One of my best friends has been trying to get pregnant with her 3rd for a couple months now. She has had 2 miscarriages and is now waiting the 3 month time frame before trying again. I think she has about 2 months left. Now I am 6 weeks pregnant. I haven't really told anyone yet, but I'm wondering how I should go about telling her? On the one hand I could wait until she gets pregnant but I would be in my 4th month by then. I just don't want to offend her by keeping it a secret from her for so long. I also don't want to tell her before she gets pregnant because I know even though she will be happy for me it will sting for her. So what would you do? Wait or tell her soon?
I would wait a few weeks. I usually wait until about 10-12 weeks before telling anyone. I know it will likely be awkward telling her! I agree with Becca, casually tell her on a lunch date around the same time you plan on telling everyone. Good luck to both of you!
I found out i was pregnant about 2 weeks after a friend of mine miscarried at 12 weeks. I didn't tell her or anyone for that fact until I was past my first trimester, because it hit so close to home. She actually asked me and I told her. She's happy for me - and sad all at the same time. She continually supports and asks how things are going with my pregnancy and I continue to share - but probably not as much as i would have.
honest, open, & up front....you're not a friend if you keep secrets. :)
Tell her first. Before you make it public, tell her. You know her well, so just use the best words that come to you. I was on your friends end and couldn't get pregnant and had been trying for over 2 years when a friend of mine got pregnant for her 3rd time. She avoided me like the plague. I realized what was going on and went to her with it and she was heart broken that she had avoided me.
It's going to hurt her no matter when you tell her. However, like others suggested, I would make sure she was one of the first that knew. Be sensitive to her feelings. Tell her that you love her (adore her, however you want to word it) and you've been worried about how to say it, but you felt being straight forward was best. And then just tell her that you're pregnant. Be prepared for whatever she's feeling.
As far as when, wait at least a few weeks to tell her, but be sure to do it before you start showing, feeling sick, or go out where normally you'd have a glass of wine or something like that.
id tell her before you get too far along (maybe in a month) and go out to dinner or something and tell her, BEFORE she starts trying again as it may take a while for her to get pregnant, then she will feel like you were holding out so you wouldnt hurt her feelings, if she is truely your best friend she will be happy for you and it wont really hurt her as much
Whatever you decide, you are a very caring friend and she is lucky to know you.
Trust me, best friend or not, it will hurt. I don't have a time frame to suggest but just make sure that she is not the last to know or that will hurt even more.
If you're going to do the whole, "wait until the first trimester is over to tell anyone including friends and family" thing to make sure that the pregnancy is viable thing, then you have some time before telling her. But when it's time to "go public" tell her first so that she doesn't hear it second hand. So that would mean waiting until the end of 12 weeks.
"Sarah, I have some news to share with you that I wanted to share before telling anyone else..."
I had the same situation with my best friend. She had been trying for over a year at least and couldn't understand why she was struggling with secondary infertility. She also had had a miscarriage. Luckily, while she was sad for herself because she wasn't the one making a pregnancy announcement, she was thrilled for me. Completely over the moon. Three months later she announced her own pregnancy and my middle daughter is three months older than her second child (also a daughter).
I think when you are ready to announce it you should tell her. You don't need to tell her before telling all else, but don't tell everyone else and wait on her.
I can tell you from experience yes she will be happy for you but she will go home and cry and cry and cry. If you are close enough you may be able to cry with her.
Once you have told her just go about life. Don't talk about it a ton with her unless she asks. Let her get used to the idea on her own. Not that you would but don't "rub it in" or "slam it down her throat" that you are pregnant. If you are sick or what not, talk to someone else, not her. It will just hurt, because I can promise you she would trade her health for morning sickness any day. Just let her take the lead on the preggo talk.
I hope this makes sense and helps.
As a woman who has lost 3 babies, my thoughts are that your pregnancy has nothing to do with me. I love to celebrate the pregnancies of my friends. I rejoice with them! I would hate it for someone to be afraid to tell me they are pregnant. It isn't a group effort, after all. I truly believe that we should weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice. I love your tender heart towards your friend, but from my perspective, it is a little misplaced in this. You don't want her to find out from someone else. You said she is one of your best friends. I'm sure she will be overjoyed for you. And, if you should lose this baby, for which I pray won't happen, it will be so good for your friend to be able to minister to you during that time. Just be honest with her. Tell her you are hesitant to tell her because you love her and don't want her to have heartache over it, but at the same time, you want her to know because she is such an important part of your life.
You are friends. Friends support and love eachother through the good and the bad. Tell her and you can tell her how you feel also---that you didn't want to offend her or make her feel bad etc. Honesty is the best policy. Good luck! Congratulations on your pregnancy~
I think wait or don't wait, it will be hard for your friend. We didn't tell anyone -- ANYONE -- until we were out of the first trimester. If you waited until then, that puts you right at the time she can start trying. I don't know if that helps or doesn't.
Tell her. It will sting, and then she'll be happy for you. Her feelings about it will go back and forth, but trust her to manage her feelings but being the friend she is, you can support one another come what may.
What Jessica Wessica said.
I was your best friend where my friend was pregnant and I had just miscarried. She was really afraid to tell me but she did and it did sting, but I was glad that she told me. Sadly she ended up having a miscarriage with that baby and the roles reversed because I got pregnant and was hesitant to tell her. I did tell her after a lot of thought and she was happy for me and sad at the same time. I tried to be respectful and not talk about the pregnancy when I was around her, but other people weren't privy to her miscarriage so they were very excited for me and talked about the pregnancy. It was a bit tough there for a bit but she did end up getting pregnant and it all worked out.
So my advise would be to tell her, but be respectful, which I think you already would do or else you wouldn't be posting this.
Congratulations!
Tell her after the first trimester, when you'll be telling others.
Same happened with my best friend but she had been trying even longer and had already tried 2 invitros without success. I told her before I told anyone else (other than our families) becuase I didn't want her to hear it elsewhere.
She told me at that time that she and her husband were working on adopting. Funny thing is that her daughter was born the day before mine, she weighed half as much as my daughter (4lbs 6 oz / 8 lb 12 oz). I couldn't figure out why my best friend didn't call us back after my husband called her to tell her of our birth - but I later found out she was on an airplane to the city of her daughter's birth to go get her baby! Our girls aren't really friends (we live about an hour away and thye're 16) but they're forever connected!
