Should I Give Pregnancy Another Shot?

My sister-in-law had her son at 28 weeks, they didn't catch any of her issues either, otherwise they would have been able to stop her labor. They had to transport her son as well via helicopter to the other side of town. He stayed in the NICU for 4 months. He is now almost 6 yrs old, and is so much better, but honestly he is no where near the level of your son. He acts around the age of 2 or 3 years. It is very sad. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that my SIL had another child, but she went to a different doctor. Her level of health care was much better this time. She ended up getting a circlage (sorry sp?) and was able to carry this baby to full term. She was very closely monitored due to her previous pregnancy. Her 2nd baby is healthy. So, my point is this, go to doctor that you can really trust, that will listen to your previous experience and your concerns and go for it!!! No two pregnancies are exactly alike, nor are the births. I have two healthy children (thank goodness - knock on wood) and both of them were completely different. Age is only a number, so if you feel healthy and have love to give - why not? I like to think that the best gift we can give our children is a sibling. I am so pleased with the way my children are attached to each other and the way they play together. It truly is priceless. I wish you the best with your decision and should you decide to have another, I hope you have a beautiful experience, the way nature intended it!

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the experience having my first child was was not near as dramatic as yours but it was unexpected to say the least. i waited a while before my second because of fear and surprisingly enough i had a third. I love and adore my children they all have different and difficult challenges at times but we all help each other. i think they have been able to help each other tremendously.
I can not give you an opinion about whether you should have another baby but i can say i was very glad i did- even though it was still not easy it was nothing compared to the first! Another baby may relive some of the fear and trauma from the first only you and your family can decide.
good luck with your loving family

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Your story read very similar to my own, and I was 27 when I gave birth to my son at 30 weeks and spent my days and night NICU bound for 2 months. All the challenges and pain have made my son, like yours, the person he is today and I thank God everyday for giving me such an amazing little person.

The amazing thing is that we have little boys who have moved past expectations and created their own! The only difference in our stories is that my OBGYN was very on top of every issue that came up, and there for me lies where I have no regrets on the experience. My emergency C-section was flawless as an emergency surgery can be, and I felt like everyone in delivery anticipated everything before it happened.

Not that I'd want to go threw it again, but I defintitely want more children and pending I find someone to share a family with, I will.

If you have love in your heart and the desire to have another child is there then, I would go for it. Find a better OBGYN who is knowledgeable and can provide you the guidance you need. Make sure your delivering hospital has a NICU and emergency services for preemie births. Your age is only a factor if you let it be. One of my dearest friends had her little girl at 39 and it was after she had been told it just wasn't in the cards. Follow heart! Keep up the therapy and find a doctor who you trust with your body and the life of your future child.

Good Luck!

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Our experience was similarly rough and we were simply too exhausted to think about starting the process again for several years (as in 5 or 6). I will do it again in a heartbeat now, if the stars line up and I'm 47. Every baby brings different blessings. Regarding age, our bodies were designed for having babies. If your head is straightened out, go for it. If your head isn't ready, you still have time.

By the way, I sought out a high risk maternal specialist as my OB for my first baby because I was 40. She always teased me that I was one of her "younger pups." Forget age. It's just something that people like to tell us to worry about. Find a doctor like I had (she's not practicing anymore) who thinks that being 40 is plenty young.

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Hi, Maria...

I am 42. My son just turned 1 in May. Being older and pregnant does carry some possible complications. Everyone will tell you that. There are tests you can have performed to minimize the surprise factor if, indeed, there are problems. That being said, may I offer this: Every pregnancy is different. I have 3 children, and each of the deliveries were different as well. From Pop- here's your baby! to OMG, when is the baby going to get out?!? ;) Just as I am sure you would tell any friend and your own son not to fear the unknown, I am telling you the same. It's the unknown and "what if this happens" kind of thinking that is your biggest hurdle. Good luck, and whatever you decide, don't let the fear decide it for you...

L.

