A.D. asks from Stephenville, TX on March 12, 2007
Should I Change My Kids Names?
I am a single mother of twin boys. Their father was not in their lives for the first half year and even refused to except the fact that they were his. Now he has realized his mistakes and has really come through and has shown definite interest in being a father. He has even moved in to help share the responsibility. I gave the boys my last name at birth but for several months their father has been pressuring me to change their last names to his. I am not sure Im comfortable with this! I really don't know what to do. I can see his point of veiw but I dont want to change their names for the same reason that he does...
So What Happened?™
Hello everyone! Thank you all very much for all of your responses and support. I am new to this and it is really a comfort to remember that their are other people out there who are in the same situation and can offer advice. I think that you are right and I need to WAIT. There is alot that the two of us need to work out and I do not think that he is thinking of anyone but himself... We need to have clear heads and make a decision that will be best for our children. Thanks again!
L.D. answers from Dallas on March 21, 2007
I totally understand this one, My seven year old son's dad has nothing to do with him so he has my last name and the family wants to have me change it but they don't have anything to do with him either. There is a postive part if you do change the names then he would definatly have to pay child support. Do what you feel is right for the boys you are the only one that knows the dad and how he is just be careful and if you do change them and it doesn't work out with him and the boys then take his rights and change them back
L.K. answers from Dallas on March 14, 2007
I have a similar situation where my daughter has my maiden name. I don't think you should change their names unless the two of you get married. You have proven that you are a constant in their lives and he has not. What would you do if you changed their names and then he decided to diappear again? It is also pretty expensive to do this.
S.B. answers from Seattle on March 13, 2007
I agree with everyone else, don't change their names unless you get married...and even then you will have to decide if the three of you will take his last name. Also, are you two back together? I understand needing/wanting help, but I don't know how wise it is to have him living with you if you do not plan on working out the relationship. Just my two cents. Good luck with everything.
K.K. answers from Dallas on March 13, 2007
No don't change the names!
A.G. answers from Dallas on March 14, 2007
dont do anything U are uncomfortable with....and if he tries to pressure U....thats a good indicator that he doesnt respect your feelings and thoughts....
T.V. answers from Dallas on March 16, 2007
My best friend had 2 kids with the same man. The 2nd one was born after they were no longer together. She gave the 2nd child her last name, but the first had his. He took her to court to get the 2nd child's name changed and she countered to change the 1st child. In the end, she won, and now both her kids have her last name, and yes, she does get child support. The judge agreed to that, because she had custody of the kids. There is nothing linking a last name to child support. Tons of people get pregnant out of wedlock and give the child the mothers name. The only thing is the father might have to get a paternity test for child support, but he would have to even if their names were his, because you were not married. I think you should wait. If he marries you, then change all of your names, but I wouldn't unless you got married. They have your name and live with you. It's not confusing when they are living with you and have the same last name as you. If they had his last name and he was no longer around, then it's more confusing for them to have a different last name than you do. I think unless you are married to him, they need to keep your name.
M.F. answers from Dallas on March 13, 2007
I wouldn't do it unless you're married.
S. answers from Dallas on March 14, 2007
I would wait until the two of you get married to change their names. I gave my daughter her fathers last name at birth, believing that we would get married, then he left, and we have not seen him for the last 4 years. It has caused a multitude of problems for the both of us. I believe that you are the stability in their lives and when your last name changes, then theirs can too. You have been there ALL Along, he has not. If it is that big of a deal to him, then he will do the right thing.
A.M. answers from Dallas on March 13, 2007
If he plans to marry you then of course you'd change their names. Otherwise, perhaps you can wait just a little longer until you feel 100% sure he's not going to skip out again.
L.L. answers from Dallas on March 14, 2007
you cant get child support if the babies have your last name. you should change it. he is their father and if he is in their life the boys might grow up wondering why their names are different. it would be hard to tell the boys that their father wanted nothing to do with them when they were born. it might cause some annimosity (sp??)
J.J. answers from Dallas on March 13, 2007
I agree with the others. Don't change their names unless you get married. And if you still don't feel comfortable with it, then don't! It's your decision. He gave up his right to have a say in that, even if he does come back and be an angel. That ship has sailed!