Shower Trouble!

There is an answer to your name problem! When you pick up a gift to open say, "Who brought this one?" without looking at the card first and then ask them parenting advice. Since this is your second child maybe the question could be, "What is the best advice you have for raising a 3 year old and a newborn?" or just "What is your best parenting tip?" That way no one will know you aren't sure who they are and every woman I have met who is a mom loves to give out advice and sometimes you actually hear a really good tip! After you give them your full attention with their answer then open their present. It'll be fun, enjoy yourself!

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like your Mom and Grandmother think they are doing you a favor. Trying to offset some of the expense of having a new baby. They are excited and want the very best for you and your baby. That being said, have you told your Mom your valid reason "being embarressed at thanking Debbie for Nancey's gift"? If they have to give you a shower, can they softly describe what the person is wearing that is giving you the gift. That way you can look for the person that gave you the gift while opening it. Or as they hand you the gift, call out the person's name and ask that they raise their hand. Just be sure at the end of opening gifts you stop and give a heartfelt "Thanks to everyone who came and what beautiful gifts. We greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness." With that you have addressed everyone.

Hope you get the answer you are looking for. Baby showers are so fun. Enjoy the love.

If they insist to throw you a shower in this fashion, could you request that they do name tags and just tell the guests that it is for "Everyone to better get to know one another" since many people come from many different walks of life.

Or, maybe play some sort of name game (they could some-how corilate (sp?) it to naming a baby) with the name of that guest to better help your memory!

example of a game:
guest A is Marge
guest B is Sue
guest C is ...........

each guest has to come up with as many names starting with the first letter of her name as possible in a certain time frame. Then they read the answers out while everyone else in the room listens. The one with the most names wins.

Marge: Mary, Melissa, Melanie, etc
Sue: Samantha, Sara, Sissy, Sallie, etc

Just some ideas to make it easier on you!

Best of luck!

I loved the idea "who brought this gift" and ask them for a parenting tip. Genius!!

Wow! Your mom WANTS to throw you a shower? Let see, here is my history:

baby #1- I was going to a new church and a new job so no one offered to give me a shower. My sister was busy with her own shower plans (her mother in law was giving her one) and never seemed to notice that I wasn't going to have one. Then I went into labor at 26 weeks. I had nothing because all family members kept telling me I HAD to wait until after I saw what people gave me. WHAT people?!

So when she was fixing to come home from the NICU I BEGGED my mom to host an open house (we were living with her at the time because she lived only an hour from the hospital instead of the two hours our apartment was from there.) My mom was very resistant (it was the weekend of her anniversary, which she could STILL go out for goodness sakes.)

I did have an open house but it's been such a contention I wish I hadn't. Mom is still mad at me, five years later, for asking her to do it.

Baby #2 and 3 no shower, mom said you can't have a shower for subsequent children. I had no one offer to give me a shower, I guess they felt the same way.

Baby #4 I told my sister I had never had a proper shower and just wanted an opportunity to spend time with ladies and a shower was a great opportunity to do that. She offered to give me one. My mom was FURIOUS that she was giving me one, said that this baby was nothing to celebrate (because you are only supposed to have 2 children) and said she wasn't going to come. Lovely.

so if my mom offered to give me a baby shower I would be THRILLED!

Just my 2 cents,
S. mom to four girls

Hi M.,
Well, first of all, acknowledge the fact that your mom and g'mom really want to do this for you. They love you, the way you love your daughter. Your only "job" will be to sit back, relax (at the shower) and "receive" their outpouring. Sometimes, learning how to receive is a big challenge, but it's vitally important in any relationship. So, keep your focus on being thankful that your family loves you and wants to bless you.
You might suggest that when the guests arrive, they put on nametags. It's done alot at parties, people don't mind.
Good luck - and have fun. Be gracious, too.
Blessings,
C. B.

I went through that with my motherinlaw years ago. Just go with it. They just want to do something nice for a mother to be. Women like to do things like that, so enjoy the party.

