Should I Be Telling Her No???

T.,

I believe that a little word like "no" can become a very heated topic among parents due to the rise in the last 20 -30 years of parenting books written by so called experts who tell us we are damaging our children permanently by using that directive. What has it gotten us? A generation of sassy, out of control, do what the heck I want to regardless of the consequences kids and teenagers. So, in my opinion as nothing more than a teacher and mother of three kids, you should absolutely be teaching your daughter what no means. It will not twart her creativity or independence, it will not damage her self-esteem or make her more willful. It will teach her boundaries, that as the adult, you have created a line for her own safety or that of others that she will not cross without a definite consequence. You can be a firm disciplining parent and completely loving and nurturing at the same time.
So, in your situation, I would probably get a hold of her hands in mine and get good close eye to eye contact and very firmly tell her "no hit" or "no bite" and continue with "that hurts mommy" or whoever. When she is around one, you can follow that up with time out. My twin boys are just a few weeks from turning three so I have been going through this for the last few years. My boys understand exactly what no means and if they choose to do it anyway (whatever it is), they both know they will be punished (usually time out). As a result, though not perfect, I don't have kids that need to be on the SuperNanny show (and praying daily they never will be!)Best wishes in figuring out the best way to discipline your imperfect little angel :-)

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This will probably be the first of many times when you have to go back and correct a behavior in your child that is acceptable to you and your husband but may not be to someone else. Prime example, my daughter, when she was 3 1/2 started passing gas very loudly. She would gasp, say "what was that?" and then reply in a loud booming voice "my Butt...I farted mommy" well my hubby and I thought this was pretty darn funny until she started doing it in public and people would hear her. We, one year later, are still trying to correct this behavior. My suggestion to you, is when your daughter starts hitting and biting, gently take her hand. Say, No No..and redirect her. At this age that's really, in my opinion, the only thing that she's going to understand. Enjoy your baby!! She sounds like a hoot. Just remember that what we allow them to do at home we may later not like seeing in public.

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This is definitely the age when surprisingly it is time to start dealing with behavior. I'm not big on saying "no" only because I didn't want it to be their first words. Usually we'd say "not for (insert child name here)". Plus, I didn't want her to say it back to me so soon. LOL

I usually would use her hand and stroke it where it would be appropriate like the arm and say, "nice touch" or "gentle" to show appropriate way to touch.
The laughing would probably show her that it is ok so she might think it was alright to do. So now that she is getting older they figure things out pretty quick.

Good question and thinking on your part. They do catch onto things very quickly. Much more than what you might think!

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Hi T.,

Absolutely tell her No! This is not a habit or behavior that you want to continue. You say no in a stern deep voice when she does this. I COMPLETELY DISAGREE with a previous post about tugging on your child's hair and swatting her hand. You don't teach someone not to hit or hurt people by "swatting" or pulling hair. In my opinion you are teaching her to pull someone's hair or hit them when you don't like what they are doing. You teach by example. You very seriously say "NO" "Ouch, we don't do that" and then redirect and move on. It's about being consistent in your reaction to the behavior. No need to get overly upset and yell. Just a different tone of voice so that she can hear the difference. If you do this consistently she will get the message. Please do not teach your child to hit or pull hair in order to get her way. It is not necessary AND is a confusing way to get your point across to them. In addition, your child should never fear any kind of physical retaliation from you for bad behavior. Good Luck! This iss the first of many times that your child will do things that need correcting. Always lead by example in your behavior!! It goes much further to teaching them than anything else.

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Absolutely tell her no. Babies are smarter than we make them out to be. You have to be consistent and have the same reaction every time she does it. I have the same problem with my 9 1/2 month old baby girl. She understands what no means. It is hard to be consistent, but that is the only way she will learn. The only way for a child to learn is to be trained. If they are trained up right, then discipline will never be necessary. Tell her no and explain to her that "we do not hit or bite." She will understand after a few times. My daughter would pull my hair and I would just pull her hand down and tell her no. After about 2-3 days she finally quit. Good Luck and hang in there. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and in today's world training a child is the most important. Too many children have too much control over their parents!!!

I would never laugh at hitting, biting or pinching no matter how old a child is because it will only encourage the behavior and she needs to know that it is wrong. Say no that hurts in a serious voice and then distract her with something else. If she continues the behavior, I would immediately put her down so she could not continue and then distract her with an activity or game. I would not give positive(what you're doing) or negetive attention to behavior you want to stop. Hope that helps.

