31 answers

Should Stay at Home Moms Expect Husbands to Help Around the House?

Just wondering if I am the only one that feels as they can't get ahead. I feel like by the time I get the kitchen cleaned from breakfast it is lunch time then time to start dinner then clean up after dinner. I spend most of my day in the kitchen. My son says mommy cleans the kitchen and daddy works. Then I can't get ahead ever with laundry and keeping the house clean. My house is a pretty good size so I do have a maid come once a month which helps a little. My husband is Nooo help. He wears suits to work so I decided when he throws them on the floor they r going to the dry cleaner. Well after having a huge dry clean bill he realized I wasnt haniging it up anymore. He gets upset and says he works all day and the house is my job. I understand that he does work but my job starts when I wake up and doesnt end until 11 at night. I feel like he should help a little. He doesnt even put his clothes in the hamper or shoes in the closet. What should I expect my husband to do? Am i being ridiculous. I am very fortunate and hate to complain when some people don't get to stay home with their kids but on the other hand I think going to work might be easier then i have an argument that I work too. I feel like I am always so busy that I don't spend enough quality time with the kids when we r home. It is not like I try to keep my house spotless I just want it picked up and clean. Before naps and bedtime my kids help pick up toys. I am trying to train them early so I don't have to be busy like this forever. I also feel like I never get time to do what I want to do. My husband offers to take the kids a few hours while I go do something but I end up using that time to get projects done around the house.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Yes! I was a SAHM for the last 4 1/2 year. Hubby will vacuum, take out the trash, cut the grass (or I will too for exercise). He helps with the dishwasher, folds clothes, bathes the kids, etc. I used to think he didn't help much but actually he pulled me then I thought LOL. I was baby sitting while I was at home. Now I work part time outside of the house. Plus we have a new dog and hubby has to help or things won't get done.

Sounds like you have gotten some pretty good advice. I am just writing to tell you that i too have the same problem. He hubby makes a bigger mess then my son, I think and thinks I should be cleaner. I try not to let it bother me anymore and just remember to do what is necessary and don't sweat teh small stuff. Good luck, I am going to take some of the advice you got too!

Yes, he should help. I wish my husband did more than he does... but he does help. He prefers to do outside chores (so I still watch the baby :). I had a maid before he moved in & he said we didn't need it because there are 2 of us. I am a SAHM not maid.

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No you are not ridiculous, I have been married 31 years, ever since 17yrs old, i am not 48, I was the stay at home mom, & am now the stay at home wife, although i am caring for my elderly mom. My 2 sons have grown up now and live on their own, however, my stay at home mom job description was similar to yours, tonight we just had an argument over the fact that "HE works 8 hrs& I don't, why don't I pick up HIS underwear from the floor,"
"Really?!!" where was it written that in my "job discription" after having 1. raised 2 sons & assisting my husband build his VERY PROFESSIONAL career that "my MASTERS career" would simply remain as an underwear picker upper. What, is he incapable to pick up his own underwear when he's changing it? No! Wow!!! My suggestion to you is: No you are not ridiculous, and as long as you request his assistance in a respectful manner BY ALL MEANS have him help you around the house despite the fact that he "works outside the home" it hopefully will prevent what happened in my house this evening, they become accustom to not helping out around the house & even expect you to continue handling most things around the house.

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First, check out http://flylady. net/ It has been a lifesaver for helping me stay on top of housework. Instead of spending time wandering around the house thinking about how much I have to do I now get it done in 15 minute segments.

My children are 4 and 6.5. They are homeschooled. "homework" as we call it is a major part of their life education skills curriculum. They help with laundry (folding, hanging small items, putting away their clothes and communal things..); putting dishes away, setting and clearing the table, scraping plates; sweeping the porch; some simple vacuuming (like under the table after crumbly snacks or meals); etc. All of these tasks they started as soon as they were able. It has taken years for them to become efficient but it has been well worth the effort I took when they were toddlers and preschoolers teaching them how to fold washclothes, showing them how to scrape a plate, etc. Toddlers are very willing to help and become quite capable quickly if you show them how to do a task.

