Should I Have My 18 Month Old at the Hospital?

mama, this is one time you need to be focusing on yourself and no one else. if you think you can focus 100% on yourself while your son is there, then i say have him there. but remember that he won't be there for his own memory but for yours, because he isn't going to remember this and likely won't grasp fully what is going on. you will. also, think about it: you got to meet your oldest son without juggling another child. why not give your youngest son the same opportunity? why not give yourself the same opportunity? you'll never have the chance to meet your youngest son for the first time again, why not make sure that you can focus on him and no one else? also, think about your fiance. this is is his first chance to greet a child of his own (i'm guessing, but you make no mention of a future stepchild), shouldn't he be able to do it in peace as you were able to do with your first born? not that i'm saying your son is difficult or anything, but realistically, a 20 month old isn't going to deal well with having to share the attention. also, the waiting in an unfamiliar surrounding is going to make him antsy, maybe even nervous, and likely bored. what do children his age do when they're nervous, bored, and antsy? they act up, because they can't articulate what they're feeling. are you prepared to deal with that possibility?
what would i do in this situation? i would have my mom take my son to her house or our house to play with my son and let him have some special one-on-one grandma time, and then bring him to the hospital to meet his new sibling. that way you've had a chance to meet your newest son free of distraction and mentally prepare for the clash of the brothers. also, you avoid as much conflict as possible.
good luck to you!

5 moms found this helpful

I would not have him there...
It's too much and the last thing you need to do is worry about entertaining him. Not to mention if there is a complication with the labor & delivery it could be very scary for your little guy.
Have your mom or a freind hang out with him until the baby is born and then bring him by to meet his little brother.
We had our 20 month old at Daycare while I was in the hospital having my second baby. A few hours later... my mother picked up my oldest and brought her by the hospital to meet her new sister.
Best of luck to you on your new little arrival!

3 moms found this helpful

My advice is to leave your older son at home until after the baby is born. Even though you will be induced, you still have no idea how long it will take. You need to concentrate on this birth and not if your toddler is distracting other patients or making a scene.

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I have read most of the reponses and just want to add my experience.

I was 2 weeks late. I was induced. I labored for 12+ hours with out getting past 7 1/2 centimeters. I ended up with a c-section. It was well after midnight before they rolled me into recovery at which point I was a mess. I was vomitimg and shaking uncontrollably. I can not imagine how much more of a nightmare it would have been if a toddler had been a factor. And I can't imagine the horror that would have been for my toddler.

Don't do it. Please.

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we just had out second, our first was almost 3.5 when she was born. We did not bring him to the hospital for L&D - his birth was fast and easy, and I assumed (correctly) that the second would also be, but didn't want him there just in case. I don't think that you should bring him - he is really little, and will probably get tired of being in a small location for what could be a long time. I recommend calling them to come after you have the baby and are cleaned up and moved to post delivery room.

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I agonized over this myself, and in the end chose to have my family look after him so I could focus on having this healthy baby and having a special bonding time, soon after baby was born my family brang my older son up to visit every couple hours but he only was interested for a few minutres then wanted to explore the hospital.

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Set up a fun play date with friends or grandparents. He will enjoy himself and you will not have to worry about him.

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Our son was almost 3 when his brother was born. I didn't want to bring him to the hospital, because even in the best of circumstances, the hospital can be a strange and scary place for a little kid. My husband and I wanted to be able to focus on my labor and delivery, and not on anything else. I ended up having a scheduled induction early in the morning, so my mom came over the night before for a sleepover. My son had a great time with her and was able to visit the new baby in the hospital after his afternoon nap.

I see that most people are suggesting you don't bring your son to the hospital with you. If you do bring him, please have somebody there whose only job is to take care of him. You don't want your labor support person to be distracted. I think sitting in the hospital all day would be mindnumbingly boring for an active toddler. But it would probably be fine to have him visit you briefly, and then go play in the park, visit again, and then go eat lunch and take a nap, etc.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

NO!!! I wouldn't let my 8 year old be there at all for her only siblings birth. Child birth is all about screaming yelling crying pain.. but yes.. the beauty of the baby at the end. A 20mo doesn't understand all the trauma to get to the beauty.. he will most likey be scared during the process.
Give him to Grandma for the day. Concentrate on you. If he is running around, pushing buttons, opening drawers, etc.. you will be so concerned about his safty that you won't relax enough to dialate and who wants to prolong that process.. good luck
Ps.. both my kids were born at midnight.. you have to think of naps/night time.. Grandma's the best answer. :-)

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Hi T.,

I'm finding the overwhelming and blatant "No" responses interesting. I understand where most everyone is coming from in regards to spending your energy on your labor and having the time with your new child, though depending on how you think and feel about the experience yourself, and it sounds like you want your son to be apart of the experience (as much as possible).

