8 answers

Shy Mom

Hello,

I was once a social butterfly, but since I became pregnant, nursed, and basically found any reason at all to "not get out there" (besides work), I have become a bit socially inept. I have a great relationship with my husband. I have a wonderful best friend, but she does not have children....

I now find myself with a very social little girl. I am so happy about this. My only problem, is I have a hard time meeting other moms. We spend a lot of time at the parks, coffee shops, etc...I am that shy, overprotective, first time mom, who hovers over my little sweetie. I worry that I come off as "snobby" to other moms. I am by no means snobby, but very shy. (I really would love it if you would talk to me:)

I would really like some advice about approaching other moms, and coming out of my shell...
I owe it, not only to my daughter, but to myself, to make some mommy freinds. (I do have a few, but I need more in my area)

Some of the parks we frequent are McCrae(SP?) Pearl, and Todd.

If you have some advice, or are in our "area" I would love to hear from you.

Thanks, S.

What can I do next?

More Answers

Dear S.,
I was an extrovert before I had children and became a little quieter after they were born too. I think it's a mother's natural tendency to sort of "turtle" when she is in those early years of parenting. It's so labor intensive and we as individuals change a lot through our new role of mom.
The great thing is that you are recognizing these changes in yourself and are deciding to "choose" something else for you and your family.

My kids are 14, 8 and 5 and I think one of the most imporatnt things I did was to continue to seek enrichment for myself outside of my own house and without my kids. I chose things that pushed me out of my comfort zone a bit. I did things like joining a Toast Masters group, finding a mom's club that not only had playdates, but had mom nights out as well. I found topics to study that interested me and that gave me interesting topics to discuss in social settings. I would try a mom's club or a neighborhood book club. If you don't like the one in your neighborhood, try a different one. I know moms that belong to two or three mom's groups at one time so don't be afraid to shop around for what feels like a good fit for you. Best of luck, I know you'll do great!

Try looking into a Mom's group. I joined MOMs Club (www.momsclub.org) and it was the best thing for me and my kids. I'm very friendly and fun when I know you but don't really go out of the way to meet people and I've met a great group of woman through this. Not all groups are the same, so you need to find a group that fits in with you and that you enjoy.

Did you do ECFE? Sometimes you can meet some really nice ladies through that as well.

Hi S.,
The best way to meet other Moms in your area is to join the Moms club.You can find them through their website momsclub.org and ask about their information. I used to be shy and feel so isolated once after I have my 1st borned too. Then I joined moms club and it was a great decision I have made since became a mother. They are a non profit organizationand, therefore their purpose is to support and create friendship for stay at home Moms like us. You will find a lot of activities for you and your kids there like playgroup, weekday activities, moms night out or in, cooking club, book club...etc...
Don't feel like you're alone and weir in anyway b/c I think all mothers feel like this sometimes(or too often) in their life. have fun and let me know how it goes.
L. B-Mother of 2-Minneapolis

Hi S., I have 2 beautiful daughters and found myself in your situation after my first was born. I found that a great way to meet other parents, with much of the same issues you have or will be facing in parenthood is through ECFE(Early Childhoood Family Education)classes.Many classes are offered through community education. In fact, I have made such lasting friendships with these women that we get together the first Monday of the month for a Mommy Night Out. This has been going on for about 4 years now. I live in the Savage/Burnsville area. If you are near to hear I can try to help you further, but I would suggest looking into a class of some sort. KinderMusik is also a good place. Good luck in your search, H. K

The best advice I have is when you go to the park sit down next to another mom and start up a conversation. Another great way to get the ball rolling is to be a helping hand to another mom. I met a new mom friend this way. How it happened was I took my 2 1/2 year old to the park near our home and I noticed another mom with her toddler and infant. The kids hit it off well. As the mom was leaving her toddler seemed to want to go in another direction than their car was parked and the mom couldn't really put her infant down to go get her toddler who had run off in the other direction, so I rounded up the little girl and my toddler and I walked her back to her mom. I was thanked and The mom asked if I would like to meet her back at the park after our kids nap time. We meet once a week at the park now twice a day.

I feel the same exact way as you do. And nothing changed til my daughter hit kindergarten. I look extremely young for my age and I swear other's thought they were to good to talk to me at times. I started volunteering alot at my daughters school and met so many moms who like me were bored at home and needed friends, then my daughter is in soccer, and all sorts of things and we all get bored on the sidelines and chitter chatter. So hopefully when your little one starts school it will get better.

In the meantime, just walk up to a parent at the park and make a excuse to ask a question. example "Excuse me I love your little girls shoes, where did you get them?" Usually it will lead into some kind of conversation. Other mom's love compliments about their kids. Make something up if you have to. Approach the mom who is also alone like you and isn't busy with a cell phone or distracted with something. I stay away from the clicks of mom's I figure they're alreay busy.

I come off snobbish too, most of the time I'm only concerned about my daughter especially when it came to preschool that was horrible. All the parents knew eachother before hand, carpooled, and never gave me the time of day. Then because their children all knew eachother outside of preschool they weren't real interested in making new friends so they could care less about my daughter. The kids always made plans for after preschool and carpooled home. I felt like we so didn't fit in. I taught my very social daughter to go after the kids who don't have friends the loners. She did just that. She became very good friends with a little girl who's family is immigrated from Mexico and their was a bit of a language barrier but they are even in kindergarten together now and are real good friends.

I think things will get better for you as your daughter get's older and more involved with things. My best friend also doesn't have any children so it makes things different.

Hello S.,
I am just like you. What I did was join a Moms group. I just did this. I found the group on meetup.com are you in Mpls or St Paul? If Mpls you are welcome to join us. send me an e-mail and I will give you the info.
____@____.com
Good luck,
K.

Hi S.,
I live close to Pearl and Todd park. Maybe we could meet for a playdate sometime (weekends would work best)? My son turned 2 on February 25th. He is daycare full time and loves being around other kids.

My e-mail is ____@____.com

I agree it can be hard to meet other moms. I work full time so it can be hard to find the time to get out to meet other people.

J. Kaempf Davis

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