20 answers

Should I Take My Baby to a Funeral

The father of a very close friend of mine just passed away. I would like to go to the viewing or the funeral to show my support for her and her family. However, I have a 3 month old and a 3 year old. I might be able to find a sitter for the 3 year old but not the baby. I can't leave the baby with my husband, because he surgery yesterday and his doctor specifically told him he is not allowed to lift anything, including our baby. Would it be appropriate for me to take my 3 month old with me? And if so which would be more appropriate to attend?

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So What Happened?™

I took just the baby to the visitation, but not the funeral. I decided that since it was easier to make a quick exit if needed at the visitiation if needed. Several people enjoyed having her there including my friend and her mother and said it was a good distraction.

Featured Answers

Yes-I would take the baby. Leave right away if she cries-but if she just hangs out then stay. You will probably be providing a welcome diversion for people...viewings are so awkward. Plus-you won't have to stay very long b/c you have the baby...at least thats how I always feel-I want to get in and out. I hate the milling around part.

2 moms found this helpful

This is a very young baby that will not realize where he/she is--that seems to be a concern among some of the PPs.
This is the father of a very close friend. Go and take the baby! No one will find it odd.

More Answers

I took my baby when a friend of my stepmom's died. People usually love seeing babies at funerals because they remind us of the future. Just run it by your friend to make sure.

3 moms found this helpful

A., if you go to the viewing with the baby, I think that would be okay. Just don't stay long. Please don't go to the funeral. You cannot keep your baby from wailing just when someone is their most upset.

I hope your husband feels better soon.

All my best,
D.

3 moms found this helpful

Yes-I would take the baby. Leave right away if she cries-but if she just hangs out then stay. You will probably be providing a welcome diversion for people...viewings are so awkward. Plus-you won't have to stay very long b/c you have the baby...at least thats how I always feel-I want to get in and out. I hate the milling around part.

2 moms found this helpful

i have had to take my daughter to a funeral before she was around 2 i think. i just sat in the back so if she started to make a fuss i could step out quickly with her.

2 moms found this helpful

I brought my son at 7 months to my grandmother, his greatgma's funeral kept him in a sling for the most part and sat in the back on a sofa so we could nurse quietly if needed. I brought him just recently (4) to greatgpa's wake & funeral and that was a nightmare... he did not want to be in there .. direct quote "no mommy they not happy in there" so we spent the services in the "lounge" in the basement it was difficult. I would suggest bring the baby and get a sitter for the toddler.

2 moms found this helpful

I am sorry for your loss and I hope your husband has a fast recovery.

We took our daughter to my husbands grandmothers funeral when she was only 4 wks old.. she did fine.I agree people like seeing the new life.

1 mom found this helpful

I took my 3 month old son at the time to my aunt's father's funeral. It was a small service and while it was silent while we were praying, my son started pooping. And it was one of those loud, explosive ones and my son was grunting really loud too. I was so embarrassed, but people around us started laughing really hard. I picked him up and left the service and sat outside until it was over. None of the family was upset, they thought it lightened things up a bit. So, my only recommendation is that I think you should sit near an exit, or maybe near the back in case your baby starts crying, or pooping! I'm sorry for your loss! Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful

in our family, people want to see the babies and would be sad not to see them there.

1 mom found this helpful

Take your baby.
You might regret not going and babies sometimes provide some much needed distraction.

1 mom found this helpful

I would call your friend and see what she thinks. She may think the whole thing is fine, she may ask you to keep the baby at home.

Personally I am not a fan of taking children/babies to a funeral unless it is a close relative.

1 mom found this helpful

I think it would be appropriate to take your baby with you. I would get a sitter for the toddler. Go to the viewing or the funeral, whichever you prefer.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, it let's everyone know life goes one and death is part of the cycle of life. Yes, yes, yes, bring your baby and even your 3 year old. It is such a relief for most families to be able to talk about something else and kids are just perfect for providing that entertainment and conversation starter. I think the wake is usually more intimate and will have some conversation. The funeral might have a mass and be more boring for little kids. But I think it is fine to take them to both if hubbie needs quiet to recuperate and you will get some socializing done as well as providing the family with the support they need at this difficult time.

I would take the baby and go to whichever you prefer. I took my 6 month old to a funeral and then took her at 11months to a viewing/visitation and funeral for a close friend's mother. In some ways it was a welcome distraction for all.

most funerals suppy a day care worker ask the church if one would be available. otherwise you may be in the hall the whole funeral.

read the other responses and I have to say at my step sons funeral we did have a volunteer day care for the funeral part. but he did the kids (all high school) a world of good. He lightened the kids up and everyone else. babies dont know they are supposed to be sad at a funeral and will be babies. babble and all.

Hi A.,
There is nothing wrong with bringing both, although a handful for you. If you can get a sitter, that's great.! What IS important is that whoever accompanies you to the visitation can remain disciplined and controlled without a lot of screaming and boisterous behavior. Only you would know if this is possible. Your attendance can be brief. People will not only understand, but thank you for it ;-) New birth is usually a joy to behold at such a sad event. Condolences and best wishes for your husband's full recovery.
All the best.
Sincerely,
F..

I took my son to my Grandmother's funeral and agree that they are a welcome "distraction." I think it helps people to see that life is beautiful and to be cherished. One life ends...another begins...

It's up to you. When my husband's grandfather passed I worried about our little one too. We took her to both the viewing/service and to the grave side. It seemed to have a positive effect on everyone. Her innocents and total ignorance of the event was a mood lifter. She did how ever get fussy at one point, but because I wasn't directly involved I was able to step out and play with her while the family had the more serious service. I also opted to stay in the car with her when we reached the grave side. You might also be able to do this if you feel your youngest is getting too active for the setting since you aren't directly connected. Take her to the viewing, no need to avoid the coffin if you wish to say good bye, it won't frighten her and she'll likely not remember. Let her be happy and smiley at everyone there, it will remind then that even in the sadness of death there's the beauty and joy in life.

You can definitely take baby to a visitation/viewing but not the funeral service which is usually much more quiet and formal. I've been to visitations and stayed for as long or little as I could. The main thing is to show your support and love to the family who has lost someone. They'll understand that you can't stay long.

I took my 1 month old to a funeral this last spring. Everything worked out fine. I had to step out to nurse but it seemed fine.

Good luck!

This is a very young baby that will not realize where he/she is--that seems to be a concern among some of the PPs.
This is the father of a very close friend. Go and take the baby! No one will find it odd.

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