She Is Expecting Her 20Th Child?

Updated on November 17, 2011
L.A. asks from Kyle, TX
66 answers

I know that some people believe that GOD gives them babies, But at what point do we or should we say, this is enough?
If a mom has had tough pregnancies or births, do the men in their lives not understand the risks their wives could be in?

Do women have a right to abstain in these decisions?

Would you risk your life to follow your beliefs? Risking your children losing you? Would you be willing to deny your husband for your life?

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So What Happened?

I do not care how many children anyone has, my question is if you knew you could lose your life giving birth to another child would you continue to allow the chance of pregnancy? I understood the last pregnancy was difficult for her and for the baby.I thought I remembered hearing a doctor after the last saying the problems she had last time, if she was her patient, she would encourage her to not get pregnant again.

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R.C.

answers from Boston on

I really don't think it should be anyones business how many children a couple has if they are self supporting and the family is as tight as the Duggers. The older ones help with the younger ones. That's what normal families do. Everybody helps. They are debt free, not on public assistance, provide for their children, etc. Ya,Personally I think 20 kids are excessive, but like I said, it's their business. I know families that have 8 or 9 kids, and everything is confusion and chaos and they are sucking the system dry. Other families are well balanced, self sufficient and organized. I don't think the Duggers can fake what they got....trying to control the actions of that many children to portray a well balanced family life just wouldn't work. They would have chaos on the show. I believe its real, and if they want another baby, well, more power to them. And Michelle has a brain, if she didn't want anymore children, I think she would just say "NO".

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I think they are crazy.

She is lucky to have the child from the last preganancy as well as be alive.

I see it as an attention getting for her and JimBob. They can't possibly be giving each child what they need emotionally from loving parents.

You'd think the Dr's would explain all the risks and if they have done that.... then it is very selfish of the parents to go through with this.

Rachel, I agree... she probably has to wear adult diapers already... Gees.

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L.W.

answers from Dallas on

There once was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children, her uterus fell out......

But all kidding aside, if I knew I could die if I was to get pregnant again, I personally would do everything I could to not get pregnant so I could be here for the children that I already have. I view it as being selfish to bring more into this world, knowing that there is a good chance I could die trying. How is that fair to the children I already have?

What they do is their business, at least they aren't on gov't assistance but geez, how much can one body take? Her body will one day say enough is enough already! I just hope that it's not at the cost of her life or at a baby's life or both.

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

They'll stop having babies when her vagina falls out.

23 moms found this helpful

N.M.

answers from San Francisco on

My first daughter didn't make it. I went into labor at 38 weeks, and when I got to the hospital, there was no heartbeat. There was no explanation for what happened... it was just one of those freak things. I was 39 years old and devistated. In the hospital, family members from both my side and my husbands side were telling me that it was ok... there was still adoption. My heart broke all over again. Not that I don't think it would be wonderful to adopt, but I know it's a long hard road, and I really wanted a biological child.

When I got pregnant shortly after, attitudes ranged from happy to disgusted. I was asked why I would do something like that to myself and my family. I don't think that people realized how hurtful they were being, but it was very hurtful.

I now have a beautiful healthy 17 month old girl. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't give her up for anything. I don't agree with people having children that they can not support either financially or emotionally, but who am I to say where that limit is? I think that for the majority... we need to keep our eyes on our own paper and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing... for those people who have a football team for a family and they are constantly asking for assistance... I think they should have thought a little harder about what they were doing.

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Nice loaded question. You think anyone is going to say yes????

I'm quite surprised at how judgemental everyone's responses have been!

Go easy ladies. If it bothers you that much, don't watch...do something else with your time. Maybe if we paid more attention to our own issues in our home and fixed those, we'd have no time to judge others about what happens in their home.

That line of enough, is different for everyone. I have FOUR children and when I got pregnant with #3, the comments from strangers were unbelievable.
"Are you done yet?"
"How many of those do you need to collect?"
"I sure hope you are done!"
"Do you own a TV?"

Really???? And they just got worse with #4.

I don't know why anyone cares? This woman is raising her children with more respect, etc than most women. I see women who can't handle 2 kids in a restaurant, so maybe THEY shouldn't have more children.

My response to those people are: We have our babies at home, so I am not using ANY of your insurance premiums to fund my prental care, births or pediatric care. We homeschool, so we are paying taxes for education that my children are not using. I am not on welfare, sucking the system dry. I'm not scheduling a c-section for $20,000 and using more than I have paid in.

If you were on TV, think about all of the judgements people would pass about you. Is your house adequately cleaned. Could you be considered a hoarder? Do your kids talk back? Do you discipline? Do you spend enough time reading books with your kids, or do you sit them in front of the TV a a babysitter? I get that you are not on TV, but still, how in the hell does this impact your life? Why do you care? Why do you have an opinion?

I think TV has allowed people to think they are actually part of this decision-making process. It's TV. There are probably a million things you could be doing to better your life, rather than bag on this mom. It's HER life. No one has to agree with her. I know 20 children are not in my future...but then again, I didn't want ANY children and ended up with 4.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

Personal beliefs etc aside, I think it's wrong from an environmental standpoint for any 2 people to bring 20 people into this world. If everyone did that, the population growth would be completely explosive and unsustainable. What makes them so special they have no responsibility to the earth God created for all of us?