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Wow.
Well all I can say is, perhaps find another more competent OB/GYN.

Next, I was 38, when I was pregnant with my first child, and got pregnant naturally. I had a long labor as well, 14+ hours, and ended up with an emergency c-section. In the ultrasound I had prior, they thought my daughter had a heart problem... one chamber missing. It was scary to say the least and traumatic. We saw specialists, I had an Amniocentesis, and all was fine, test wise. A Pediatric Heart specialist also did a special ultrasound, and he deemed my daughter to be fine. She WAS born fine and is a normal healthy 6 year old girl now.

Needless to say, it was a traumatic thing to go through. But about 3 years later, I became pregnant again, naturally. It was our choice. We wanted a sibling for our daughter. That pregnancy was a miscarriage. 6 months later, I got pregnant again. With my now healthy and beautiful son, who is now almost 3 years old. With this pregnancy, I was 42 years old. It was a fine, normal, healthy pregnancy. But with his birth, I opted for a c-section. Not a VBAC. And, I had an Amniocentesis with his pregnancy as well. I believe in the Amnio testing. It is the most conclusive.

My point is, each pregnancy is different. And the outcome.
"Age" at time of pregnancy and the woman's health is certainly a factor in the viability and 'health' of the pregnancy. SO, a GOOD OB/GYN is paramount. AND taking prenatal vitamins (even when trying to conceive), and taking any advised testing.
But, there are MANY MANY woman nowadays, that are 35+ in age, and are pregnant. My friend, was 47, when she had her 2nd child. Born healthy and normal.

I was 'scared' to be pregnant again, after the scare we had with my firstborn, and then the miscarriage. BUT... I knew that each pregnancy is different. And,Hubby and I wanted another child. That was the deciding factor for us.

You may want to consult your OB/GYN... to discuss things with, first. AND of course, you need to see if mentally/emotionally you are 'ready' for another pregnancy... and the "what if's."

And I can't emphasize enough, FIND another more experienced OB/GYN and hospital.

All the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

As they always are, my situation was a little different, but I thought I would share.

My first pregnancy was great, no problems, healthy little boy who is now four years old.

My second pregnancy was not. I was pregnant with twin girls and lost them both at 24 weeks when I developed severe Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome and had to deliver in order to save my life. It was awful...the loss of our girls, going through the fear and recovery of my illness and all the while having no real answers as to why I got sick or if it would happen again.

We did get pregnant again and it was a stressful nine months. I was upfront with my doctor from the start about how I wanted to handle appointments and ultrasounds. She agreed and was as supportive and wonderful as a doctor could possibly have been. I also saw a perinatologist who also oversaw by pregnancy. It gave me some peace of mind to have the specialist also watch over us. At 37 weeks, I went into labor. No pre-e, no complications and I had a beautiful healthy baby boy.

I can't imagine my life without him even though I long for his sisters every day. I have four beautiful children, just sadly two of them are watching over me instead of the other way around.

It's hard and you have to be prepared for that, but if you want another one, it's worth it, in my opinion. They just make life so much better!

Good luck with whatever decision you and your husband make.

-M

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Hi Maria!

I am so excited to hear that your son has proved those doctors wrong!! I had a terrible experience as well with my first daughter. I was sent to a hospital I was not planning on going to, something happened with the contract my docotors had. I then was in labor for 12 hours, my baby was not progressing. The doc who was NOT supposed to deliver me tried two vacumm extraction! Both failed. I had to TELL HIM give me a c-section! I then had to wait 45 minutes for a team to get together. My daughter was born looking very healthy and fine. Then when it was visiting time with the family they brought her to me in a transport incubator with 2 docs, a nurse and the paramedics. She stopped breathing 4 times in the nursery which they never told me until she had to leave the hospital. She was taken to Pomona Valley NICU, while I stayed where I was for 4 days! She was there for 3 weeks. Needless to say it was heart wrenching on me and my husband. She had a stroke at birth, and has CP. The docs told us she would not walk or talk. Anyway like your son she has overcome many obsticals, but is diffrently abled. She is turning 10 this month. We tried to bring a lawsuit against the doc, who by the way no longer practices, but was to difficult to prove malpractice. we saw 3 lawyers. Anyway I was petrified to have more babies. But we did with the assurance that what happened to my daughter was 1 in a million chance and would not happen again. My next two doctors were amazing and my other two children were fine. All my pregnancies were textbook, it was the idiot doctor who did not know what he was doing. If your health is good and you TRUST your doctor wholeheartedly....grow your family. Good luck!