As for husbands, I think it depends so much on their work schedules. When my husband was working an 8-5 day M-F he helped with cleaning on the weekends or made dinner on Sundays, etc. When he was out of town 5-6 days a week I did practically everything even paying bills, etc. I still do the bulk of that work because since he spends so little time comparatively with his kids I would rather that he take them to the pool or to the park or just hang out and draw with them than spend time doing laundry, etc. However if everyone in a house is responsible for his own clothes getting in the right place or hanging up bath towels or whatever it just makes things go much more smoothly. I am not a hotel maid and I expect that my husband will at least do what I expect of the kids- put his clothes where they belong, take care of his personal belongings, etc.

best wishes. Victoria

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You have every right to expect a little help. I also stay home with an 18 month old and a 3 year old and I'm 7 1/2 mos pregnant. I approach housework as I will get done what I have time to get done, and the rest will just have to wait. I quit beating myself up about it. As far as the hubby goes, mine would be living on the front lawn if he behaved that way. I told him the day we got married, I am not your mama and I am not your maid. Do not ever expect that I will walk behind you picking up your messes. As a grown man, he needs to learn where the dirty clothes basket is and how to hang a suit in the closet. It's not that hard. My husband knows I get more done before noon than he will all day at work. And he gets an hour of solitude in the car every morning and every evening. I don't even get to pee alone. There are certain tasks in the house that I refuse to do... mow the lawn, take out the trash, bathe the dog. Aside from that my husband has adopted bathing the kids at night (most nights), doing his and my laundry (I do the kids) and helping to teach the kids to pick up their toys before bed. Right now because I am pregnant I am getting more help than that because I am big and tired and need more help. But what I have listed are the things that he is responsible for regularly. There is no reason your husband can't help out. Bathing the kids and the dog came from necessity because I have a bad back, but my hubby started helping with stuff when I quit doing it. He needed clean underwear and when he whined to me about it, I told him where he could find the washer. He got tired of stepping on toys and hurting his feet so he started teaching the girls to pick up. If something is low on my priority list, but it's something he wants done now... it becomes his job. And if he wants to eat dinner tonight, he certainly won't complain about it or we will be eating hot dogs.... again.

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I am thinking you need a little acknowledgement. It seems typical for a lot of husbands to forget to recognize and thank spouses for what they are doing--stay at home or not. It is hard to figure out how to kindly bring this up. I find when we both acknowledge each others roles it makes it easier to start working on a plan to share some responsibilities. Also, I feel less angry and frustrated when my husband acknowledges my hard work. I struggle with similar issues but this is my strategy.

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Hi C..
Lots of good advice has been given by other moms,
but I want to toss another thought on the pile too:
Your kids will learn by the example their parents exhibit.
If hubby never helps, kids are likely to think they may not need to do more than work outside the home too (especially your son).

I want my kids to be SELF sufficient, not reliant on a partner's presence. Therefore, it's become important to
make sure my 16 year old son understands how to cook, how to wash his clothes (he started getting that job when he began to complain of my own method) and FINALLY how to get his own self up in the morning. (though his gf calls his cell to assist him with that, it's between them, not me).
He also does his own mending (and offers to do mine too)
and when he wants something ironed, he does that.

My fiance lived without a partner until he was 39. He's USED to doing everything himself. After being a single mom for 18 years, I was READY to let him, so awhile. He still irons his own shirts daily, and randomly washes dishes and cooks dinner. I like the example he sets for my son.

I agree with moms who suggest YOUR priorities shift too.
Time with kids is the most important. The mess will still be there. (and then you'll look fondly on the those toddler sized hand prints on the wall).

