Siblings Not Wanting New Addition

you really shouldn't worry.I had the same problem and when the baby came they all seemed to have changed there minds about how they felt.

2 moms found this helpful

This may sound harsh but they sound like spoiled brats. Ok...I know that will make some people mad. But this comes from one mother of teens to another.

Kids at this age are selfish, spoiled and pigheaded. There comes a time when you just have to look at them and tell them to get over themselves.

You can coddle them if you want but it's not going to help. They'll manipulate you into making all kinds of consessions. These are the facts of life. Your having a new baby. You have EVERY reason to be happy and you don't need their negative energies.

Guess what? They will face a LOT of things they don't want to in the years to come.

I did have a very different experience though. When we had baby # 4 our other girls were 10, 13 and 15. They were excited about the baby, went to all the appointments and spoiled their little sister. Not only that, but all 3 of them were in the delivery room with us. They took turns holding my hands and they all looked on eagerly as she was coming out.

One thing I did with my kids, always did, was to teach them that life isn't all about them. Your kids need a wakeup call. Their behavior is seriously selfish and you don't need to make this right for them. They need to grow up.

S.

2 moms found this helpful

You know.. My son is 14.. at the time we told him we wanted a baby.. they were doing sex ed in school... It was kinda EWWWWWEEEEY ya know.... He even admitted it was kida gross to think of us doing it!!!!

I told him Hun... I wanted to let you know.. We want to have a baby.. are you ok with it.. He said NO... and was a jerk for a while.....

Well... OK.. Thanks for your input...

Later I talked to him about it.. He said he was cool with it..just at the time.. they were doing the whole sex thing in school and it was kinda gross to think mom and dad are at home doing this!!! He did get an A on the test!!!. and ya know.. He is the best big Brother in the world... You should see them!!!!! They are so cute!!!! He will pick him up alll the time... Gives him kisses and hugs for no reason.. I tell you what.. they are so cute together!!!!

for us it was a long wait.. and he was the only one.. but we had reasons...

I am sure you kids will love the baby and things will be fine... I am sorry they are not being a fun part NOW... but wait When they see the baby... It will be different...

BE sure to let them in the delivery room!!! My son was OK.. he was at the OTHER END this time!! hahahahaah I think it ment so much to him to be their... Him and Josh have a great Bond!!! I hope your kids will too!!!!

PS he does not complain too much about lack of sleep at times.. Just shuts his door...

below are a few pics of the 2 of them together... I sure do need to get more they do have fun!!!

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/thespookyone/1%20to...

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/thespookyone/4%20to...

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/thespookyone/7%20-%...

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/thespookyone/7%20-%...

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b93/thespookyone/7%20-%...

And you will have some great pics too!!!

Dont stress.. that baby can come any day now!!!! Hope all goes well!!

T.

PS.. My Parents always make a point of when they come over asking to see Brandon MY Oldest(14 will be 15 in Feb ).. and ask him HOW is he.. How is school. and making it a big deal about him not in a cheesy way ya know...

But when they talk to Josh my 10 month old they are like So is your Big Brother teaching you to do things... Wow you are almost as good looking as that Brother of yours... stuff like that!!!

We always includ him as much as we can!!!

My son was 11 when I got pregnant again and he was ok. Then I got pregnant a third time when he was 12 and he had a harder time with it. Maybe because this one was a girl. But once we brought her home he fell in love with her. I think that they will be fine once they see that beautiful baby and realize that he/she is not going anywhere!

You need to simply sit them down and tell them, like we had you, no-one objected, in fact they were joyful. Tell them it's very selfish of them not to let you have what you enjoy, giving bith to a child the Lord has blessed and chosen you to have. That it is not their decision, it's yours and they will and are apart of this family. Don't give in Mom and Dad

I was 11 the first time and 13 the second time my stepmother got pregnant. I was used to getting everything I wanted and so naturally I was extremely jealous that my funds were being cut into. Also these are just naturally selfish ages. But, when my brothers were born, well, I just fell head over hills being a big sister. I really believe they will change their attitude when the big day arrives.

