Should I Notify the Father of My Child When I Deliver Our Baby?

I do know from experience something like what you are going through. If you are going to pursue child support, chances are the court is going to give him some kind of visitation rights. I would try to get a hold of him again and see what he wants to do. It sounds like you have made a great effort already. If a phone call doesn't work because he won't return your calls or what-not then I would suggest maybe sending him a letter and make sure you make it certified, this way if/when you go to court for childsupport or what-not you will have proof that it was delievered. That way he can't say that you didn't try to contact him. If he doesn't want to be part of the child's life, than consider it his loss. Just be strong about everything. Think of what will be best for you and your child! Good luck with everything!

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I have to say that you came across as a sweet, loving "victim" who really had given it her all to include the father of your baby....however, you blew it at the end when you mentioned getting his money. Since your true colors have been revealed, I would say leave the guy alone. You broke it off with him in the first place. It would only be selfish and not fair to your child or the dad. If you are truly concerned about the future relationship between your child and their parents, then by all means try to give this guy another opportunity to rise to the occasion - leave the money issue out of it.
There are excellent crisis pregnancy centers around town that can help you with support for this child if you must raise him/her alone.

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It sounds like you have made an effort to get him involved, which says a lot about you. Although, I can say that I think it would be horrible to find out because of papers that come in the mail. If it were me I would either contact him now and ask him if he wants to be notified, then if he says no just let him find out from the papers... OR ...simply call him right afterwards just to tell him, and then let him take it from there.
I'm not much help but I did want to respond and say I wish you the best of luck with your child!

1 mom found this helpful

I would definitely notify him when you go into labor, that way he has no excuse and can't say "well you never told me you where in labor" make it his choice not to participate because someday your child might ask.

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No. You did what you could to let him be a part of this pregnancy, & he made his decision clear. The birth needs to be 100% focused on YOU AND THIS CHILD!! If you call him & he shows up, you're still going to be mad b/c he hasn't been there the past few months. If you call him & he does not show up, you're going to be even more angry about that. The birth of your child is so emotional on its own, you DO NOT need any more drama during that time. Take this opportunity to focus completely on yourself and this precious child. Let the rest work itself out later. You have a lifetime to deal with all the details of your situation with the father. You have only one birth experience. Cherish it & be able to look back a few years from now & know you spent every moment thinking about the excitement of your child's birth. The memories of that day will be with you forever. Make them positive!

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I've been in the same situation. My son is now 3. His dad was away at school for my pregnancy and the first year of his life. His dad now lives in the same town with his second son and fiance. They see my son once every 6 days on his day off. I've been in school full time since I've had him and will graduate with my masters in a year. When I was pregnant I contacted HIM after every docs visit and let him know when the next one was. I was high risk the whole time due to a blood clotting disorder. His dad called maybe once to ask about appointments. We scheduled the birth for when his dad was there, and I spent the whole time yelling at him to get at my bed side and take initiative and such. I'm glad I faught for what I did because he does take part in my son's life. But sometimes it did cause more pain to me than what it may have been worth.
From this my suggestion is to contact him again, ask him how much he wants to know and how often he wants to be contacted. Let him again know you want him as part of your child's life but if he can't come half way then you won't make the effort either. You have a child to worry about and make your first priority.
I wish you the best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like "dad" is having issues with the situation and needs to deal with them. Right now the best thing for your baby is to have at least one parent that is giving 100%. You sound like a nice person but don't let him take atvantage of it, it will only make things harder for you. Besides if he is as good of a dad as you say with his other two he'll come around and if not your baby will still have you and I'm sure you will be a WONDERFUL mom.
K.