T., I can TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. My little girl began doing the exact same thing except the biting would be on the arm or shoulder. I know you are going to have many comments on how your child is going to be perceived as a BRAT, UNCONTROLLED CHILD, UNCONTROLLED PARENTS...blah, blah, blah! It is great to ask for advice from others. I commend you for that. I think that now is a good time as any to redirect her. I would take my little ones had and touch the spot she bit and would say "ouch! that hurts!No biting!" I would then say we kiss with our lips and clap our hands! I would kiss her and clap her hands. It takes a while to break, but just try to make sure you do not get her mouth close enough to your nose to bite you. We love our children so much, and it is hard to see that they have undesireable habits. Tell her no if that feels natural to you ~ you are not going to scar her. Just make sure that your reprimand for negative behavior is consistent so that she can tell what she is and is not supposed to do. When our little one goes to do something that is unsafe for her we say "dangerous" always have, and she knows when she walks to the cabinet under the sink, she says "dangerous" and walks away. You can do it! Your husband can do it! Just hang in there! Let us know how things worked out!

Yes T., tell her no now. If she thinks that by doing that she will get a laugh, she will continue to do it. It's ok for you guys as parents but not for friends and others. Then there is the whole, when she goes to "day care or school" it could be a real problem. Nip it in the bud. My son was never did that, however he went to school (day care and Pre-k) with those that did and it was horrible.

have a great day!
L.

You should never have tolerated the biting, ever! This is going to be a hard habit to break, but you need to realize they are a lot more capable of understanding no and consequenses at a very early age. When she bites, stop all laughing, smiling talking, remove her from the room and start a different activity. Soon, she will realize that doing action A does not get the desired affect it used to, so she will learn a new action. It is really important to teach our children in our home, to be the way we would want them to be in public.

My son started biting a while ago and I consistantly said "no". He has stopped it since. When she is hitting or pulling hair, say "no" and take her hand and gently stroke where she hit you or stroke your hair and say "aaahh, that is nice, mama really likes this"
Hope this helps.

Gently but firmly tell her "No". No is a vocabulary word she will need to use and heed all her life. (Just don't yell at her).

I have to totally agree with telling her "no" My children are 6 and 9 now and they heard "no" and then I redirected them consistently. do this when they are young and establish boundaries and teach respect. If not when they are older your work is double trying to undo and redo. I was very firm with my children at a young age ( we still had fun dont get me wrong) but now I very rarely have to discipline them or tell them no.

i think it may be time to say no. she's learning habits and now is the time to teach her wrong from right. i'm having these problems with my son too. he's learning though.

You should tell her "no" but you should also give her direction on how to touch. You are right, it is funny, but not to others-especially children who could interpret this behavior as agressive and mean (and possibly hit back). I have the same problem with my 8 month old little boy. He does it to us and the dogs. When this happens I give a negative command "NO" to stop the hitting then I give a positive command "easy" and show him how to touch softly and sweetly. Correct then redirect. Praise her when she touches softly. Positive reinforcement is just as, if not more so, important. The key is to be consistent every time. If you say "no" and don't immediately stop the behavior (whatever it is) she will not respond when you say no to her or understand that you want her to stop. Good luck. I hope this was helpful.
B.

Instead of saying "No" you should redirect her. Instead of "No" perhaps you should say "Ouch" so that she understands that it hurts.

definetly in fact you are several months to late, you can start saying no and stop them from doing what you say no to, how else do you think they learn what the word means, otherwise you may lose some friends no one likes bein around an out of control child ok, but you can have play time but at this age she doesnt know the difference between play and mean so no now or she will think she can always do these things expecially the bitting she will be biting other children in daycare or church nursery or where ever you go because you allow it,you now must get it to stop, use firm voice dont laugh when sayin it, and be constant dont allow it one moment then let her the next
god bless

I would tell her no and ouch. And redirect if that didn't work. Then I would tell her "NO" and pull/tug on a bit of hair at the nape of her neck to get her attention. If that didn't work then I would say no and swat her hand, until she understands that she can't do that anymore. I would also caution you that anything that will not be cute at 3 or 5 or 7 should not be encouraged, because these "cute" habits are hard to break and if let to continue will annoy people and make her bratty because you have allowed them them to contine.
I use a discipline book called "To Train Up a Child" by Mike and Debi Pearle and it can be found on www.nogreaterjoy.com to keep me and the kids in line. LOL.
Good luck,
L.

Proboaly should have been telling her NO from the beginning, now you are going to have to really put your foot down. Biting and hitting are not tolerable at any age, it hurts no matter how little they are. My suggestion would be to redirect her as SOON as the behavior begins, maybe then it won't be so hard to get this stopped.

