Sibling Fighting - Bothell,WA

What's wrong with separating them - at least some of the time - on a regular basis?
Every day, have some quiet time when the boys are in different parts of the house reading, napping, some solo play time - away from what ever the other is doing.
Maybe one day one can go on a play date while the other has some one on one time with you, then switch next time.
Sometimes I think siblings are just lumped together too much - and they are stuck with each other whether they like it or not, whether they are compatible or not.
Give them breaks from each other and the bickering level should drop off a bit.

Totally normal. Instead of waiting for something to happen be proactive and praise behavior where they assist or do kind things for each other. My grandsons were terrible picking on each other 2 summers ago. My daughter was at the end of her rope and worn out from punishing them all the time.

We were talking 1 night after yet another day of crying, screaming, and pushing and my daughter was busy trying to figure out why this was happening. I don't like to get involved however I said that it really didn't matter why. The goal is to make it stop.

So she sat the boys down and explained that she wanted a house filled with kindness and they would get a check mark for every kind thing they did for each other. After they had collected a certain amount of checks they could pick a special activity. When they were in the van going somewhere they sat in different rows so the temptation to poke each other wasn't there.

Totally normal. Being in tight, enclosed places exacerbates EVERYTHING. My brothers and I would bicker non-stop. You just have to make sure they know you do NOT want to hear it. They can figure it out themselves. Having some time apart from each other would definitely help, too. Having personal space is a WONDERFUL thing.

I think it can be expected. People, especially family members, easily rub each other the wrong way. Just look at the divorce rate and how badly some adults behave, and they know better. Adults are also better at hiding their bad behavior.
My son is dealing with this annoying person (his 6 yo brother) he can't get rid of who pesters him 24/7. At least that's the way he sees it and the fighting usually only stops when they are separated.
They have NEVER got along together for extended periods of time. They are complete opposites in every way. I was just thinking this morning, they are like oil and vinegar, no - more like fire and water. It is constant, non-stop bickering, arguing, fighting. Even when they are playing it goes too far and one will get upset or hurt. When their friends upset them, or hurt them, they can take a break and go to their perspective houses. Unfortunately, siblings do not have that option. Some separation can keep the peace.
On the rare chance they are playing nicely together, I always give them plenty of praise and tell them know how nice it is and how much I appreciaete it. That way I'm not only give them attention when they are fighting.
Now that they are older, their fighting can be more physical with scratching, slapping, pushing, etc. None of this is tolerated, as I do not want this behavior spilling over into school, etc. etc. They get time outs, groundings, TV and game time taken away, whatever works for the moment.
I too was an only child and to watch these two bicker constantly, I’m glad I did not have siblings. Without being separated, my 9 yo has no peace. For any of us to have any peace, the two have to be separated or both parents present to control it. My husband and I are constantly tag teaming to keep it under control, when he’s around that is. It’s not only sad because I love taking my kids everywhere, but their constant fighting limits some activities merely to save my sanity. 50% of our outings are without Dad.
I took them on a road trip 2 years ago by myself to go visit Grandma and I’ve vowed to never do it again. The worst was driving in California, Bay Area rush hour traffic. Traffic was going about 85 MPH, cars 3 to 4 feet apart; I am not kidding. One wrong move and there’d be a pile up. I’ve driven in it before and it doesn’t bother me, as long as I can concentrate. But try concentrating with 2 kids in the back, “Mom, he’s mocking me; Mom, he hit me; Mom, he won’t give my ? back; Mom, he won’t leave me alone; Mom, he kicked me; Mom, aren’t you going to give him a spanking? MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM!!!!!
I was trying to ignore them, trying to concentrate on the traffic. One slip up, that’s all it would take. I was also trying to figure out where to go –take this exit or that? Freeways and roads had changed since I was there last. The more I ignored them, the louder and more physical things became, the screaming started. AND THEN I PULLED OVER, doled out punishment and threatened to turn around, go home, leave them with a sitter and take vacation by myself.
This always works (for awhile), because they know I’ll do it. I never threaten anything I’m not prepared to back up. I have canceled family vacations and returned earlier than planned for fighting with them screaming and crying all the way home that they will behave, even when it cost me money to do so. I have a "3 strikes and you're out" rule and I stick to it. It’s hard, but they have to learn, and they are, slowly but surely.
They are starting to remind each other on trips not to do this or that because Mom will go home or not bring them. They need to learn to get along because taking only one is not an option; they both go, or neither. Sometimes, separating them is not possible.
I’ve been told by everyone this is “normal”. Some say it gets better, others say it gets worse. Some have kids that get along and actually conspire against them; not sure what’s worse. I don’t know, but it drives me nuts. None of this probably helps you, I have no advice, as all kids and relationships have different dynamics, but I guess you’ll know you’re far from alone.

My boys are the best fo friends, as long as I make sure they get plenty of time to be apart. Separate friends, separate play dates, separate day camps, one goes out with mom, the other goes out with dad etc. They need some time apart each day.

Two timers, one set at 6 mins, the other set for 4 mins, two chairs in opposite corners/side of the kitchen island (whatever you can manage). Set both in time out for not being able to get along.

Just a suggestion, good luck.

This may be normal, it is, but I never let it happen as if normal because I think kids need to learn to respect each other and no better time to learn that than when they are young and able to be taught. You need to decide on a punishment/discipline that will be something they will each pay attention to and tell them they need to love each other and be kind. IF they don't want to play together at times that's fine but to just pick at each other is not good for either of them. It makes everyone miserable, doesn't teach them to treat others respectfully or kindly and just take something away, or do whatever works as for discipline. I would not let it go unless you want that in your home as teens and to find out they treat others that way too.

Sounds like my house - 3 yo brother and 6 yo sister. I got some advise from a mom on this site and she said criss-cross applesauce if they won't stop, esp if you don't see it and can't fairly discipline the behavior.

If they keep it up, they come to where you are and both have to sit away from each other, so you can keep an constant eye on them while you are doing whatever it is you are doing. Once they are bored enough, they will decide to get along and I make my kids give each other a hug and tell each other they will treat each other better.

Does it always work? No. Sometimes they just have to go in their rooms until they can calm down. But it has certainly stopped a lot of it, esp if I say "one more time and criss cross applesauce!"

Sometimes, I will tell them in the morning at breakfast that today I will not tolerate the fighting and antagonizing (yes, they know what this means :) and if it starts, no matter who starts it, they will go in their rooms, then I put them there. Sometimes it just helps to set expectations and nip it in the bud.

But they still fight and poke and other each other just because.

My kids NEVER fought up until a few months ago and the only ones who fight even a little are my 4 yo DD and my 6 yo DS. I take away play time, video game time, etc. If they fight, then they are taking away from MY time (cleaning, etc.) and someone has to pay for it. Anytime something happens, they BOTh lose video game time. I just say, "10 minutes!" and they know they've lost 10 minutes of video games. if they yell, "no!" I just say, "10 more minutes." I keep taking 10 minutes away until they get that I don't care who started it or who finished it or who was most dramatic. If they can't figure it out, they lose something that they love and already get very little of: video games!

If they fight over something, I just walk it and grab it (we don't allow grabbing in our home, so it's for effect) and I walk out say, "I can't believe I just bought you a fight. This toy needs to go away so it doesn't cause any more fights. What a bad toy!" The kids look at each other like I am crazy, but they think before they start another fight over something.

We homeschool, so our kids are together ALL day long. They even do tae kwon do together. We have 4 kids and there are rarely any fights, since we don't tolerate it....but like I said, recently our middle two who are 22 months apart are waging a power struggle.