When my son's room looked like a tornado hit it,
I shut the door. When his friends came over, and there was no room for them in there, HE felt it was time to do something about it. It works well for us. (again, he's a LOT older than your kids)
When he was little, I worked the same method, but when it got too deep it became, "you clean it, or I will" and I used a trash bag. Once. That never happened again.

Baby steps mama!

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My husband cleans the tubs, washes mirrors and cleans the ceiling fans. He also helps to pick up toys from our 2 and 4 year olds and washes dishes when he makes breakfast on Saturdays... We had a long talk and I told him that if he does those few things they'll be no complaints from me unless I really need help with something.
My husband travels a lot and has a home office and I stay at home.

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Wow! I've never been a stay at home mom and am no longer married...but when I was-I worked 60 hours a week and went through the same thing with my hubby. I'd say if the house is "your responsibility", he needs to meet you halfway. I mean, you put in so many hours-with the kids and cleaning/cooking and they're only so many hours in a day..Tell him that he could make it a little more efficient for you by putting things in the proper place too. That way you have some time for yourself-which everyone needs! I hope it helps.

One mom said kids learn by example and sheis EXACTLY RIGHT! My b/f's dad never did ANYTHING to help his mom and now that attitude has rubbed off on him and he does very little (ok pretty much nothing) Now my situation is a litte different because I work 50 hours a week then come home to clean the house, do laundry, tae out trash,cook and entertain my 20mo old all at the same time. I'vebegged him for help and explained that times have changed buddy and he needs to help before I pass out and die of ehaustion (i work on the beach in the sun all day no less) and so he at least picks up after himself for the most part but everytime I push for more help he jsut says "well I do more than my dad did! What more do you want from me"
To men it seems so simple because they don't do it all day long- and time spent with kids should be fun but it IS work.
What you shoudl do is Print all your responses and let hm read them -let him see how narrow minded he is being by thinking you are his maid and his mother verses his wife and mother to his children.
@}~>~~

I think it's ridiculous that your husband can't put his clothes in the hamper and pick up after himself. He should at least do things he would have to do if he was single. A bachelor would have to clean up his kitche at least once a week, do his laundry, and pick up his belongings. You are not expecting too much of your husband. Marriage is a partnership as is running a house. Tell him how you feel, but don't tell him what to do. Tell him how you feel, and ask him for ideas of what he thinks he could do to help you out. Go with whatever he says. I've had a quote on my refrigerator since I joined MOPS when my oldest was 1. It says,"Cleaning the house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." Don't let housework keep you from playing with your children and enjoying every day with them. They'll be in school before you know it.
A.

Wow! Seriously?! You put up with your hubby treating you like a maid??! To me, that is totally disrespectful. How old is he? Did he ever live on his own? What kind of example is he setting for his kids? Showing his son that men don't have to respect their wives and showing his daughter that her role as a wife is not as an equal partner, but as a servant. Sad.

Yes! My hubby helps - a lot! He's a neat freak and he lived on his own for a long time before we were married. Before the kids came along, we both took care of the house. Then I stayed home to Take Care Of The Kids, not to become his maid or a house servant! Here's something to think about: what you allow, you encourage. Allow your husband to leave his stuff on the floor so that you can pick it up -- then you have encouraged him to do so. You have to retrain that man -- AND YOURSELF.

I suggest letting him that you are feeling overwhelmed and resentful, and from now on, he will have to be responsible for picking up his own clothes and shoes. Then STOP doing it. Also you need to let some of the cleaning go and start enjoying your time with the kids. Kids grow up so fast - don't miss it. Stop being a perfectionist about the kitchen. Are you holding yourself to some kind of 'cleaning standard' for yourself or for someone else? Why?? If it 'looks clean' isn't that good enough? When hubby offers to take the kids for a couple of hours, go out with a friend or something!! Start making simple meals and use your crockpot for dinner. You will never look back at your life and think - gosh, I wish I had kept my house cleaner. And you don't want your kids to say about you - well, my mom didn't play with us much, but boy, our house was always clean.