It is soo great to have Mom and grandma around. My mom lives 1900 miles away from me and both my grandma's have passed on. Let them enjoy the moment with you, no matter how hard it may be. As for not remembering names, why don't you suggest name tags and perhaps that will help. Let them know to sign in with their addresses so that you can send thank you cards after the shower. Don't forget to wear your name tag. Maybe you can use the name tags in a game of some sort. Just try and relax and let the ladies enjoy doing something special for you.

Good luck.

M.

Just a thought on how to deal with not knowing everyone's name. Maybe you can just say for example, "oh this blanket is from nancy, thank you so much" and just not make it to any specific person. And if Nancy says "i'm over here" you can say oh I'm sorry I must have just looked over you or I did not see you there. That kind of thing , I had several baby showers and while I did not know everyone I know that my mom and mother in law loved doing it for me because it made them feel like they were a part of the pregnancy.
Hope this helps!
J.

Sorry that your mother doesn't listen to you, M., but she probably just wants your new baby to have nice things. Perhaps her bowling friends have heard about you and expressed a desire to do something for you.

A simple exclamation over each gift and a genuine "thank you" is all that is needed for the people you really don't know. They wouldn't be there if they didn't want to, so your pleasure in receiving whatever they brought will be more than enough.

Perhaps someone who knows their names (your mother, perhaps?) can take notes on each gift received & from whom. If she can also provide their addresses, a simple "thank you" note would also be a nice gesture from you.

This is what we call being gracious when a gesture is inflicted on us we would rather not have. So - just be gracious, M., and enjoy the items for your baby. It would be nice to have something for your three-year-old to open too... Good luck! M. T.

My mother-in-laws freind wanted to do the same for me and I had never met the woman!
The only way I could look at it was....these people were celebrating a new life! They did not care whos baby it was. They are especially happy for your mother and that is way they like to show it!
I know it isnt much but hopefully it will ease the stress!

First of all, what a blesssing to have another baby shower.I have 2 boys and a girl and I felt the same way with my second boy. My pals insisted on giving me a shower. I felt pretty selfish because after all, I had everything I needed from the first boy. Let me tell you how glad I was I went through with the shower. Not only did my second baby boy get a few new clothes but I received some things that I never had any idea existed but have become life-savers!
As far as the name issue- I would explain it to my mom and ask her to have everyone wear a name tag and maybe make a game out of it.Your mom and grandma obviously love you and this is one way to show this. You may end up enjoying it more than you think.This is only my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. Good luck!

I understand your dilema but think it is sweet of your Grandma to want to do this- she must be very proud of you and want to show you off to her peers. I wuld let her do it and also realize tht the advice and support of a few Grannies who have been there done that is invaluable!
K.

Girl, let her throw you a shower! Getting presents is always fun(even if you just return for store credit)! I would just say "thank you" while looking at the gift, not the person or just say "wow" and move on! Plus, you're probably going to send thank you cards anyway! Enjoy the gifts!!

Surely the ladies who will attend won't expect you to know all of their names, since they are friends with your mom/grandmother, rather than with you. Have your mom sit next to you and help you with who's who. The fact that they want to shower you with gifts even though they don't know you well, is pretty sweet--accept it graciously!

i would say that you need to be unselfish and let your mom do this wonderful thing for you! it means a lot to her and don't worry, any of her friends that don't want to come or buy you a gift because they don't know you that well "WON'T" ! Let your mom have this, she loves you and it will be a blessing for you! and you will have all of these older women as mentors to ask advice from ! don't let you foolish pride rob either you or your mom of this blessing. just be gracious and say thanks!

It seems like you have alot of great advice. I just thought that I might suggest having your mom hand you each gift, announce who it is from, point them out and maybe tell everyone including you something about them. This way, you can put a name with their face and ease your discomfort.

I went through this with a bridal shower once. It was a little ackward, but I survived and came home with alot of advice on marriage and some great gifts!

Hang In There,
W.

Anytime I throw an even I have everyone wear nametags, and alot of people have really liked that idea, as it allows them to remember names and recognized names I have said in the past. Also, when it is present opening time, you could ask your mom to handle it a bit differently...have each person get their gift and hand it to you one at a time, that way you will know who to look at when you say thank you.
Hope these ideas help!
~K.

let the grandmas have some fun. you can only benefit from the shower of "gifts" and your baby too. i'm a grandma for the first time, but when i was having my babies my parents were both gone and my husbands parents were in another state so be grateful you have so much love in your life

1. Smile and Say thank you.

2. Have your mom help you with names - these are her friends, and they are there as much to celebrate HER new grandbaby as they are to celebrate your pregnancy.

