Should I Hold My Child Back a Year Before Kindergarten?

S.,

I have a daughter that has a late birthday(Aug. 18). I fought with holding her back. Then last year she was in 4th grade and barely passing. She did pass all of her test but because of her poor grades we held her back. She repeated 4th grade this year and has made the honor roll every 6 weeks. I have to say it has worked wonderfully for us. We talk about it every now and then and say what a wonderful thing we did for her. I would suggest holding your child back sooner because of peers but my daughter goes to a very small school and we have not had an issue of other children putting her down for being held back. Which was one of our biggest issues.

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If your daughter is doing well then there is no reason to hold her back. My mother did the same with my sister therefore making her one older children in her class. My sister missed all of her first set of friends and becames very much bored and started to dislike school. If there is no other reason other than her birthday I do not believe you should her back and speak from personal experience as well. She sounds like she is very bright little girl. She will get academically bored and school won't be fun and challenging.

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I am a former school teacher and I have taught kinder, 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade. You are right, you never know what the future holds but I don't think you should worry about a problem until there is a problem to worry about. If her preschool teacher thinks there is no concern then I say go ahead and put her in kinder. The teacher will let you know if there is an issue you need to be concerned with and then you can work on it (if there is one) at home. :)

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Personally, my birthday is in May and I seemed to have always struggled growing up. BUT....my parents were not a good support for me all my life. I still struggle.

My daughter (now 8 1/2) on the other hand was reading at age four and ready for Kindergarten when she turned 5, but because she has a September birthday, she had to wait one year. I taught preschool during her preschool years; therefore, I was aware of what most 4 year olds were capable of (or not). My daughter was ready, but waited another year anyway. Currently, she is completing 2nd grade and second year as gifted and talented student making straight A's.

The biggest difference between me and my daughter is parental support. I give my daughter huge amount of support and I've always worked with her since she was born.

You know your daughter better than anyone else. Use your best judgment. She'll do great!

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My birthday was a day after the cut off date- September 6. So they didn't let me in kindergarten. My mom put me in pre-k and I was so bored. I wrote the names for the children on their papers and was the teachers' helper but I didn't learn anything. Unfortunately it stayed that way- I was always ahead of the kids and was miserable. My mom finally homeschooled me in fourth grade and I even skipped sixth entirely because I learned all of 4rth 5th and 6th in a short time.

That said, they now have GT classes and if your daughter has that problem, she might be moved into GT.

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I would not listen to that teacher! If for some reason you see academically that she's not doing good and she flunks, then of course, she would be put back. I wouldn't just put her back strickly because a teacher said to or because she has a late birthday. What does that have to do with the tea in China? Also, I don't consider being born in May late. My 15 year old's birthday is in May and my 13 year old's birthday is in December. After August is considered late.

Your child is gonna be emotionally stable or unstable because of her upbringing, not because of her academics. She needs to move on to the next level with her peers. Peer pressure, driving...? So, don't you think she needs to continue with her peers. If she's put back, she's gonna be on a level way below the one she should be and when she starts talking about peer pressure and dating...you talking about an emotional rollercoaster. She'll be confused because her peers would've already gotten to that stage in their life and she'll be with a group that's not ready. She really would have pressure then because she'll be one step ahead of them. She needs to stay with those in her own age group.

I believe if you keep her back a year, she will be emotionally unstable because she'll regret you for doing it.

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My daughter's birthday (who is grown now) is in the middle of August. I felt it may do more harm than good to hold her back. Your daughter is doing well academically so I feel there would be no reason to hold her back. If you feel she is feeling ok emotionally about going to school, I say let her go to the next level. As you know, each person is different so we have to follow our hearts on something like this. Good luck!

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S.,
I would not classify May as a late birthday. I do not beleive in holding a child back because of a birth month. If you beleive your child is ready both academically and emotionally than by all means send that child to school!!! I have 5 children and their birth months vary from October to July (going by the school calendar.) I myself have a July birthday and as far as peer pressure and dating, etc. That sounds like a bunch of bologna! My firends were all older then me in school and my daughter that also has a July birthday, Her friends are all older than her. But it doesn't matter how old they are when it come to perr pressure that is where the morals the you instill in your child play their part! I have learned a lot about keeping the line of comunication very open with your children. My oldest who is now 21 years old and has an October birthday, making her one of the oldest in her class, gave into a more peer pressure than my 18 year old did. Now I didn't have the open comunication with the oldest one that I have with the rest of them but all the rest of them come home and tell me all about what so and so is doing and what they are trying to get them to do and we discuss it very openly. The most important thing is buld that line of comunication now while your daughter is young , make it a part of conversation everyday. Don't wait until it is to late like I did on my first one. Even all 3 of my daughter's friend come and talk to me because they know that I will not look down on them for anything they might say. I guess the biggest thing when it comes to all the peer pressure is be your daughter's best friend not her mother! And start it now don't wait until it is too late!
I am a Single work at home Mom of 5 Beautiful children!

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Since when May considered a late birthday? My son's birthday is at the end of July and we did consider keeping him out another year, but ended up sending him anyway. I think it was mostly for my sanity. :-) Anyway, he's done fairly well. Academically he's right on track. He's had some behavior issues but was diagnosed with ADHD so we now have some helps in that area. He is just finishing up his First Grade year and even though he's the youngest in his class I am so glad we sent him. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

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Hi S.,

It depends on the on the emotional maturity of the child and how the parents handle each stage of development. The outcome will also depend on how well the parents and child communicate and deal with the issues that come along. My parents were not prepared to deal with what would come. There is much more help available now.

I am an April baby and started school at age 4. I was tested and because could already read and write the school encouraged my parents to put me in school. Academically and physically, I could handle anything, but I was smaller than the other kids and I was emotionally immature. That did effect my grades. High School was disapointing. All the other kids were dating and driving before me. My dad didn't want me going to prom and being exposed to alcohol and possibly sex. I was very active in school sports and church programs. I was popular enought to be elected President of this Captian of that. But, I graduated at age 16 and even though I was very bright, I had problems finding work. I wanted to go on to college but Dad didn't have the money, and he didn't like all the drugs at the college level (1960's). Dad was too protective of me. I married just before my 19th birthday and I have a beautiful family to show for that. By the way, I finished college on my own in 1984!

I have no regrets now but I think my school experience might have been better if I had been more mature when I started the process.

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My daughter will turn 5 on August 7th. She has been in Pre-K this past year and doing very well. She's one of the youngest in her Pre-K group but I'm sending her to Kindergarten. I have several friends that have sons the same age as my daughter (with July/August b-days) and they are holding them back. I feel you should do what is right for each child. You can't worry about the future. If you and her teacher feel she is ready then I say "go for it". I'm an August birthday and was always the youngest throughout my school years. I know we live in different times but I turned out alright. ;-)

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I would not consider May a late birthday. My brother & I both have May birthdays and did well in school & life. I have a daughter, a niece & my best friend's son who all have August birthdays so all of them have been younger than most of their peers and they too have all done very well. My grandson has a September birthday so he will most likely be one of the oldest (& tallest) in his clss.

I don't think I would have even given consideration to holding back a daughter, especially one doing well academically, with a birthday in May.

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My daughter is an August birthday, going into the fifth grade, and we did not hold her back. I actually have a hard time considering May a "late" birthday. Anyway, my daughter has had no problems whatsoever. In fact she would be so bored academically if we held her back. There are some kids older than her and some the same age. You can not predict the future but you just do what you can. I am happy we did not hold my daughter back. She has lots of friends, is active in many activities including sports, and never seems young or immature. I hope this helps!

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As a MS teacher, it's almost always the boys that I would give the advice to hold back. If she's academically there and had success working with groups then send her! Best wishes

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I have a daughter that is 7 and her bday is i late May. We help her back a year and enrolled her into Pre-K. She has been doing wonderful this year in Kindergarten. We didnt hold her back because of academics, i didnt feel she was ready for all day at school. She like being on the older side of her class.
Kathy

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S., I think you have received some excellent opinions here. I think the best advise that has been given to you is to go with your instinct. I wouldn't listen to any statement regarding not starting school yet that has the words "late birthday" in them. There are plenty of kids that are not ready for school emotionaly at 5 and plenty that are at 4. I am a teacher and have taught kindergarten. If your daughter is ready to learn then put her in. When she is 16, if she doesn't feel ready to handle driving, she can wait a few months! Right now, all you know is now! And yes, by the way people, spring birthdays are not "late" birthdays. August birthdays are "late" birthdays (although my daughter who is starting k this year has a friend born sept 2 who has to wait another year, and she is ready).