PS Look at flylady.net to find time saving tips and how to organize your cleaning schedule. Although it is perfect for people who are living with a messy house & CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome), it's also a great resource for perfectionists or anyone in between.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Yes, stay at home moms should expect husbands to help!!! Watch Clean House on the Style Network. There's one husband that thought exactly the way your husband thinks and Niecy Nash, the host, put him in his place. She said something to the effect he has a second job at home, which is taking care of the house, his wife, and the children. He helped make the children, he needs to help raise the children too. I hope you knock some sense into him. Thank God, my husband doesn't think like that.

I hear ya, sista!

Someone sent me an internet story once, something about "there is nothing a woman hates more than to see a man doing nothing". So true! When I see my husband plopped in front of the TV after work playing video games, it is absolutely enranging, especially when I am running around like a madwoman getting dinner ready, taking care of kids, cleaning up, etc.

You got some good advice from the other women. Changing a man's attitude is tough, especially if he's not open to it. Your husband may or may not respond to you sitting down and laying out what needs to be done and have him choose a few things to own. A "honey do" list works well for my husband. They are task-oriented and like to "tick" things off. Another option is to have him take the kids off to the park or something while you spend a good 2 hours getting stuff done without interruption.

Of course, there is the problem you mention about not getting to spend enough time with the kids yourself. I understand completely, because I am also a p/t freelance writer. It seems I spend most of the day cleaning up or trying to get some writing done. Some days I don't ever feel like I got to sit on the floor and just play with my kids. :(

I am considering making up a family schedule and putting in slots of time for everything. I'll include time for housework as well as simply playing with the kids and for writing. Daddy time with kids and Family cleaning are also slots I'm considering to put in. It's amazing how much my husband and I can get done when we both just focus on housework for 1 hr. The house looks amazing (well, relatively speaking) and I feel so much more attracted to my husband! (that's a bonus you can throw at him, if you know what I mean ;) )

It's not just about whether your house is clean or not-- it's about quality of life for the whole family, a healthy marriage, and a happy mom. Certainly that's worth your hubby stepping up to help out more, isn't it?

GREAT ADVICE.
We always make time for what we feel is important so just change your priorities..... before it is too late. Get organized, list the things you want to achieve in a day, in a week, set goals and keep to it. Make it happen. YOU can do it.

C., I felt like I was reading from my life. I too feel like there is not enough time in the day for everything that needs to be done. I did assign my husband two jobs around the house. Taking out the garbage (which I end up doing anyways) and taking the laundry out to the washer (he's supposed to bring the clean stuff in too). When he runs out of clean socks and he hasn't taken the laundry out then it's his fault. I told him at one point that I am not his mother and it is not my responsibility to dress him. We still have mornings where he doesn't have stuff to wear (socks, shirts etc.) because the laundry wasn't taken out or brought in and he storms around the house. He does help on the weekends, but he is a surface cleaner and I have to go back and finish the jobs anyways. He doesn't understand why it will take me an hour to clean the kitchen (because he surfaced cleaned everything right under the microwave/toaster etc.). He doesn't clean up the spills down the counters or scrub the top of the stove etc. Of course by the time I'm done with one room the rest of the house is strewn with toys, clothes etc. I now have one day a week where I don't clean and spend the day with the kids. If he doesn't like it then tough! I know I'm tired of trying to be superwoman. So, to answer your question...YES, they should help around the house. Good luck.
G.

Hi, I do not feel like you are being ridiculous. Being a stay at home Mom is a full time job. Yes, you should expect your grown up husband to pick up after himself. Just because he works outside the house doesn't excuse him from helping to maintain the household. I'm a RN and work the weekend 2dys 12hr shift. Believe me, I love my 9mo daughter, but I do feel that sometimes it is easier going to work. Plus, it gives my husband a chance to step into my shoes. He gets a taste of what I do as a stay at home mom... caring for our beautiful baby girl the rest of the week.
Maybe you should make a deal with your husband for Mother's Day. Ask him to take off work and watch the children for a couple days. Sch. his time with the kids for approx. the same amount of time that he is at work. Then, I believe he will appreciate you and what you do for the family.

