Should I Specify "No Gifts" for 1St Bday?

I did the same for my daughter's 1st b'day--I specified "no gifts." Most brought gifts anyway but that was their choice. They said they wanted to because they didn't feel right not bringing one. I would specify "no gifts" then let the cards fall where they may. It worked out just fine for us.

Hi, Wendy - You can say "no gifts"; that way people won't feel obligated, but if anyone really wants to bring a gift, they will anyway. In today's economy, it is very considerate to give folks an easy out. Have fun! N.

I put "no gifts" on the baptism invitations and still received gifts from almost every guest. I don't see a problem with it, then no one feels obligated to bring something or bad if they can't.

We aren't throwing a big party for my son's bday for the simple fact that the only time my hubby's extended family gets together its for weddings or births and I don't want to seem like I am 'asking' for gifts.

I know I am really late and the party is over and done with but I wanted to share what i did for my son's recent birthday. I have always tried to donate to charities that I believe do good and actually use the money collected as they say. So this year for my sons birthday I picked my favorite charity "March of Dimes" and called them and set up an donation account. On my son's invites I included a little paragraph just reminding people how lucky we are to have our health and that there are many children/families struggling to make it another day. So in honor of them I asked no gifts be given to my son as he is a very fortunate child and that they take this opportunity to donate and REALLY make a difference in another childs life on behalf of my son. I had the best response from everyone that came and we raised a good amount of money. The other bonus was the gift was tax deductable so it was a win win situation. My son was just turing 3 so not having presents was no big deal. Anyways I know this year's party is over I just thought I would share what worked for us. And believe me I was happy not to see another pile of toys that I have to clean up..

Saying 'no gift necessary, the pleasure of your company is the best gift' or something similar is fine to do. Some people will still bring gifts regardless, and that is also fine. Remember though, that if you ask for no gifts, you should put any gifts brought out of sight and definitely no gift-unwrapping during the party. That would be a slap in the face to anyone who actually respected your wishes.

In my extended family, all the kids are each getting two parties - a small one just with family (all our family is out of state, so that one is a whole-day event), and a second with the kids from the neighborhood/school/etc for a couple of hours. For the family party, I don't even try to stop the gifts, I just try to direct them a little to something my child could use/might like/we don't already have (all of us do this, so it is expected.) The grandparents have all switched to buying a little something and putting the rest of what they would have spent into the kids 529 accounts (or savings bonds, etc.)

For the friend's party, the last couple of years, I've specifically asked for donations of new or very good condition childrens' books to donate to a local shelter. I say "in leiu of a gift, please bring..." and that works out really well. You can ask for anything from stuff for kids (baby supplies, school supplies, books) to food for your local food bank. Pretty much everyone who is coming can at least bring a can or box of food with them. Emphasize that you are blessed with your friends and family's company, and you want to pass that blessing on through the donation...

Again, I don't make a big deal out of who brings what (and the few gifts that came went over to the side of the room, out of sight), and then everyone who came to the party got a "thank you for attending" note on the bookmarks I gave as favors. The gift-bringers got a longer thank you note later.

Saying 'no gifts' is fine, as long as you understand and are prepared for the folks who will bring them anyways. I certainly think that in this era of too much 'stuff' that it is an excellent sentiment.

(I'm off to go to the store to pick up something for a classmate of my daughter's birthday party this weekend now. <sigh>)

I know this can be tough to figure out, but the way I see it is like this: Gifts are a part of birthdays. I don't think anyone would feel like they were invited just for the gift they would bring. People in general understand that (especially with a 1st birthday) kids' b-days are about making them feel special and a little more grown up and to celebrate the anniversary of the miracle of a new life. I believe that your friends would probably bring "just a little something" even if you did say "no gifts" simply because people actually like to shop for birthday gifts, especially for a baby. I'm sure they would be thrilled to see the delight on your daughter's little face when they can present her with a brightly wrapped package that she can tear the paper off of. This is part of the fun and magic of the first birthday party.

Maybe when you're doing the invites you can add a little tag line about the gifts. Something like "Gifts are welcome but certainly not required. Your presence will be more than special enough all by itself." and sign it from your daughter.