S.

My mother n' law through my baby shower for me, and I didn't know half the people there. So we decided to do name tags for every one to make it easier on my to give thanks for the gift's. Don't stress on the names of your guest, just have fun and enjoy your shower. It will be fun.
Wishing you the best with your shower.
Have a great weekend.
B.

I Say just be greatful that you have family who wants to celebrate this wonderful time with you. I never had my mother or father around. I was raised by my grandparents and my grandmother passed way before I had my boys, and I don't have many mommy friends. So just be lucky and positive and do the name tag thing the others suggested. It will be fine you are very blessed just enjoy it.

Your Mother and Grandmother are hosting the party. When they hand you a gift to open they can speak to the giver and thereby draw your attention to the right person. "What a lovely bow, Marian" or "Ginny is our highest scoring bowler, aren't you Ginny?" "Betsy, I want the recipe you made for the women's auxiliary last month." Explain to Mom and Grandma your worries and suggest this way that they can make it more fun for you by taking you off the hot seat! That is the way I would handle it.

Let them throw you the shower.They want their friends to enjoy the happiness they feel.
NAME TAGS! That is the solution to not knowing ( and remembering ) all names. Yours wiil says M.- MOM TO BE.

Your mom's should have her name -grandma etc.

When my kids were born, we got presents from my MIL's co-workers ,whom we never met. Close friends share the joy of good things w/each other even if they don't know the people well. have a shower and enjoy.

ask your mother to make name tags for all the guest so that you don`t mix them up. let from mother do this for you cause its a mom thing.

I can relate to not wanting a shower, especially with the situation you describe, but I'm going to tell you something you may not want to hear:

Accept the gesture with gratitude and graciousness. Put on your biggest smile when the time comes, and know that these women, although not entirely known to you, have gathered to honor the new life you are bringing into the world, and is a support of women, regardless of their ages, that has been in place for thousands of years. Many of these women have been down the road of motherhood, and may even have grandchildren of their own, so listen to their advice, gripes, and funny stories! It's only one afternoon of your life, and you may even find out that not only are the gifts more useful to you than you may have anticipated, but that your real gift is still having both your mother and grandmother present at a special time in your life. You sound like a very lucky lady!

Try to make the most of it, and remember that nametags go a long way at a party! ;) Good luck with everything!

Never turn down a shower,after 3 years you need a new baby shower.If you get cofused on the names blame it on the pregnancy,everyone knows after having kids you began to forget everything.Let the 2 generations of mothers take care of you,everyone does'nt have 2 people to care enough about them to keep giving a baby shower.They seem to be concern and proud of you.Good Luck on the new baby.

What about a Grandma Shower. I have a friend who's mom lived in Florida while my friend lived here in Texas. The mom's friend's called the daughter while she was pregnant and they cooked up this plan. The friends would host a Grandma Shower and her mother would get to open all the gifts. Then, unexpectedly, my friend would walk through the doors and be there to surprise the Grandma. Maybe if you put the emphasis on the Grandmas they'll be more active during the shower. If they don't like that idea, then maybe you can use nametags to help you. Just blame it on your pregnant brain! Or...how about a guest of honor seat and everyone can take turns bringing you your present and sitting next to you while you open it. Someone could take pictures of you with the gift and gift-giver. That would make it easier for you when it came time for thank-you notes. Good Luck!

One thing I've learned is that women, especially ones that have older children or are older themselves, LOVE to be around babies and get them things! Just be thankful and don't feel guilty. They realize that you don't know them that well, but they are excited for you and remember the joy a baby brings and want to be part of it.

Insist that the hostesses put name tags, clearly written, on every guest and hostess.

I was petrified at my shower. I am extremely introverted. I hate being the center of attention. Opening all those presents and having all those people staring at me... I, like you don't have many friends here, so I didn't know everyone. I was soooo uncomfortable. I feel your pain!