Yes, he should help. I wish my husband did more than he does... but he does help. He prefers to do outside chores (so I still watch the baby :). I had a maid before he moved in & he said we didn't need it because there are 2 of us. I am a SAHM not maid.

Yes, SAHM's still need help with maintaining the house. Sure, you take care of the kids during the day and not let the house turn into a cyclone, but overall some of the bigger stuff (like piling laundry) can be shared, or at least he can care for the kids in the evening while you get a little time to do some of that.

I'm not so sure you are going to be able to easily change your husbands ways of throwing his stuff around, but maybe you can solicite help in areas that he might not mind? There must be at least one thing you are currently taking care of that you could have him do, which frees that time up for something else. OR another idea might be to take a few minutes one day when he is with the kids to come up with an organizational schedule for yourself, such as laundry on a certain afternoon or errands on a certain morning. This may save time and frustration. To reduce your time in the kitchen why not start using paper plates for kids lunches and less 'messy' breakfasts.... anything you can think of to cut down on clean-up time. If meal-prep is the time culprit, start making meals in advance and freezing them (maybe do cooking one day a week...and store all of them!) or look into one of those meal prep companies that help reduce dinner cooking time???

It's very sad to miss out on so much fun stuff, hanging out and enjoying time with your kids just because the kitchen needs to be cleaned! ACK! Maybe just let some things go and just spend more time with the kids! If the cleaning person came once a week or every two weeks would that be something you could do? If you are spending so much time cleaning up after Hubby, maybe he should pay for the cleaning lady to be there more often.....

It's a tough thing to battle.... there is an excellent paperback book by Karen Pryor called 'Don't Shoot the Dog' and it is all about how to train ANY animal, even humans and husbands to do anything you want, without fighting or forcing.... definately get it :-)

In short, YES.

At the bare minimum he ought to be picking up after himself instead of leaving his cast off clothing trailing after him like so many breadcrumbs.

When I was pregnant my husband kept saying things about how after the baby came and I was staying home I would have so much more time to keep the house clean. He came home one night when our son was a few months old and asked what was for dinner. I yelled at him that I hadn't even had a chance to use the bathroom for the last three hours, let alone make dinner (with WAY more profanity). Anyway, long story short I quit. I stopped running around after him cleaning up his little trails of clothing and dishes and puddles of water. Didn't even TRY anymore. It didn't take him long to get the point and while he isn't perfect (as the pizza boxes on the dining room table this morning can attest) he is much better.

Should husbands (or spouses who work) help around the house? ABSOLUTELY!!!!

I work full-time & my husband stays home with our 2 yr old. He cooks, does dishes (although I do dinner dishes). He does laundry- I put my clothes away, & does his, it depends whoever is available who does the baby's. That goes for cleaning her room too. He vacuums & cleans the floors. Who ever has the time & energy does the rest of the stuff around the house. Landscaping is more my area- but the big stuff we both do. (flower beds/ mulching) lawn guys do the hedges and mowing. If my husband has time- he bathes the baby during the day. If not I do it after dinner. I do the night time routine of getting her to bed.

It is a partnership. If he doesn't want his suits to go to the dry cleaner he should hang them up.

Some of it has to do with finding a happy medium, of what he is willing to do.

It may sound drastic- but marital couseling may be helpful, esp. with seeing each other's side. Especially if you are at your witts end with this.