Hi Wendy - I've wrestled with this same thing myself with my 3 kids, now ages 13, 10, 6 (so you can imagine, there have been more than a few gifts over the years!). I can tell you this - it probably won't matter if you say "no gifts" as those who want to will likely bring them anyway. And at this age, giving the gift is almost as much fun for the gift giver.

Those who you've invited will know that you value their presence and aren't just looking for presents (sorry, I couldn't resist!). You might want to think about a really memorable way to thank them for sharing this special day - take a picture of each guest with your child at the party and frame it (even in a magnet frame for the fridge) to send as a thank you.

You might get creative with the gift giving as well. Check out this article about how some Moms in NY turned the gift-giving moment into a charitable event - http://www.piedmontfamilymagazine.com/FTSection.asp?File=...

Most of all - don't stress these small details - I remember very little of the details of each of my child's big parties - but I always do remember the people who took the time to share it with us, whether it was just family, a few close friends, or in the case of my son's 6th bday - 50 (yes!) of his closest friends, relatives and classmates. Enjoy - time goes sooooo quickly!

Hello,

I know your party is over but I needed to say how I felt too. I agree with one of the Moms below me.

People come because they want to not because they have too. Birthdays are to be celebrated with Family and Friends. To write "No Gifts" is tacky and may hurt someone's feelings. If someone wants to bring something for the child then it is their choice.

I also think that Donations or Charity giving should be for a different time too not a child's birthday.

As a kid, you looked forward to your birthday and party, don't take that away from the child or someone who would like to bring a gift.

Thanks

hello,

My sons first bd is the 29 of this month, and i totally understand what you are thinking but it's the first bd. My son allready has too many toys...lol. Im inviting the grand's of course and i did invite a close family friend who comes to all birthdays. I was going to invite one other friend of mine but i didnt want her to think I was inviting just to get presents so I didnt invite her...idk if good idea or not. Really it is just first bd and he not going to remember anything but what he sees on camera...lol. I dont think I could ever say no gifts though but you need to do what you want!!! Like for christmas this past year he didnt get as much as them but he still got some things, for him being so little I just slim it down a bit, thats how I feel anyways.I have older kids too and I think they would wonder why he didnt get anything for his bd. well good luck..
B.

Hi! First off, Happy 1st Birthday to the little one! My dilema has always been that my daughter has a lot of stuff...for the first several years and every other year now we requested donations and my daughter picked the charity when she was old enough and my hubby and I always made sure that the ONE gift she really wanted either we gave her or she got from grandparents. We have donated to a food bank, an early intervention program for inner city poor families, to an animal shelter, etc. Some still brought a small gift for our daughter to the party. Many gave checks which as an added bonus where tax deductible. Our children are so overwhelmed with things in todays culture and as a social worker I love having this an other opportunities to teach my daughter the joy of celebrating with friends without it being about what they brought her and also a lesson in charity. Obviously your child is too young to get all of this now, but you can never start too soon! One other tip, we made sure to never collect toys that may make it harder for her to understand that they are not for her...that could be confusing. Good luck with whatever you choose!

That is what we did for both of our kids on their 1st birthday. At that point, we were still overwhelmed with gifts from when they were born. We didn't need more. We just wanted a joyous celebration of the first year -- without anyone putting out any money!

We still do "no gifts" parties sometimes. For our daughter's 3rd birthday coming up, we'll do gifts because she will get it and enjoy it. For our son's 7th birthday, we discussed and he really liked the idea of having people donate books to give to a local family shelter. It was so much better than getting silly extra plastic toys sitting around our house! On his 8th birthday, he wanted gifts again, so we said it was fine. He wants to do "no gifts" parties every other year. I think it helps to instill values of social action and caring for his community. When we do "no gifts" parties, family members still gave him gifts (but not at the party because nobody lives in town).

Of course they'll want to bring presents to a 1st birthday party! I'm with your husband on this; they will not think you invited them just to get things. From what I'm reading on the other responses, people will bring stuff anyway. Maybe word it as "gifts not necessary, but welcome"?

Now, with subsequent b-days when your kid has so much stuff they can't possibly play with it all, maybe suggest people go half-sies (or third-sies! or quarter-sies!) on one bigger item, like a rocking horse (a good one is expensive!), or rose petal cottage, or the $50 Fisher Price playset she's been wanting, Leapster unit and games/books, like that. Or gift certificates to play parks, dance lessons, swim lessons, their favorite restaurants, etc.