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I taught kinder for 5 years and I would reccomend NOT holding her back at this time. I would just keep your options open to hold her back at the end of kinder if you watch her and feel she would benefit from repeating the grade. I've seen lots of children do this at the end of kinder. At least see her in a public school setting before making a final decision.

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Here is a link to an article (from a respected researcher) on this topic.

http://journal.naeyc.org/btj/200309/DelayingKEntry.pdf

I personally do not consider May to be that late of a birthday. My son is a June baby and started when he was five- he is fine academically and socially. My daughter will be 5 in August and we are sending her also- she is academically fine and a social child (no problems stating her opinions to us or anyone else!!)

If she is not seriously emotionally or academically delayed- I would not worry about sending her. Good luck- we have so many decisions to make for our kids!!

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I have been an elementary school teacher for 16 years, and I have never heard of holding a girl back just because she had a May birthday or even a summer birthday. Teachers usually recommend holding boys back when they have a summer birthday, but for boys or girls, it should be on a case by case basis. In fact, my four year old son has a July birthday, but I am going to wait and see how he does in pre-k. If he is not ready, then I will hold him back in pre-k. I was an August birthday, and I did fine in school. I think how a child handles peer pressure in high school is based more on self-esteem, family support, and how he or she was raised not just about age. I hope this helps. I know I will be going through the same thing next summer.

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I think this is a hard decision, but you know your daughter best. Being out of school early is a good thing if your daughter is emotionally mature enough. Being out early gives her an early start on her career, which would increase her earning power. I am all for waiting with boys, however. Boys don't mature as fast as girls for the majority of boys. I am moving to Round Rock this next month and am considering holding my 5th grader boy back and have him do 5th grade again before going on to middle school. He has ADD and had a horrible 3rd grade teacher who wouldn't make the modifications he needed, which put him even farther back.

Good luck. You just have to make the decision and go with it and not second guess yourself. My brother was not held back in kindergarten (he was an Aug birthday) and my mother always regretted it. He had a rough time in school. I was an older kid in school and wish I had of been younger.

Everyone is different.

J.
www.livetotalwellness.com/janislanz

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Afternoon S., The best piece of advice I feel that I can give you is, you and your husband need to prayer on it over the summer. When it is time to register her for school, you will have your answer. You are right, we can't tell the future. But only you and your husband know your child better then anyone. Just today my husband was saying we need to find our daughter friends that seem to be more like her. she will be 3 this July but is very advanced for her age. Her teacher's called her mother hen, because of how caring and concerned she was with other children. But, just watch your daughter, and ask her what she might be feeling on it also. But Prayer. God Bless and have a blessed day!

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I have a May b-day and turned out just fine. go ahead and let her go. girls tend to do well anyway.

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I have the same dilemna with my daughter, who's birthday is late August. I've asked several friends with August birthdays how it was for them and they said it was ok. Just today another mom told me her child was always the youngest and it was hard when she was in high school and her friends were driving and dating and she wasn't allowed to. Socially, my daughter enjoys playing with older children better than younger ones, so I will not hold her back and just pray about the teenage social issues when the time comes! I know I was bored academically in school and advanced academically, but my parents would not advance me when the teachers recommended it because of social concerns. But now kids get the opportunity to take advanced classes in school, even complete college courses while in H.S., so academics may not be that big a deal. It's a hard decision, but don't worry that you are making the wrong one no matter what you decide. I think that there will be opportunities later on for you deal with whatever you decide. (either way). Good luck!

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S.,

I was in the same place years ago. I made the mistake of letting my bright daughter with the late birthday go on to school. It never really caught up to her until she was a sophomore in high school. That summer all of her friends could drive and get jobs and she was too young. It was very hard on her. I was also a primary teacher for 34 years and have told parents many times that you are in a position to give your child the gift of time. I hope this helps!

S.

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Personally I think that's rubbish to hold back your child because of a future 16yrs down the road. If she's emotionally ready to start kindergarten, then she's ready for the next step.
The only excuse I've ever heard for holding back is to allow the child to just be a child one more year before starting the rigors of school.
Every child is different. When it comes down to it, YOU know your child better than anyone else, especially when it comes to emotional readiness.

HTH
K., mama to
Catherine, 4.5y
Samuel, 16m

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Dear S.
This teacher really knows what she is talking about and if I were you, I wouldn't hesitate to take her advice.
I am seeing first-hand with a friend of mine how she is at present battling with her little girl who is still in Grade school but wanting to wear make up (which she does!) and dress and carry on like girls much older than her. She is far from ready for the dating game and all that but under a great deal of peer pressure and feels inadequate that she cannot measure up - even physically, her growth has not reached their proportions and her mum even resorted to getting her a training bra which she doesn't need and it all seems such a shame as she is losing out on the last period of her childhood.
Kind regards
Jewel

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Personally I don't consider May to be a late birthday. My b-day is May 17th. If her birthday was in Aug or Sept I would definately think it a consideration. I went to school on time and did very well academically as well as socially. I am now a 40 year old mother of 2, CPA married for 15 years. My oldest also has a May Birthday and just celebrated 9 years last week. She is just finishing 3rd grade has straight A's, lots of friends, rides horses and is just like all the other girls in her class. Just something to consider. Especially with girls if she is doing well accademically at this time she should be ready to go!

Good luck!

D.

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If you are being advised that this is a good thing to do I would recommend that you follow their advice. I have a late birthday son and we did not hold him back. He always had a difficult time in school both academically and emotionally. I truly believe if we had held him back it would have been so much easier on him with that extra year of development/maturing. So do it while she is young and the affects will only be positive. This is a good thing and not to be considered bad that you need to do this. My other son had a November birthday, was held back automatically and had a much easier time.

Good luck on whatever decision you make!!
C. R

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S.,

I think that each kiddo is different and you just have to do what you feel is best for your individual child. Personally I was always the youngest and it never bothered me a bit. My birthday is in December AND I skipped first grade so as you can imagine all of my peers were much older than I was.

My mother agonized over the decision to let me advance to 2nd grade after only a week of first. But from what she tells me she just had to follow her instincts that I was ready.

I never felt diminished or like I could not keep up. My teachers, friends and family were always extremely supportive and made sure that if I needed extra assistance that it was made available.

I graduated at the top of my class in highschool as well as college. I have never seem my age as a disadvantage.

Best of luck to you. Go with your gut & I'm sure that you will make the right decision for your daughter.

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Since when is May a late birthday? It's not even halfway through the year. My sisters and I are all born in August, all started school on time, and all of did great in school and have at least a Bachelor's degree.
I would start her in Kindergarden on time and if she seems emotionally stunted among her peers at that time, consider repeating the grade. I'm just surprised that that 5th month of the year is now considered a 'late' birthday.
Good luck with the decision!

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I have a first grader who is very smart and missed the cutoff date to start kindergarten by 2 days. My inlaws told me to get her tested and have her start early. My gut told me to wait and I am glad I did, because I didn't want a 17 year old starting college. Things are hard enough. I was a teacher before I had my kids and I've seen it all. You know your child and what is best. Pray about it and decide for yourself. If she is bright, there is always the AG programs in most schools for gifted kids. It wouldn't hurt her self esteem any to be the smartest in the class. I am sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. Best of luck to you!

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Don't hold her back. A mother knows her child. She will be fine. My daughter is a July bday and she just has had the best time in school. I never dreamed of holding her back eventhough I had a few comments myself at the time. Go with your instinct - that's what it is there for.