Absolutely not, Tell that uninvolved husband of yours that you are not a maid. You are his equal and what you do all day is more than he does in a lifetime. If he thought the dry cleaning bill was bad would he rather have a daycare bill for $1000 a mo. and a fulltime maid while your working outside the home. He does not realize how good he has it he has an around the clock nanny/maid and only has to pay room and board to you are his life organizer, the person he vents to, Tell him you would like to do a mock outside work life for a month, Go buy cute work outfits, put the kids in daycare for a month, go out to lunch, then show up at dinner time and ask where the food is and why the house isn't clean.Let's see if his suit can do that.

Yes! I was a SAHM for the last 4 1/2 year. Hubby will vacuum, take out the trash, cut the grass (or I will too for exercise). He helps with the dishwasher, folds clothes, bathes the kids, etc. I used to think he didn't help much but actually he pulled me then I thought LOL. I was baby sitting while I was at home. Now I work part time outside of the house. Plus we have a new dog and hubby has to help or things won't get done.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is so much more to be picked up at this age. The kids will get older and atart going to school and there will be less to pick up. You are not unreasonable to expect your husband to put his suits in the closet, and his shoes in the closet. Try to llighten your load a little too. Give the kids cereal bars for breakfast with a juice box once in a while. Give the kids lunchables for lunch once in a while. You do not have to cook 3 meals a day and clean the kitchen after 3 meals a day. Give yourself a little more room to enjoy the kids while they are still young. Good Luck. And remember something I read on someone's front door. Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing. Your kids are only young once and if everything is not done today there is always tomorrow, but enjoy your kids before they are grown.

Sounds like you have gotten some pretty good advice. I am just writing to tell you that i too have the same problem. He hubby makes a bigger mess then my son, I think and thinks I should be cleaner. I try not to let it bother me anymore and just remember to do what is necessary and don't sweat teh small stuff. Good luck, I am going to take some of the advice you got too!

I am a SAHM too, and I homeschool my children as well. I used to get so upset with my husband from not helping around the house. But the angrier I got with him, the more I pushed him away. There is never an easy solution to this age old problem. But sometimes you can find ways through it. Always talk to your husband when you are not angry. Calm and cool is the best way to approach a problem. Then explain your problem and ask him for one thing. If he could just..... you would greatly appreciate it and it would help you out. If he say yes, it may take a while to get the hang of it, give him time or he will refuse if you nag him. If he says no, give him time to come around as well. Men are not heartless, but we all go into marriage with preconceived notions about what we think the "husbands job is" and the "wife's job is". My husband and I didn't discuss this until we were 5 years in and I was stunned at his answer. Bring home income, his job. Everything else, my job! Not exactually rational, but this was how he was thinking. So we worked on changing it. We have now been married for 14 years, and he finally gets his dirty underwear in the hamper, not his shorts yet, but I will take what I can get. He also started putting his dishes in the dishwasher! This was huge for him, and doesn't always make it there, but again I will take what I can get. He also started mowing the grass and cleaning up outside. Fighting and getting mad at him was not the answer, accepting him where he is at and letting God change the rest was the answer. I hope this helps.

I'm sure a lot of moms have been or are in your position and you will get lots of feedback. Of course a man should help out, even if to just pick up after himself. I have one 18mo old and when I'm cleaning up after my hubby, I say I have two kids. He was really bad for a long while and didn't realize what a burden it is on us. He is much better now even though I still have to do things here and there. Two things happened, once I had enough and lost it breaking down in tears, he realized what was going on. Also, there was a time where he was regressing to his old ways and I decided not to clean up after him for a change....even my stuff I left hanging out. Until one day he asked what was going on since he likes an organized home. I explained that if he didn't clean up, why should I? There is only so much you can do. You are a mother and a wife...not a maid. Not everything has to be spotless all the time. There are days where time with the kids outweigh the mess in the house. Also, after a certain time of the night I just stop. Our lives change so drastically after kids are born. I hope you find solace in knowing many women struggle through similar situations. Good luck finding a solution!

