Should I Quit Working? I Am So Torn! PLEASE No Bashing!

Dear Runnermom ~ Go back to what you were doing or get something else you can work with. This isn't going to make that big of a difference on a resume anyway. This isn't the time and it's not worth all the trouble. You said you didn't need the money.

Can you ask for part time? I know holiday work/hrs are crazy-but, if they hired 2 people for 1 job that might work. I agree that you need to start working, and thinking ahead is smart.

If you are concerned that you will have to support yourself and your children in the future, alone, working a seasonal job at a warehouse may not be preparing you to do that. It's not really the kind of work that "builds a resume". I would suggest finding a career counselor/coach to review your skills, experience, and abilities and start planning for a future career. This might take some training or education, or start-up time (if you choose to again run a business).

Working long hours for low pay when your family is adjusting to your husband's health issues will obviously increase your stress level - more than the increase in your income.

The other issue I see in your post is that you are taking responsibility for your husband's health. HE needs to do that. You can not be his conscience/mother/doctor/coach or whatever. As sad as it is, if he doesn't chose to work to improve his health, it won't happen.

Quit. It is not worth it.

If you are that unhappy then quit. Can you look for something else that would offer less hours? Maybe this just isnt the gig for you. Keep looking.

I agree with Leah and MomofOne, especially since this is a temporary job. Do you have to work? CAN you stay home and assist your husband? Even if you do have to work, this particular job doesn't sound like a good fit for you.

Just my opinion.....if you don't need the money you should be at home with your kids and husband. Sounds like they all need you.

I am assuming that your husband's health may be in a state of decline- right? So why do you want to spend your time away from him and your children if you don't absolutely have to? No offense, but I think your decision to take this job is based in fear for the future. My advice is that the best way to prepare for the future is to be completely, totally in the present. If you are living in the present you will not be coming from the fear. When the time is right, I think that a meaningful work path of work will just unfold for you and it may surprise you. I would say trust the universe enough to follow your heart! Best of luck to you,

Sweetheart, your intentions are noble and you're being very brave and self-sacrificing. May I point out that your work is also not achieving one of your most important short-term goals, which is to help all of your family, including you and DH, to stay happy and healthy.

Money isn't everything, especially when you don't need more. Future security is not looking so great either, if HD is not participating equally. It sounds like you're setting up a bit of a co-dependent situation, taking up the increasing slack as your husband is playing out more loose rope. You're not getting to where you want to be this way.

And by the way, bash, bash, bash! And bash, bashity, boom, bash! There. I'll bet you survived that just fine. Please take all advice we give you just as lightly. They are just words. We tend to feel bashed when advice hits too close to the truth. So if you feel that way, I hope you'll notice your reaction, look for the truth of the situation, and correct accordingly.

By the way, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes almost 10 years ago, when I was 55. For me, it wasn't a sentence of future disability, and I started putting my health first so I could manage my future. I'll probably end up on insulin soon, but that should actually make my life easier, according to many people who have practiced extreme willpower for years. It sounds like your husband could use some help dealing with shock and discouragement. If his insurance will cover counseling or classes in managing diabetes, it would serve him, and the family that counts on him, well to take advantage of that.

My very best to you and your family.

Question - when you took the job, what was the agreement about the hours, did they inform you that they would increase? If not, then tell them straight out you can not work those hours. If it means loosing your job, then so be it. You have a good reason for quiting which will be acceptable to future employers.

I think this is something that you need to discuss with hubby. If he's able, he really needs to step up and help with the kids and take care of himself. Of course the most important thing is the health of your family, so if it comes down to that, then quit your job. However, remember that it's customary to give 2 weeks notice.

So many places are hiring for retail seasonal help. The hours are only part-time and seem better suited to your needs. If you don't need to work right now, cherish this time with your family. (Be sure to apply at places that close for Thanksgiving and Christmas so that you get to be with your family those days) Retail is a field that is easy to advance in if you work hard. I would go for the part-time associate now and establish yourself. Then, if the time comes and you need the hours and money, you can move up quickly. You can also try coffee shops too, same principle. Life is too short to not enjoy. I would never work full time if I didn't have to. :)

I recommend you also become more educated about kidney failure due to diabetes. Kidney's operating at 60% is pretty good actually, not bad at all. Your husband can live a long and healthy life IF he starts to take care of himself now. He can turn this around a lot with good nutrition and keeping on top of his diabetes.

And it sounds like they all do better with you AT home caring for them, than not.

I applaud you for being so responsible and concerned about your future, but believe me, this job will still be there if and when your husband declines to the point when you actually NEED this job.

There is a big difference between NEED now versus later. IMHO you are jumping the gun on the kidney issue.

I also wish you could join a diabetes support group to help you determine what is your responsibility and what is not regarding your husband's health and personal choices. Meaning, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You can provide a smorgasboard of healthy nutrition and life style choices for you husband, but you can't watch his every move.

If you are really afraid of losing your husband, then you might be better off at home loving on everyone until that happens....but believe me it will be quite awhile.

Also, the stress of being overworked and overwhelmed and undervalued and missing your children so much will lead to much resentment if your husband continues to use the TV as his babysitter while your busting your but for the family.