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I have done both, I have a son with an Aug birthday and we held him, my younger son is late May and we sent him. the only choice I regret was holding my older child. I was told that since he had adhd that I should give him more time to mature. The kid was bored to tears that last year in preschool and as soon as he got to kindergarten, he flew ahead of the rest of the kids and now he is a full year older than everyone else and he feels it. You know your daughter, dont let anyone tell you what you "should" do, do what you feel is right for her. BTW, my younger son is just finishing kindergarten and can read on a 2nd grade level, is doing multiplication and adding and subtracting..these kids will do anything you give them to please the teacher, they are like sponges!
Best of luck

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You know your child best but if you were only considering holding her back just because of this one teacher my feeling would be to ignore it. Keep in mind many other countries start their first year of school when kids are 4. My daughter started school in Britain at the age of 4 and although she's now in the American school system she's absolutely fine. Especially if your child is above average academically I don't think one year is going to be a heavy "emotional maturity" issue. The danger if you hold her back is that she'll be bored and behaviour problems could start because of that. Follow your gut instict and ignore well meaning people who don't know your child as well as you do.

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Three of my four daughters are started school a year later because their bdays were in between Oct-Dec. I think this was a good thing for them because of some of the reasons you stated. It was better that my oldest was not 17 when she went off to college but 18 and more mature. My other two are still in pre school and Kindergarten. My only summer baby is in 9th and she has always been the youngest in her class. I havent really noticed any problems with this as of yet. But she has always been more mature for her age anyway.

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I haven't walked this road myself, but I read a very persuasive article in the NYT that said that the biggest academic and social advantage we can give a child is to start them late rather than early if they are on the line. I also have a good friend with a terrific daughter who is going to be repeating first grade because she was having a lot of behavioral problems from being the youngest in the class and just decided to hold her son back from starting kindergarten as soon as he was eligible to make sure that doesn't happen again.

That's all I know -- I know if it was me, I'd have started my kid early, because I'm an eager beaver, so I'm glad she's in the middle of her year!

good luck!
M.

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I assume your daughter will turn 5 in May this year, right! If that is correct and if she is above her peers academically I would not hold her back! What type of preschool is she attending? 5 days a week program or 3 mornings? I think an August birthday is late! I know boy's mature later than girls, but girls seem to handle the transition well!

A little about me:
I am an RN and a Montessori teacher. I have 2 (children) a son (22) and a daughter (14)

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Good idea. She gave you good advice. Older children are better at handleing problems emotionally. They often become leaders, as well as achiever.

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My daughter also has a late birthday...July. Honestly I have no regrets about not holding her back, peer pressure is something they will face anywhere. I just focus on talking and preparing now, and I hope and pray that everything will work out great, and with the grace of God they will. My daughter is almost in the 5th grade and I cant tell the differenc between her and her friends who's birthday is earlier in the year??
Hope this helps..I felt the same pressure when she was in Kindergarten and decided that she would be bored academically if she repeated kindergarten...
HAVE A GOOD DAY
M.

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I am a mom and an elementary school teacher. I have considered doing the same with my daughter who has an Aug. 2nd birthday in the coming years when she will be in school. As for your daughter, I don't recommend it. She has a May birthday. She will be of age before the end of the school year, not even a summer baby. If she is academically ready don't hold her back. That is cheating her and will probably hurt her socially actually.

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Hello, my name is A. and I have a 13 year old daughter, whom was pushed ahead a year in 1st grade, while we lived out of state. She now is the smallest, underdeveloped, youngest of her class; but these things aren't that important to her. She still makes good choices in accordance with her age, we have a really close relationship and talk about everything. One thing I've always stuck with is to take 15 minutes every evening immediately after school to see how her day was, what challenges she may have faced, this way everything is still fresh on her mind and if anything is bothering her we deal, or dealt with it. I explained a lot of situations to her, our biggest problem would be drama with other females, but I raised her to be friends with everyone no matter whom they are, how they dress, or are classifed. She's the child who brings everyone together. But if I had to change any choice I made about skipping a grade I wouldn't. She loves the fact that she's younger than everyone. She is part of the National Junior Honor Society (2 years now)keeps straight A's, sings in choir and generally has a good head on her shoulders. She still comes to me with everything as well.

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Dear S.--Wow! I could understand if your daughter's birthday was in the late summer, but the end of May is not THAT late. I think the teacher is being overly cautious. If she is on-target academically and seems to be happy, let her go on to kindergarten.

My birthday is May 19th, and I never had any problems blending in with my peers or making decisions. I think you are the best judge of whether or not your child is ready for kindergarten, not the teacher who has had her in class for just one school year.

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My daughter's b-day is 8/28 and the cut-off is 9/1. She made it by 3 days. We did not hold her back, she's just finishing Kinder. We have no regrets so far about not holding her back, in fact we were just talking about this last night! I DO worry about the decisions she will have to make as a preteen, though. But academically, I simply could not justify keeping her back.

I also teach 2nd grade and have seen a LOT of kids. In my experience the summer b-day issue is more pronounced with boys. The girls I've taught don't seem to struggle as much. Maybe a middle school teacher will respond and we can both get answers on that!

Bottom line: you know your child. Kids aren't the same.

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I have 3 children and their birthdays are May, June, and July. Every year there is at least one teacher that suggest holding them back just because they are younger than most in their grade. They are doing their work and even getting on the honor roll, so I have not held them back any. I have one that is going into the 7th grade this year and the only problems she is having is that she isn't into makeup and boys as much as the other girls, but then again she is more interested in farm life. The other will be in the 4th grade and she is doing fine keeping up with the others and the 3rd one is going to Kindergarten and with him being the only boy I am not sure yet if he is going to be mature enough for the 1st grade after next year but we will have to wait and see. As of now he is fitting in very well with the older boys in his class. If your child is progressing well and you do not think that it will do any harm to let her go on to the next grade it is your choice and the school will have to let her go. Just remember, Pre-school is not a time for maturity, that will come if you do not let them act like a baby. If your school is like ours they have Kindergarten and then they also have what used to be transitional first grade, which is an advaced Kindergarten for the ones that can do the work but may not be ready for the strict rules of the next grade. You may want to check into that as well to help make your choice. Sorry this goes on and on but it is a problem that we face every year! If you do send her on get ready for that as well.

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that is a personal decision you know your child better than anyone my grandson was held back because of his late b-day and it has worked out very well his gradution is in two weeks and he will be 19 in a few weeks it has never seem to affect him and he has been in the same school district in the same small town all his life i think it has been very good for him he is the pride and joy of our hearts remember the younger they are the better they adjust good luck and GOD BLESS

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Hi S.,
My husband and I have just sorted through this problem. My daughter has an October birthday. She will start kindergarten at 5 and turn 6.

Personally, I would not have waited if I had known how to challenge the system. My daughter is also academically advanced and pretty mature for her age. I don't think that waiting the year will determine how your daughter makes decisions in the future-it's how well YOU train your child that makes the difference. My husband and I work diligently to train both our children about what is right and what is wrong. We teach them good morals and let them know that their actions have consequences. These are the lessons that will form how your child will make decisions in the future-not when they start kindergarten. they can start kindergarten at 7, but if they are never taught how to evaluate a situation and then make a decision based on what they know to be right, they will still make mistakes. Just my opinion. Hope this helps.
D.

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Hi S.,

This is something I also struggled with. My son has an August birthday. I did go ahead and put him in Kindergarten last year with the thought that if he didn't do well I could choose to hold him back. He did great so I put him in 1st this year. Academically he has done great, he's where he should be. Maturity is something that finally came along the 2nd half of this year. He is not the most immature in the class that I've seen. His teacher is wonderful and I did meet with her throughout the year to discuss his progress and my concerns. His teachers have always known that I've been concerned with him being younger and have always been willing to discuss any concerns we had. He will be moving on to 2nd grade and hopefully will continue to do well. He is the youngest in the family, so having older siblings may help w/the maturity. I really think each child needs to be considered as an individual. It would be just as bad if she is held back and completely bored and lacks any challenge in school. Good luck with your decision!

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Well, I had a similar experience with my youngest daughter. She has a late September birthday and we were faced with the decision of letting her enter 1st grade or hold her back a year. Academically, my daughter was above average but the concerns were basically the same as you've stated as she would probably be the youngest in her class. We made the decision not to hold her back; a decision that was right for us. We have no regrets. She excelled throughout school, was a leader, and very self motivated. Now she did complain when her peers had their drivers license and she had to wait...but we managed to survive those days just fine. At age 19, she dealt with a major health issue and was extremely mature and very strong throughout the ordeal. She's a second year medical student and we are so proud of her. Good luck on your decision.

