Should I Call My Son Dad When I Go into Labor??

L.,

My advice to you,...you can never control anyones actions. Only your own. If you call him, you will have proven to him, your child, yourself and the rest of the world that you you are mature, responsible and you did the right thing for your baby. It is his choice after that.

Good luck to you sweetie.

Some good advice for life in general: Always take the high road so nothing nasty can be said later!

Personally, I would enlist the help of someone else--friend, parent, sister, etc. to let him (or maybe better yet--his parents) know when you are going to deliver. Then let him decide his actions from that point. That way you will always know you have done what you could--no more, no less. May God bless you and your baby!

It appears that he's looking to not be involved in your child's future. However, if you're feeling guilty about not notifying him when you go into labor, why not wait until after the baby is born. Have a family member call and tell him the news. That way you don't have to deal with any reaction from him as you'll be busy taking care of your new little one.

Like these other ladies have Said, take the high road. Don't lower yourself to his level. Because now your actions as well as his will effect your sons life. With every decision you make you have to have your childs best intrest in mind. I think you should have your parents call his parents. Because trust me you aren't gonna wanna e on the phone let alone be in a stressful situation while going into labor. TRUST ME. lol. Also your guys parents can handle it on a mature level and his parents will hopefully hold him accountable. Good luck and many blessings to you and your son!

L., you are entering a time in your life when you will need to do what you know is right, and make the most mature choice as often as you can. I was a single mom, and though I was older, my relationship with the father sounds similar to yours. It is right to tell him his child has been born, but you can have a relative or friend call to notify him. Girl, go to church, let the Lord help you with that child. Establish a family for your child among the church so your child may know God the Father, and many other positive Godly men that he/or she can look to for support. I am married now, but my daughter's relationship with my husband is not always what she would like- but she always has the support of God the Father.

Hi L.,

Labor is a stressful time, so if you are stressing out about whether or not to even call him, just forget it. Surround yourself with a support system, such as your mom, dad, older sister, aunt, grandma, etc...

You are going to have to grow up very fast as soon as your baby is born. Sounds like you want to be immature as a means of getting back at your baby's father. You need to focus on what's important right now: you and your baby.

I suggest that once you get home from the hospital, you send him an email that states when the baby was born, his/her name, and a time that would would best for you should he want to come visit.

Good luck,

T. :)

Hi L.,

I can relate to your situation. I also had a baby young and the father was also very immature. As many others here said, you need to worry about you and your baby. As much as you may want this guy to be around, don't try to "teach him a lesson". I would agree that you should maybe call and let him know you're in labor, but leave it up to him as to whether he steps up or not. If he decides not to, think about your child and what it needs and what is best for him. I am now struggling with the decision of "making" my son's dad be in his life and realize that we may have been better off without him all along. You always have the option of going to court to get child support once you have the baby. If he doubts the paternity, they will do a paternity test right there. If he is the father, then that will be his expense. Maybe once he knows for sure the baby is his, he might feel differently.

Good Luck!

L.,

I think you have gotten good advice so far. I also think you should call him and at least give him the chance for the sake of your child. No matter what happens between you two, he will always be your son's father and you should give your child every chance to know his father.

I also wanted to say good luck and I'll be thinking of you. It sounds like your baby has a great mother who is already thinking carefully about his future.

H.

Well i was a singlle mother to when i had my daughter..!(have a boyfrind now) but i would tell u he has alot of growing up to do and.. this baby will change ur life it will force u to grow up weather he does or not...and weather u want to or not.. Its not easy at ALL..! get chilld suport and go to court to get FUll custody ASAP.. if u ever need to talk to someone find me on myspace
A. Friday if u do it by name or ____@____.com email..! i guess u have had the baby CONGRATS..!

You need to focus on you, your health and your baby. The father is not a father... he may have gotten you pregnant but for now it looks like he does not want to be a Daddy.

You need not worry about him- clearly for now he has made a choice to miss out. You are not responsible for him- only for you and that baby growing inside of you. Right now it will cause more drama and that you do not need!

Take care of what needs to happen -rest for you, healthy food choices, reading about what to expect, and getting necessary baby supplies. I will pray for you. I will pray that you find healthy support from a person that cares for you and will help you with your baby.

Ask yourself WHY would you call this boy when you are going into labor? He is not supporting you right now and only causing you pain and stress. You will have enough of that during the delivery without him!