I've made it policy to not spend more than $20 on any one kid, just because my kid gets invited to so many parties, and we're not rich! But if people team up, they can get fewer but nicer things.

(Yes, Kyleen! Books rock!)

Hi,

I think you should let the people decide. They will buy what they can afford even if it is small.

L.

I love no gift birthday parties. They only last until the kids are about 5yo when they start asking for stuff, so now is sthe best time to do them. If hubby objects, how abouat a re-gift/used gift idea. You will be inundated with stuff by the time the kid is 4yo and likely reach overload. You will be ready to pass things on. Especially if your friends have older kids, they will be happy to re-gift thier stuff.

For my kids 1st birthdays I wanted to have everyone close to our family come to celebrate and at one the party is more for you and your husband than for your child. They have so much stuff and need very little at this age and I did not want people to feel obligated to bring a gift. (more so in this economy) I sent out a beautiful invitation asking our friends and family to come celebrate with us and how blessed we felt with all we had. We asked that in lieu of gifts that we would love and appreciate for them to make a donation to their favorite children's charity in our child's name. Everyone came and we had a wonderful celebration and many people brought gifts anyway in addition to making a donation to their charity. Some people will bring a gift no matter what you say and there is no guilt feelings on your part. I would also like to add for others that may be on the other side as the gift giver and you feel like you would really like to bring a gift that my kids did receive some very special gifts handmade or personalize gifts and my sister-in-law brought a big basket of "recycled" toys that her children wanted to give their new cousin. It was the sweetest thing because the kids went through all their stuff and picked like new or gently used toys that they thought their new cousin would like which I thought was a very nice gesture and a wonderful lesson of giving and sharing. I hope this gives you some helpful ideas! Happy 1st Birthday little one!! Enjoy every moment...it goes by way too fast!!!

I find that I don't like to have someone invite us to a party and then make the requirement that we could not bring a gift.

That being said I do understand the dilemma of too many gifts. Perhaps when you are asked, "What does she like?" you could respond, "Books." The guests could bring their favorite book. My nephews gave my oldest son, their favorite (but no longer read) Dr. Suess book when he was a toddler.

Please, let us know how the party turns out. Tell your little one, Happy Birthday.

K.

I think gifts are part of the fun, too. A few stuffed animals, maybe a rider/roller horsey of some sort. Gifts for little kids are a lot easier than for when they get older. Just wait till she's older and someone gives her a beading kit with a thousand beads that you'll be finding everywhere forever. Besides, one of the reasons we have kids is so we can play with all the toys.

I did no gifts for my daughter's 2nd b-day because she had enough toys already and I dont really like those toys that use batteries. People did bring gifts, but they were pretty simple and mostly we got clothes and money which was great because she can always use clothes, and the money goes into her personal account.

I think a "no gifts" party can work.

I'm an older Mom too and the first Bd was a Huge celebration for us-rented a pavillion at the park,made t shirts, cooked out etc. The party was Half to celebrate the miracle of the child we actually had to celebrate and half to thank those who were so supportive during the previous two(actually 15) years. I put out a homemade invitation type flyer and wrote "presence more important than presents". It was a wonderful celebration and some brought gifts and some didn't. But the people who didn't, knew that being there was far more important to us. congrats on making it thru the first year! The cool thing is it gets even better, but it goes by in a flash-so don't stress and enjoy yourself!

My daughter just turned 1 last week. We, on the other hand, have a large family so our party was larger. My daughter has soooo many toys that the thought of adding more to the mix was overwhelming so I decided to do a charity birthday party. I picked a local charity--the one I chose was a womens shelter who requested gift cards to use for incoming residents. On the invitation I said no gifts, as my daughter has been so blessed this year, but that we would like to bless others in need of our generous spirit and asked people who wanted to to bring gift cards to donate to thw shelter. People were very receptive. We collected a nice amount of cards to donate which is wonderful. Some people still brought something small to my daughter which was fine. I bought her some gifts so she still got to have the fun of opening gifts at her party. I was pleased with the outcome and may choose to do a charity party again as my daughter gets older.

I'm with Miss Manners on this one: any mention of gifts on an invitation (even "no gifts") is in poor taste because you're telling your guests what to do. It should always be assumed that a gift is not obligatory. Plus, some people will think it means you want cash!
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A40583-2005...)