Have you told your mother how you feel? Does she truly understand how terrifing it is to you? I know mothers can be difficult when they have their mind set on helping you even when you don't want it.

If all else fails. I would suggest having one of your friends sit by you and right down everything that you open and who it is from. Have her ask who it is from, so you don't thank the wrong person. You will have a good list to go by to send out thank you cards. Also having your mother sit by you and say this is from so and so with her pointing to the person would also be helpful... breathing exercises help as well.

I wish you luck!

If they are determined to give you a shower-- even when you have told them no-- you could try the following.

Have a present chair: Have the person or persons who are giving the present to you, come and sit next to you. You could gloss this over a little more if you took a picture with them and what they gave you (for the baby book or for the Thank you card.)

Wear name tags: Explain that it is for others to get to know each other--not everyone will know each other. Maybe include it as part of a game.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

I think it would disappoint them too much not to go thru with this. Being a mom I know I'd be disappointed if my daughter didn't want to engage with what I put together and allow me to show off my daughter to my friends. It would disappoint the ladies too. They like having a party to go too. People are also blessed when they give. Use name tags are something like having a chair by you that each lady sits in next to you when you open the gift so you can get a pic with them. This is also a gift to your mom and grandmother that their friends find them important enough to come to the shower. Just enjoy and know that you also did your good deed for the day.

Just relax! The anxiety you are feeling is normal, but not
good for your health. There may be some solutions to easing some of that. Your mom & grandma are just trying
to love on you and are wanting to see you blessed with a lot of wonderful presents for the family & baby.........let 'em love on you.

Save the thank yous for the end of the gift opening time ~ don't feel like you have to look up and make eye contact with people you don't know and thank them right on the spot. Make sure you have someone who can keep a list of the gifts and who they are from (have your mom and grandma be responsible to see that you have full names & addresses for later)......then you can send out thank you cards later. At the end of gift opening, you can just look up, give some love looks around the room at everyone who came, thank them for coming to your shower and for all the wonderful gifts they gave you
(one thanks for everyone there)....

You could also request that your mom & grandma please have
name tags for everyone and that would relieve you as you
mill around with these new people in your life.

Peace is better than worry - if you look behind
the intent of the shower - it's totally beautiful! As you
are ~ and so worthy of this blessing. And who knows, you
may gain a whole new batch of friends in the process.

My mother in law did the same thing for me for both my bridal shower and baby shower. I had vaguely knew half the ladies names and couldn't tell them from Eve the next day. Sometimes these things are for the proud grandparents rather than for you or your baby. :D Go to the shower that is already in the works. Have a good time. Just have your mother sit close to you when it's time to open presents. Have her hand them to you, announcing who it is from as she does so. Then ask her to look at the person and do the "awwww that's so nice of you" thing after you open the present. It'll take the nerves out of the experience, and you'll get nice things from ladies who love your family.
Good Luck!

Well, I hate to say it, but the shower is to show how much you and your family are loved. You really need to be gracious and get your thank you notes ready. One suggestion is that maybe they focus on diapers - all different sizes. I had a diaper shower and the results were NO buying diapers for about 6 months! It really helps cut down on cost.

You are loved, smile and be happy~
Mom of 5 year old.

It sdounds like the shower is going to happen anyway, so I'd make the best of it and get it over with. My aunt-in-law threw a shower for me and I hardly know a soul but the ladies had a good time and it wasn't so bad when it was all said and done.

Don't worry about names, just be gracious to everyone and make sure your mother and grandmother keep track of who gave what so you can send them all a nice personal thank you note.

Just smile and look like you are having fun :)

D.

I am Jewish and showers are not done in my religion. We find it bad luck to give showers. We do have a ceremony after the baby is born. the ceremonies are different based on the gender. I think you could tell them you would prefer to do it after the baby is born & then you could focus more on the child and not you.

I agree with the other two who have already responded. Your mom is obviously so thrilled with her grandbabies that she just wants to share that joy with others that are obviously close enough to HER that they would spend their hard earned money and time to attend a shower for someone they barely know either. Besides, how could you say no to gifts that would save you and your husband from spending extra money on things the baby will need? It's only for a few short hours, certainly you've endured worse. Have fun!