yes, he needs to help. His way of thinking is archiac and ridiculous. Now bringing him around to this idea will be difficult. At the VERY least, tell him he is responsible for his stuff. Part of his work is wearing clothes and suits, so that is his responsiblitly. Tell him if he needs them clean and ironed, he does it from now on. Then really stop doing it! It shouldn't take long. This by itself should take a big load off of you. Go to Sams or BJs and buy paper plates, cups and sliverware. This will reduce your kitchen time. I think it is really sad that your son said that. I work full time and my house is a disaster. I only do dishes and laundry, nothing else gets done! I still do those only when my hubby is with the kids. If he isn't around, I'm playing with them and I leave stuff for after they go to bed. I know many people think being home with your kids is best, but only if done right. If you are cleaning constantly, they would be better off in school where they could be playing and learning things. So utilize the stay at home gift you have and clean up breakfast and lunch after lunch? Doing that and the paper products should help lessen your time there. Be specific about what you want your hubby to do besides his own laundry. Say hunny, please change the kids sheets this weekend and wash them. Don't just say you need him to help out, way to vauge! Also don't come at him with a big list, he will feel resentful about that and more likely to blow it off. We all feel so overwhelmed, I feel that way every day! One day maybe one of us can win the lottery!

C.,
Alot of us have been where you are. Hang in there, it gets better and easier.
Although I work at home now, I'm still considered a SAHM. We've always had the understanding that the kid/s and house are my job. In that order.(Just know that part of the bargain is, I don't mow the lawn!) So the housework may fall by the wayside sometimes.(I never claimed to be the best housekeeper in the world.) You just have to let the little things go. And I don't mean not do any chores- I mean you can put some things aside for later. Like the breakfast dishes don't HAVE to be done after breakfast. Pick and choose what is most important and get to the other things when you can. I'm not saying your husband shouldn't pick up after himself either. You may have to sit him down and explain what you expect (or would appreciate) of him. Do that before you freak out and lose it. Which is what ends up happening eventually!
I think you are doing great by trying to teach the kids early too. Maybe you can integrate hubby into that as well by claiming 10 minutes in the evening as a quick family clean up party. Dad gets his stuff, kids get the toys in baskets or whatever you use.
It might be helpful to remember that any "job" has its stresses at times. So just try to remember that you are fortunate to be able to stay home, with 2 kids, in a nice home. And then smile about it! Before you know it, the kids will be in school and the PTA will have you running ragged volunteering in 9 different directions and you'll look for excuses to get back home to laundry duty! LOL
Another good therapy is to find a Moms club group. That'll give you a standing date once or twice a week that you won't want to miss. And not just for the kids playdate but for the therapy of chatting with other women in similar situations. I used to always feel better after our "playdates". Best wishes!

Absolutely! I have a husband that does the exact same thing but I actually have 3 jobs outside the house but on the weekends ( i work from home on fridays if i choose)I'm still expected to do all the laundry, make sure the house, and kitchen and dishes are clean. He had the nerve to say to me one day "well I wish I had 3 days off.." I quickly reminded him that I NEVER have a day off. If I'm not at work outside the house I'm doing nothing but working in the house. Men don't understand that "keeping house" and children is a full time job. I've had friends tell me to either take a week off and take a vacation without him and kids.(if you have the luxury of having parents close by) Or try going on Strike for a while and stop picking up after him and washing his clothes and dishes and cooking for him. If he doesn't have clean clothes tell him "they weren't in the laundry" other friends have suggested just tossing stuff in the trash cans outside if things are not how you asked.
He needs to wake up.(maybe do that show Wifeswap)He needs to at least help with his clothes. And "sometimes" with the kids is not good enough. He is an adult is he not? You have to communicate and if you have tried that already then the situation may call for more drastic
measures. He needs to treat you as an equal partner and not a door-mat! If he doesn't want to do what it takes to raise a family why did he make that choice in the first place? You are his spouse not his servant. Stay positive and strong. Maybe make a schedule for household chores or dinner responsibilities. If he is unwilling to help maybe you should try it on your own. There is always child-support and part-time work...(just a thought)Hope you get the results you want and good luck!