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First, you're not too old, but problems do increase with age, so you do have to factor that it.
Secondly, every baby & birth are different.
My friend had a horrible first run - couldn't get pregnant, then had issues, horrible delivery, and then a downs baby. Second time - was a charm.
Another friend had a seriously ill baby the 3rd time. Fourth time was fine.
You just never know.
Get some pre-pregnancy and genetic counseling from your OB. They'll be able to fill you in on YOUR specifics - what the odds are on your genetic background, etc.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

hi. i'm sure you got lots of good responses, but here's my two cents. if the birth malformations and defects were genetic, i would really consult an OB (a different one of course) about the possibility of it happening again. that being said, if it was just really bad luck, i would find an OB that you trusted and give it another go. you sound like a really devoted mom, it would be such a waste not to spread more of that love!!!!!!! ultimately, its your call. i'm an RN, and happen to specialize in mother/baby. i think that you should research OB's in your area, and go with a high-risk maternal internal OB. if you're in the SLO area, Dr. Cedar's in San Luis Obispo is fantastic. i had to see him for frequent ultrasounds for a possible malformation of abdomen of my second child. best wishes!!!!

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Maria : )

First, congratulations on your survival and healthy son! It says a lot for you and your husband to have survived healthy, happy, and together after such trauma! Congratulations on a beautiful, intelligent son. I agree, art and motherhood do stem from the same creative energy!

I understand your fears. They are justifiable. I have read of many moms on this site who have healthy children much past your tender age of 39. I don't have a lot to offer on that, as my 5th (9th pregnancy) occurred when I was 32. However, I have a strong faith in my Father in Heaven, and I believe that a woman has a strong need to procreate children. Trust your God, and try for another. If you are to have another, it will happen. When you get pregnant, I'd look for a doctor who will be very proactive in your care, who will attempt to avoid all those serious problems you had last time. Know that in the last 4 years, some things have changed in medicine. Also, knowing your history, a good doctor will do everything in his/her power to ensure that the same things don't occur again. Lightning doesn't often strike twice in the same place, the challenges you faced with your son may not, should not, happen twice.

That comes just from "gut feeling" from an old mom. If you are still concerned, make an appointment with your doctor, and discuss it all with her/him. Ask about the chances of another similar occurence, and then ask about what you can do to prevent it. Taking great vitamins may help. I have a great vitamin I'd love to suggest, they were used by the only woman to deliver healthy septuplets--7 babies--live.

Best of Luck in your decision!

A.

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I had my 3rd at 39. One thing that may ease your fears, you'll be labeled high risk, and you and your baby will be very monitored. there was a fear of anemia and a heart problem w/ my baby. And maybe because my 1st has lots of health issues, I rolled w/ it. Seriously, you have been to hell and back, could it be worse? I had a normal delivery, and a healthy baby. One thing you need to think about, will you have an amnio? and what if your worst fears are realized? Will you terminate a pregnancy? People have strong feelings on this, and you need to make your desision. I knew I'd carry to term and donate organs if I had too. that was me, due to experiences w/ my 1st. If you really want another baby now is the time.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Maria,

First I would like to say, no two pregnancies or births are the same. What happened with your son will most likely not happen with another child.