I would tell you to just enjoy and feel blessed to have family with friends and church family that are so sweet to give you gifts for the new baby. As you open the gifts just comment on how cute and useful things are and when you are done opening all the gifts just give a little thank you everyone in general for coming and say something about how wonderful all the gifts are and how much you appreciate them sharing in this special time with you. You can send out individual thank you notes from your gift list later.

M., have some name tags on the table where they'll be setting down the gifts, or on a separate table. As soon as a guest shows up, have the hostess of the shower ask them to write down their name. This will allow you to know at a glance who each person is. Most people don't mind name tags. Plain Avery address labels will do the trick and you can even get them at the Dollar Tree.

I don't think you can be mia for the shower. But...you could turn it into a grandmother's shower. One of my sister's friends threw one for my mom before my neice was born and it was really fun! My sister was already being given a couple of showers, and thought this would be a nice gesture for my mom and to invite her friends to celebrate with her! My mom loved it! Could you and your grandmother work together to make this happen for your mom? Your mom would be really happy and then she could thank and entertain her friends all while getting some great things to help out when your kids come to grandma's house!

M.,

The best way to deal with this situation is to make it 100% positive! You said you like the ladies but don't know them very well, you will probably have a great time!

1. You will be getting tons of free stuff and baby stuff is NOT CHEAP!
2. You will make the day for every one of those old ladies (they absolutely love this kind of thing)!
3. Honesty is NEVER RUDE! When you get to the opening presents part, simply stand up and say, "I am so sorry that I don't know all of you and I am not good with names. Please know that I am very grateful for each of you being here today and for all of these lovely gifts." Have your Mother or grandmother on hand to write down the gifts and who each is from so you can thank them properly in a Thank-you card...that is a MUST! Have fun and enjoy the party...don't sweat the small stuff!!!!!!

I agree with all of these wise women about accepting this shower graciously! You have received some great tips! I just wanted to offer you one more way to look at it. If you wanted to bless your own little 3 year old daughter with something, and she refused it, you would not feel too good about that! So, think about it from that perspective. You are giving your mom, grandmother, and lots of sweet people a chance to be a BLESSING to you:) Get some name tags ready, tell everyone up front how bad you are with names, and they can laugh along with you about it...
Enjoy the journey!

Wow, a mother of 2 at 21! You are a strong woman! Even though the shower may not be ideal (in company), I'd go ahead and let them give it to you. You will get items you need and it will make them feel good to help you out. I hope you can get some friends here soon so you don't have to go to these events solo! Good luck with everything and congratulations on your newest addition!

Hi M.,

The same thing happened to me with my daughter! My mom threw me a shower but it was basically all of her friends and the ladies from her church! I didn't know all of their names either, but I would highly recommend it! Just graciously go through it and thank everyone. You can even pull one of your mom's friends aside and tell them that you are having loss of memory due to pregnancy and request that she help you out with names by nodding toward them or standing behind them. People want to do something for you, and sometimes money and gifts is all they know how to do. Just accept it (annoying as it may be!) and enjoy all your new baby items!!!

Just sit back and enjoy. my mother in law did the same when i had my daughter and it was only her friends. I felt weird about it at first but i tell you what, now, i see them and feel like i have more a connection and they love to see photos as the kiddos grow up. They are surrogate grandmas....:-)

Sorry to hear about your concerns. Please just be grateful. Sometimes its Gods will for other people to give than it is for the receiver. You will be helping them by being joyful and grateful. I promise!

baby showers are always good b/c that is where you get your big stuff. people understand that you haven't seen them in 2 years except for being one of the 20 ppl that hug you at christmas services, and maybe if you explain to you mom that you worried about mixing up the women she will help. my mom did! you could put everyone in a circle and she stands behind whoever the gift is from.

M., Relax and "don't look a gift horse in the mouth." You should appreciate what your mom and Grandma are doing for you. As other moms mentioned, the celebration is as much for them as it is for you. And guess what? The women attending know that you don't know them. They are older women and just enjoy getting out and having something to celebrate like a new life coming into the world. They've been there, done that! All that they will expect from you, is appreciation. They would not be attending unless they really wanted to. Women of that age already know exactly what they want and don't want to do. So if what they want is to go to your shower and bring much needed gifts for you and your baby, then be grateful.
Sit back, have a great day and enjoy all the wonderful gifts and free love.
L. K

Why don't you do name tags that way everyone there can get to know one another and you as well. I had my son the day of my shower so I did not get one with him and I wish I had. I did however get one for my daughter.

