Shreeming Untill He Is Horse!!!

Wow! What a determined boy!! He sounds REALLY smart and confident, which are definitely admirable qualities... until they result in a battle of wills with you (of course).

I speak from experience that my youngest was BY FAR the most challenging, because of her independence, strong will, etc...

First we ruled out any medical issues that might be a factor - ADD, autism, etc...

In 2005, when she was 3, we worked with a behavioral specialist (who observed my daughter in multiple settings: pre-school, daycare and home) and we received a written plan which we implemented - with some assistance, I might add. I will include some of the written portions for you to see part of the plan that really did work for us.

Give Effective Directions;
1. Come down to eye level
2. Explain what the direction is using a matter-of-fact voice
3. If child resists, bring her away from ANY distractions and explain that she will have to sit in that area until she is ready to.... fill in the blank
4. Cease all communication until she complies with the direction, only restating the direction every few minutes (remember to state it exactly like the first time, DON'T ARGUE)
5. Once she has complied, give praise. Let her know how much you appreciate it nomatter how small the task is.

We also received instruction on 3 different "discipline techniques": Time out, physical restraint, and object aggression.

It took a little while (for me more than my husband) for me to put it together and realize that I had a bigger role- or responsibility- than I realized. The biggest change was that I CHANGED, which seemed to miraculously help her to make better choices.

I found that one of my biggest challenges in being a better parent was my failure to address behaviors when and where they occurred. I had to let go of the clock, which meant that I no longer had "getting to work on time" as my number one priority. Secondly, I had to address the behaviors where they occurred. Once, this meant sitting on the sidewalk outside a strip mall in my work suit (in the rain- no less) for the amount of time that it took, again changing my priorities. In the past, we would remove her from situations, or just avoid taking her with (restaurants, grocery store, etc)

She is now in 1st grade, and is the JOY OF MY LIFE. She is still strong-willed, independent, confident, and smart, but is almost never disobedient. Miracles do happen.

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B.,
I had the same problem when my son was little, he screamed until he was 3.He's grown now but I learned a technique. We started the quiet hands,quiet lips,quiet feet.In a whisper voice I would explain where and what we were doing or going, and tell him that he had to have quiet lips and use his inside voice. I would give him a small toy that he could hold on to,(at the time it was transformers) and tell him quiet lips and then why I wanted quiet lips.EXP: We are driving in the car to the store and you have to use inside voice with quiet lips, give him the toy, when he started talking loud I would tell him we need quiet lips, if he continued I would take away the toy and tell him outside voice is not allowed and take away the toy. When he was quiet I would praise and say good job quiet lips and give the toy back. It took alittle while for him to get the connection, but once he got it, quiet hands,quiet feet,quiet lips became just part of our daily dialogue for good and bad behavior.(There were times I had to pull over in a parking lot to get out of the car and tell him, That he wasen't using inside voice with quiet lips and when he was using quiet lips he could have it back. When he got older he would tell other children quiet lips. It was a good way to teach him to shut up or be quiet in a polite positive way. My son is 29 and has 4 children they all know the quiets.

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Your right screaming is distracting in the car and if you got into a accident because of it your really going to have to put your foot down hard.

This is just my way of parenting call me mean but it works for me.

If my kids scream I will raise my voice and tell them to stop, if that doesn't work I crank the radio as loud as it goes or I will scream at the top of my lungs for them to SHUT UP NOW. If that doesn't work I have never done this but I would probaly pull over, take them out of the car and swat their butt. I have pulled the car over with my 8yr.old and asked her if she would like to walk home. She immediately says no and is quiet. I'm just the type of person I need it quiet to consentrate and I snap quick and hard at naughty behavior.

Just toughen up a bit, show your son you are the adult he is the child. When mom says jump he better jump.

