34 answers

Should We Stop Giving Birthday Gifts to Extended Family?

Hi Moms,

I need your opinion on an issue that my husband and I are facing. My husband and I always remember the birthdays of his sisters and their kids. For the adults, we just mail a card, but for the kids (nieces and nephews) we usually mail them a card and a generous check. In the past year, not one of the kids has ever called and said thank you. And, when our son's birthday was 2 weeks ago, he got nothing-no call, no card, nada even though his birthday is around the same time as most of the other birthdays. I say that we should just stop sending these kids anything for their birthdays. My husband says we should ignore it and take the high road. What do you think?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for responding. We appreciate all of your input. This website is so great because you get to hear all perspectives. I should have been a little more clearer in that explaining that I never expected any money or gifts to be given to my son for his birthday. The nephews and nieces that we give $ to are all teenagers. They used to say thank you, but not anymore. A simple thank you from them would have been great, but no one takes the time to care enough to put in the effort (but, boy they sure cash those birthday checks right away)! I guess really, I'm more hurt because, no one called to say or send a card for my son's birthday especially since his one aunt and her husband who are my son's godparents and my son's birthday is the day right after his godmother/aunt's birthday.

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Sorry, but I agree with both of you. Yes it is best to just ignore it, because I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. However I would just send a card and/or no money or just send $5.00.

I have went through this, but I chose to ignore them totally.

Hi there. I would be irritated with the situation and would stop acknowledging the birthdays. You could always send a card but nothing else.

I would stop on the "gift" part, but continue with the card. They will appreciate you remembered when they are older.

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Do not stop giving those gifts unless its a financial burdon. If you do you are telling those kids that the only reason you are giving is to get something in return. I realize it is rude not to give a thank you! But look at the parents. They don't even call their nephew on his birthday.

1 mom found this helpful

We still give cards and gifts or money to our nieces and nephews, but when would send gifts to my girlfriends kids would take the money, never say or send a thank you, so after several years of that we just quit sending anything. She would'nt even call my kids on their B'day, let alone send a 99 cent card. It's sad that her kids were not taught to appreciate anything that they would get. My three kids sit down and write a thank you.

Hi there. I would be irritated with the situation and would stop acknowledging the birthdays. You could always send a card but nothing else.

I don't know what the right answer is, but I thought I would let you know you weren't alone. My son is spoiled so he doesn't need anyone else to send gifts, but last year we had family and freinds that didn't even call. That's rude especially when we go out of our way and can't afford it to make all their holidays special. I wonder where the point is of taking the high road and being walked on comes in. But, trully unless the children are older they have no control over what their parents do, so I have a hard time not buying for them. Just thought I'd let you know you weren't alone Iknow this wasn't much help.

Hi,

I do know exactly where you are coming from. My husbands famil is just like that. We give a card and money to the kids until 13 years of age. That is their last one. It is true about them not even acknowledging they even got a card plus never saying thank you. We don't remember the siblings of my husband with a card. He usually just calls them and say happy birthday. Although none of them call him. I don't have siblings so I don't have to worry about such stuff.

We adopted a little girl as an infant 3 years ago and my hubby's family (some) of them forget our daughter. I think it is because their children are old enough and oh well to them.

This is the best advice I can give you hope it will help!

M. Hall

i would say it depends on the ages of the kids, but you should give gifts if you want to not to expect a thank you even though that would be the polite thing for them to do.

We don’t give gifts expecting to receive anything back that means even on our birthday, child’s b-day or on any holiday. We give gifts out of love, use this great opportunity to teach your children just that. We don’t give expecting to receive back we give because we love the person/people we give to.

I know that not receiving even a thank you can hurt but remember that you did not give to get glory, you gave out of love. And be content in the fact that you are teaching your children to be good caring people. Remember you know what you did was right and out of love that should be the only validation you need.

Sorry, but I agree with both of you. Yes it is best to just ignore it, because I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around. However I would just send a card and/or no money or just send $5.00.

I have went through this, but I chose to ignore them totally.

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