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I am going through the same thing now w/ mine who has an August birthday. It seems to be the trendy thing to do now is wait an extra year. I've talked to many people who have done it and say it's the best decision they've made. However w/ your child being on target academically I would follow your instinct. I feel like my son is not at the same level as most of the others. He can't remember all his letters and his art work isn't us up to par as others so I feel good about making the decision. If you don't feel good about it you probably shouldn't do it. You are the Mom and there is nothing better than a mothers intuition.

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Well you sound like a great mom! Keep up the good work and when that time comes you will have shown your daughter the right path with all the love and guidance you can.

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I would send her. I had a very late birthday (end of August) and did just fine.

If her Kindergarten teacher feels she should be retained a year, you can re-evaluate at that point.

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First off, May is really not considered a late birthday - most school districts set Aug 31 as deadline and some even use Oct. 31st! Secondly, she's a girl, which usually means she has more on the ball than a boy of the same age. I would ask the teacher
to really give you reasons for not enrolling her this fall - attention span, self control, what? Check with your pediatrician also - they can do simple readiness tests to help you decide.
M. F - former kindergarten teacher

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When my kids were that age - in the 1980s - the big trend was to hold them back if their current maturity was not one that was conducive to learning to read - the next step in school - even if the child was very smart. My neighbors child had a january birthday - but they held him back due to hos current emotional maturity. It apparently was the right choice for him because he ended up making a perfect score on his PSAT, was a National Merit scholar and won a full scholarship to the University of Texas.

On the other hand - I do not recommend holding them back "just in case" if they are not showing other signs of emotional immaturity or non readiness to read. BECAUSE - when a child turns 18 - which, if you hold them back, they will be age 18 their ENTIRE SENIOR YEAR! Schools have gotten very strict on the Privacy laws - and will not allow parents to be as aware of their childs progress and status after they are age 18. Kids are much more knowledgeable of how to "work" the system nowadays. An 18 yr old child that is still in high school can pretty much make decisions as he pleases - and the parent has no control t stop it because the system is bowing to this.

If you decide to hold them back, make sure you maintain constant, "in your face" communication with their schools - especially when they reach high school. I have found that if the school administration knows you and have seen you around a lot thru your childs school career, they are more willing to overlook some of those laws and will find ways to keep you informed.

Its a different world out there now.....

about me - a 53 yr old working mom of two grown kids. Married 30 yrs. I made sure I attended every open house and parent conference and was a "band mom" and a committee chairman on Project prom.

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Dear S., In my experience holding one of my children back because of age never was a problem. Two of my kids had late birthdays and I waited until the next year for them to begin Kindergarten.

I'm certain you'll make the best decision.

God bless. Have a wonderful summer.

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Go ahead and send her. She needs to socialize with other children. May should not be considered as a late birthday. My birthday is in August and I am glad that my mother did not hold me back. I graduated 3 months short of my 17th birthday and am real satisifed with my life.

If she seems to be too premeature once she starts, then you can pull her out and hold her back.

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My 13yr old has a mid may bday and I have no regrets sending her to school at 5. Her being able to deal socially will depend more on your relationship with her and you preparing her and being involved in her life than on her bday. Trust your instincts.

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Yes, this is the best thing for her. I have two sons. One is 13 and the other is 5. When my oldest was in 2nd grade, they told me that I should hold him back because he was not emotionally ready for the next grade. I wish I had. It is now a constant struggle with him. My 5 year old was tested and they told me that he should be held back also. He scored off the charts but he was not emotionally ready for the next grade. I am listening to them now. Our school district has what they call a pre-1st and a pre-2nd grade which I think is wonderful. I hope this helps.

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I have an August birthday so I started kindergarten one day after I turned 5. The gap between my peers and I got wider and wider, academically and emotionally, until my third grade teacher suggested holding me back. I was far from failing, but I was struggling. From about the middle of the next year on I excelled. I was making straight A's and from the 6th grade on I was in honors classes. I ended up graduating with a 4.0 and third in a class of about 500. Your daughter may do just fine, but I do not see how it could hurt to wait a year, however, it might hurt if you do not.

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We held our shy summer bday boy back before kindergarten. It has worked out really well. He has come out of his shell a bit. Is more comfortable with himself. And he'll start kinder in the fall. It was hard to pay preK tuition for one extra year, but I think it will be worth it. I think he'll be happier. My nephew (summer b'day) is being held back in the second grade and is somewhat traumatized. But he may have dysgrahia....
good luck with your decision. my friend did not hold her twin daughters with summer b'days back before kindergarten and that has worked out well for them. So if you don't have a strong feeling either way, either decision is going to be fine. I tend to err on the side of "give a kid an extra year to play if you can afford it." Good luck with your decision.

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S., this answer might not help you at all, but here goes: You know your daughter; you are the one who can speak to this issue for her. Since you now know the concerns and possible effects, you can work with your baby to ensure that she is ready to handle what comes her way. I've seen it done successfully too many times. If you believe in your heart that your daughter is ready and you're ready to work with her where she is, then go for it!

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Hi S.,

May is considered a "late birthday?" I thought that was August. I would gather information from a variety of sources before listening to one teacher. Check with other teachers, including the ones who teach the students with late birthdays in elementary, middle/intermediate, and high school. First off, ask highly respected Kindergarten and first grade teachers what they think. If you know any of these older kids and their parents, talk to them. Since your child could end up in the GT (Gifted & Talented) program, talk to these teachers. I would venture to guess that most teachers would NEVER advise holding a child back when he/she is above average academically and emotionally on target for his/her age.

My child's birthday is in April, and she was in the GT program from 2nd grade all the way through high school. I believe this program was a blessing for her--she was challenged, loved most of her teachers, had fun, and was rarely bored. I believe that BOREDOM in school is a "silent culprit" for a lot of unhappiness for students. If your child is held back another year, she may be bored out of her mind repeating preschool! It makes me wonder if her teacher just wants to keep her for another year, and is being selfish in her recommendations.

In Austin, TX, the psychologist Carl Pickhardt, PhD, gives lectures to parents of gifted children, and has written 9 books about parenting (website and contact info: carlpickhardt.com). He might be an expert resource for you, and perhaps would respond to an email from you.

After you have gathered all your info and talked to parents, teachers, and professionals, it would be wise to follow your instincts. You are the mother and you probably know what would be best for your child. Imagine her repeating preschool. Imagine her going on to Kindergarten. Where do you think she would be happiest? Remember, she will mature over the summer, which will mean she will be even more ready for Kindergarten and less appropriate for preschool. I'd be tempted to make your decision in the NOW and not worry too much about the future.

Good luck! J.

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If you don't have any concerns about the maturity of your child, I would go ahead and send her to Kindergarten. If her birthday was at the end of August, it might be helpful to her to wait a year. In the north the Cut off date is December 1st.

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Please do not judge your child according to others. You know what your child can do and if she needs to be held back later then do so. It is your decision totally but personally I do not believe in holding them back until they prove other wise. My husband talks about this for our oldest and I tell him absolutely not as a matter of fact a few months before he starts school I plan to send him to Mothers day out program to get him ready for the seperation. Any who good luck with your decision!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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S.,

If your child was a boy, the answer w/o hesitation would be yes, hold them back. My son repeated kindergarten, has a December birthday, and now makes straight A's. He's much older than his peers, but after high school this won't make much difference.

My daughter was born in August. She's 6 to 10 months younger than her peers. However, I never held her back because I'm also an August baby and never had any problems. Maturity wise, sure, sometimes she's not as mature as her peers, but at other times she's very wise. Mainly because I keep the communication going and at 15, she will still come to me about her problems.

Since your daughter is ok academically, I would go ahead and enroll her in kinder. If she has problems in kinder, then have her repeat kinder, but give her the chance. Girls do better than boys, I think she'll be ok.

K.

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My second son was an August baby. He turned 5 and started kinder a few days later. He excelled accademically, but fell behind socially. He is in college now, I wish I could turn back time and keep him home another year. There is stigma in holding a child back after they are already in school. I would not recommend that.

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I have twins, and they turned 5 a month before starting kindergarten, and they have ahd no problems at all. They will graduate High School at 17, and have always been the youngest in their class but other than that they are on par with the rest of the kids in their class. No problems. Good luck to you :)

K.