So, I recommend...you go home.

Here's an on-line forum to discuss the 60% kidney functioning question....everybody there said not to worry....

http://www.diabetesforums.com/forum/type-2-diabetes/38179...

I think that you do have to face reality. This is a good time of the year to work and make a lot of money. Tomorrow the money hubby is bringing in could be gone. It was for us.

It is not a big deal for the kids to watch TV and be normal. Spending all day doing stuff with the kids is not what normal people do. The kids go off and play in their rooms, they watch movies and TV, they make messes, etc....It sounds like you need this job for nothing more than learning to let loose of the reigns of your household. Hubby doesn't need a mother, he needs a wife who is willing to do what it takes to help. He needs a wife who can trust him to spend some time with his children having fun. He needs to make his own choices. If he were to pass away the kids would have these wonderful fun memories of them watching movies all day on a random Saturday. How much fun it was to just sit and watch, maybe snuggled up together on the couch.

Runner:

I'm sorry about your husband's health. I'm sorry that he doesn't take care of himself when you are not home. He is an adult and you cannot control him. He may be suffering from depression after receiving devastating news. His health is HIS responsibility NOT YOURS.

As to your job - I think you went too far too fast. I think you need to look for a PART TIME job that allows you time to adjust to being away from the family instead of instantly being away for 12 hours at a time.

You need to give yourself more credit than you do. I'm sorry that your husband is sick and you realize that you will have to provide for the family eventually...personally - I would cut my life back as much as I could and invest my money so that I can use it to work for us.

Find a part time job that you are doing what you WANT to do. Right now? You are only causing yourself more stress doing this...this way. So since you don't need the money - quit. Save yourself the pain and heart ache and quit...seriously. Then start looking for a job that is PART TIME and allows you time to adjust you and the family to you not being there. Take any money that you make and invest it or pay off debts. Go to the library and borrow Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman or even investing for dummies (no, I don't think you are dumb but the book is a great way to learn about investments).

GOOD LUCK

Why in the world did you close down the daycare? If I had to raise my kids alone, which sometimes I have been on my own for awhile, daycare is the best way to still be with my kids. Of course, I homeschool as well to be with my kids.

how about going to a temp/placement agency and finding something better suited to your needs for the moment?

i know exactly what you mean about "daddy's" version of babysitting. i say either cut back in hours (find another job) or quit for now...good luck. i hope you find a happy medium.

It sounds like this is not the right job for you. There are jobs out there that will not require you to be gone 12 hours a day. Lots of places are hiring seasonal help right now. I say quit and go find something more suited for what you want out of a job. Good luck. Being a working mama is hard!

This sounds like it is not the right job for you. Sit down and list what your "ideal" job would be in terms of hours, type of work, distance from home, pay, opportunity to build/update skills, etc. Then prioritize the items. That way once you start hunting for a job, you can research it carefully, ask specific questions, etc. And while, it is unlikely you will actually find a "perfect" job, I think it is better to turn down a job that will not be a good fit than to take jobs and quit after a short time because it didn't work out.

I understand your frustration. I went back to work full time last April and it has been a huge adjustment to our schedule, our meals, our free time as a family, etc. and I am only working 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week. It sounds like part time would be a better fit for you at this stage. Good luck to you.

I understand you are feeling overwhelmed, but I have a seasonal job too.
I work Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter.
I work at least 40 hours all calendar long. As a single mother, I've done it for years.
It's not easy. Some days I hate it, but I've supported two kids alone.
So....
Yes. You miss your kids. You can't bake and shop and decorate and be at work at the same time.
I don't know anyone who has truly figured out the secret to doing that.
Sometimes you have to let things go.
You feel that your husband isn't exercising or eating correctly and letting the kids watch too much TV.
I'm assuming he knows what he can and can't eat. I'm assuming that he might get exercise running after the kids. And, I'm a pretty amazing mom, but on Saturdays....it's not all that unusual to make some popcorn and stay snuggled in jammies and watch movies.
My point is....the world won't fall apart if you are away from your husband and kids for a finite amount of time. You don't have to try to micro-manage every little thing.
I think, even though it's hard to be away from home, you should think of every little thing you do as being one more thing on a resume. One more period of time you successfully completed.
That way, you will always be able to get seasonal work and pick up some hours here and there.
Your family will be okay. They really will.
I know couples who barely see each other and work all overtime offered. One works days, the other nights. One has health insurance and the other has the flexibility to take the kids to gymnastics and doctor appointments, etc.
It's what they do. They lean on each other and it's not easy, but it works out.
I have to admit that working at this time of year sucks. I hate the time change, it's dark at 4:30, there is so much pressure to do more where there are only so many hours in the day.
It's all relative though, because for me, it makes no difference what time of year it is. It's one foot in front of the other. Every day.

Being exhausted is normal. You don't say you hate your job other than being away from home.
I think you should stick it out, but that's just my opinion.

Can he not go back to work? Is he on disability? Is working what gives your family medical insurance?

If this is all you have to live off of, I think you have no choice but to work. If you have no money to pay the mortgage (rent) and food, what else can be done?

