20 answers

Should I Have a Baby Shower for My 3Rd Child?

Hello. I was curious what the thoughts were out there on having a baby shower/celebration for our third child. This is not only my third child, but my third boy. Some of my friend think I should, and some of my friends think it's a bit silly. I realize that ultimately it's up to my husband and I obviously, and I'm not usually big on caring about what's "proper", etc.; I'm curious to know some other thoughts out there.

To mention, we had a "baby celebration" (co-ed) with all of our friends and some family for both our previous boys, and although we always say not to bring gifts, people always do. We honestly just like having a celebration gathering with family and friends for the new life in our family. Knowing that if we did do another baby celebration/shower, some people will probably bring gifts again, we only have a limited amount of stuff that we would need (much of which is on the more expensive side), since this is our third baby boy. Granted, much of our baby stuff from our first child has aged - some of which is still safe to use and some of which is not, but other than maybe a new baby carrier and a new stroller (that holds more than one child), we already have too much baby stuff! (We tried to explain that at baby celebration #2, but again, many people didn't listen). ;o)

Just curious to hear other thoughts out there. Thanks! :o)

2 moms found this helpful

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Thank you all so much for your responses! I really enjoyed reading many of the thoughts and ideas you had. I do appreciate hearing from both sides of the subject too - that's what I was interested in.

I think we will do a baby celebration again, because I agree that we should celebrate this life just as we have celebrated our son’s previously. My husband and I talked a bit about whether or not to do it before or after the baby’s born. We really like the idea of having it when we have the little guy on the “outs” to show and introduce, though we also know from experience that organizing and throwing a party of any sort (even just a dinner party) with a newborn, especially when we have two boys already, can be an overwhelming task, and we're not sure that we want to set ourselves up for that. I’m also not so excited about the idea of having a big party with a newborn simply because I don’t think having that much going on around a newborn baby is good for the baby. A blow in the wind can be overwhelming to a new little one, much more a loud party with lots of people. He’ll have plenty of other things that will overwhelm him (like the grocery store and the rowdiness of his big brothers), so I’d rather not intentionally create that environment for him when we’re trying to celebrate his life. I think we might do something beforehand and then invite people in smaller groups afterwards to introduce him. That’s how we’ve done it in the past and it’s worked out well that way.

I know there were some comments about us throwing our own party rather than relying on friends to do it as traditionally done, though I personally just don't feel comfortable with relying on other people to do it all for us. (Call me crazy - you wouldn’t be the first.) Although our 2nd baby celebration was not hosted at our house, since we had some painting and other house projects going on at the time, we still organized it, set it up, cleaned up afterwards, etc. We really enjoy throwing parties for our friends anyway, and we have so many friends that only know each other from our parties (and new ones that have been made since the last time we’ve had one), and we like to have the personal touch of inviting them ourselves. I really like the most recent suggestion of having my two boys help with the party too. They both love to be “helpers” and would definitely enjoy that, as well as being involved in the party for the new baby. Just to mention, we’ve always done it as a co-ed baby celebration (more like a big BBQ party with our friends and family), not so much a shower. I'm not personally into all the girlie shower stuff, and really enjoyed having my husband involved and all of our friends there, instead of just the female portion of them, especially since I have many close male friends as well as female friends.

As far as gifts, I really like the ideas of doing dinners or take out certificates, or bringing a gift for charity, or just bringing diapers – you can never have too many diapers with a newborn! I wish I would have thought of those last time around! We love giving to charities, so that would be a wonderful way to pass along the celebration of our new life. We are a little bit hard to cook for though, since we have some food allergies/sensitivities in our family (primarily wheat/gluten and onions), but it still sounds so nice to not have to cook for a few days after the baby is born. (I’m not one that likes to cook anyway, though I envy those of you out there that love to cook and bake! Can you share that piece of your DNA with me?) :o) I have a few friends that love to cook and would probably enjoy doing that. (A few of them have done it in the past anyway, I just hadn’t thought about using that as the baby “gift” for those inevitable givers that must give something.) ;o)

Thank you all so much again! You’ve given us some good ideas to ponder and figure out further. :o)

Featured Answers

I was faced with the same issue--I have 4 boys :) One thing we thought of doing was to have a "welcome baby" celebration. Instead of doing the shower before, have everyone come over to meet the baby after. Even if you tell people to not bring gifts, they do because I think everyone likes to buy baby stuff :) It is nice to get new outfits for number three and it's fun to see everyone "oogle" over the new baby. One suggestion would be to involve the other two boys as much as age appropriate in the party planning so they feel a part of the celebration also.

I also had some friends that really wanted to do a shower for me, so they did a diaper shower. You always need diapers! Everyone bought disposable diapers, but then they wrote messages with a sharpy pen on the front of each diaper, i.e., "I love you Mommy" or "To pee or not to pee, that is the question." When you are changing diapers at 3 AM it's pretty funny to read the messages.

2 moms found this helpful

A friend of mine did have a shower for her third boy, but requested that rather than presents people bring a meal for after the baby arrived. I thought this was a great idea! People could all still celebrate and the gifts were practical!