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It's a toss-up with a girl and a May birthday, but if she were mine, I'ed hold her back. My daughter, now an adult, was a early September baby so she naturally had the extra year and believe it or not, she was not the oldest one in her class. There were lots of fall birthdays, so she was in good company. With that extra year of growth, she never had problems with school. She was able to grasp things much easier than a lot of her classmates. I, on the other hand, have a late summer birthday so I was always among the youngest in my classes and was not nearly as mature as most. I definately opt for holding back. Don't worry about her feeling bad about getting a late start because there'll be lots of kids just like her.

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I have a 12 year old with a late birthday...literally days before the cut of date. She has a late August bday. She is excelling very well. She is one of the smallest in stature but academically and socially she is doing very well. We have no regrets.

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Go with your gut feeling. If you think she is ready then have her go. She might be bored if she gets to be in school snd is an above average academically.
You also can't predict the future.
Sometimes with the best judgement of things it doesnt always go by the grade they are in but, by the age that they are. You, the parent, hopefully will be giving them the tools to handle problems with better judgement. (You sound like you would give her that, you're an intelligent parent.)
I would go with your gut feeling and make your decision. The preschool teachers are there for advise, but they also won't be there in when your child is hitting the peer pressure ages.
I havent gone thru it yet but this is my personal feeling on the subject. I still need to work on my 6 yo daughter, who I am sure is going to cause her father and I some grief and give us a run for our money!
Thanks

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I have four girls, and the oldest 3 skipped a grade (2 have August birthdays, so they're younger than many of their classmates by 2 years). The only problem I have with it is that the second one will be 16 when she graduates, and she wants to go away to college. I think it's too young (her older sister lived at home for 2 years while going to college, then transferred). I had my only son start kindergarten at age 6 because he wasn't socially ready at 5 (June birthday), but boys tend to be a year behind girls. Bottom line, if you think your daughter is ready to go on to the next grade, do it. May isn't actually all that late as birthdays go, anyway.

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I do NOT think you should hold her back. That's what you are for - helping her with changes & getting her emotionally ready for dating, driving & peer pressure. It's going to happen if you hold her back or not. If you hold her back you are delaying her graduating from college a year too. Kids in HS these days are taking college courses. Allow her this little head start on life. That's my opinion.

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She's fine academically then I would not worry. Holding her back would cause another world of problems. When I was in school you could go to kindergarten early to skip a year, my birthday was late, a September baby it gave me self esteem isues because there were peers that went to Kindergarten and skipped a grade, a grade ahead of me and younger. My mom was over protective so this is one of the messages of how I perceived being older than everyone and for tops people younger than me in a higher grade that I must be slow because my mom didn't trust me to put me in school. By the time your daughter is in highschool she'll have mostly friends of her age but she'll also have extra curricular activities putting her in a whelm of finding her friends that they sought each other out. Let her go to school on time and she'll have the self esteem to make healthy friend choices. By the way my daughter is a September baby older than most in her class, but the law changed where kids couldnt go to reg Kindergarten at 4, so she has always done well. My friends twins went to school with her they were August babies it took them through the end of 1st grade to get to the maturity level they needed to be at to get into the swing of things, but 2nd grade on they have done really well. My son is a May baby, he is a little imature but he has always had lots of friends and done well in school it also took him to 2nd grade to get it together and be organized and responsible but I'm glad I never held him back because I hear him and his peers comments about other kids and I think it would have effected him the way I was effected if I held him back. I really can't believe the teacher suggested you do that since her grades are fine. Its the August babies that really have a hard time.
By the way thinking about it my son likes being the youngest in his grade because it makes him feel smart, just thought about that when thinking about him and his peers talking.
Good luck, I think you should let her go because if you don't your going be worried if you made the right decision and besides I wouldn't hold her back unless you see a problem with her grades and her being able to keep up with the other kids.

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may is not a late birthday. my daughter's bday is april 30th and she started kindergarten when she was 5 and has had no problems. one of her best friends has an august bday so she was barely 5 and she did great. they are in the 1st grade now so i'm not sure what high school will be like. my son, on the other hand, has an august birthday and i will most likely hold him back. boys are just so different from girls. i think it comes down to what you feel is right for her now. is she mature enough? if not, she may be a follower instead of a leader and holding her back may be a good idea. more than likely she is ready. none of us can predict the future, i wish we could! but then life wouldn't be as exciting! good luck!

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I have 5 kids, three of whom have late birthdays. I have not held any of them back (and one was 10 days before the September cutoff). My oldest (who made the cut off by 30 days) is now 18. He graduated high school at 16 and is now a Sophomore at College. With him we discovered being the youngest in his class made him more mature and more competitive.

The second one is now in 5th grade - will finish that up next week - we discovered the same thing with her. Because she is the youngest, it's almost like she wants to prove to herself and others that she is better than them, not in a bad way. In fact I think it's almost sub-conscious with her. She is near the top of her class academically and is a total social butterfly - no problems there.

My third one was the one I worried about the most - he made the cutoff by 45 days. He was my most immature child, but also my most brilliant. He is now in the GT (Gifted and Talented) room and also in other AP classes and is only in 3rd grade. He struggled a bit in Kindergarten, but nothing horrible - just meltdowns if he lost a game, or wasn't picked.

You know your kid's personality best - do you think she is socially able to adjust? I know the teacher is looking ahead to driving etc., but my oldest never worried too much about it. He was a senior before he got his license, but he was only 16. He just made sure he befriended all the kids who could take him places! He almost saw it as a badge of honor that he was a senior and too young to drive!

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Our neighbor girl was held back this year. It embarrassed the father and the little girl. She is now making much better grades. She was the youngest in her class and now she is one of the eldest. The decision is ultimantly yours. Are you ready to explain to a seven year old that she is a smart little girl but all her class mates went ahead and she has to be held back. Not to mention worried friends and family. I would hold her back. If she is doing well they can always advance her up to the next grade or put her in gifted classes. Good luck and what ever you decide I pray it is the best decision for her.

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The end of May is not a late birthday. If she wants to go to kindy and you as the parent feel she is ready, send her by all means. Her preschool teacher is not necessarily the best expert on your daughter----you are. Most girls do great in kindy provided they are looking forward to going. My own daughter's 17th birthday is today, May 25th, and she started kindy with children her age and wanted so badly to finish high school she worked hard and finished it in 3 years instead of 4! Now at age 17 she is starting college and could not be happier.

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My daughter also has a birthday in May. I did not hold her back, and she does seem emotionally behind her peers.

When I was studying education (Master's level) one of my professors pointed out that most states lawas say that a child must begin schooling by eight, and he would recommend starting their children in public schooling as old as possible, in order for them to be able to excell over their younger class mates as much as possible.

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I have to agree with the teacher. I noticed even at an early age that my daughter was begining to loose her confidence. I decided, not the teachers to hold her back and found that her confidence improved 100%. The reason I did this is because she was one of the 3 youngest in a class of 30. I knew that later in life it would haunt her as the teacher had said. I find that she is no longer the follower any more but the leader. And being the older girl in her class now, she identify's the bully's and stays away from them. She is only 7 but now bieng one of the oldest she is wiser in a way. I think it is wise to hold her back.

Deb Roy. Speaking from experience it was the best thing my husband and I could have done for her.

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I fyour daughter is academically above average, send her to kindergarten! She will be bored to death if you keep her back and then she won't like school. May isn't such a late birthday. It's not like she is a whole year behind them.I have a 13 year old son who is in 8th grade. He won't be 14 until the end of July. He was so bright that I HAD to send him to kindergarten right after his 5th birthday. He still loves school and is in all upper level classes in middle school. He is a little less mature than some others, but he does just fine socially. Good luck! C.

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If your child's birthday is in May, they should be okay. don't hold them back because of a birthday especially if they are not struggling academically. We can't help when our children birthdays are and they should not be penalized unless it was like my son who is born in dec and the state said sept. 1 cut off. Hopes this helps.

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I don't know about May-I didn't think that was considered late but as a teacher, I do know of some kinder students whose parents went against the "late" rule and regretted it. One kinder teacher told me something interesting. She said she noticed that the students she had whose birthdays are closer to the start of the school year are not as emotionally developed as the kids whose birthdays are not so close. If your child is not emotionally ready then it doesn't matter how academically ready she is.
However, remember to trust yourself and listen to your own judgement! If you decide to hold her back, it won't hurt her.