It sounds like perhaps he has some depression after his diagnosis, that he isn't taking care of himself. I assume he has no idea how to be a stay at home dad.

I think that perhaps you might "break" the TV so that he can't show it to the kids. Not cool, but you can't let him be letting the tv be the babysitter. Sit down with him and tell him that he just has to get real about the situation.

I feel for you - I really do.

Dawn

You might need to scale Christmas this year.

I went back to school when my son turned 2, and had classes all through the holidays, so that Christmas literally consisted of buying a tree on Christmas eve, throwing a string of lights in it and putting one big present (remote control race track) under the tree and 2 or 3 small "gas station" toys, along w/small gifts we got in the mail from family. The plan was that our kid would be so overwhelmed w/the track he wouldn't care about anything else and it worked.

You might also need to set a daily/weekly schedule for the family, for both the kids and your husband. Make a few copies and hang it everywhere so your husband will know what he's supposed to be doing at any given moment.

Lay down the law so your home will function more properly. Your kids may not like it or you very much in the beginning but once everyone gets used to their new schedule w/oyou and responsibilities, it will make for a more peaceful household.

As you share, if you really don't need to work, then there are plenty of jobs out there with better hours.

I think if you don't need the money, stay home with your family, you said your husband has health issues, so you want to spend as much time with him as possible. Why did you quit your daycare, I run one so I can earn an income and be here for my family as well, my kids are grown, but i still ove being at home. lso if you don't have life insuance get some. Remeber time with our families is sacred and time spent apart you don't get back, it's gone and child hood is fleeting. The TV is conveinent for your husband, and with health issues it's probably easier for him. Only you can decide what you should do, we can all encourage you and give you support , but we can't tell you what to do. I will keep your husband in my prayers. J.

I agree that you are overwhelmed. You've started a new job, got serious news about hubby's health, the holidays are coming and you aren't able to focus your energy where you want to.

Expect to feel this way for a while. The holidays can be overwhelming even if you don't work. Decide what is most important and focus on accomplishing that. Let the minor stuff go this year. In reality, you have only about 6 weeks more to work. Make a list of the pros and cons so you can see it on paper. It will help you decide what is right for you.

You need to have a long talk with hubby. I'm sure he's probably still in shock (and depression?) over his recent health news. Remind him how important it is to you and the children that he take care of himself. If it means you can't decorate this year but you manage to get some healthy dinners stored in the freezer, you've done well. Be patient with yourself and you will get through it.

Since its "open enrollment" with a lot of companies right now, look into Long Term Disability coverage as well as life insurance and medical flexible spending accounts.

In the big picture of life, letting the kids watch extra TV isn't going to do any lasting damage. Focus your energy where it can do the most good and give yourself permission to skip the rest.

Best of luck to you and your family.

To me it sounds like this job is just not worth it for you right now. If you are unhappy, and things aren't running smoothly at home, I would quit. If you don't need the money why put yourself through working such long hours, and missing your kids and the things you love to do with them?
It sounds like your more important job is being home with them right now. Try again in another year or so. A job is never worth your happiness!

You said that it was seasonal. No offense, but you need to suck it up. Its only been a week. Yes the hours are long and not ideal, but what happens in the future when its not seasonal and you are dependent on the job. You won't be able to quit. If you are not liking the hours then you should look for another job that has better hours, but don't quit this one. You are trying to build a work history. If the only thing an employer has to go on was that you quit after a week, then it will be difficult getting another position because employers won't want to waste money training you for a week so you can quit a week later.

As for cooking for the family, cook on your day off for the week (lots of coworkers do this) or in the evening for the next night freezing labeled meals that hubby can just reheat.

As for decorating, do it a little bit at a time in the evenings or your day(s) off. You have a month to decorate. Do one piece at a time. Get the tree. Hang the lights. Hang the ornaments.

Christmas shop, order online, pick up in the store, saves time and money.

As someone who has worked since she was 16, including swing shifts and holidays, everything is doable. You set the tone for the family. Their mood will follow yours.

Just quit the job and be with your family. You can re-enter the workforce at a time and place that is more convenient for you. Enjoy the holidays and those wonderful little ones of yours. You cannot get this time back once it is gone.

A seasonal warehouse job does not seem worth it when you don't need the money badly or health insurance. I'm a full time working mom so no judgement at all about working but no way does this seem worth it. One reason I work is bc I am still home a lot - I work closeby, lots of flexibility etc. And it's a corporate job at which I'm senior so it'd be very very hard to ever replace. I don't think a warehouse job will help much on your resume anyway. Don't feel guilty. Quit or tell them you need shorter hours. And a family member has type II diabetes and has done fantastically watching his diet strictly and exercising. There's no talk of him not being able to work to normal retirement age.

Can you go back to doing the in-home day care? that seems to solve your problems - job for resume, extra money and you are home, you can stay on top of hubby's diet and exercise etc.

It is always hard the first few months back at any job after a long period of not being in the work force (outside the home), but it gets easier with time. If you are really struggling, is it possible to work part time?

Good luck to you...