I had the same thought about my older son when I had my second son. (Their age difference is almost 3 years apart.) I think it depends on a lot of variables, including how you feel about it, your son's personality, and how your first labor went. The toughest variable that's a definite that you face is your son's age. 18-months old is really young for this experience. If your first labor included a lot of pain and screaming, then it might be traumatic for your son to see (at any age), since it's really hard and confusing for little ones to understand what's going on. If you get the epidural and your labor is more about pushing in the end than pain, and your son is pretty relaxed, then it might not be a big deal. However, I wouldn't set any expectations about his reaction. Honestly, at 18-months old, he probably won't even be all that interested in what's going on (at least in the positive perspective). It may be difficult for him to be there at the right moment too, and too much time spent there would likely add to his disinterest. There's also the matter of what time of day you end up going into labor. As long as it's not all in the middle of the night (as it was for me with my 2nd), perhaps it would be nice to have your son there for a short while, so he can see where you are and understand that something is happening. Beyond that is up to you, your fiance and your son. It might be a good idea to leave the option open and just plan it by ear and see how it goes. There is something to say for having your first child present to enjoy the moment of the birth, and to have him as involved as possible; though again, at 18-months old, he likely just too young foto really be all that interested in the experience, and/or depending on his personality, it may just be confusing or overwhelming for him. If he were a few years older, it would probably be a little different. Though again, I think it's up to you and you family and what is happening.

Just to share, I'm now pregnant with my third and have decided to go to a birthing center and do a water birth, which is a completely different environment and experience than a hospital. Assuming that it's not in the middle of the night again and depending on a few other possible variables, I'm leaving it open for my children (2.5yo & 5yo) to be there for the experience. My assumption is that my 2.5yo will not be all that interested, but my 5 year old might. He's always been very curious about how everything works and has really been interested in this pregnancy and how bodies work, and all that. My mom and/or my MIL will be there to manage the kids, so I won't have to worry about that, but they can just be there if they want to, or leave if they want to. So, the option for us is open, but I'm not going to set any expectations about it, so no matter what ends up happening, I won't be disappointed and that part of it will just be what it is.

I wish you all the best with your labor and 2nd child!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,
My second labor I ended up with a C-section.. My first child was 3 at the time.. thank goodness for my mom's help.. She watched my 3 year old.. Then after the baby was born would bring my daughter to visit the new baby.. This is a time of so many emotions and new experiences for your little one.. I don't think it would be fair to expect him to behave hours on end at the hospital.. Plus you need to focus on you and the baby.. When my 3 year old came to visit after the baby was born we had a little present for her from the baby.. and we also had coloring books and a movie to keep her busy too.
Best of luck,
L.

1 mom found this helpful

No! You're not going to be relaxed and comfortable and focused with your toddler in your room. What if your baby doesn't come until 3am? Induction doesn't mean "pop it in two hours".

Give yourself a break. Let your mother tend him at home. They will be happy to come meet Little Brother when you're done birthing him.

Congratulations, and good luck in school!

1 mom found this helpful

There are a lot of wise mamas that have given you sage advice. Listen to them. You, your fiance, and your soon-to-be born son deserve to have this amazing time to cherish the experience, free from having to worry about your toddler. Your little boy will be much happier simply visiting at an appropriate time. Give yourselves this gift.

My parents live out of state and my in-laws a ferry ride away. My second was born at 4:30 in the morning. We pre-arranged to have our amazing, devoted, cherished friends come over (which they did at 1:30 in the morning) to watch my son, and they brought him to visit in the hospital after my daughter was born and we were able to get some bonding time and a little rest. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Hello! Congratulations first of all! my oldest son was 18 months when his little brother was born and i had plans for him to be there for the birth, but you know things just happen when they're going to happen. i went into labor later in the evening and my mother-in-law was watching him and i thought she could be in town and bring him to the birthing center right when the baby was born. but it ended up being so late we just let him relax at her house. he didn't quite understand what was happening anyways. so you could try having your mom just play with your son somewhere close to the hospital and bring him as close to the birth as possible. i think this is one of things you just have to play by ear as it happens, depending on your son's mood that day, how you feel, what time of day, etc. so good luck to you! this age span for kids is great, my boys get along so well its amazing! have a great birth!

