Should We Share?

my husband works nights, so i never got any night time help from him, but i gave up feeling bad when our daughter cries during the day and wakes him up. parenting is never going to fit into your life in an easy way and it will include sacrifice from both of you. it is a HUGE job to be a sahm, and if your hubby looses a little sleep, so be it. never sell your feelings short or you will begin to resent them and your hubby, which is a slippery slope. chin up, you can do it!

1 mom found this helpful

You made the baby together, you need to sacrifice together.

so this is controversial & a lot of moms might say otherwise, but i will tell you what worked for me. i am a first-time single mom of a 3-month old, daddy left when i was 7 mos pregnant, so i never really had any help... i'm breastfeeding, & i eventually just started letting him sleep with me... when he wakes up, i just "plug him in" and he'll eat till he's full & doze back off... it's so much easier!! of course i get a lot of "you better not even start down that road, it'll take forever for him to learn to sleep on his own!!!" but in my mind the inconvenience of not getting the sleep i needed to be functional far outweighs the future inconvenience of teaching him to sleep in his own bed...we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.... if co-sleeping is not an option for you, here's something else you can try... get a cheap small bassinet that stands about bed-level (i found a collapsible one at burlington coat factory for $30) and push it right up next to your side of the bed... let her sleep there - if you can wake up right when she first starts grunting & sighing & start feeding her before she has a chance to start crying & get all worked up, she'll rock back to sleep much faster when she's done - then, too, you can touch her & talk to her when she just needs reassuring or needs her paci back... without getting out of bed!!! i hope some of this helps... good luck!!!

It is not just a job, it is your daughter, his daughter too. Bonding with her at night and spending time with her is an investment in her and their relationship together so dont feel guilty, let him share in it and let him be dad. I think if you talk to him about your feelings he will appreciate it and feel valued. Men need to be needed.

Look at it this way...when he's at his job, you are at yours. When he's home you're together as a family and share the job of child rearing. So, you both have a full time job and a part time job.

I have worked out of home and I have been a sahm. I think that SAHM is harder. Staying home all day with a baby can be emotionally and physically draining.

J.,

That is how I felt at first, but believe me with my husband's help the whole family benefited. Just tell your husband how you feel, and let him know he is a great Dad. He loves y'alls baby girl too, and he will be happy that he is of great help.

Good luck.

What you are feeling is guilty. Understandably. But, let him help. He may feel those nightime interuptions are his only time alone to bond with the baby. And you may not help him with his job but, does he work 24/7? No. Parenting takes everyone in the home. Its not easy so take a deep breath and enjoy. It does get better. Promise.

I know how you feel. But it's not a job it's ya'll little girl. I know I'm guilty of tell my husband that this is my job. I sure he feels guilty too when he sees you tired and unhappy. Just remember time will pass by so fast , cherish the time with your little one. If he gets up let him and if you need him ask him. If he helps that's great. My husband always got up with our daughter one his side of the bed is closest to the door and second he knew I was so tired at times. If he need me he would tell me. Just remember to show how greatful you are that he is will to get up. Do little things for him- put a little note in his lunch, leave a favorite candy in his car or anything you can think of. Hope this helps.
L.

Absolutely. Let go of the guilt. It took two to make that baby...and by the grace of God two shall take care of it. She IS your job (24/7, 365). You may not have to leave the house each day and you may not get paid monetarily, but your 'job' is far more demanding and important, which is why the reward will be much greater. Don't lessen your responsibility or contribution to the family. IF he is willing to participate and assist....by God, praise the man.
Good Luck!

When I had my son my husband worked from 4am to 5pm. What we worked out is I took care of the baby during the week during the day and at night. When my husband would come home in the afternoons and he seen I was tired then he would take the baby for a couple of hours while I napped before he had to go to bed to get up the next morning. He was off on the weekends so therefore he would have the baby all night and I would have the baby during the day. Having this routine I was able to get the rest I needed and my husband wasn't tired at work because he got the rest he needed. Hope you figure something out. If your husband gets up on his own to help then you shouldn't have a reason to feel guilty. He is doing it because he wants to and because he loves you. So welcome any help with open arms.