Hi L.,

I agree with many answers received. I have not been in your situation, but I do have teenage daughters. My girls are 16 and 15. I have thought about how I would be with my girls if this would happen. I feel he and his parent[s] need to be notified by someone. If it causes stress for you then I suggest your parents or whomever will be with you make the call. He and his parent[s] will make their decisions to show or not.

He may be immature, but this is also something he may want to be a part of. No one but him knows exactly how he feels. Both of you are probably scared and anxious about bringing a baby into your lives. Many adults go through this same situation. Boys and men both do silly, crazy, stupid, things when they are stressed, upset, hurting, full of anxiety.

A paternity test is definitely needed, not just to "make him pay", but it could help him figure out his thoughts on this situation. Just knowing for sure he is the father may make him think about what he would want for his son. There is a great possibility it will create and strengthen the bond between father and son. I know from experience that once my husband was determined the father of his daughter that it changed things [I got pregnant when we officially started dating.] He felt and acted differently once knowing for sure she was his. His family also accepted her more and became more involved in helping out with her.

Best of luck to you, your baby, and this situation.

M.

I am sorry for your relationship troubles, it can be hard to have a baby when you have a struggling relationship. My best advice to you would be to focus on yourself and your baby right now. You do not need the drama associated with the situation, and neither does your baby. Just try to do what you think is best for your baby. Maybe you could have someone else call him just to let him know that the baby has arrived and is healthy.
It is important that you do confirm paternity (prove he is the father) so that you can get child support from him. I know at his age he may not be able to provide much support but he may be able to at a later date and it is best to have these things taken care of now rather than waiting until your baby is old enough to know what is going on.

Dear L.,
You would be wise to turn to whoever it is that is giving you support right now and ask for their help in making this decision. Is it your Mom, Grandma, Aunt who is supporting you emotionally and physically? You should make a serious attempt to forge a deeper bond with that person, and ask that person how you can together best deal with this situation. One of the options you may want to consider together with this adult person is that you never speak to or of the boy who is already showing he is not fit to be called "father" , and move on with your life as if he never existed. You will probably fall in love again with someone who will love your child and this "non-father" will just be in the way. If you can manage it, I would be tempted to not go after him for child support, because it is more trouble than it's worth. There are lots of ways to get out of paying child support anyway and your life is one court battle after another until that child is 18, not to mention how he can mess with the child's head, and break your heart over and over. If you have the strength and the financial means, cut this boy loose and walk proud. In the long run, your life could be a lot simpler without him in it. You will need all your energy and the support of a loving adult to take care of that baby.
Good luck,
N

Have your mother or father call him and/or his parents when the baby comes. You will have enough to deal with at that point. Ignore the MySpace comments, simply delete them from your page and forget about them. You are both young, and some young people don't know how to handle responsibility, especially such an enormous one as being a father. The difference should be that you, as the baby's mother, are doing everything you can to stay healthy and prepare for the birth of your child.
That may mean trying really hard not to think about him or his new girlfriend, I know it's tough to ask that of yourself, but remember, you will have a little baby in a few weeks that will need all of your attention and love!
Maybe after the baby comes he will be able to face his responsibility. If not, then it will be his loss. Good luck and please let us know how you are doing!

Lakeisha,

I commend you for accepting the challenge of being a teenage mom and wish you the best of luck in your new adventure. I do have to agree with the comment made by Nicole C. She is point on. The reasons to act immature are long gone. You have a young one that is coming into the world soon and you need to strive to change your mindset so that you can make it a better place for both. Call the dad and offer him the option to be part of this wonderful event. If he does not make it to the birth, call him after and ask again. Three times and your out right?

I wish you a speedy birth!
Best of Luck
J. P

Hi L., At 15 neither of you are ready to be parents, but it's great that you are trying to do the right thing. I suggest you have your parents call his parents when you go into labor...they might want to be there since the baby will be their grandchild. They can tell their son and then he can choose to be there. You should get a DNA test as soon as the baby is born to establish (with out a doubt & legally) who is the father and you should persue child support. Being a single parent is hard and being so young will make it harder. Stay strong & don't neglect your education. Best wishes

I've had a family member in this same situation, except they were the one denying the paternity. Call him. Give him the option to be there, but let him know you're going in and what hospital and room # if possible. Perhaps he won't make it there for the birth...perhaps he'll only stop by and see your baby through the nursery room window...perhaps he won't come at all. If he's anything like my family member was/is--as soon as he sees his son--there shouldn't be any denying and you'll find the 2 are inseparable in the future. And by all means--file for child support and get a DNA test done so there's no question! Just because he's 15 doesn't give him the right to shirk on his responsibilities. Best of luck to you!