People like getting gifts for babies and you'll probably end up with people bringing them anyway, which will be embarrassing for people who don't bring anything.
Personally I think for the 1st birthday *parents* should get the gifts!

Hi Wendy,

I use to think the way you do. I didn't want anyone to think we were only having a party to get gifts. LOL I want you to stop and think about it for a second. I'm sure you have been invited to a child's birthday party before. I bet you didn't think those parents invited you only for a gift for their child, did you? So please do not worry about your friends thinking that way of you. Have TONS of fun and take LOTS of pictures! I bet your little one will love opening presents too! Especially taring paper and playing in boxes. I often wondered sometimes why we bothered putting anything in the box. LOL

As for what we have done for 1st birthdays with our boys....we have a cookout for lunch followed by ice cream and cake. Then we do presents and all the kids play inside/outside depending on the weather while all of the adults talk, talk, talk. LOL

Hope this helps!

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys and married to my Mr. Wonderful for 15yrs. All 5 of us are business partners in our home-based business. We love helping families learn how to shop for safer, healthier products that we all use every single day.

Your friends and family look as much forward to birthday parties as you and your kids do. Of course they will bring gifts and it is part of the fun of the party! My daughter had about 50 people at her 1st birthday party...we got wiser with our two boys, but gifts are part of the birthday party! Let her have them :).

I'll never forget the time my then 3 year old daughter was invited to a b-day from someone at her daycare. The invitation specified "no gifts" and since it was the first one like that I had received I took it at it's word and didn't bring one. When we walked in there was an enormous pile of presents right near the door and I felt so empty-handed. To make matters worse, the mother actually did a public "gift opening" during the party. I didn't want my daughter to ask "what did we bring?" so I made a rapid exit. I think it's best to say "gifts unnecessary" which gives attendees the choice but certainly don't start opening presents that people did bring if you do that.

We don't have a lot of family in the area either, so our friends have become extended family. I think you can certainly say that gifts are not necessary, but more than likely your close friends will want to help celebrate your daughter's first birthday. What I've started doing is saying that gifts are not necessary, but if you choose to bring something my little one likes... and then list a few ideas. This helps people have an idea about what to get instead of making guesses. Regardless of what happens with the gifts, enjoy the day with your daughter, that's what really matters! :)

I don't think your guests would mind bringing a present for your little one, they want to help celebrate.
However, I too, am considering no gift parties for my kids b/c we have so much already. Some of the parties we've been to included the guests bringing coats for a shelter (give a coat, get a cupcake), bringing food for ACTS and another one that collected supplies for an animal shelter. I thought about doing a book exchange for my 3 y.o. and/or 5 y.o. upcoming parties. bring a gently used (trying to avoid guests spending money) and all the kids can exchange the books among themselves.

Surprisingly i agree with your husband. I think the best part of the first birthday is the presents to the Guests. I would say to guests thought a gift is not needed to come. We are inviting you because you are friends of the family not for presents. In my opinion it's nice to say this so that if someone can't afford to get one they don't feel they have to in order to come. We had a big party for my daughters first birthday everyone brought gifts and it was a blast. The guests liked seeing the baby open them and be really happy as to what was inside. Otherwise it's just a party and those are more for you than the baby. They really have no part in that...

Personally, I don't think that people would think that because turning 1 is a "big" birthday. I have two children, ages 8 and 3, and I also think that presents are part of the fun. I recently went to a party for a 3 year old and the mom requested no presents, but it was because they have a smaller house and too many toys already, it was a little different because she still did the goody bags for the kids that were invited.

Hi Wendy,
I know you already have a lot of great advice but I wanted to share our story. We went to a 1st bday party and the invites said no gifts so we didn't bring anything. There was one other couple there and they brought a gift and we felt SO STUPID for not bringing a gift. And they opened the gift in front of us as well so it was very tacky. Now we always bring gifts to parties and we don't write "no gifts" on our invites. Someone is always going to bring a gift (including me :) because for me I love giving gifts. The same mom involved had bday parties as the years went on and she continued to say no gifts but we didn't fall for that again! She even went as far as taking most of the toys back that had gift reciepts because she either didn't like the toy or thought her daughter had too many. She even complained about a cute Zoey backpack that we gave her daughter telling us her daughter didn't like it. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore, we had enough! I'm glad your party went well. Have a good day!