Congratulations and enjoy!
A.

1 mom found this helpful

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I feel that each child should be celebrated, so I do not think there is anything wrong with having a shower for a 3rd child. Why is it okay to celebrate the first but not the 3rd? To me that just doesn't seem right. Every child should be showered with love. How do you explain to your second or third child that only the first one has pictures in their baby book from a shower? I think that would be sad for the child. If you don't need gifts, you could always have people give to children charities in the baby's name or do a diaper shower.

2 moms found this helpful

Of course people don't listen :) Yaaaaay, we get to welcome a whole new person...even better the IDEA of a whole new person, and sharing happiness. If I had more money than god, it wouldn't matter HOW much my friends said no stuff...I'd be out buying disneyland. Or certificates for weekly prenatal massages. Or. Or. Or. I personally don't want presents ever, but somehow I never learned to follow the golden rule on this one.

So have your party. Celebrate & have a blast.

If you want to cut down on the stuff...I would suggest theming it. I threw a "Huggies Supreme Diaper Shower" for a friend on her fourth. (Her favorite brand). We even made the whole wedding-cake-out-of-diapers thing...Soooooo easy...and some clever people bought some in different sizes so she actually didn't have to buy diapers for 11 months. One of my cousins (who had a double mastectomy at 20) has a "Formula Party". I went to one shower that the mum-to-be wanted socks of all sizes (I swear to god...is there some kind of little gremlin that sneaks around the house eating baby & toddler socks???)
I have yet to go to a shower that request gift certificates for take-out...but give my SIL time and she swears that that is all she wants. Not to even have to THINK about cooking for the first 2 weeks.

So have fun, & congratulations :)

2 moms found this helpful

I think you've already answered your question. If you're comfortable with having a shower, and you really want one, then I say go for it!

I can totally understand not wanting more stuff. One way around that is to ask everyone to bring a new unwrapped baby gift and donate to a local charity that serves new moms in need, or babies in foster care, or some other worthy charity. That way everyone feels good.

I'll be interested to see what others think.

2 moms found this helpful

I was faced with the same issue--I have 4 boys :) One thing we thought of doing was to have a "welcome baby" celebration. Instead of doing the shower before, have everyone come over to meet the baby after. Even if you tell people to not bring gifts, they do because I think everyone likes to buy baby stuff :) It is nice to get new outfits for number three and it's fun to see everyone "oogle" over the new baby. One suggestion would be to involve the other two boys as much as age appropriate in the party planning so they feel a part of the celebration also.

I also had some friends that really wanted to do a shower for me, so they did a diaper shower. You always need diapers! Everyone bought disposable diapers, but then they wrote messages with a sharpy pen on the front of each diaper, i.e., "I love you Mommy" or "To pee or not to pee, that is the question." When you are changing diapers at 3 AM it's pretty funny to read the messages.

2 moms found this helpful

You could have your "baby celebration" and you can say that if they bring gifts that they would be given to a children's hospital or to a shelter. That way not only can you celebrate your upcoming arrival, but help someone who might need the help. Good luck with your upcoming little one.
Take Care,
S.
I am a stay at home mom to four beautiful kids. Three girls and one boy. My wonderful hubby is a soldier who is currently away serving the country that he loves!!!

2 moms found this helpful

What is wrong with celebrating the coming another member of your family?? If you want to have a baby shower, so be it. Great. Have fun. If you think that you will be being selfish because of what other people say, then don't.

Isn't it wonderful that you are going to be welcoming your third son into this world? Congratulations. I think it's fantastic and if I were you, I would celebrate. I think where people may think the "selfishness" comes in is if you register for stuff you don't need because you already have it. My issue is this... I wanted different things for my kids because they are all different and they are going to get them when they grow up, move away, and have children of their own. I used the same cradle for all four of them and the same crib for the two younger ones, but they each had their own theme, special blankets and stuffies and some clothes... nonconsequential stuff. So, keep the same "equipment" unless you really need another and ask for things that you didn't get to have with the others.

That is, of course, if you register. You may decide to not register and still have a party. This gives people the freedom to bring something they want for you to have for your new baby and to celebrate with you. If you really want to keep the gift-giving down to a bare minimum, ask that if people really want to give you something, please give gift cards to wherever your stroller of choice is, so they can help you get what you really need instead of more of what you don't. Include a statement in your invitation to that effect. Be careful in your phrasing, though, because you don't want to offend the people you're inviting.

Have loads of fun. Congratulations again on your new son. You have been blessed.

2 moms found this helpful

Go for it, Have a shower!
You deserve the joy of celebrating your newest child!!
Even without a shower most friends and family will usually buy baby stuff, its fun to shop for!

Do a gift registry at target or somewhere and register the stuff you need and or want. That way even if people dont shop at that store they know what you want.

Best of luck to you and congrats!

2 moms found this helpful

I think every child should be celebrated! You could have a "shower" or a "sprinkle" either before or after he is born. There are always things you need like maybe new pacifiers, new bibs, or how about a fun new diaper bag for Mom. Whether or not there are gifts, it's the idea to get together with special friends and celebrate the miracle and joy of your baby. There's never anything wrong with that!! Congratulations and enjoy!