3 years ago, I had a horrible pregnancy with many complications with my son. I ended up having a c-section with complications and a long recovery. I told myself and my husband we would never do this again. Once my son was a year old I spoke to my doctor and we decided to try again. It took me almost 2 years to get pregnant. My daughter was just born 6 weeks ago. Not only did I have an easy pregnancy, but the delivery was a piece of cake. I am almost fully recovered and she is a happy and healthy baby.

If this is something you want, talk to your doctor about your chances of this happening again. He can monitor your pregnancy closer this time.

By the way, my sister just delivered a healthy baby boy at age 39.

Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hey Maria,
If you are concerned about having a repeat performance with baby #2 you could always consider seeing a genetic counselor. These specialists go through your entire medical history, as well as your husband's, and may even perform a few minor procedures to see if everything is working as it should.
In my case, we tried IVF twice with my own eggs, but my body refused to respond to the medicine. As a result we decided to use an egg donor and we were able to get 4 embryos. After we read the statistics of downs and birth defects at my age (downs is 73%), we felt that it wasn't responsible of us to take that chance, thus we opted to use a donor. This allows us all the thrills of pregnancy with the only missing link being my DNA, which holds no importance for me.
I share this just so you know that there are other options out there if you feel that you want to have another child, but don't want to take risks.

1 mom found this helpful

I had a horrible first pregnancy at 37. I had tumors removed from my uterus during pregnancy and spent the entire time off work, off my feet, taking drugs to prevent early labor.

Mu daughter has had ADHD which may or not be related to the trauma during pregnancy. As an infant she had continual ear infections and stomach problems. She screamed and threw up constantly. Making adjustments to school were traumatic. She's starting college. She graduated H S with a 3.7. She overcame everything, like your child.

I had my second child at 42. It was a routine pregnancy and she has hardly been sick a day in her life. Even as an infant she hardly ever cried.

You didn't say what malady your child suffers from. Is it genetic or a random congenital problem? That makes a big difference. Get the advice of someone your obstetrician or pediatrician recommends for pre-pregnancy counseling. If they say it's a go, proceed fearlessly. If they say it would be a risk, that's another story.

1 mom found this helpful

I had my first child at 39 and my second at 42. They are 13 and 10 now and are physically and mentally healthy. My first pregnancy was miserable because I felt so bad all the time (tired, vomiting, headaches, colds, flu, sciatica, bed rest, etc). I was induced and went through 52 hours of labor before having a C-section. My second was no problem at all. I requested and got a planned C-section. Each pregnancy is different and 39 isn't too old. Good luck! And I'm glad Sebastian is doing so well.

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Hi Maria, first I want to say, I am so happy for little Sebastian, and how things turned out, he sounds incredible.

Some women have baby's well into their 40's with not problems, it vary's from woman to woman. I had 2 friends both 39 and pregnant at the same time, for my one friend this was her 7th child, and she had a normal pregnancy and deleievery, my other friend this was her 2nd and she had her first one at 35, she mis carried, but not only was she 39, but she had a very stressful demanding job, which I'm sure didn't help. In your case i think it's important to know what caused all the problems and see of they proventable, for me In would have loved two have had a 4th child, but i was 32 when i had her, and I was looking at how old I would be when she turned 18, as it was the year she turned 18 I turned 50, and that was perfect for me. The only other thing is you don't want to put yourself in danger, because you have little Sebation to raise, and if another child did have the same issues, the time taken from Sebation could be great. I'm not trying to discourage you, just give you a couple things to think about. What ever you decide, you have a lot of friends and supporters out here in mamasource world. were here for you. J.

1 mom found this helpful

Maria,

Wow... after reading your story about your son it really brings tears to my eyes... I also have a little boy named Sebastian is now turning 5 in September who was born from an emergency c-section but only b/c he was stuck in my pelvis bones, I was fully dialated but my bones didn't separate completely. He was finally born after 16 hrs in labor of which he was stuck about 12 hrs of...

You're son brings the world to you and is definitely heavenly sent... It is hard to deal with the fears as I also have my own fears... Try for another baby as that baby will also be heavenly sent...