Hello, K.. I absolutely understand what you are going through. I went through a simular situation. I didn't notify the father until I was 3 months pregnant, but he knew a lot sooner because my aunt contacted him. We talked and I though he trusted me. But I later found out he was bad-mouthing me and denying our child. He claimed it wasn't his because others were telling him the child was someone else's, but I found out that it was because he had another family out of town, he didn't want me to find out about, or her to find out about us. We RARELY spoke to each other by the time I reached 6 months into the pregnancy. But, I have to tell you, I did call him, right after I gave birth to our son. He is still the baby's father, whether he wants to admit it or not. But, by all means, get a paternity test done. Because DNA will not lie. And, even if he doesn't want to admit it, deep down, he knows that the baby is his. He's still hurt because you walked away from the relationship, and this is his way of paying you back. My son's father is not an active part of his life, but my son knows and loves him, he will be 4 on the 18th of this month. Your child has a right to know him, and he/she has a right to choose whether he will be a part of his/her life (not you). Just remember this... Let him be given the opportunity to be involved in your child's life. Whether he takes the opportunity is not your call. Be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Well, I feel sorry for you and don't really know what to say because I've never been in your shoes. Sounds to me like you made the decision to be without him and he had no say. Obviously he was hurt, got over it and moved on. I would say that you could call and offer him the chance to come to the birth of your baby but it's up to him to accept or deny that offer. I wouldn't say get together only for the baby's sake. That will benefit no one even the baby if it is not a loving relationship but "for the baby's sake." I say call him when you go to the hospital and go from there. If he doesn't show up, you'll have your answer and then you just have to move ahead for the paperwork. I'm sure he's just hurt and then to wonder if the baby may not be his? I can't give reasoning for that one, only you and he can. Good luck and let me know how it turns out. S~

I cannot honestly say that I "know what you're going through", but I will give you my opinion. As hard as it is, especially with all the pregnancy hormones, to be fair when someone treats you like this I would try to keep a level head and open lines of communication if you want to have any hope of having him in your child's life. I would either call him and if he doesn't answer just leave a voice mail message or even send him an e-mail or letter, with the information you want to share (if you're schedule to be induced or a c-section, where you plan to deliver and your due date) ask if he would like to be contacted when labor begins, let him know he is welcome to come visit, etc. Be open and if he chooses to ignore you then at least you won't have to blame yourself. You mentioned that the break-up was a little unfair to him, maybe he's still hurt by that. I think that you have to consider the possible consequences this will have on your baby - and try your best to make it work out, that's the most you can do. Just try to keep your emotions in check and don't overreact. Good luck!

I broke it off with my babies father when I was about 5 months. I kept him informed through emails. He moved to Ohio and I told him when I was suppose to be induced but I actually had my son before that. He called up to the hospital and found out I had my son and drove up here from Ohio but they wouldn't let him in because I was under "Jane Doe". But I have good reasons for keeping stuff from him. It is a hard call. I actually got back with him and just left him again because he is a theft and stole from my parents. Last I knew he was moving to South Carolina. I guess if he really wants to be a part of your babies life then inform him. If he don't really act like he wants to then I wouldn't.

You need to take care of you and your baby. Make yourself happy. During your pregnancy, surround yourself with people that love you and care about you, and find a friend or relative that will help you in the delivery room. This is a joyous occasion, you should enjoy it and share it with people you love.

L.

First off Congratulations!

Second unfortunately I understand all to well what you are going through as I am about 5 months ahead of you in a similar situation (my son is 4 months old). As other have said, he knows where to find you correct? if so I would pushing things any furthur at this point. The stress is not good for you or your unborn child. Beyond that I have to say follow your heart. The birth is about YOU that is the bottom line. You need people around you that care about and support you. If you think he could be one of those people at that point, great. If not, do not do that to yourself at that time. It is not good for your or your child's health.

I would, however, say that you should notify him relatively soon after the birth. But you should not be the one to make that call unless you want to, have a friend or family member who can be polite and just inform him of the arrival. That way you have given him the chance, becasue things do change once the child is born. Fathers many times find it hard to make a connection with a child before they are born.

I suggest that you contact child support as soon as possible and get the paperwork to file. When you complete that they will conduct paternity testing if he has not accepted paternity of your child. Then they will help you to get child support to help you with the expenses. That does not mean that he has to be awarded visitation rights though, as someone else stated, those are separate issues. But you do have to be prepared for the fact that he could push for vistation if he chooses to do so.

You should be thinking of your baby and the best thing you can do for him/her is to be happy yourself! I hope that you have some supportive people around you but if you need someone please send me a message.