Hi L.,

I can't tell you to call or not to call. I was a single Mom, tho much older than you but in a similar situation. I choose not to call him until after I had the baby. He continued to deny my baby and I got a paternity test. I did get child support which helped but in the long run it has been better for me and my child not to have him around since he really didn't want the responsibility. I commend you for reaching out for help and for taking on this responsibility at such a young age. You are an incredible person. I will say you need to do what is best for you and your child, so if it will make you feel better to let him know, then call him when go into labor, if it is too stressful then wait. There is no wrong choice. Either way if you pursue paternity he will have to face the reality of it. Unfortunately for guys of all ages they can be immature(my baby's father made up lies about me and I lost all my friends during my pregnancy), and so it is up to us to step up and be the grown ups. Just know that what ever choice you make is fine! Good luck!

I agree with the other posters who have said, just surround yourself with support and after the baby has arrived, notify the father. You could even have someone else call and tell him. You don't have to allow him access to your room if you don't feel comfortable with that. But, I would tell him within 24 hours of the baby's birth. You need to stay strong and do what is right for your baby.

You should call him to let him know. But be prepared that he might try to come into the room or bring him new GF along to the hosptial. If you do not wish him to be at the hospital while you are in labor, you can call him and let him know and say I will call you within ____minutes of the delivery so you know you may come to the hospital. Make sure the staf knows your wishes, and that you are not with the father any longer. You are in labor, and this is your show. BUT... this child has 2 parents and you need to be reasonable about him being present. Documents when you cann him and what was discussed (Time and date too). You might need it later. Do you have family that will be with you while you are in labor? make sure they know the plan and will stick to it!

I would suggest you do what makes you feel best. this time needs to be about keeping yourself well, physically as well as mentally. if calling him would make you feel best , then do it. if it would be too hard for you because youre not sure how he'll react then dont call. being a new mom is tough and you need to think about you and your baby first before everyone else. i agree that maybe it would be good to have a mutual friend tell him. you probably shouldnt be stressing yourself by calling him if he going to be mean and upset you. good luck with everything.

Hi, L.:

Have you contacted social service? In Virginia they have a child enforcement system. Do you have something like that up here?

Whether you call him or not is a personal thing. Whether or not he has to support his child is another. Contact your social service person and see about getting a paternity test so you will know for sure who the father is.

Let the courts help you with those issues after the birth of your child. You can call him, but he is in denial. You will get your feelings hurt when he refuses you. Take care of yourself and love your baby. Go to a support group to help you grow up to depend on yourself.

www.coda.org

Good luck. D.

Yes, But I would have your mom or dad call him or his parents. No way should you have to deal with his immaturity on one of the most precious days of your life. Congratulations on your new baby and God bless.

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this, L..
I think you should call him and just say, "Hey, just wanted you to know that our son is on his way, come over or not, your decision". Leave it at that. That way, you were the bigger person.
Believe me, I know how hard it is, but you'll feel better about everything in the end.

my advice would be to call him when your labor starts.he probably wont show because he is to immature to realize how important it is to see his baby born but at least he cant say you never told him ya know.i would call his parents and let them know as well.if you dont call them he may throw it in your face later.the only thing that really matters is that you try to be the best mom you can even if he doesnt want to be a part of the babies life.good luck with everything

Hi,

I think you should take the higher ground and call him when you go into labor. He may be denying it right now but there will be no denying it when you take him to court and he has to take a DNA test to pay child support(which you ARE doing???, right!?!). Give him the opportunity to turn down the chance to come to the hospital and see his child born and the first few moments of life! If he decides to not come then that is on him and he can live with that. But for you, you will always know that you gave him his chance and HE turned it down. You have to step it up now. You may be 15 yrs old....and want to play immature games (as you should be able to at that age), but you are now going to be a mother. Your imature days have to come to an end. You have to now think about what is best for your child, not for you, and so does the father. I hope he does come.....if he doesnt he will be missing out on one of the most precious things in life! The birth of his own child.
Good luck girl!