they had to follow for cleaning, and when my son went to preschool, he was much sicker than he was before, or this year since I'm keeping him out. Those places can be cleaned daily, but again, parents probably don't know that their kid is sick. Chalk it up as inevitable that your child will get sick one day, probably from someone who doesn't even know that they're sick. You did what was right for you-good job! Don't feel guilty. But acknowlege that maybe there was no danger. It's okay to say "Maybe everything would have been fine, but I had to do what I felt was best." And leave it at that.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear M.,
I don't think you overeacted. Even if the doctor said it was probably something the child ate and he was deemed 'safe'. It's always best to keep a child at home after antyhing like vomiting,diarhhea etc. And esp. feed the kid the BRAT diet(bananas, rice, applesauce, toast)and plenty of fluids . Why let them eat whatever kinds of foods found at a bbq. Plus the saying 'better safe than sorry' especially with H1N1 in this area now and cold season coming up. Plus with kids they aren't the best at remembering to wash their hands, right? I also just asked my hubby and he said you were not overreacting, its your job as a mom to protect your children. I'm sorry to hear that your husband stayed behind to grill. Hopefully you two didn't fight and if you did, already kissed and made up.
P.

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