Best Wishes to you and try to enjoy this wonderful time in your life!

Truthfully, you and the baby are better off without him. If you have to initiate any and all interaction with this man to get him involved with his child, then he does not want to be a part of the baby's life, and will ultimately make it more difficult on you in the long run. He will feel that you are forcing his hand to do something he does not want to, and will take it out on the baby, which is something I have first hand experience with my kids father. If I had to do it all over again, I would have never fought as hard as I have to try and help this ADULT MAN have a relationship with the kids he blatantly told me he did not want, but enjoyed making.

Someone should let him know. I don't think it becomes real to some men until the baby is actually here. I'm 34 and this may sound immature, but I would try to use a third party, someone close to me, who would be willing to liase with him. I wouldn't do it myself because I think I know that it could be upsetting and being so close to delivering I don't think you should put yourself through that stress... so try to forget about it, and ask a friend, sister, someone close to you to give the guy a call and let him know how close you are and simply ask IF he would like them to contact him when you go into labor or after the baby is born so that he can come to see his child. AND if he responds that he wants no part, or doesn't think its his, I would still take the high road -- send him a birth announcement with a photo and include the name of the child. No regrets this way. Whatever you do dont expect anything so you are not disappointed.

Have you changed your number or address since talking to him last? If he knows how to contact you and has not done so, you owe him nothing. The ball is in his court. Better for your child to have no father than one who doesn't care. Just my opinion. Good luck!

You should definitely call him before! You broke things off so it was your decision to basically go through this pregnancy alone, you might be mad at him but your child is not! Every child needs a father figure in their life and by you just giving up you are depriving you child, the love of your life, the 1 person you would go through hell and back for, of a VERY important aspect in their life. Just ask yourself this one question = will you child grow to resent you because you didn't go the extra mile to keep his father in its life?

I think you should wait until after you have the baby to notify him. Childbirth is stressful and hard enough without having someone negative in the room. I think you made a good effort at trying to include him, that shows how good of a person you are. If he doesn't make any kind of effort there's nothing you can do. If he tries to not pay the child support you can get a paternity test and then he'll have no choice. But hopefully, for the baby's sake, it won't come to that. Hopefully he'll realize he's being stupid and step up to the responsibility. I really hope this works out for you.

Hi K.-

Sorry to hear your having troubles. Here's my advice: I would make one last call, even if you get voicemail, leave a message with your due date. I would throw one more shot his way with your birthdate details. If he fails to call or show up around that time, I would leave it at that. To me, if he was really interested in this child, he would be calling you and come to the ultrasound. Something, ya know. But he is keeping a distance for a reason. If you contact him one last time, I think you will feel better knowing that you did all that you could, and maybe he'll come around. Who knows! I wish you luck.
If he does keep his distance, slap him with a TON of child support for being such a jerk!! :)

I think you should call him when you know that you are going into labor. Give him the option to show up. If he doesn't then I wouldn't bother anymore, it would be clear what he has decided. Some day your baby may ask and at least you can honestly say that you tried. Good luck, and remember, you can always file for child support, they do administer blood tests when you file, my brother-in-law had to take one. I wish you luck and enjoy your baby they are the most beautiful and precious things you will ever know!

I am sure this is very hard for you....I went through this similar situation twice. The first one I was very young and naive and yes..I did call him but do you know what he said? "I will come up there when I wake up" What the heck was that? He also did not want to claim the baby but once he did show up, he bragged because his son looked just like him. My second, well we weren't really even together it was just one of those things. When I was 3 months I moved away and never called him until I was 8 months pregenant. He bought our daughter $20 dollars worth of stuff and says he bought everything she had HA! So when I was getting ready to have her I did not call him at all, I had no intentions on it. Well someone seen him at the store and told him. So he called to the hospital and I told the nurse I did not want him up there. Of course, since this was his baby she could not prevent him from seeing her but would not let him see me. He never showed up. I finally took her to see him 3 weeks later. Well, she is 10 now and he never does anything for her and he has wife who lets her oldest daughter whip her with belts and makes her and her sister (they have a daughter together) fight each other. One memorial day he went fishing and I got a call she needed to go to the emergency room! Her two front teeth were pushed up her gums. Okay...who was watching her. The wife had no remorse and then later tried to act like she cared. Well now she don't see him and my son doesn't see his dad. My son doesn't see him by his choice and my daughter well if he wants to come see her that is fine but I cant trust she will be properly taken care of. I am very independent and never asked for any help after all this. They now have a step dad that treats them as his own and as far as I am concerned that is all they need. So, I will never tell anyone what to do or judge them in any way but if it were me No!!I would not call him when you deliver, he is not helping you or supporting the pregenancy at all. Some people think that kids without two parents are worse off and I totally disagree. I have raised my kids on my own and they are really good kids, they listen, do very good in school, are respectful, and responsible. I am very glad that I have them and I constantly have people praise them. So this is my advice but I think you should do what ever you think is best!