You can laugh, just make sure she doesn't see or hear you. You should have started saying "no", a few months ago. She doesn't know it's wrong, unless you tell her that it is. Maybe checking out a parenting book at the library may be good for you to read. Hurting yourself or others is always wrong and should be corrected immediately.

they don't understand no at that age. try redirection instead.

the more that she is being encouraged to do this the more she will do it. it's best to tell her "no" now, think of another silly thing that she could do as an alternative so not to feel like everyone's mad at her. let her know there are other ways to have fun without hurting anyone or making guests feel uncomfortable when they visit.

I would be telling her no. If she learns it at a younger age it probably wont be a problem later. If she doesnt, you may have biting problems later.

When she first started doing these things she should have been told "no"...You and your husband have now made it into a fun game. As a result you will now have to undo a behavior that you have given her permission to do and at this age it is a little hard but with consistency you might see good results.

Encourage her play with you guys but also realize that there are some behaviors that once started can be hard to turn around. This is important if you are going to put her in daycare.

Speaking as someone who works with children and has children, your baby may not fully understand "no" but she will understand the infliction in your voice..

Let dad know that by no means is it suggested he does not play with her as this is an exciting time for your family unit as she grows but just be careful and watch what he does..

You two are in for some exciting times as your little one grows and comes into herself. Enjoy but also be watchful as little eyes see more than we think they do!!

I would definitely have a little conversation with your husband that laughing at your daughter doing that kind of thing is a big no no. Dont automatically tell her no from now on, just say "Thats not very nice , you cannot do that anymore" and each time she tries to do it be more firm with her.
I used to think it was SO cute when my daughter would scream out loud until everytime we would go to public places or restaurants, she would start screaming and think it was funny.
Good luck!

you are right on the mark. you have to nip it now. yes most things start off cute but a 2 year that bites and hits is an unwelcome child to be around. keep you response short and sweet,change your tone of voice and be consistant. the be consistannt part is the hardest but children are wonderfully smart. they will quickly learn that they can play rough with dad but not with gramma or a friend. they will get it. good luck!

My baby girl used to dig her thumbs into my eye sockets and grab my cheeks to pull my face closer to put my nose in her mouth. It took me a while to figure out that she was so excited to see me that she did not understand that she was hurting me. This was her way of showing me that she loves me. Now, she puckers up and kisses me...she is now 21 months old.

L.

My 10mth old like to bite on my nose and hit me b/c it make a noise. While it has been fun and I laugh and let her think she's really "getting" me, she now has 2 teeth. Not so fun anymore. I have started telling her NO and altho she's not thrilled, she will stop the actual biting and just put her open mouth on my face or not hit so hard. I also tell her OWW and nibble on her a little if so she can associate OWW.
You DO need to tell her NO and start now with boundaries otherwise she will be out of control all too soon and her fun hitting and biting will turn into hateful hitting and biting when she doesn't get her way.
Also, if she does it to someone other than you or your husband you need to make sure that person tells her NO as well and enforces it. Otherwise she will not respond well to any other adult and daycare or a visit with gram will be a nightmare.
Good luck.

So long as you laugh and do nothing she will think it o.k., and she may actually start hurting someone, and this isn't o.k. for her to think it is fine. So you may start telling her ouch, and lets not do that, and find some other form of play that doesn't resemble hitting or biting.

"no biting" works well with my daughter- we started that at about 7 months because she was chewing on everything. She got the idea very quickly. Although she has a very good vocab for a 13 month old, no isn't a word she has chosen to say yet- but she does shake her head no. I think you daughter might get confused that it's okay to bite you but not someone else. It's cute until it hurts- I got bruises when my little one was teething. Try to teach yours to kiss- it's adorable! Also I tell my daughter "be easy" and show her how to be gentle- it's worked well (and her saying "eeee seee" is precious)

Yes, you should be saying no, but I also want to say don't feel bad. It's hard not to laugh at our adorable little bundles of joy at that age - isn't everything they do adorable? At 7 1/2 months, you haven't ruined her just yet. :) Start saying no and redirecting her to something that is ok to do. And at her age, you can be loving and sweet about it - as long as you are consistent. That is my biggest piece of advice - as soon as you start telling her that it is not ok, you have to keep it up. You can't slip or forget.

I know that it's hard sometimes to have to tell a child no when they are having so much fun, but the truth of the matter is, that fun will turn into something else later on and that is what should be your concern. Can what the child is doing potentially harm another child??? If you answer yes to that question then you should do something to stop it before it becomes a issue with other parients. I hate to say it, but some people are really sinsitive about thier children, and if that's the case they will find even the slightes thing an issue and will find a way to let you know. Your best advise it until your knows how to modirate herself for play and when she is serious, let he know everything is serious.