Good luck and do find it in your heart to try again as you're little one also needs a companion... Prayer will definitely get you through everything as you have survived the worst in childbaring...

My kisses to little Sebastian...

Maria,
I understand your concern. Although your situation is a little more traumatic then what I have been through with my son, I understand the constant worrying, trips to the dr.'s, and trips to the hospital. I am so glad your son is doing well. If you do decide to have another, I would find a new Dr. I would go on the recommendation of someone who you really value their opinion. It sounds like your Dr. may have been somewhat neglectful. You might want to look for one at a University or major medical center, or one that is linked to a Children's Hospital. Even once you select a hospital and practice I would still look for a Dr. that is caring and compassionate. We have been out at Loma Linda and when I started having problems with my son at 28 weeks I did not worry because I knew I was at one of the best hospitals and Chilren's hospitals in the area. Good Luck.

Hi Maria, I'm turning 30 this month and my son just turned 2 last month. I feel a little behind since most of my friends and cousins are done having kids. My pregnancy went pretty well so I can't put myself in your shoes, but having another little one is just a must for me. Nothing ever falls into place (still want my masters, don't own a home, finally got baby weigtht off, etc.) but I know that the benefits outway the costs so if you really want another, then go for it. Consult your doctor and hopefully this next pregnancy will be a good one. Also, I'm happy to hear that your son is doing great!

hello,

i lost my baby when i was 8 mths pregnant. something to do with my blood cels popping/dont kno the medical term, thus both of us dying of lack of oxygen. i always feard of losing another baby with my other pregnancies, but all 3 did just fine. the fear will always be in the back of ur mind. i always bugged the dr. and the staff would reassure me. if ur dr gives you the green light, then go thru it.

I would also like to ask you: do you need to have another child?/ Does your child need another child and if so does he not have little cousins, freinds...?/ Would you like to have another child to test yourself?= no good reason!
And now personally about you: at 29 years of age a pregnancy is hard; at 39 don't you think is not going to be only hard but a lot risky for the child to be born? Think of the child.
The child you have has given you plenty of work and material for love, deep love for him and for one another; lots of thrills and excitements of all kinds, like having 2 children in 1, is not that enough?
From my personal view I would say : no, enjoy the life you have now and the child yopu were capable to keep.(But then, this is me. I had 2 boys, and the second one was when I was 30 yrs old).

Hi Maria,
I'm glad you're son is doing so well! I only have one child but I had him at 39 - 3 months before I turned 40 and it all went well. We did the amnio and everything was fine. We delivered at Cedars Sinai because they had a NICU... just in case. I was also worried because of my age and luckily there were no problems. I had a good pregnancy at 39 but chose not to have another baby for reasons other than my age. I have 2 friends who delivered their first babies at 45 - so it can be done without any problems. Since you've already had a baby, doing it again at 39 should should not be an issue. They just do a few more tests along the way to make sure everything is going well.

I think if you really want a 2nd child you just have to consider changing doctors and definitely change hospitals so you have a better experience.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Go for it! Get a different / better OB/GYN and an excellent perinatologist and keep up the counseling. A sibling is a wonderful gift to give your child. Good luck! You're in my thoughts and prayers.

M. C

I am very sorry you had to go through such a rough delivery. The experiences you and your husband went through sound horrendous. All three deliveries of my now grown children were magical for me. No trauma, and no problems. OB doctors cannot always fix all problems, but your son sounds like a genius. Most children are still learning how to cope with their individual worlds. Have you discussed this with your therapist about having more children and your fears?

It is important to remember that not all pregnancies are going to be the same. You could be expecting the worst and get a magical surprise with a perfect delivery. Now days the doctor will be able to tell you if you have a possibility of having problems. Not always, but sometimes. If you are religious, you will know that God will never give you more than you can handle. There will be hard times and good, but you will have gained important knowledge that you can share with others who may have gone through similar situations.