Hi B.,

I know how your children feel. When I was 16 I found out my mom was pregnant with her 7th child. I was angry and not willing to accept this fact. I suggest you don't worry about it. As soon as they see their baby brother/sister they will come to terms with it soon enough. I know when my mom told me she was pregnant I was FURIOUS because I knew I would have to help out with the baby, which I did NOT want to do. I was still a child. So as much as possible I would try not to change their lives too much or put pressure on them to accept this new sibling. In their own time, they will. I also wouldn't pressure them to go to the hospital. I was physically dragged to the hospital by my dad and they physically forced me to hold the baby. It made me feel even more negative about the whole baby. About a week after she had my baby brother I was fine and willing to accept him. Now him and I do things together all the time, in fact, he was came over last night to watch TV with me and my two boys. I'm sure you kids will come around...but make sure it's in their OWN time and not forced.

Good luck.

B.

I'm not quite in your situation, as my son is 5, but he does waiver day to day on wanting to be a big brother or not.

Have they told you what their concerns are? *Thinking like a teenager* I'd be worried about crying all night, getting stuck babysitting, getting stuck dealing with diaper duty, etc, losing my bedroom. These are probably some of the things you'll want to talk to them about if you haven't already. Other than that, teenagers are moody and may just have a completely different attitude after the baby is here. The great thing in the end....this will be a great teenage birth control lesson for them.

They are just going to have to accept the new baby.They are old enough to understand that it's coming wheather they like it or not.It sounds like you are really trying by making them apart of whats going on.Try to show more attention in the things they like and encourage them.Let them know that just because there will be a new member in the family doesen't mean that you won't have time for them anymore.I bet after the baby is here they will start coming around more,likeing the new baby.Just give it time,they will adjust and eventually see that having this new baby isn't as bad as they thought.

You didn't mention this, so maybe I'm wrong, but my gut is telling me that this baby is from a second marriage, and the two olders children have a different father from a previous marriage.
I think this for two reasons--
1. The huge gap between your youngest child and this new pregnancy
2. The fact that your older children are so unhappy about it.

It's actually VERY rare for older childrent to be upset about a new baby in the family. It's not uncommon at all for younger children, who are used to being babied and getting all of mom's attention, to be exrememly jealous and not want another baby around. But pre-teens and teenagers? They're usually totally ecstatic and make fantastic older brother's and sister's, almost taking on the roll of a favorite Aunt or Uncle.
But it's very common on the other hand, for children to be very upset by a new baby from a second marriage. They already feel like their in competition with the new man around. Mom spent alot of time going out on dates, the new guy was always around and kids have felt left out and less important because the new relationship took up so much of mom's attention and time.
Then they get married, have another child, and the 'first' kids fear being made to feel like unwanted or less important 'step-children'. Even to their own mothers. Because the new baby bonds the mother and father as a "family" in a way that the children from a previous marriage don't feel.
And its not uncommon at all for the 'new' dad to start treating his step-children totally differently, while spoiling his own.
If the kids from the first marriage who feel this way aren't able to reconcile their feelings and overcome them, and truly feel that they are just as loved, by BOTH parents, they very often end up having lots of problems in school and getting involved with the wrong crowd.
I'm not trying to scare you (and like I said-- I might be totally wrong and all the kids may very well have the same father from one marriage). But if I'm right, may I suggest a book?
The Divorce Culture by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead discusses the problems of second marriages and second families and the psychological impact it has on children. She goes through all the statistics and research and talks about how to help children cope in newly arranged families. You can buy it, but most libraries carry it as well.
I hope everything works out!

My sd was 12 when my dd was born and 20 mos later here comes another one, a boy this time! lol..She was use to having me all to herself for 5 yrs so it was a big adjustment. I don't have any great advice for you because the age differences are so big, but they will probably fall in love with the baby once he/she gets here. I will say don't force it on them about taking care of the baby as it will make them bitter toward the little one. I just let her come around in her own time when she realized she they were part of our family and they weren't going anywhere! lol. I did make a deal with her about babysitting on one weekend night and the other weekend night I gave her the car and $20...of course this was when she was 16-17...it worked good for all of us. lol. All I can say is now that they are adults they are all very close! lol. Try not to worry, they will come around.