Should a Teacher Have Said This???

It sounds to me like you need to speak with this teacher privately and express your concerns about the interactions between her and your daughter. She may not feel she is acting inappropriately. She may be a new teacher or one that needs to improve her interpersonal skills. I would approach her from the standpoint that you understand your daughter is being whiny and that you are working on it with her at home and would appreciate the teacher helping you solve this problem in a constructive manner. You don't want to alienate this teacher, and she will be more open to your constructive criticism if she feels like she is a team member, not an adversary. Kids are not at the same level either academically or socially this age, and your daughter's behavior appears normal for her age. You of course probably want to teach her to deal with things in a less whiny manner, because the older she gets the more annoying it will be to you and her teachers or friends.

After you speak privately with the teacher, you might want to include your daughter and have the three of you come up with a more appropriate solution than whining when things don't go the way she wants them to. Kids at this age don't really know any other solution, so it is up to you to help her find a way.

I don't think the teacher's reaction was appropriate. She may have had a bad day when she initially made the comment, but I would have hoped that her response would have been more respectful when your daughter told her how it made her feel. I would talk to the teacher and let her know how you feel about the situation. Maybe you can come up with a signal that the teacher can give to your daughter when she is whining - something that wouldn't cause a scene in the classroom but would remind your daughter to use her words or ask for help AND provide a way for the teacher to get her point across without being sarcastic or whiny herself. If you use the signal at home too, it might have a quicker impact on your daughter. If the teacher continues to speak inappropriately to your daughter I would then speak to the principal. He needs to know about the negative approaches she takes in dealing with her students.

At home, I would model how to handle disappointment and how to be okay about not being the best at everything. While I encourage my kids to do their best, I often point out mistakes I make so my kids can see that I mess up. Now, everytime I make a cooking mistake, my son will say something like, "It's okay, Mom. The salad is still good." :)

I am going throught this similarly with my two step-sons, who are 5 and 6. I never encountered a teacher that responded to them the way your daughter's teacher did, though, and I agree with another mom's comments that you need to nip it in the bud. I think that teachers are use to a lot of parents not being parents and so they take on that role as well. You need to let the teacher know that you felt her response to your child was innapropriate and why you felt so, as well as let her know how you would like her to address your daughter's whining in the future. Your daughter's teacher has to do her job of teaching and the whining may be an obstacle to that, but as a Kindergarten teacher, she should know better than to engage in that level of behavior with a child.

As far as the whining itself goes, different things work for different children. For our older boy, simply telling him "You are whining, say it again without whining" And occasionally mimicing him as an example of what "whining" sounds like, so he could understand the difference in how he was expressign himself was all it took. A few reminders to simple "say it again without whining" and he got over it, with a few relapses. Now, our younger boy, 5, never had a problem with whining until recently. He has always been easily defeated, if he can't do it 'right' the first time without any effort, then he gives up. but recently this defeat has been causing him to collapse into tears and sometimes tantrums. Understandably so as he has gone through a lot of changes in his short life some of which are very confusing to anyone, let alone a 5 year old. But we are trying to give him the tools to address his frustation appropriately.

A good tool that we use is the catch phrase of Dory from "Finding Nemo". She swims around saying "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" We tell him lightheartedly to "just keep tying, just keep tying" If he is tying his shoes for the 7th time that day, or to "just keep . . ." whatever. It helps him to "lighten up" and forget how upset he was and to keep trying. We remind him that he doesn't have to do it perfectly the first time and give im examples of how we struggle to 'get it right' when we do things as well. It seems to be working as the breakdowns are less often and less severe. And his older brother loves to join in and help to remind him of what Dory says.

I would definitely talk to the teacher about it. Schedule a meeting time with her so that the conversation is not rushed. Then just respectfully tell her how you feel about it. It's quite possible that she had a very bad day. I know that I have a very short fuse with whining. I work with teenagers, and the teenage version of whining is their exclamation that anything that does not go their way is "Not fair!" I have a bit more latitude in how I can speak to a teenager, meaning that I can be pretty direct, but I still can't snap at them. Though, I have lost my composure in the past and snapped off quick comebacks. It happens because we're all human and fail.

In your situation, I would want to know if this was just one of those bad days, or if the teacher does this all the time. Be friendly, talk about it and keep an eye/ear open for any further problems. If it turns out that she generally has a short fuse with her students, then you might have to move up the chain of command. But start with the teacher.

I definitely would have a talk with the teacher. First of all the children are only in kindergarten, there is no need for the sarcasm. I am not sure what the teacher said the second time but the fact that you heard it at least partially aside from having a talk with her I would make an appointment with the principal or the head of the school and if her behavior continues you keep going until someone does something about it. That is not her child and while your daughter must follow the rules a teacher has no right to treat a student like that. While I am not a person who likes to make a scene and handle things differently I would have said something to the principal after I heard it and the teacher.

On one hand, you admitted that your daughter is whinny. I'd work seriously on addressing that situation. On the other hand, the teacher was short with your daughter and no one likes to see anyone else "disipline" their child.