It is my understanding that problems can occur after the age of 40, but I am not sure. I was a grandmother at age 33, so this being said, I wish you and your husband luck and I know you will make the right decision for your family and future family members.

Good Luck, BTW I am 53 with three grown children, many grandchildren, and two great grand children.

both you and your husband may want to use professional homeopath once you decide to conceive. carefully monitored and changed throughout the pregnancy homeopathic remedies can make your "second time around" experience" to be a very pleasant one.
Good Luck
V.

My heart goes out to you, Maria. I'm so happy that your little boy has done so well. It sounds like you and your husband have really persevered throughout this whole ordeal and that your love and devotion to your little boy has been evident. Children are a blessing from the Lord and I believe that if you would prayerfully consider having another baby you will not regret it. I think finding an excellent midwife, and there are some great ones in the LA area, would be a good approach. A loving, nurturing midwife can see you through this next pregnancy and guide you to the right specialists for the tests that would be recommended. After having 6 kids and some traumatic birth experiences, (all excellent outcomes, however) I can honestly say that I would only recommend a reputable midwife. God bless you!

Sorry to hear about all the difficulties but how wonderfulful that your son has thrived. As you well know, we can not nor should not let fear stop us because then it takes over. So I suggest that you doctor shop........meet different OB/GYN's tell them your story watch their face for reactions and find the RIGHT doctor that feels good to you. I am betting that your second experience will be wonderful and positive and your son needs a sibling and your both need a positive experience. No one can go back and make a brand new start. But you can start from now and make a brand new ending. Let all of know how things turn out

CEO Special BEginnings: An Early Intervention Network

Yes, I think you should give pregnancy another shot. Your son was worth it all, right? But since you went through such a horrible situation, most likely the next one will be much better. Because of your age, read up on the risks, and get an amnio, but I think that once you have another, you will be so glad, especially to give your son a sibling to grow up with (not to mention to keep each other busy!)

Personally....I'm not willing to take a chance on something like that. I have two young girls and thought about a third but I'm almost 34 and this year is not good for us so I'd have to wait another year. I know the risks and have studied the statistics on pregnancy and things like downs and other defects. It all skyrocket at 35. So yes with medicine nowadays women can have children into their 40ies but is it safe? We not really. Some people get lucky but im stopping at my two healthy girls....good luck.....ever thought about adopting?

Hi Maria,
reading your posting made me almost teary, but i am so happy to hear that your son is doing so well and thriving!!! This would be any parents nightmare and i can understand your reservations.

I would suggest that if you REALLY want to have another baby. Look into the possibility of find a really good OB/GYN and hospital that will have the best care for you (and your baby) before, during and after labor.

I think that so many women have babies late in their lives, there is really no reason why you shouldn't if you really want one. I don't believe that what happened to your son was because of you or your body (anything you did). The proper care and diagnosed was NOT available to you. And thank goodness that you were able to provide your son with the proper care that has brought him to where he is now.

If you're willing to drive a little distance (PASADENA), I have a really good OB/GYN who is ALSO a Neonatal specialist that was my doctor throughout my pregnancy and delivery. He is a high-risk doctor. And the hospital I delivered at has an exceptional Neonatal Unit that is right across the hall from Labor & Delivery (same building/same floor). Plus there is never any sharing of delivery rooms with other patients. You automatically get your own room.

You sound like a great mom. All the best to you.

Not to downplay your drama or nervousness, but often the second pregancy is the opposite of the first, so what the heck! Give it a try. You can't let fears in life make your decisions for you. Go for it!

I am 38, I'll be 39 in November. I just had my third child, a little girl, 8 weeks ago today. I had my other 2 boys when I was 30 and 33, I started late. She's perfectly healthy as are my other 2. I delivered at a free standing birth center (Best Start Birth Center) with a midwife delivering. I had an all natural birth. When I went in for my first apt I was asked all the usual questions. She noted my age but said that because I was healthy etc that age wasn't a huge issue.
I can understand your fear of things going bad again. It's still very likely nothing will be wrong the second time around.