Hi B.! This is a frustrating habit! BUT.....DO NOT do as one poster suggested and crank up the radio. That can be very harmful to little ears. You don't want a form of discipline that results in hearing loss......
Try pulling over, stopping the car and calmly saying that you WILL NOT ride in the car with a boy who screams and then get out of the car, turn your back and don't get in until he stops.
I did this with my daughter. She was out of control and it made us miserable. One day I had to stop the car and get out 6 TIMES before she stopped. After that she didn't do it anymore! When it's over, give a hug, tell him he needs to say sorry to mama and then tell him you forgive him. Oh! Also, be sure to leave a window open so you don't lock yourself out! ;)
I recommend reading the book "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. You definitely have a strong willed child on your hands (So do I- haha). It's important for you as the parent to win these battles and be consistent with discipline.
Also, if he won't potty train and will only pee on the floor, put him in a diaper and use duct tape on the tabs so he can't take it off. You have to nip defiant and, ultimately, destructive behavior before it get's beyond your control.
A spirited child is a great thing. Proper discipline will not break a child's spirit, it will break their will so they will be able to see beyond themselves and know how their actions affect others.
Good luck!

Hi B., first of all, good luck!! Yikes!!

I liked the idea of another poster of the firefighter; what about contacting a police officer and having him talk to him and tell him how bad that is for the driver.

Also, I agree with cleaning up after himself when he goes to the bathroom on the floor. That is a great idea! Also, the duck tape, if you tape it shut behind his back, and in a secure "tighter" fashion he should not be able to get out of it.

Good luck!

I agree - Pull over - or don't even start driving till the screaming stops - you get out of the car until he is calm and ready to go - explain to him that the car will not move till he is buckled in and quiet/calm. If he cannot control himself, get a sitter and leave him at home and just take big brother....make sure big bro has a great time and you two talk about it in front of the little guy when you get home. Tell him that screaming is unacceptable PERIOD, and that it can cause you to have an accident like you had before, and it could be worse and people could get hurt. So he has two choices (stress that it is his choice) if he cannot control himself and ride nicely then he will not ride in the car at all.

If he is 2, he can probably switch to a booster (one that has a 5 point harness and then will convert later to a belt posisitoning booster)....I would like another poster said, buy him and his brother the exact same seat....he will still have to use the 5 point harness, and actually, if your older one is a good sport, maybe he would use the harness too ( you'd have to try out the seats beforehand to make sure the booster straps are tall enough for your older child if you are going to go this route), to encourage the younger one that it is not that big of a deal.

Like others have said, INGORE IGNORE, IGNORE the bad behaviors, and only reward good. Give him two choices, go in the potty or wear a diaper (or pull up) - if he goes on the floor, he cleans it up, if he goes in his pants (not a diaper) he washes them in a bucket of water and soap (cleaning/washing with your supervision, of course). If he goes in the potty, he gets a big celebration ( you getting really excited, singing and dancing) and some kind of reward - at first for EVERY time he goes, and then after a few weeks of every time rewards, wean in down to every other time, and then every 4 or 5 times, etc.....till you maybe just do stickers on a page and when he gets to 20 stickers (or whatever # you decide) then he can get a big prize.

Good Luck

Jessie

Have him checked for autisim.
About 30yrs ago my sister-in-law started teaching at a home for severly abused and LD children. Displine was an issue because of course you can't hit them. But the behavior such as the screeming has to stop. What they did at the school was toss a small bit of water in their face. Less than a quarter cup of cold water tossed in the face shocked the kids into silence, they were then calmly told that their behavior was not right and to stop. It sounds contraversial but it works, you are not hurting them and they get it. I act out I get water in the face. And no nothing is perfect it doesn't work all of the time but it might be worth a try.

I agree with the person who posted leave him home with a sitter. Tell him big brother and I are going to the store, the zoo, the playground etc but since you WON'T behave you can't go. When he acts up at home put him in his room door open a baby gate in front so he can't get out. "When you can behave you can be with the rest of us but if you are going to screem you can stay in your room."

The potty training thing put diapers on him and duck tape them.
Another mother said he is in control and likes it. Take back your control. If he is like this at 2 what are you going to do when he is 15 bigger and stronger than you and he decides to skip school, steal a car, etc etc. I've been there my youngest was always defiant and I had a going through hell 2 years with him not going to school and hanging with friends until all hours of the night in and out of court for truncy and it's all my fault because he is a minor. Now he's 18 and just finishing High School when the school calls or writes me I call and say he's 18 talk to him not my responsibility.
Actually he has turned out pretty good but that is because I got him a job as a set-up tech (roadie) with some friends of mine all men who are successful and over 50 and they mentored him for 2 yrs. I give them a lot of credit for the way he turned out.