There's only so much teachers are allowed to do to "disipline" children during the day. If your daughter is there full-time, that's a lot of hours listening to whine without being able to do much about correcting it. Also, don't forget, there are other children in the class that may mimic your daughters tone if they hear it often enough. I saw on Super Nanny that the best way to stop children from whining was to whine right back to them in the same horrible tone so they hear what they sound like. You'd really flip if you walked in and heard the teaching whining back at her - because you have expectations of the teachers behavior. You should also have expectations of your daughters behavior. Going to school is not just learning ABC's it also learning how to act and behave.

Please also consider that the teacher is an authority figure to your daughter and she needs to learn that when adults other than mom and dad ask/tell/instruct them to do something - they need to listen. At 6 it is time to start understanding that you need to respect the people who are "in charge" whether it's mom and dad, grandma or her teachers.

I'd take action by calling a meeting, fast, to include you, the teacher & principal....and even the school psychologist, social worker, whomever. I think the more people in the room, the better to eliminate a banter between just the 2 of you. In the meeting, I wouldn't tip toe, I'd state clearly what was said & what you disagree with. The faster this is dealt with, the better for all concerned, I think. I've had these dealings with teachers, concerning my 3 children & I always state, "I'm the mom, you be the teacher/guider". I allow NO wiggle room as far as who's permitted to do/say what to my child & where responsibilities lie. If need be, ask for a liaison or an advocate. Teachers are people, complete with bad days, etc, just like we are. But, nipping it in the bud, respectfully so, is important.

I used to be a teacher...and I totally agree with some of the other women who have responded...talk to the teacher. Wait until you are calm and collected. Set up a time to meet with her and let her know how you feel about the situation and what was said. It is better to talk about it sooner, than later, when you will get more and more upset about it. I agree that it is hard when your child is whining...but when my children do this, I make sure I tell them that their actions are whiny, not that "they" are whiny. I think this is an important distinction. I definitely feel that the teacher should have come up with a better way to handle this situation. A teacher needs to point out the positive, not the negative. A teacher, and parents, are responsible for building a child's self esteem, not knocking it down. If your child is feeling frustrated about a situation at school, the teacher is there to help guide her through it, help her find a different, better way. I think this is one of the most important lessons in life that we can teach our children...to have patience and to not get upset and stressed in different situations that will come along in our lives...be they small or great!

If after meeting with the teacher, you still feel that you aren't satisfied, then I would speak with the principal about the situation. Good luck!

I have to say I don't think this is in ANY way a situation that warrants the kind of action that these other Mom's are suggesting. You yourself tell her that she is whinny! Put yourself in the teacher's shoes for just one minute! The word "whine" is NOT inappropriate in itself! If the teacher said to your daughter "stop being mean" or "stop being loud" these are all things that teachers have a right to put an end to in their classroom. Whinning, I'm sorry, gets on your nerves!!! It is the teachers job to not only teach your child her ABC's but also how to behave correctly in a classroom environment. Believe me, the expectations become much more harsh as they go from grade level to grade level. Before you call in the calvary, I think that you need to pick your battles with teachers, there will be worse things that your child will encounter and you don't want to be "the boy who cried wolf". Save your anger for something REALLY aweful, not a teacher making an observation that YOU have already made at home!

No the teacher should not have said that, and given the fact that she didn't deny doing it and you were there for the second response today, I would personally ask to meet with the principal and discuss it with him/her. Maybe the teacher was having a bad day and didn't think about what she was saying before she said it, or maybe this is something she has done before. It's better if you look into it.

As a former teacher I would say--No way!! The teacher was WAY off base. It is unfortunate that this happened to your daughter, but I would find the "silver lining" by using it as a teachable moment between yourself and your little one. Explore how the teacher's comments made her feel and how they made you feel, how words and tone can hurt (ie: sarcasm, whining)and relate it back to your issue. Secondly, I would speak to the teacher (check if she is licensed--as some do not have to be a private schools)and the administrator since it seems to be reoccuring behavior from this teacher. Hope it turns out well!

I do not believe that the teacher should have said that if she in fact did. I would first start by talking with the teacher. If you feel like you aren't getting anywhere, then go to the next in charge (principal?). You may even need to change teachers. Remember, this is a private school, so I am assuming you are paying for this education? You have the right to pull your child from the school.

Even if your child is whining, the teacher, teaching that age group should know how to appropriately handle it. Also, the teacher may have just had a bad day...no excuse, but a possibility. Is there a teacher's aide? Maybe you could get their take on the situation too....

We had a similar situation where a teacher told my son's 2nd grade class things about his medical condition....some of the things she said were untrue too, but none the less, it should never have been said. Our principal didn't do a darn thing, so we pulled our son from the school and are soooo much happier now! We are lucky that our public schools in my opinion are better than the private one we had him in...

YOU are your child's best advocate and you know what is best for your child!

Good luck!!

The teacher absolutely should not have said that to your daughter. I would make the principal of the school aware of the situation.
If your daughter was being whiney, then the teacher should have said something like, "That's not the way that we talk in school." or "Let's change our tone of voice." The sarcasm that she used with your daughter is completely inappropriate. I would take it to a higher level.
All the best,
L.

Call the school and talk to the teacher and find out yourself if you are overreacting. I agree though that the teacher is not speaking appropiatly to your child.