My husband of two years was in the same situation 4 years ago. He and his girlfriend had split and she called him when she was 5 months pregnant to inform him of her pregnancy. Like most men, he also said it wasn't his. She agreed to a paternity test as soon as the baby was born, so he was a part of the remainder of her pregnancy. Keep in mind that these two people hated each other, but both had enough sense to think of the baby above all. He was in the delivery room when his daughter was born! They did the test and when he knew for sure that she was his daughter--the love he experienced was overwhelming. Some men just need the validation! Think of your baby and not how he's acting. It takes both parents to raise a child. Whether you're together or not! I wish you all the luck in the world.

I was in a similar situation with my oldest sons father. Though from the beginning he swore up and down he wasn't the father. I dropped it because I started dating a wonderful man who was going to sign the birth certificate and claim my son as his own with no doubt since he knew he wasn't really his he didn't care. It all changed when my son's real father came forward and found me (i lived here in Lorain while he moved to West Virginia) and apologized for everything he put me through at the beginning of the pregnancy. he started going to all the appts and was there for the birth of our son. Signed everything and even took me to court for child support so that our son could be taken care of with or without him around (by than he moved back to his hometown of Toledo).

If I were you I would contact him one more time and tell him, I need to know now, are you going to be in our child's life voluntarily or not? If not I will contact Child Support and we will go from there. If he still claims he's not the father just take him to court. The courts will do everything for you. I know it hurts and it's a pain...but you have to do it for you child's sake and your sanity.

K-

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope you have a close friend or relative to be with your through the delivery. Have a child is a very special event and the time should be spend and shared with those that will support you and your baby. If you do no think your ex can do this, I wouldn't notify him until after the baby is born. It would be very unfortnate to have to deal with any "relationship" issues during or right after the birth of your child. You will have enough going on and need to be able to focus on your baby once it is born.

However, I do think you owe it to yourself and the baby to take the high road and contact him once the baby is born and offer to let him visit, one time and to forward a picture. If he doesn't respond, you are done. You will always be able to tell your baby that you tried if he or she asks later. He is an adult, if he doesn't respond, he will have to answer to your child later.

Man, tought question. In KY, if his name is on the birth certificate (i.e. he is at the hospital during delivery or you put his name down), then paternity is established. This means you don't have to do much more to get child support, but you also have to be open to let him have custody and visitation of the child.

If he's not on the birth certificate, you will have to go through paternity proceedings to get child support. If you don't want him to have the child, and don't care about support, then not having him on the certificate puts the duty on him to file for paternity and makes him have to do some work to get to see the child. It's really up to you. Good luck.

hi i'm new to this site but if i were you i would call him and let him knwo you are goin in. if he don't wanna be there thats his decision and you guys can go from there. but at least give him the option. just so he can't throw it in your face later. he sounds like a real winner but who am i . i don't knwo you or him. just soemthing i would do. its out of respect for your baby and your self. hope your delivery goes well.

The father of my kids was never interested in going to the doctor with me and we were together. If you want him at the delivery or shorly after you should contact him. If you don't you should at least contact him and tell him you had it when you get home. Send him an e mail or text message if you don't want to talk to him. I am guessing if he already had 2 kids with other people then, no he probably did not want another baby. At least he does take care of the kids he has so he will most likely take care of your's as well, given the chance.

