Siblings Sleeping Together

Updated on January 16, 2008
D.P. asks from Kerby, OR
5 answers

At waht age do you think brother and sister should stop sleeping with each other? My 6 year old boy and his 4 year old sister will not go to bed unless they are together. They used to sleep alone just fine, then my six year old started being "scared" at night. We finally go him out of our room and in his own, then one night, I can;t remember why, maybe they just wanted to sleep in the same room, so they did, and now they won't sleep without each other. They will switch what room they are in, but they have to be together. I really would like them in their own rooms. Any suggestions... thanks

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answers from Yuba City on

Why is it exactly that you want them to sleep apart? Do you and your husband sleep separately, too? It's perfectly natural for humans, like many creatures, to want to sleep together. My two cats (brother and sister) cuddle up and sleep together all day long, for example, and it is sooo adorable.

The only reason I can come up with for this strange taboo we have in this culture for sleeping as a family is that some people must consider sleeping to be a sexual act, but good gollies, sleeping is just sleeping.

My advice is that it will be time for the kids to sleep apart when *they* decide it's time to sleep apart, and in the meantime, for you to feel proud and relieved that your children love one another and are creating the foundation for a strong, committed, and nurturing relationship that will hopefully last them a lifetime.

~K. (who wishes she had had the opportunity to get to know her own siblings in this way while growing up, because we might have more than a xmas-card relationship now!!)

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answers from San Francisco on

From the persepctive of a mom with older kids, I'd say relax, enjoy it, and be grateful. It seems natural. Many young siblings want to keep each other company at night. You are lucky, they must feel close and have a bond -- what a gift. My oldest son and middle daughter slept side by side when they were little and now that they are older they don't care to, but my middle daughter and 5 year old son might from time to time. All over the world siblings do this, our cultural bias is against it but it seems quite normal. And lovely!

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answers from San Francisco on

I think your children are doing what comes naturally as human beings. Our society is one of the very few that encourages sleeping seperately. It just isn't normal for humans to isolate. Isn't a meal for two (or more) much preferred to a meal solo? Let your children work it out themselves. When one or both are ready, they will decide it's time to sleep alone.
If it makes you extremely uncomfortable that they are in the same bed, put two beds in one room and use the other room for their toys. Just being in the same room might be enough of a comfort.



answers from Sacramento on

I have a friend whose 2 older children roomed together until about puberty (they are about 1 1/2 years apart) and they are amazing kids - very close-knit, get-along kids who are a joy to be around. I'm trying it now with my boys - the older one is 3 1/2 and the twins are 17 months. It's only been two nights, but seems to be working out fine, and now we have a playroom for them.



answers from San Francisco on

The best advice I can give you is to be patient. Chances are they will decide that they don't need/want each others company at bed time when they're ready. Also try to remember that the concept of separate bedrooms for young siblings is a relatively new one (think back to Peter Pan, the story begins on Wendy's last night in the nursery, she's about 11 I think.) I'm not saying you should set up a shared nursery, but try to accept your children's choice for now and be glad that they get along so well.


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