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Hopefully I did not respond to this question while I was still in school, I receive this e-mail on my home and my school computer.
I am a Kindergarten teacher with 32 years of experience. With a May birthday, she will have been 5 for at least 3 months and have been developing a 5 year olds characteristics. Since she is doing well academically, I would not hold her back. My daughter is a July baby and I did not hold her back. There were times she did act her immature age, but so do all children; and there were times that I did not want her participating in an activity that I used the young age to an advantage. Now with a boy there is good reason to start a year later. My son was a January baby, and I started him in school a year later, because he was not ready.
As long as your daughter has a good support group at home, and you are willing to help with homework frequently, she can do well.
Each year you can decide if she is ready to move on or stay in the same grade to develop a better foundation.
I went to Kindergarten, then 1st, but my mother (who was ahead of her time) felt I was not ready, asked that I stay in 1st, which was unheard of in the 50's, but it must have been the right choice, because I graduated HS, college with a BS and M.Ed, and I am a teacher.
I have a fellow teacher who daughter has an August birthday, and she had her daughter stay in 5th grade 2 years because she was not ready for 6th grade and middle school mature-wise. The daughter was in agreement to stay another year, and she, too, graduated HS, college, and will be a new sign language teacher in the fall.
I have had students that stayed 2 years in kindergarten or 2 years in 1st grade, and by middle school, caught up with their age group, maturity wise. Some stayed in the same flow, some doubled up to graduate with their first class, and others dropped out.
You just never know, you just do what you think is best for your child.

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My daughter is now in first grade she has an October Birthday. She was ready to go to Kindergarten but couldn't because she had a late Birthday. She had a HARD time in school because she was bored. She knew everything. My son on the otherhand Birthday is at the end of July. He did awsome this year. If it was me I would send her. It just depends on your daugther. Is she ready? Worry about her teenage years later.

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I was very concerned over my 3rd grade twin boys that their
reading skills were so very poor. Their grades were
average but their standardized test scores really showed
a problem. It was suggested, not recommended, that I
consider having them repeat 3rd grade. It was the most
difficult decisions I ever had to make as a parent.
They did repeat. They were not happy about it. They
remained friends with their classmates a year ahead of them. They continued to have problems in reading but
went on to graduate Texas A&M as engineers. They are
very successful today.
My 2nd pregnancy, a 3rd boy, was born middle of August.
By the time he reached school aged, I had already experienced having the twins repeat 3rd grade. It was
the perfect opportunity to keep #3 at home an extra year.
I never regretted my decision for him. I now look back
and am pleased that I held the twins back as well.
#3 is in his 4th year of college as a
Music Marketing major. He will succeed. Good luck to you.

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I would not hold her back, we did that for my son and he worried he was stupid to be held back and worried about that. It does more harm then good. If you child is above average let her go on to 1st grade. My son's IQ was above average and it hurt him for several years. I would never do that again. Also, your child has friends in her current grade, she would have to get new friends if she stays back.

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My son has a summer birthday and will be 5 in a few weeks. I always knew we would hold him back. He is not emotionally ready and not mature enough to go to kindergarten. He attends St. Thomas and they have a "Gift of Time" program just for that purpose. What you have to consider is not her calendar age, but those things like maturity, emotional level, can she sit still for about 15-20 minutes at a time. It is not just a boy/girl issue either. It just completely depends on the child. Academically, around 2nd grade is where they begin having problems. If you feel she is ready then go ahead, but if you truly question it at all holding her back is something you will not regret. You know for sure she will be ready next time around.

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My daughter is a late April birthday. She is well-above average academically, and we are going to have her test to skip a grade.

I think a child's birthday has ZERO to do with how mature they are socially and emotionally. I think the parent, hopefully with the guidance of a wise teacher, should evaluate how the child interacts with their peers. Base your assessement of her social-emotional maturity on what you see in and out of the classroom, NOT on when she was born.

Think about the people you've known in your lifetime so far and how much their age does or does not correlate with their maturity...it's the same for kids. Being a certain number of years old does not guarantee good or bad judgement; that is a life-experience thing, as well as a personality thing.

Unless your daughter has a difficult time interacting with her peers or is unable to successfully handle a classroom environment (sitting still, following rules and directions, handle being away from you for the school day) I would NOT hold her back.

I'm somewhat appalled a teacher would recommend holding a child back simply on age. Talk with her some more and see if she has specific examples of concerns where maybe your daughter does not function as well as her peers.

Good luck! It's so hard to make such big decisions for our kids sometimes!

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Hi S. -
I am a parent of 4. I only have two who are in school at this time. If I were you I would hold her back. However, this is just my opinion. My husband and I have made the decision to hold my 1st grade son back this year. VERY TOUGH DECISION. We have talked to many parents and other teachers we know. I really believe it is the trend these days to hold your child back when their birthday is from April to August and definitely so for boys. We regret not holding him out and starting him later, but if we are going to do it we must do it now. It has nothing to do with him "grade" wise because he has made all A's but he has had to work VERY hard. It is more because his birthday is March 26th, and HE does not like to be the young kid in the class, plus socially and academically we feel if we hold him back we are giving him more chance to be successful. He is also VERY athletic and we want him to have every opportunity in that aspect as well.

And on another note, let me mention that our oldest son is a Nov. birthday and has been in the GT program since he was in 2nd, and he is now in 6th. Also my sister-in-law is a MAY birthday and she was fine, she was GT until high school when she stepped that up to be in the IB program. She is now attending TAMU and is also doing well. Now socially it was tough to wait until May to drive, and turn 18, but like I said she has done great.

I think every child is different, but in our case we have truly determined our son would benefit most from having another year to "just be a kid" and keep in mind how you would feel sending your "just turned 18" baby girl to college. I know college is tough for anyone, but you never know what 1 year would do for maturity, etc.

In the end it is all your decision, perhaps you wait and then during her ed career you skip her up a grade (it happens). Just research- research, observe her socially, and pray. It is a tough decision either way, but I would be thankful to the teacher who brought this to mind, we wish someone would had mentioned this to us.

Good luck!
A.

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My daughter has a late June birthday and I really wished that I had waited a year. She's always been a little less mature (wordly) than the other children her age and has struggled academically in school. Upon registering her for kindergarten, she was able to read pretty well and had been in preschool for 2 years, so I had no indication that would lead me to believe that she would struggle. I can only speak for myself but I am now in a position where she is entering 6th grade and she would be mortified if I held her back. She always receives decent grades A + B's but this is not without a lot of hard work and sometimes I feel we are just treading water. I'm curious as to how the high school years will go. Hopefully we'll be able to keep up. I think our dilemna would be easier if we had a year to catch up but she has cried many times at the thought of being held back, so she keeps persevering and trying.

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S., i don't know why your daughters teacher would tell you to hold your daughter back. My youngest daughter's birthday is june 2 and she has never had any problems. Your daughter has already formed friends in her school and to hold her back may not be the thing to do. She may always feel she is behind. If there is a problem with her work , then that may make a difference, but it sounds like she performing well. You know your daughter, better than anyone and you know how she handles things. Besides you are right when you said that none of us know what the future holds. Pray about it and you will know the best thing to do . Good luck. Oh, by the way my baby will be 20 this june and is a very mature young lady. I think holding her back strickly because of her birthdate would have been a bad move on my part. Good luck D. d

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our oldest son's b-day is in august. we held him back, and have never regretted it. he was very smart, but i didn't think he was ready to sit all day for kindergarten. i think being the oldest is his class was a definite advantage for him. good luck

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My son turned 5 before weeks before he started Kindergarden.
He was the youngest in his class in Kinder and 1st grade.
He is also one of the smartest.
I have had other moms ask me why I didn't hold him back or make him repeat Kinder.
Why would I when he meets or exceeds the testing levels.
Go with your gut.You are her mom and you know what is best.
P.S.
IT never entered our minds to keep him back or have him start school late.

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Ask her what she wants to do. I was one of the oldest in my class (October) and it was good because I got my license first, but that was really it. My friends were all mature and I was mature, and we had a blast regardless of age. When that great driving milestone happens, maybe you can get the permit at 15 and then see if she is ready for a hardship license, or maybe it will be a great excuse for her to NOT drive yet! :) See how she interacts with the older kids, and let her decide if she wants to stay with her class. I don't think you should hold her back though - my two cents.
I hope this helps!
C.