BUT TAKE CONTROL NOW!!!!!

He's figured out he can rattle your cage and is enjoying the power! You have to play this like a game of poker...no big reactions, and definitely no promises of rewards such as a big surprise etc. I think right now he thinks car time is game time, and because you're captive at front he's getting a charge at being able to push buttons.

He needs to learn that being in a car is serious stuff. That being able to sit quietly and buckled in a seat is expected behavior for *everyone* and there is no room for exeptions or silly behavior because someone could get seriously hurt and may have to go to the hospital or worse. Ask him how he'd feel if mommy had to go to the hospital and not come home for a long time because he caused her to get hurt...or how he'd feel if the family didn't have a car anymore because it got broken because he thought it was funny to scream in the car. Point out all of the places and things you couldn't do anymore without a car.

He needs to know riding in a car is not a privilege or tantemount to an amusement park ride but an exercise in responsibility. Point out the sheriff's, ambulances, and other emergency vehicles on the road, and all of the traffic signs and lights and tell him this is so everyone can be safe. If we break those rules, we (you as a driver) will be punished...by not be able to drive any more or getting tickets (tell him this is like getting toys taken).

I know he's two, but if he's as bright as you say, he will understand. You just need to find the best resources to get the point across.

He needs toys and privileges taken away immeditely. In a moving car that is very challenging. You don't mention if you've tried pulling the car over, but when possible do so, and then exact swift consequences that mean something to him. For instance, if he has his favorite stuffed buddy along, buddy gets taken right on the spot put in the trunk or a glove compartment (so he can see), and will be held for the rest of the afternoon.

As you do this, you need to firmly explain that screaming in the car is dangerous, you could get into another worse accident, or the police may come and talk to both of you because "mommy is not driving well because he's being naughty." Further explain that not only can you get in trouble, but that he could when the police learn that he's not following the rules.

Point out no one who drives or rides in other cars around you is screaming or unbuckled because they know it's not safe. Point out other small children happily in their own car seats. Even show him people in their cars driving by and hope no one happens to be "yelling or screaming" when you do. :)

Lastly, tell him if he can't learn to be like his big brother, mommy, daddy, or any other people on the road by sitting quietly, safely and nicely, he will no longer be able to ride in the car.

I'd also see if you can't find any books on car seat safety for kids at the library, store, or even the local police and fire department. Many PD's and FD's actually design workbooks, curriculum and websites for young kids so they can learn how to be safe. You might get lucky and be able to find a kid friendly officer to talk to him about the dangers of screaming and refusing to use his booster seat. SEeing a uniformed officer up close might do the trick.

I did this with one of my son's about fire safety. I asked a firefighter at the firehouse down the street to talk to my son, no appointment either, and he did, and with gusto! In fact, the guys that were at the fire house that day were great, and even gave my son a whole bunch of safety books etc, for kids.

Lastly, if you can budget for it, there are many car seats that can seat both a child as young as your 2 year-old up the age/weight of your older child. Consider buying two of these in the same style.

You got some great responses and i don't know the answer unfortunatelly, but was just wondering if he could be doing it for extra attention (negative attention is better then no attention to a child)? If you ignore it completely maybe he would realize acting out isn't going to get the attention he wants. This goes for the screaming and the potty accidents. Also, do you make him help clean up his own mess after he goes potty on the floor? Have you talked to his doctor about these issues, they might have some better insight, after all, they've seen it all.

As I said, I don't have experience with this but these are just things I thought of outside of what everyone else said. Good luck and I will be hoping for your sanity LOL.

Hi B.,
I thought Anne Marie's response was exactly how I would have handled screaming in the car. We have had to pull over and take out a 2year old before. Being strong willed will be a great attribute for many things later in life but it makes for challenging parenting at this age.! :) Stay calm, and be consistent. Pick and choose your battles but wearing a diaper and sitting in the carseat are not negotiable. Try to have a little extra time when you are going somewhere so if you have to stop, you can. I would try to "arrange" a time when you are going somewhere that he would like and he can't go (stay home with you or dad) because of his behavior in the car. He doesn't have to know where you are actually going but he will understand that his actions have consequences for himself.
Let him know how much you love him and be prepared for more challenges in the future. I found when I had a plan and was mentally prepared for a parenting situation, that I handled it much better.
L.