LOL Honey I don't think there is a mother around that has not had this experience even if they were working moms and not stay at home moms, which is a working mom also.

I call it a MOMMY STRIKE. Simply stop doing so much. If you don't no matter how you try you will be a crutch for them all their whole lives. They all need to learn to take care of themselves the kids as they grow and hubby starting today. Now this isn't to say you won't do things for each other, you will but it has to be more balanced.

As for his laundry as he drops it LEAVE IT or pile it in his chair. If he complains put them in a trash bag set them out by the trash and tell them they are sceduled for a pick up, obviously he is out during the day and can drop them off at the cleaners himself. Don't forget to reward him when he does something right. Hugs N. http://tinyurl.com/ofpq2k

When my kids were your kids age, I tried to do it all - and thought I should/could both when I was working and when i was a sahm... The thing is, no one person can do it all. We are, after all, just one person who is pulled in a multitude of different directions - taxi driver, launderer, cook, mother, wife, maid... I could go on and on. After a while of trying to do it all, I got resentful and burned out. I finally had to talk to my husband. We decided to split a few of the things that I knew he could help with - i.e. he made day care lunches when I was working. Now he helps by taking out the garbage, walking the dog, shares in cooking dinner (he was on laundry sharing duty but I fired him LOL!) The key is to sit down with your hubby and voice your need for his help. Don't let it get to anger and resentment - he can't read your mind. YOu can start with asking him to hang up clothes and/or take his own clothes to the dry cleaner. You can even add that you can save money on dry cleaning bills by him hanging things up. Make him responsible for his part. If he doesn't hang them up, then he has to be responsible for the dry cleaner. I had a hard time asking for help at first because I felt I should/could do it all and didn't want to burden him after his long day and I thought I was failing if I didn't do it all but simply put, we put in a full day just as he does going to the office. It's okay to ask for help and if you sit down and explain your needs. before being upset about it all, then you might find that he really can understand as long as you can come to a meet in the middle spot... Good luck. Communication is key and don't make yourself a door mat. One more thing, you would be amazed but your children can help too! My daughter and son started helping at your kids age. Kids will do what you empower them to do and believe it or not, they enjoy helping AND it is a way to spend time together. Have your 3 year old help you put away clothes. Have your 18 month old help fold towels or sort socks. Your 3 year old can also help you set the table and clear condiments from the table after supper... and both can help you clean up clothes. Think about things you can do together. Good luck!!!

ABSOLUTELY!!! First off, not only should HE be helping around the house, but he is a grown man and should be cleaning up after himself! And you DO have a job! You might not get paid money for it - but being a stay at home mom even with 1 child is a job.

If I cook dinner, my husband (usually) cleans up. If he cooks, I clean up. We take turns on bath night. He was not helping with laundry... the deal was that I sort, wash & dry and he fold & put away. After having to fluff the clothes in the dryer every load to get the wrinkles out, I ended up folding them & putting them in a basket on his side of the bed. HINT, HINT! But no! They would sit in the basket for days & days until I put them away. So now he does his laundry & I do the rest. I still don't feel it is balanced but we have to choose our battles wisely! lol

I definitely feel your pain! I have a large house, 3 girls (14,7,18 mons), a husband, a large dog & 3 cats. My 18 month old helps the most!

I too, take any "free time" to get caught up on the house, laundry or other "non-me" things.

I think you need to sit down with your hubby & talk about it. Tell him... I do work, Motherhood is one of the hardest jobs on the planet! (We all know that most men couldn't do it!) And that you both agreed you'd be a stay at home mom - Not a slave to the house. He should keep up after his things & split the evening parenting duties.

Good luck!

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