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You know your child. Go with what you know. In my case, my now 16yr old niece, who I have been raising since age 4 1/2, is finishing 11th grade. She was in a Bridge class for advanced 4yr olds when I got here, and if I could go back I would hold her back a year. For one thing, an extra year with her Bridge teacher would have helped her with the loss of her mother. She is not very mature in situations that should call for it, even with all the guidance and coaching she gets. She's smart, yet doesn't care to use her brain when it would be useful for her. She's been in social environments at school that would have been better suited for an older, more mature girl. Gratefully, she's delayed getting her license---wouldn't want her driving with poor judgement---and thinks she'll go to community college and/or work for a year after high school. Good luck.

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End of May is not that late....If she is doing fine all around, then DO NOT HOLD HER BACK! Holding a child back can also be devastating later on---she would be sooo much older than everyone. This late/early birthday thing is ridiculous---you know your child best---unless she is having problems--MAJOR problems-- do not hold her back!!

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No , I wouldn't hold her back , as girls mature faster. Why borrow trouble? If she is a smart child , she should go with the other children her age . God bless , G.

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Well, of course it is totally up to you but I say if she can do the work and wants to go for it, let her. Who knows what she is capable of. You just never do know what the future holds or what your individual child is supposed to do. When I was in college there was a girl there who was 16 and we just all adored her. I have know several kids who finished high school early and all seemed fine to me. So I guess go with your gut and pray about it. Best wishes!!!

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I'm going through the same thing, but mine is "worst" than yours (if you can call it that), my dt has an early Aug DOB. Back in Jan/Feb, I got her progress report and it was not up to par. My older son who went to the same preschool, who has a Feb DOB, was doing much better at the timeframe. Her teachers told me of how, if she was unable to accomplish a task she would have a meltdown and cry, or she would come up with excuses that she had to go to the bathroom b4 she would try a new task, she would shutdown and just won't make an attempt. I saw that and noticed it too at the house. So at that point I made the decision to go ahead and hold her back and it took me a good 2-3 weeks of soliciting other's "approvals" and support for me to be good with that decision. But then in early April something happened that changed my mine. All of a sudden she was willing to sit down and do work sheets while her brother was doing his homework, she actually started writing her ABCs which she wasn't even close to doing a couple of months prior. At swim lessons where she would just sit on the edge and look back at me and cry like I was sending her to death, she was now jumping in the water and swimming to the teacher. She was willing to try to snap her coverups, just a bunch of different things that amzed me and added to confusion for me.
So I've changed my mine and I am going to send her. A couple of things that you need to evaluate: are you truly an involved parent, are you in tune with her emotions, how's your communication right now, do you have a way of getting to her, what's the family dynamic, is it a strong positive one. All these special factors should help you make that decision. And the thing is there's no clear cut answer, you have all the information to help you make the decision. I would even go further to say that my hb's opinion did not factor much bc he only saw what I wanted him to see and he was not making this decision with all the knowledge possible. May is really not a late birthday. She would have 3 months on my dt, and you know that 3 months makes a big difference. The one thing she will need is a teacher that will be as nurturing as possible so that it will help lay the groundworks for her socially in school. How is she socially with her groups of friends now, can/does she take the leadership role as well as the follower role? I also agree with the preschool teacher and all the points she brought up to you are very valid points that must be considered. You need to consider weather or not your family dynamic is strong enough to help foster a child with a strong sense of self and confidence. good luck.

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My personal opinion, I would not. I know plenty of children who have Summer birthdays and went to kindergarten when they turned 5 that Summer. As far as the future, you will experience those problems anyway... She may resent later in life being a year behind as well. You never know... good luck.. J.

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My daughter also has a late May birthday, and I did not know I could wait a year, so she repeated kindergarten. She was not ready to start. She is now doing well now, but other children can be very cruel, and when they tease her, she hurts. If you have any doubts, wait a year. However, if your daughter has friends already her age that will be going to kindergarten then she may feel bad if she does not. You know her best.

Oh, that does not look like much help, but maybe it will help you think some more! : )

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I wouldn't hold her back now, but ultimately you have to decide.

The first thing to consider: how strong a personality does your daughter have? If she is very strong-willed and outgoing, she will end up a leader no matter her age. I have heard some parents say that the older kids in the class succomb to peer pressure less often, so it is a benefit to being older.

On the other hand, if your daughter is above average academically, she already has an advantage. If you hold her back, she runs the risk of being extremely bored in school which can lead to discipline problems...I know, it happened to us. My daughter is also very bright. She has a March Birthday, and by law had to be five and a half when she started kindergarten. We got her in there and her teacher told us that she was so advanced that there wasn't anything she could teach her - she was bound by the curriculum. We had to make the decision whether or not to put her in first grade. After careful consideration, we decided that with our faith, family support, and her outgoing personality, we could overcome any of the negatives later on. We also figured, worst case, we could hold her back later if she was having academic difficulties. It turned out to be a great choice. She is happy, is fitting in well with the children and is going terrific grade-wise. Let your gut guide you...only you know your daughter.

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S.,

Reading your question was a flashback for me; my daughter, also a May birthday, also academically advanced...we decided to put her in Kindergarten even though she was the youngest. By third grade, she was miserable. She petitioned us to have her repeat third grade (we are active duty military, so it coincided with a move to a different state) so that she could be on age with her peers and she has never regretted it for a minute. She is finishing 7th grade next week and is happy and well adjusted with many good friends and it was the right choice.

My brothers and I were pushed ahead; I graduated high school at barely 17 (I was the last to drive, develop, and date of all my friends) and went to college that next fall. I felt young, anxious, and unprepared. One brother went to college at 16! We have all said that we would not do that to our kids which is why I am glad that I agreed to satisfy Maggie's wishes to be with kids her own age!

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I'm a teacher, and I can tell you that holding a child back now is one of the best decisions you can make as far as reaping benefits later in life. Your child will do GREAT in kindergarten, but there's no way to tell if she will be ready in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. grade. She will probably do great, but if you have the option, it is almost always more beneficial to hold back one more year.

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I do not think you should hold a child back b/c of their bday only. If you think she is ready academically and socially she will do great. They have the bday cut off for a reason- if they wanted to kids to be 5 by May they would've made the cut off May. My oldest daughter has a June bday and is in the 3rd grade and is doing great and the majority of her friends have spring and summer bdays. If you have questions about her maturity or academics then maybe- but just think- she will not be the youngest as there will be plenty of kids with May, June, July and August bdays. Also, how do you think she will feel when she is 16 and everyone else is 15 and wondering why she is an entire year or more older than them?

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My son's teacher wanted to hold him back, because she said that he wasn't mature enough to go to first grade and that he would probably have problems doing the work and fail. We chose not to hold him back and I am glad we did. He is in 2nd grade and makes all A's. He even got nominated for T.A.G. for next year. I think that if your daughter is academically ready than don't hold her back.

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Did you go to kindergarden roundup last month and talk to the teachers there? Kids can start school if they've turned 5 by Sept. 1, so I wouldn't consider May a late birthday, actually, but that's just my opinion. I remember when my son started K the readiness info we got talked about being emotionally mature to learn now. Nobody ever mentioned thinking about the child ten years down the road. That's almost too much to think about, isn't it? I can't even imagine how I'll feel in ten years! :)
You know your child best. If she's been successful in pre-school, she'll probably be fine in K, too. On the other hand, there is no need to rush, either. Talk to the school teachers and school counselor, too. They are elementary-aged-kid experts!

P., mom to three boys: 7,5,2

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I can only tell you my experience. My first has a November birthday and I was glad because I thought it would help him to be older. My second son has a late June birthday and I was worried because he seemed so young. My daughter has a July birthday, but since BOTH boys had done well, I didn't worry at all about her starting school.

One of my grandson's has a late August birthday and his mother very wisely held him out one year in order to get extra testing and help for him. This was between kindergarten and first grade. He had an auditory problem which affected his pronunciation of some words. This condition was resolved during that year and has made the rest of his school years more successful.
From my experience, your daughter will do just fine since neither you nor her teacher have detected any specific problem.
One note. My second son became concerned about going into second grade. His worry was that he had forgotten everything over the summer! He seemed so distressed that I called his first grade teacher and she just told me to reassure him that he would remember what he had learned and to have him read a few books aloud to me so that he would be convinced he had not forgotten how to read. He was fine by the first day of the new school year.