Best regards,

J. Healy

I think you should go ahead and have the baby without him since he hasn't been there through your pregnancy. After the baby is born, call him. Offer a paternity test if he doesn't believe it is his baby.

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I have to agree with the ladies, the father has every right to know when you deliver and let him make the decision on whether he wants to be a part of the baby's life or not. If he doesn't, this is something that he has to live with. You did your best and that is all you can do. I definitely wouldn't get back with him for the baby's sake. If anything, it would do more harm. I never knew my biological father and I don't care to know who he is. I am 36 years old and the only Dad that I know has been with me for 35 years, so I truly believe the saying, "Anyone can be a Father but it takes a special man to be a Dad." Long story short. My best friend is married to a man who went through similar experience as yourself. His then live-in girlfriend of 7 years found out that she was 2 months pregnant after they broke up. When she confronted him that she was pregnant with his child, he questioned if it really was his. She told him that if he denies the child now, he will never see her down the road. Several years later, his mother ran into the ex-girlfriend with her daughter. The mother said it was definitely his child - looked just like him. He then tried to contact the ex-girlfriend b/c he wanted to be a part of the child's life. She told him to go fly a kite and that she is married and her husband has adopted her daughter. The moral of this story is.... I hope that your ex doesn't have the same regrets as my best friend's husband. Sorry for the long message. I wish you and your child the best of luck!

K.,

You have made the decision for yourself and the baby at the begining. Obviously, he is not first time Dad, he doesn't really care or even have the excitement you have now. If he still loves you and cares about the baby, he will show up or contact you by now.

I agree with the others, he may just there to stress you out! Keeping him away may be better for you and the baby, he can't deined the DNA proof. The court will make him pay the child support or whatever support you need to raise this child.

Hi K.!! I understand what you're going through. The father of my first born walked out when I was 7 months pregnant. The bottomline is you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. To be honest with you the best thing you could do for your own sanity is to do the best you can to go on with living your life. Yes it is important for the child to have a father figure, but you cannot force the biological father to be a part of the child's life. Giving birth is a very usually a very stressful time anyways...do you want him there possibly contributing to your stress. Personally I would not bother to continue contacting the father...at least not at this point. For the time being the ball is in his court....he knows how to contact you. If you intend to go after him for child support, he will obviously be enlightened at that point if he's not spoken with you by then. Do not let your anger get in the way though. Things are going to be stressful enough without letting that complicate things. Best of luck to you!!!

A.

WHEN I HAD MY SON THE FATHER AND ME BROKE UP RIGHT AFTER I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. HE SAID IT WAS NOT HIS. HE SAID I WAS TRYING TO TRAP HIM. MY SON HAS MY LAST NAME BECAUSE HE WAS NOT AROUND FOR THE PREGNANCY OR THE BIRTH 3 MONTHS AFTER MY SON WAS BORN I DECIDED TO CALL THE FATHERS PARENTS TO SHOW MY SON TO THEM AND THE FATHER WAS THERE. HE NOW HAS HIM EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND IS A GOOD FATHER. I WOULD TELL YOU TO WAIT AFTER YOU COME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL AND ARE SETTLED IN BEFORE YOU NOTIFY HIM.

From the tone of your request, you seem to be handling this situation extremely well. I would definitely notify the father about the birth prior to serving him with child support papers. If you think you want to get back together with him, tell him prior to delivery and explain to him why you broke things off and why you've changed your mind. That way, it's his choice if he wants to be present at the birth. If you are not romantically interested in him, you probably don't want the additional stress of having him there... send him a birth announcement in the mail with a short note telling him he is free to be a part of his child's life at any time and let him know that the child support papers will be coming. I think the ball is in his court. Try not to focus on anger or regret but rather on your wonderful new baby. If he doesn't want to get to know his child, that is absolutely his loss!

