M.S. asks from Sammamish, WA on January 09, 2009
Should I Try for a 3Rd?
Dear moms. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I have 2 wonderful daughters, 5 and 2. Right after I had my 2nd child I had this urge of trying for a 3rd one (a boy). But now, that urge has gone away. I'm really enjoying now. My girls are getting older and it's getting easier. I know my husband still wants a boy. I feel I'm happy right now with 2 girls but part of me is feeling I'm being selfish. I want him to be able to do some boy things with our son like how I enjoy doing some girly things with our daughters! Some people tell me I shouldn't do it just for my husband only and he can still do boyish things with the girls. But it's still different! My heart feels I should try for another one but I'm not 100% sure. Besides, family of 4 seems to go better with a lot of things, like getting a table in the restaurant, vacation package and stuff like that. I think I'm thinking too much. The other thing is, there's no garantee we'll have a boy. So, if we really want to have a boy we'll probabloy have try alternative ways. I don't know...I really don't know what's right and what I really want...I'm so confused. So, for the wise moms out there, I would really appreciate for any advice on what I should do and what are some natural ways to have a boy. Thank you for all your help!
So What Happened?™
I'm so thankful to have so many wise moms replying to my concern. All the advice are so valuable to me and I really thank you all from the bottom of my heart! I'm going to have a hear-to-heart talk with my hubby about it. I'll let you know how it goes!
D.F. answers from Spokane on January 10, 2009
I don't know what your beliefs are, but this sounds like something you need to commit to prayer. This is such a big decision. Ask for God to help you make this decision together as a couple. Ask Him to guide you to the right decision for both of you and your family. This is something that you both need to be on the same page about. Make sure that you have all the communication necessary so that neither of you are jumping to any conclusions about the other. You are wise to consider other avenues to get a boy, if that is what you desire. Maybe your prayer could consist of opening your eyes and mind to the other alternatives available that both you and your husband feel good and at peace about. By doing this it may help make the decision for you. Either you’ll both love the idea or realize that you have the family that you want right now. Maybe your husbands’ heart will change and he will feel content with the family that you have now and/or using his desire to do “boy things” with other boys who so desperately need a male figure in their lives. Don't automatically think that it is your heart that needs to change, but also don't think that it is your husbands either. You are wise to realize that this isn't something to just decide on a whim. Continue to be honest with yourself and with your husband about your desires. If it is your heart that needs to change, ask for God to change it for you. He will if it needs to be. He can also change your husbands’ heart if that is what is best for your family. Trust Him. He’ll direct your path. May God continue to bless your family no matter what the decision!
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M.P. answers from Portland on January 10, 2009
I think the big question is: do you (or your husband) want a boy badly enough to have 3 girls?
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J.S. answers from Seattle on January 10, 2009
Dear M. - Don't spend one second thinking about what others think, or getting a table at a restaurant, or money, or any of those other superficial and trivial things. This is up to you and your husband, and you are deciding whether or not to bring another human being into existence. Appearances and what others think has no place in that discussion.
We were planning on having 4 or 5 kids, kind of in an unspoken way, but after our first two (who are 2 yrs 2 mos apart) we moved out here and I was happy with where we were. No more diaper bag, sleeping through the night, etc. But there was still that expectation of having more that kept me thinking. Well, we did have our third, almost 4 years after #2, and we couldn't be happier with our new family. Now I'm thinking again - have a 4th soon for our 3rd to play with? Or wait a while again? Or might we be done? (I can't quite imagine not being pregnant again I love it so much, but I could see our current family as complete, so who knows!!)
Long story short, you have time to get the feeling back, if that's what you're waiting for, and if you don't want to wait - well, get yourself pregnant and I guarantee when you see that little wrinkled face you'll have no more doubts!
Blessings on your deliberations!
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R.S. answers from Portland on January 10, 2009
Having a girl or boy doesn't mean they will be into the stereotype activities that you both imagine doing with them. Suppose you do go ahead and have another baby and suppose you actually get a boy, what makes you think he'll enjoy sports or ruffing around with you husband?
I know a woman who has one boy and four girls. They were hoping for another boy. The funny thing is that only the boy (who's the oldest) is quiet and into handcrafts. The girls are wild, active, and not able to sit still very long.
It's who the children are and their personalities that are important. I have two boys and they are completely different, but wonderful. Continue to enjoy what you have and let your husband embrace the two healthy children you have.
W.C. answers from Seattle on January 10, 2009
What does your husband want? Have you asked him? Four is nice, but I always say in a circle there is always room for one more.
My daughter is the outdoor, sports oriented, tough, although slim and good looking one, while my son is the bookish, thoughtful, minister. But spent hours outside as children and have generous hearts and minds. So you never know what you will get.
Good luck in making your decision.
L.N. answers from Portland on January 10, 2009
I just wanted to say that it really sounds like you do not want to have a third. That's what your words say. And it's best not to force another child into the mix if it's not what you want. Keep communicating with your husband about this, but do keep close to what you want from your family life.
A.C. answers from Seattle on January 10, 2009
I have two girls also and was wanting another (boy) but my husband did not want another for all kinds of reasons. My girls do boy things with dad like camping and fishing. I want them to be girly girls be not be afraid of all the fun outdoor stuff. I feel that a girl should be taught that they can do anything that they put their mind to. Just the other day my daughter (age 9)and I were without my husband on a trip and I got stuck in the snow. I had to put on chains and she helped me. I had never put chains on before and she felt so proud that we did not need help from anyone else.
So my point is that you shoulnt have another baby unless you are both ready for it and that your husband can do all kinds of boy things with the girls. And that will give the girls and dad a very special bond.
Sorry one more thing, I think this is funny, my husband is going to take our girls to a bull riding thing this spring. I told him I am not going but he and the girls are going to make a day of it.
hope this helps and good luck
K.H. answers from Portland on January 11, 2009
You have to decide what's most important. Is your husband's desire to have a boy greater than your desire to not have another child? Is your husband gonna be happy with 3 even if the 3rd is a girl?