2 moms found this helpful

I say go for it. As you said, its really about celebrating life, not the baby gifts. When I had our fourth child (and third boy) my girlfriends hosted a dinner party at my favorite restaurant. They pitched in a got me a fabulous gift card (for myself!) which was so fun and so appreciated. But the true gift was to spend an evening laughing and talking about life with people that I love. You can always put on the invitation that gifts are not necessary, although Emily Post says that is not proper (for what that's worth).

In the end, its your baby and your family. The third son is no less of a miracle and joy than the third in my opinion, so celebrate !

2 moms found this helpful

I think you should certainly celebrate your new child! You could ask poeple to donate to a children's charity instead of bringing gifts. People will send gifts whether you have a party or not! You could also have a type of blessing way (not usually co-ed however). At my shower, we asked everyone to bring a candle and a bead. Before my daughter was born, I strung all the beads together to make a necklace and I wore it during the birth and we burned the candles during the birth. The candles and necklace were great reminders of the love and support of my friends and family. That way, people who attend have very specific directions of what to bring and from what I heard, the girls had a great time picking out beads and candles that held special meaning. Congrats on your amazing family!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I think it's important to celebrate every little baby no matter what number they are. For my daughter's birthday recently, we really didn't want people to bring gifts so we suggested potluck items for everyone to bring. It worked out great! Some people (with kids) brought a gift and some didn't, but it was clear that there was no expectation for it. We're planning to do an open house type thing after our next arrives a month or so after the birth. That way we have a chance to adjust a little, but still get to celebrate a new life.

1 mom found this helpful

We had a shower with all of our kids! With the 3rd, we had a disposibles only shower. So, people could bring diapers, wipes, wash, lotion, cream..ect.

I think every baby deserves to be celebrated!

If you only need several large items, you can ask that people only give gift cards to a certain place and let them know what the money will be going towards..

1 mom found this helpful

I think it's perfectly fine, except maybe call it a celebration rather than a shower... being that generally showers are for gifts to help out. Also, I don't think it's wrong to specify very bluntly "Please do not bring gifts... we feel your love and support is gift enough and just appreciate your attendance."

1 mom found this helpful

A friend of mine did have a shower for her third boy, but requested that rather than presents people bring a meal for after the baby arrived. I thought this was a great idea! People could all still celebrate and the gifts were practical!

Congratulations and enjoy!
A.

1 mom found this helpful

I really like the idea of having a get together with the family and friends AFTER the baby is born to introduce him to everyone. This celebrates your new son, gives you the party, and avoids the gift issue (you may still get a few, but at least you don't look like you were soliciting them). You can also host this yourself without having to depend on someone else throwing a shower for you, as proper social graces require. No matter how often you say "No Gifts", if you do something before the baby is born, people will want to bring a gift or feel obligated to do so, as evidenced by baby celebration #2. Let people bring things of their own accord, they will if they want to. You can always donate what you don't need.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think it's a bad idea - but I'd theme it - either frozen meals to stuff your freezer or I'd ask for donations and donate to babies in need.

I do think one should theme it - my cousin just had a third kid - does that mean I shouldn't send a gift? Nope - I'm going to make him a quilt.

1 mom found this helpful

Times must have changed drastically since I had my kids, but the expectant mom/parents don't give themselves a shower or a party, that's something that the expectant mom's friends do for her. And by the time you have your 3rd child, there's no 'big' party, it may be just a very few of your friends who get together and care for the Mom more than provide for the baby. If you and your husband want to have a party to celebrate this baby, may I suggest a party after the baby arrives, maybe at his baptism or other religious ceremony? Or a 'coming out' party after he's here and you're home? The stuff you need is stuff you need to provide yourselves. Showers were given to the 'new' Mom to be to help provide advice as much as they were given to provide stuff. It's like throwing your own birthday party and expecting gifts... no. If your friends throw you a shower, great. If your friends know you, they know what you need. They'll go together to get the bigger gift. When you're well on road as a parent (2nd, 3rd, 4th baby), if you are given a shower, the gifts you receive will be the consumables, like clothes that are apt to have a sort shelf life, wipes, diapers, powders, lotions, etc. Enjoy you new baby boy!!

I recently went to a baby shower for a 2nd child, same sex as the first. The mom said she had everything she needed and we didn't need to bring presents. She said if we wanted to bring something, we could bring diapers or baby food which would be donated to a local charity that needed them. She then had a drawing for a little gift, with each jar of baby food earning one entry.

Some people still brought her presents, but there was a lot of baby food donated. It was a fun way to have a celebration for her and her baby, without overloading her with things she didn't need.

I would pass on the shower. You can celebrate the new life with your family or close friends by hosting them for dinner. If I were invited to that sort of thing with a 2nd or 3rd child, I would think they are wanting gifts and be a smidge annoyed by the whole thing.

No, I don't think you should have a baby shower for your third baby. I see nothing wrong with hosting a dinner party or brunch to introduce your baby to the family. Another shower isn't needed. I wouldn't even call it a baby celebration since that would invite gifts, but just say it's a family get-together.

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