I would make atleast one more attempt to get him involved and then depending on how that goes send him the child support papers..

i think you should let him know when you deliver because then he cant say that you didnt even give him a chance plus when your baby gets older if he/she sees that you are trying to let him/her see the dad he/she wont have hateful feelings towards you he/she willl know you gave an effort and the dad didnt and the reason i am saying this is because when i was growing up my mom had us call her boyfriends dad when we knew they werent our dad we knew our dads name and we had one picture of our dad every time my dad had any idea where we lived we were moving again i never met my dad until i was 19

Hi K.. I sort of have a similar situation. I broke up with the father of my son (who's now 2) before i even knew i was pregnant. He wasn't really a big part of the pregnancy... whether that was his doing or mine depends on who you ask. But he has been a big part of Conner's life. I had to have a C-section. He came to the hospital but i had him wait in the waiting room. I had my mom in with me. Do whatever makes you comfortable. This is the last time you'll be doing anything for yourself. After the birth, it's all about that preious little baby! So, I would designate someone with the responsibility of calling him when you go into labor. You have yourself and your baby to worry about. Whether or not he comes, is his problem. Trust me, you'll only be worrying about your child. But after the baby is born (or even before) you two really need to work on a friendship. It's taken me and my sons father almost 2 years to get to where we are now in our relationship with eachother...but it's well worth the work! My son just turned 2 and he was there for the bday party and we got along great. For the sake of your child, swallow your pride and try your hardest to be his friend. It will make your life alot easier as well! Whether you're the primary parent custody wise or not, he still has a say! I'm moving to OHio in oct from Florida and luckily we were able to sit down and talk like friends without any lawyers and he's letting us go. I couldn't believe that i had to legally have him sign a paper saying i can take Conner to another state when I'm the one raising him everyday!!! But, father's have a lot more rights these days...So start the relationship off good...it will benefit you and your child in the end. Hope this helps. If you come across any more issues like this...(like which last name to give your child...he has mine!)I've prob been through it. don't hesitate to ask.

Hi K.!!
How long have you been on this website?
S.

K.,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through right now. This should be an exciting time to share with the one you love.

It sounds like he's not interested in the baby which can be a good thing. You need to decide if you want to call him and why. It might be hard on you to see him especially if you think he still cares about you during the PP time? Think about these questions.....

Why would you let him know? What do you want from him? Wouldn't he have called if he cared? Do you want him to come back only because of his curiosity with the baby or because he wants to? Will he be any help to you after baby is here? Can you trust him??? Think about it!

His lack of involvement doesn't prevent him from paying child support so make sure you go through the court to get it from him. If he comes around to visit you have someone with you when he sees the baby at your place ( a relative or friend). Don't let him take the baby by himself for a while. You need to feel that hae can be trusted . If he continues to visit as baby gets older get visitation rights decided through the courts so it's on record.

The Help Me Grow Program is available to you after delivery, or even now during the prenatal time. It's through your local (county) Health Dept. A free visit in your home to answer your questions and make sure you're in the programs that are available to you. I work in the Wood Co. HMG Program although each program is a little different. Email me if you have questions.

Good Luck!

K.

P.S. Make sure you have good, caring labor support during your delivery and after!

I think the emotions both you and the father are going through are normal. I bet he will come around after the baby arrives. You are right that it will be much better for your child if the two of you can work things out. I would suggest either having him in the waiting room during the birth or contacting him right after the birth. I know you are angry, but you are doing this for your little one.

It's not about "you" anymore it's about what is best for your baby. You should put your personal feelings aside and contact him when your baby is born and give him every opportunity to be a part of his child's life. Keep in mind that some day your child will be asking about his/her father and don't you want to be able to say that you made every effort to keep him in your child's life??
Good Luck.

I think the father needs to be notified. That way he can't ever blame you for not being there. Also you couldn't ever blame yourself for not letting him know. Keep in mind that this experience needs to be focused on you and the baby, so be prepared for that. You don't have to let him in the room if you don't want or you think he might upset you. Also don't get your hopes up of him showing. But it will give you peace of mind to know that you were the bigger person and did everything you could to include him in on his childs birth and life.

He's not calling? The phone works two ways. I say It's his loss. Child support will let him know. You can do this alone! L. H

I would contact him for your child's sake. If he is a no show that is on him and then let him deal with the support papers.

