27 answers

Should I Move on from This Relationship?

I was looking on Match.com and found the guy I have been dating on there as member for less than 2 weeks.

I think the problem is me! I think I am too fat for someone to "truly" love. (not really feeling down on my self, but I don't think I would want to date me if I was a man. 65 in tall 300 lbs) We had dated over 4 years ago for about 4 months and then went our seperate ways until the Holiday season of 2009. We started dating again and began having sex for the first time. Ironically, the thing I hated about the last guy I was with (which I posted about him) started happening with him. Except worse, we would not talk for days or weeks, if I didn't initiate it. We haven't talked on the phone for over a month, and on that conversation, I told him what I wanted in our relationship. He told me that he wasn't looking to settle down, because he wasn't planning to live in this city forever. However, he assured me that I was the only one and that he was not looking for anyone else. He also said, if he was no longer interested, he would let me know, he doesnt like playing games. So again we haven't spoken in person ever since then which has been about a month. Within that month, I sent him a kiss via cell phone and he replied Thanks - that was the only personal dialog we had in a month. The only forms of communication we have is the comments we give each other on FB, and that's been only about 5 times for both. Anyway, I looked online to Match.com just to see if he was on there (intuition, I guess) and sure enough he was on there as a new member. I was not his body type preference, too. I think I should move on, but when we are together it's great, we talk for hours and hours, he's cooked for me, etc.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Move on.
It is not mutual.
He's trying to be nice about it, polite but not personal... he is keeping his distance.
If any man were interested, they show it. Consistently. And HE would be initiating it.

Move on.

all the best,
Susan

4 moms found this helpful

It sounds to me like you're a 'convenience' for him. And don't let the body type sway you--my hubby and I are total body opposites. When you find the right person, you'll just know. I would move on and start looking for that someone you're meant to be with :)

2 moms found this helpful

One...no one is too fat to love. I've seen plenty of fat people who get married and live happily ever after. I've myself had many boyfriends who preferred a larger, softer woman--I've also been dumped for losing too much weight.

Two...if he is interested, he'll call. Desperation stinks on anyone...thin or otherwise. Move on to someone else who can appreciate what you have to offer. Don't let him use you for whatever reason.

Dating as an adult is hard.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Please don't take offense, but please don't confuse "booty-calls" with having a relationship. It sounds like this person is very happy to have you fulfill his physical needs as long as you're willing...but I think he's made it very clear he will not be there for you emotionally.

From my point of view, I don't think your physical appearance is a hinderance...it might be more about how you feel about yourself and what those feelings are radiating to him and others. If you don't feel good about yourself, then why should he?

Stop dwelling on things "you" don't like about yourself and start living life to the fullest. It's amazing how we think our inner thoughts can not be picked up by others...and hold us back. You're probably a doll to look at, a truly sweet person inside and out, and if you had more confidence you'd probably already be settled with the right guy.

In the future "you" be choosy when picking a potential mate. Make them feel like they're lucky you're giving them the time of day! Radiate "I'm exclusive, top notch, and worth the investment" and they'll treat you like it!

I'm sorry this doesn't sound like it's working out, but as far as I'm concerned it's a blessing! He sounds like a total loser. Knock the dust off your shoes and find someone worthy of you.

6 moms found this helpful

I think you know the answer to this already...you need to find someone who loves you for you...not because you are just available. If he were truly interested in you he wouldnt be going a month without getting in touch with you!!!
I too am overweight...but that doesn't define WHO we are...we are personality, activities that we like to do, things that interest that we like to talk about, we are people...not just a body type!!! Don't sell yourself short...you probably know, just like I do that we would be healthier and probably happier, if we could lose weight...but we can't stop living while until that happens!!!
We have to first love ourselves...and then others will love us. My husband of 40 + years would be much happier if I would lose about 75 lbs and be closer to the girl I was when he first met me...but then I don't love HIM any less because he has lost all of his hair since we married...or because he now wears a hearing aid (Which actually is a GOOD thing..he doesn't blast me out of the car with the radio or out of the house with the tv anymore...lol) or dentures!!! We love each other because we love the person underneath all of those physical things!!!
You will find someone...but you need to love yourself and respect yourself before others will do it !!!
Dump the guy...I would go on Match.com and leave him a message tell him you hope he finds his PERFECT Match...and you are moving on with your life!!!