Blessings, B. K.

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Hi S.,

If I were in you situtation, I would not hold my child back just based on his/her birthday. I, myself, have a birthday in July, and I never believed that it effected me on any level. How are a couple of months going to effect your maturity level??? She will most likely become bored, and possibly act out because of that if you hold her back another level. The daycare worker might be swaying you as well because she would like her company to have another years tuition. No Way! Go with Kindergarten for sure!!

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I have been in this very same situation twice. My daugter has a late birthday and she was my first so I did not hold her back she did great! My son has a late birthday and I approached the school during the kidgarten year to hold him back. The school said he was ready for first grade and he would do fine. Unfortunatly I listened to them instead of my gut and he has struggled ever since. But I can tell you girls mature alot faster them boys so being a girl I personally would tell you if the school thinks she is ready let her go. She will be fine.

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Unless your child has true emotional problems, I wouldn't personally hold her back. (I taught public high school for 7 years.) Even then, I probably wouldn't. You can always choose to do so at the end of kindergarten. But, what if something happens in your life that later on your child is retained a year. It could be sickness, family tragedy, etc., not just bad grades. Now, she's 2 years back. Your child will never have confidence if you don't show you have confidence in her. If you treat her as unable, then she will be unable. She may not be "outstanding" in some areas, but that doesn't mean she won't do well in school or that putting her in ON TIME (as others her age will be put in school at that time as well) will hinder her. It may just help her mature. My son will turn 5 two weeks before starting kindergarten. Don't make a decision based on a possibility presented by one person. She will be with her peers. Some will be slightly older, a few younger. I turned 5 on June 8th and started Kinder, it didn't affect me that much. The only thing I ever remember envying was everyone driving before me. That was it. And, that was probably a good thing. Just think, you will have her at a slightly more tender age to help teach her how to get along in life. If she's above average academically as you say, then I personally believe you will be hindering her. In my teaching experience, the ones who are bored and not challenged are ones who end up making poor decisions in school.

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Hi S.,
2 Of my boys are late summer. I held one of them back because socially & academically
he was not ready. My other one who is going into kinder will most likely not be held back. I think the biggest thing is social. If you say your daughter is academically above avg. & not having problems socially, I see no reason to hold her back. She is a May birthday, not August.
That is a big difference. Talk it over with your spouse, partner etc..& Dr. But for my family it was a no brainer. no one knows what she'll be like in the future, see if you can put her in kinder twice if needed. There were several kids who were held back in 1st grade because of there b-days & now there are doing very well in school.
good luck!

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Hi S.,

My daughter is also a late birthday (August 27) however, I never considered holding her back a year. Each child is different. I am also an August baby. However, I was born and raised in New York and no child is prevented from starting school because of a late birthday. I never had any emotional problems or problems with peer pressure. I believe it is all on how you raise your child. Make sure you know what is going on in your child's life as she is growing up and know who her friends are. You have to set rules but still be fair. Also, if your daughter is academically ready to start school, don't you think she will get bored if she stays in the same class and does the same lesson? Also, I'm sure her friends (at least some of them) will be leaving. Won't she wonder why she is not leaving? I hope all of this helps.

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S., first of all only you really know your child and her capabilities. I am all for holding a child back if there birthdays are in August. But if there birthdays are in any other month it would depend on there maturity. My parents regret no holding my brother back, because his birthday was in July and he just wasn't ready maturity wise to go to kindergarten. Pay attention to how your daughter interacts with others if you see no problems and she is above average academically then I see know point. I taught at the junior high level before I started staying at home and I promise you a May birthday didn't effect my students. In fact some of the girls whose birthdays in May were way more responsible than some of the boys whose birthdays were before theres. All I'm saying is to evaluate your child. Some people may try to be helpful but don't know whats best for your child. There is know way I could've held my daughter back, she had already learned everything so early and was incredibly bored at pre-school. She just finished her kindergarten year and did great. Good luck with your decision! ANd remember only YOU really know your child.

Mother of two, ages 6 and 3

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I would suggest not to hold back if she is ready. My brother (he is 10 years younger me and just now finishing his school, and ready to go to university) was 6 then we put him into school (in our country we start at 7 elementary school, a lit different system), he is the youngest in the class. So far he had no problems (his birthday is May 21th) because of his age, just he is always complains me that he still cannot drive as his friends does(in our country you start to drive at 18) :). So this is the only problem for him personally.
Then we put him into school, teacher wanted that we would hold him one more year in preschool, my mother agreed just on one, if he will be back from his friends, she will hold him one more year. After 2 months, teacher was happy to have him. He felt perfectly in the class(even he was the youngest one), and till now he is the third in the class academically.
So if you think your daughter is ready, just go with it. And you may always take her back!
Good luck!

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S., I firmly believe you should hold your child back. My children are grown now, but one was entered into Kindgergarten when 4, not quite 5, but I regretted the decision later that we entered him in too early. He was smart enough all right, but hands & fingers were not yet as co-ordinated as they would have been had we waited another year. Also, I think socially, it would have been better for him. He was always so much smaller than everyone else in his class.
And I persnonally think early entry may have contributed to some of the problems we encountered later .. i.e...as a teen, with peers, etc.
Of course, you will have to make the decision.
But I believe you are getting some good advice from your friend/ teacher. F. B.

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Hi S.!
My advice is given from personal experience with being "held back" because of a birthday.
I was always the older kid. I was always ahead of everyone else: academically, physically etc.
My opinion is if she is above average academically now, there's no harm in allowing her to start school now. She'll feel more connected to her peers, as I never was.
Instead of being 5yrs and starting Kindergarten (I'm from Canada), I was 6yrs old and turned 7 half way through the year. All because someone wouldn't LET my parents enroll me. You have a choice.
Good luck!

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If you think your child is academically ready and has no other emotional issues, it would probably be fine. Only you can judge for sure.

My birthday is August 27th and i wasn't held back. I was an A, B student and did fine. My best friend was almost a year older and it didn't matter. Sure, i wanted to be able to drive earlier, but i got over it.

As far as the lady who spoke of the young girl who wanted to be able to do the stuff older girls do, i think that is normal. I begged my mom for fake finger nails every time we went to the store, doesn't mean i got them.

You know your child best, i am just telling you what my experience was.

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I feel your pain. I also have a 4 year old who turns 5 Aug 15. I am torn between holding back and sending on. I have several friends "red shirting" and several who are sending them "on time". The school counselor at the public school where we are zoned said she has 3 older children of which the middle was an April bd.She didn't hold him back and he did fine, but in retrospect she wishes she would have. She said she could see where it would have given him more time to develop.
I will be thinking of you as we make our decision. By the way, our child's name who we are thinking of holding back is S.. She is a middle child. Her older sister is finishing Kindergarten this year. So, of course she really wants to do as big sister does.
My prayers to you,
E.

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I am a little late in responding, so I hope you will read this.
I have a May birthday. I never had trouble. I was able to find the maturity and be successful.
My sister has a little boy who is now 6. His birthday is in May. The Pre-K teacher talked her into holding him back due to maturity reasons. She told her that he would be the older one in the calss and so he would take the leadership role. She held him back. All of his friends moved on. He has now started saying things like I am not as smart as so and so, etc. He is behind where he was academically this year compared to last year because he has lost that spark to learn. My sister knows not that is was a mistake, but can't do anything about it. He is too far behind.
May is NOT a lete brthday! August is a late birthday!

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I have worked with Pre-K classes for more than 13 years. I can tell you from my experiences that if your child socially is ready to move to kindergarten (most girls are)I would not hold her back. If it were a boy..I might think twice. On the average, boys mature slower than girls, and I wouldn't consider holding them back unless there is truly a regular behavior problem due to lack of maturity for their age. Social skills are the most important aspect, because if she is not ready socially it will set the tone for years to come. I would solely make the judgement on whether or not she is socially ready to go. This would mean...well adjusted, interacts with others, problem solves with peers, can verbalize needs, feelings to others...etc.
Good luck...I will deal with the same thing one day..I have an August baby!

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