We have specified "no gifts" for ALL of our daughter's parties, because she gets plenty from us and from her grandparents. [Not to mention, there have been times when I've thought if she got ONE more thing, ONE more thing for me to pick up, I would lose it! Or her room would explode from too much stuff!]

In addition to the fact that our daughter (now a 2nd-grader) doesn't need more stuff, I don't want anyone to be put off from attending her parties because picking up a gift could be one task too many for already-busy folks, or because a gift is not an affordable expense.

Hi wendy!

Many years ago, I thru a 25 year wedding anniversary surprize party for my folks. They had just retired and moved to a new area, and I wanted to invite some 'new' friends, along with relatives and 'old' friends to mark the day. The idea of presents seemed silly...so, on the invites I simply wrote at the bottom:

"Your PRESENCE, not PRESENTS is requested."

Some people brought gifts. Some people did not. Really cannot remember who did or didn't. But I DO remember that ALL who came had a wonderful time celebrating the milestone...and the phrase on the invite took pressure off, and focus back on the 'moment'

Take care
Michele/cat

I can see why you would feel that way, but I don't think you should say no gifts. Part of birthdays are gifts and who wouldn't want to give a gift to an adorable one year old! It is so much fun to celebrate the first birthday, I think anyone you invite would be honored to attend your daugther's 1st birthday and would love to bring a gift. Don't say it, people will bring something that is within their budget. I would also be prepared with a few suggestions as people may ask for some suggestions.

I just went to a 1st birthday and took a gift. I wanted to because they are our friends and it was their little boys 1st birthday. I even knitted a hat because I couldn't afford a gift. You should trust your guest judgment when it comes to gifts. I also don't think you should cheat your child out of the fun or yourself out of the great pics you could get.

My son will be 1 on April 2nd. I sent out an invitation already (in our case, mostly to family, many of whom are long-distance, but some will make the trip to the party). Our situation is that we have already received many hand-me-downs in clothes (from friends) as well as gifts of clothes and we have some toys from our older daughter. My husband and I decided to send a follow-up e-mail to the guest list, calling the party "gifts optional" or "gifts unnecessary." We used the e-mail to explain our reasoning and then left things open for those who might want to give a gift anyway (we know we have some family who really would want to give something). We just emphasized our desire to have people celebrate with us as greater than the need for gifts. The response so far has been very positive and many guests have been appreciative. I don't know how much this helps, but when I read your post, I figured I'd share our situation to see if it would help.
Happy first birthday to your daughter!! :-)

We stated no gifts, and everybody brought something anyway, which was nice but unnecessary. I think it might have freed them up to give smaller gifts, though.

Friends have specified either the "gift of your company" or "books for our child". Not everyone will abide by the "no gifts" suggestion, but it will cut down the unnecessary toys.

I had guests bring baby items such as diapers, wipes, baby food, shampoo, etc. and donated them to a local shelter for women who've been abused and their children. I plan to ask for donations for every birthday and have my sons be involved as they get older. I asked for donations instead of presents, but the people who really wanted to bring gifts did anyway.

When my son turned one, I was going to put "your presence is present enough" on the invitation. I didn't want to make people feel like they had to buy a present. Then, a friend told me, that for a first birthday, there should be gifts and she told me people don't mind giving them, especially if they are close friends or other children. My advice is don't put "no gifts" on the invitation. If they are friends of yours, they will know you want them to be there for no other reason than to share the first year of your daughter's life. Have a party and enjoy! It truly goes by so fast. My son will be two in June.

If some people are going to think that they are invited just for presents, then you do not want people like that at your party anyways.We had our boys 1st and 3 rd B-day togather.People who could not afford to get a gift, made cards, some teamed up and got a gift togather.Presents are part of fun(even though I do not know how much they understand at 1:))MY LIL asked for donations for women's shelter for her daughter's 1st B-day, but it's because her kids have 3 sets of grandparent in the area and all bombard kids with presents .

I'm an older mom to an great 11 month old too! My daughter's 1st birthday is on 3/18. We are also just having a few people over and we told them no gifts. She has so many things already plus I think the best part of the 1st birthday is eating that cake! I'm making her a little carrot cake to smoosh around. Happy Birthday to your little one!