5 moms found this helpful

First of all, one of my dear friends is approximately your body type. She is a fun person who makes a difference in the community. She has always been "traditionally built" (do you read the Ladies #1 Detective Agency series?), and is struggling with a chronic illness (which contributes to her size), but she doesn't let it stop her when possible. And she has a husband who ADORES her.

But being married doesn't make her Somebody. And being a size whatchamacallit doesn't make her Nobody.

I'm sorry to say that whatever this relationship of yours was, it was at best an "almost" romance. I don't think your body type had anything to do with it! The man is not interested in settling down, he may leave town when he feels inclined, and he's not interested in talking with you, but you're the only one for him? And now he's joined a dating site again? Yeah, right. (There was a nasty name for that kind of thing back before I was even born: "Why buy a cow when milk is so cheap?") He's not interested in a real relationship, and he's lousy in the integrity department. Who needs him?

Don't keep thinking about him just because you wonder if anyone else will be interested. You don't want to "settle for what you can get." Abusive relationships begin that way, and it doesn't matter what size you are for THAT to be true.

So you are right; it is time to move on. Shut the door on that man, lock it, and don't be home for him any more AT ALL. Go get a new hairstyle or something, and then start making different plans.

I've looked at some of the other comments, and I hope you'll take them seriously. When you doubt if you're valuable, for any reason, it's difficult to break out of that mindset (I know from experience). But It's worthwhile to tackle, because you are worthwhile. You sound like a diamond in the rough to me.

This is what I would like to think of you as doing. I would like you to see a doctor and a counselor and do some work - on getting HEALTHY. You're tall, and you can carry more weight than a 4'11" petite gal, but find out what you need to do to improve yourself. Maybe you'll never be a fashion model. Maybe you'll never have all the men drooling at you. Most women never will be or have those things. The thing is that when you start becoming healthier, you start thinking about yourself differently, and you will want to commit to becoming healthier still. It's all connected. It will take both physical and emotional changes, but you'll be amazed at the different direction your life takes.

And when YOU decide to look for a guy again - to go out with or to marry - don't let him pick you. YOU pick HIM. And be choosy!

5 moms found this helpful

My husband and I were in the store today and we looked at sooo many women. He said soooo many men love women like you describe yourself. So move on and find a man who wants the earth and the stars -cause honey you can provide it. Do not worry what your size is. My next door neighbors just got married. He is extremely thin and she is an earth goddess. Love yourself and enjoy it. Your weight might come off or maybe not. This guy married a woman he loves. Not a picture in a magazine. I wanted to tell you how much you can be loved.

5 moms found this helpful

Move on.
It is not mutual.
He's trying to be nice about it, polite but not personal... he is keeping his distance.
If any man were interested, they show it. Consistently. And HE would be initiating it.

Move on.

all the best,
Susan

4 moms found this helpful

Yes, I think you should move on. Perhaps you should also take a break from relationships for awhile and work on nurturing yourself, and figuring out why you think you're unloveable. You aren't. But if you believe that about yourself, it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy. And you may attract the sort of guy who takes advantage of your vulnerability.

First, take care of your health. Don't think of your weight in terms of appearance -- it's your health you need to focus on. When you start making progress there you will begin to re-build your self-confidence and self-esteem. I've struggled with weight issues for years, so I do understand how you feel. Talk to a counselor and/or a nutritionist and surround yourself with loving and supportive family and friends. With that support and effort, you can get yourself to a point where you can find a satisfying relationship. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

It doesn't sound like he's interested. If he was, it seems like he'd be talking to you a lot more and definately not be on match.com. There is someone out there for you who will love you and treasure you for YOU!! You don't need to be messing around with someone who makes you feel like he might not be that into you. Good luck!!

3 moms found this helpful

Not being harsh here, just truthful: it sounds like you were a booty call, which is all this guy is after. I really don't think it has to do with your weight.

3 moms found this helpful

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