I would send him a letter to let him know the baby was born. You can not force him to have contact with the child. My younger sister did not know who her real father was and it was difficult for her growing up not knowing. All you can do if he backs out is be honest with the child. When they grow up they can decide to go out and pursue him.

I'm a single mom, and I have some experience with this topic. My ex-husband and I separated when my girls were 6 and 3. Although he was a pretty good dad, he has faded into the woodwork since our divorce was final. My girls are old enough to remember their dad, so it hurts them to know that he chooses not to be in their lives.

K., you've done your part in extending the olive brach, and he chose not to accept it. I assume he knows your due date. If so, I would hope he will be thinking about you and his new child on that day. You shouldn't have to remind him. If he wants to be part of the child's life, he needs to be man enough to take the initiative.

Obviously, it would be ideal for him to be part of your child's life -- but only if he is committed to being a stable presence. If not, your child is better off without him. There is no point in establishing a relationship with a father that won't be there for the long haul. It will do more harm than good.

My advice to you is to be the best mom you can be. Give your baby all the love and support he/she needs, and it will be more than enough.

Hi K.,
I feel for you, I was in the same boat about 10 years ago (I am 30 now). I won't go into big deatils, but I will say this. The big day is all about you and your baby. I would call him once your baby is born, and invite him to come meet your little one. If your X is willing, wipe the slate clean from that moment on and work toward raising your child. But he needs to understand you gave him the oppertunity early on to ba a part of things & he declined. My son only made it 3 days, and his dad never came to meet him. I wish you much luck, and will say a very big prayer for your situation! Please let us know how you do! Regaurds, F.

K,
I understand exactly what you are going through..however, my sons father and i were together at the time of his birth-so he was in the hospital w/ me. from the beginning he always said he didnt want to have this child-but no way was i giving him up, i had to take responsibility for what i had done. we split up when my son was 9 mos old. i never heard from him, nor did he ever pay his child support. about 7 mos ago he decided he wanted to be in my sons life, we worked through things and he became a very active part of his live. however, approx a month ago we split up again-he has yet to call or come and see his son. it absolutely breaks my heart that i let my son become attached to him so he could just up and walk out. i have since decided that if he is not going to be a stable part of my sons life there is no reason i should pressure him to do so.
i would advise you to let this man know when your child is born-let him take action from there. i have been through the child support system and know for a fact that even though he pays you $ that gives him no visitation rights-it is 2 separate issues. if he is not at the hospital to sign the birth cert then child support will require him to take a paternity test. if he does sign the certificate and then later decides he wants a paternity test, he will have to pay for all of the costs-and its not cheap.
Just remember your child is going to be the most important thing in your life-i have learned from personal experience that it is the worst thing to have something valuable to your child taken out of their life-if he is not willing to h elp now-hes probably not worth your time.

This is a tough situation. I think that you should call him after the birth to say "You have a boy/girl" would you like to come meet him/her? Some might think that it is cruel not to say something to him while you are in labor or going to the hospital, but when you are having contractions the last thing you are going to want to do is track his butt down. Maybe you could let him know a week or two before. You could let him know that the day is near. Ask him if he wants to be there for the birth. He might hate himself if he misses the birth. It seems like you have tried to involve him in the pregnancy, so don't be hard on yourself if he doesn't want to step up to the plate! Good Luck!

Hi! I cannot say that I fully understand what you are going through, but I have been involved in situations such as your's. If it was me, I would not contact the father. His history of being supportive, caring, and constistant is not very stable. If you call, and he says he'd come, and then doesn't, I would think it would lead to more mental and emotional anguish on you when it's supposed to be the best day of your life. Or it can go the other way, if he says he wants nothing to do with the baby, then still, the anguish falls on you. You did what you could. You are not his babysitter. Let him find out by mail, and let him make the choice. I know your baby needs a father, but does your baby need a father who leaves promises unfulfilled and cannot be relied upon?

Don't bother calling this guy. Get a paternity test when the baby is born, and get child support. Raise the child as well as you can. The father has obviously opted out of your life, so let him go, but get the needed funds.