Let your Mom give it too you and just say a general thank you Coo over the gift as you open it and then at the end say a general thank you to all for coming and for all the beautiful gifts. Card to come later ( appoint someone to mark each gift and who it's from.) That's what I did and it worked. Every one knows I am lousy with names now, took a while but!!! hope this helps. KC

Keep your chin up, and be thankful that you have family that wants to bestow this wonderful opportunity on you. As far as not knowing people, appoint one of your friends to take a look at the gift card as you open a gift, and make a list with the name and cooresponding gift so you can properly thank them through thank you notes. Just give nods and general thank yous while opening the gifts and comments on how thoughtful or useful the items are, then you are gracious and it's covered!
Good luck and God Bless you and your family!

I feel your pain, sister!!! I HATE, HATE, HATE baby showers!!! Including my own. Having said that, the other gals are right. You are just gonna have to buck up and take it. The way I see it, if I have do it, so do you!!!!
On a personal note, I'd rather get a tooth yanked without novacain than go to a baby shower.
HAHAHA
M.:)

You might be uncomfortable but I would 'allow' your mom to do you this favor. Hey! You'll get some things you need for the new baby. :)

M., I can understand. My mom has a million friends and I don't. How about having everyone wear name tags to the shower? Since they are mixing friends from the bowling alley and church some of the ladies may not know each other. And it won't be just for your benefit! Allow your family to do this for you. Being around people that are happy for you can't be too bad!!

Well, remember that you are doing this as much as a gift to these women as you are doing it for yourself and be as gracious as possible. They just want to share some of the excitement of grandchildren/new babies and relive how they felt with their own kids.

So, be thankful. Try to enjoy yourself with the old folks. And ask your Mom to have everyone wear nametags so that you can more easily keep track of everyone :).

Make your poor momma happy! She's doing this for you but she is also doing it for her. Make her feel apart of this blessed time in your life, let her flaunt your tummy in front of her "gal pals". Believe it or not, you WILL torture your daughters the same way. Oh, the joys of parenting!

It brings tears to my eyes, the joy that your mom is experiencing....and it's through you. So be nice and let her get some of that glory! ...but then don't let her stress! LOL

I totally understand! Especially since you just had a girl 3 yrs ago, but I guess just thru it and all I can say is good luck. Hey--more gifts, huh?! :)

M.,
Your Mother and GrandMother love you and your baby. Just think how the ladies that love you and your family, (enough to throw you a baby shower) would feel if you didn't show up for the shower they so loving put together for you. Everyone can use some help when you bring a new baby into the house. So, if you don't really have any of your own friends, give these caring people a chance, maybe you will be suprised and find some new caring friends for you and your new baby.
That is a wonderful gift all by itself.
If you are worried about names, get Mom to sit with you when opening gifts to say the Thank You's for you. No Big Deal. I just think that if they care enough to put this together for you, you should be caring enough to go.

Relatives aren't suppose to give showers, especially your mother, her friends are the ones that would give you a shower. Your mother should give you a sip and see after the baby comes. Her friends come over to see you and the baby.

Just enjoy it!

These ladies want to do something nice for you...including the ladies that are coming. They are friends with your mom and want to be apart of it. And those ladies want to be included in ANYTHING that deals with a little baby.

Just tough it out, enjoy the presents you do get and be sure to say thank you. You don't need to know their names for that! If you are worried about thank you notes just send a basket with envelopes around with a pen and ask each person to write their address on an envelope and then make sure the person writing down all the gifts knows most everyone and you'll be good to go!

Someone wants to do something nice for you, and as in life...not everything is comfortable, but tough it out. Besides it's a short 2 hours in your long 9 month pregnancy. I think you can handle that.

Much luck!

Just be gracious, your mother wants to do this for you. Make the shower fun, enjoy it, the food will be good, and you can use the items you get for the baby, your mother's little girl she just loves you-let them do this for you.