Why would you want the added stress of having an 18 mo. old at the hospital? Your focus needs to be delivering the baby, not worrying about the 18 mo. old and what he may or may not be doing. Personally, I would have someone watch him at home, focus on the birth, bond with the new baby and daddy...then later on, let big brother come and see the new baby and mom when you've been cleaned up, stitched up (if need be) and in a better frame of mind. Make it a pleasant experience for all. I've had 6....and can tell you that worrying about the older one...as us mom's do...is not what you need to focus on during the 2nd delivery.

I was induced with my 2nd girl when my older girl was 15 months old. I scheduled to be at the hospital at 5am. I had my husband stay home for a couple of hours, then my mom went to our house while he came to the hospital. Once things progressed to where I was dilated to 8, then he called my mom and she came over with my daughter. My mom came in the room with me while my daughter stayed in a waiting area with other members of my family. I had the baby a very short time after my mom arrived and her big sister got to meet her quickly. She was in a great mood since it was a new place to her and she didn't have to be there for hours waiting.
I'm not sure how far away from the hospital you live, but I was close enough that it worked well for me.

The best thing for your son is to have someone watch him at home and bring him to the hospital after his brother is born. He will be miserable having to be there ALL day, but I think it is really important to his bonding with his brother to feel like he is a part of that first hour after the birth. When he does come to the hospital, be sure you have plenty for him to do and be realistic with your expectations because he will probably just want to hold him for a minute and run wild... then kiss him and run some more... then hold him again and run... etc.

Let your son spend special time with grandma. It will allow you to enjoy and commit to memory the birth of your second child. My daughter was 17 months when we had our second and she made a visit to the hospital but was more interested in the hospital room and that experience than her new brother. You're in the hospital such a short time, I wouldn't make too big a deal of bringing him.

Have your mother stay with your son. You will be so concentrated on what is happening with your body that you will have no time to pay attention to him. Your labor might take hours and there is no way he can last hours for that. Have him come to see the new baby.

Congratulations on the new baby.

Check with your hospital about what their sibling policy is. We're in a similar situation with 25 months between children. Where we'll deliver allows siblings, but neither of the parents can be responsible for them since the mom is laboring and needs the dad as support. That alone may help you decide. Our basic plan at this point depends completely on when we go into labor, but it's to have our daughter with us at the hospital when the new baby is born but not for the entire time. She may go with one of her grandparents to the park, zoo, museum, etc. for most of the time we're at the hospital and then come over once we get near delivery. I think it will scare her to see her mom pushing if it's anything like it was with her. We're not all the way sure who will be responsible for her, but we want her there to meet her sibling. Take your son to the hospital now and see how he responds. Is he curious in everything, scared, excited, etc. That might give you some direction about what is best for him.

Labor and delivery can be a beautiful thing, but not for a young child. They will get scared and protective of Mom when they see her going through the labor, which, let's face it, is ANYTHING but fun.

You will be busy. Put him in the care of someone you trust and let them make the call whether to keep him at the hospital or not. My dad stayed with my son at our house while I was in the hospital having our daughter. He brought him to meet his sister around lunch time and then left again. My son really had a great day with his Papa and I got to get to know our daughter a little and rest. I missed my son, but it was best for him to be away happily playing rather than being couped up in the hospital all day.

I would definitely NOT have your son at the hospital. You don't know what will happen, if an emergency or what? Hopefully it will go as planned. But putting a very small child in a situation like this I think would be very confusing and scary to a child. Have your mom watch him, take him someplace special.

Also, because the new baby gets new gifts etc if it were me I would give a gift to the older child to show him he/she is just as important. worked for my kids and they were not jealous of each other when first born and they "helped" with getting diapers, clothes, etc for the newborn. Keep the older child involved. I know you didn't ask for this - just additional advice.

N.
wife, mom of three, grandma of two and wellness coach

I think it is a really bad idea to have a child that age there for your whole labor. You want might it, but it surely is not in his best interest. He'll get nothing out of the experience, other than frightened out of his mind. Leave him at home with your mom and have him visit after.

I am a grandmother and just went thru this very same problem. The 18 month old will not remember the birth and it will be very trying to stay at the hospital. I went to my daughter's house and stayed with the other grandaughter. Then when all was finished, the father called and said all was well. After I got the sister dressed and feed, we went to the hospital and took pictures. After seeing the Mom and newborn, I left and Dad took the sister home. Hope this helps. P. K.