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

I am glad that they do not get government assistance and while I know it's their right and choice to procreate as many times as they want...I feel that their decision is completely selfish. It is their other children that are raising the youngsters. If you go their website and read..most of the girls have no aspirations to go onto college or to enjoy freedoms that they should have. That's great that they learned how to play instruments and know their ABC's and other skills that the average child may not know but that does not make up for the lack of a childhood or the attention and love from parents. That is not right. Perhaps this family is a happy one but how on earth do you spend quality time with each one and develop a relationship? I have three and it is a juggling act. I am sorry but I think they are wrong and really should be concentrating on the children they have instead of worrying about when they are going to conceive again...I mean seriously.

Oh and I have no doubt their TV show helps keep them quite comfortable financially. You want to talk about the chaos of a large family. Turn off the camera..I'd like to see how they really are when the cameras aren't rolling...My husband grew up in an extremely large family and it's not the picture these people paint believe me.

& to Jennifer P...I don't like to judge because believe me I am soooooo far from perfect....I probably have dishes in my sink right now from DH feeding the kids...I'm already at work...HOWEVER, we Mamapedia moms don't have a reality show...you put yourself out there and what do you expect...people will judge and have their opinions..Michelle & Bob are on TV for a profit...we are not...My angle is the lack of attention these kids get from their parents..Judgement or not...these parents have no right to burden the older girls with the youngsters period...Wrong on so many levels.

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L.Z.

answers from Boston on

Putting aside my personal opinion about having 20 kids, attention to all kids, older kids caring for younger, etc., the one thing that bugs me about this whole thing is Michelle's "God's will" schtick. Here is the thing - it's not REALLY just about God's will. Are you trying to tell me that a woman who has had 19 babies doesn't know when she is ovulating? And that if she does know, that she can't avoid sex during that time? Seriously? So it's God's will to have sex during her fertile time, but that is just a coincidence? I think not. They know exactly what they are doing and they should stop hiding behind the ridiculous idea that God has ANYTHING to do with it. There is God, and there is free will. Wake up people! There is something else at play here and it's not just some random "well, we weren't even trying" type of situation for a woman in her early 40s cranking out kids. Maybe this is just my opinion as a jaded newly-turned 37-year old who went through a year of IVF with no success, only to be told that age is a factor for me. Puhleeze... someone is not being honest here, either her, or the doctor I worked with.

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K.H.

answers from Reno on

I think your question implies that we should frown on Michelle and Jim Bob. You already know the answer to your question about abstaining.
I hope I would be firm enough in my beliefs to risk my life to follow my beliefs; be that being a missionary in a dangerous country or choosing to not abort a pregnancy. On this earth I answer to no one-I believe as a christian woman I am accountable only to my Father in heaven.
I am happy for them and think it is amazing how their children behave so much better than a lot of parents with only one. I would not have 20 children but I am glad they stand up for thier beliefs-especially in the face of so many dissenters and cruel comments.
Like I hear SO much on this site: don't judge!

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

After a few I would say enough is enough. The man in my life would understand that subsequent pregnancies could risk my life. I have every right to abstain from getting pregnant again. There is nothing in my Bible or my faith in God that says I should risk my life to procreate. I wouldn't let my child lose me intentionally for any matter, but if I knew a pregnancy would risk my child not having a mother I would not get pregnant. I would not have to have a reason to deny my husband for the rest of my life. There are so many forms of birth control.

But then, that's how Michelle Duggar and I are different I guess!

I don't mind they have more kids. Their kids are good, kind decent people. It isn't like they are churning out greedy hateful people with no manners. And they are self reliant and are on no government programs. 20 kids? to me thats at least 20 human beings that are good and kind and decent in this world, bringing no harm to anyone. Telling the Duggars to not have anymore children is like telling you how to spend your money. their procreation isn't any of your business, just like telling you can't see anymore R rated movies for the rest of your life!

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I am not one bit surprised! She said immediately after Josie was born that she would continue to not use birth control because it's against their beliefs and that they would welcome another baby. I'm just surprised it's taken this long for her to get pregnant again. I'm glad that they can afford all of these kids, but I agree with another poster who said that the younger children are not getting the same experience from this family that the older ones did. It truly seems like Michelle and Bob have no control over the little ones. They rely on the older girls to look after the little ones. She's going to be SOL when the four oldest girls go off and get married. She'll have to hire some nannies to replace them!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm assuming Michelle Duggar. I wouldn't have another child after what they went through with Josie, but I'm also not going to bash them. It's not for me to have a very large family and on one level I'm a little envious because I'd like a bigger family than my spouse, so at least she and Jim Bob seem to be on the same page. She isn't pulling an Octomom. Are they really any worse than that Sister Wives family with almost as many kids by the same dad (even if different moms)? Or your great grandparents who had a dozen kids and lost half of them due to accidents and disease?

My own sister had pre-e and her husband is incredibly nervous about another child. So she's willing to take the risk for one more but what if he's not? It's not just the Duggars that face that kind of choice and I can no more tell my sister she's wrong than I can say Michelle is wrong. If a woman is being forced to have more and more children against her wishes is different than saying, "I leave this in God's hands." Publicly, Michelle has said she would welcome another child after Josie.

You may not agree with her beliefs, but read the news. There are a lot worse moms out there. I'm more irritated by my aunt joyfully announcing that her niece, who is barely 19 (if that), expecting a second child. They can't take care of the child they have now! I bet they leave the baby with anybody they can find like they did with the first one. Nine weeks old and he was dumped on relatives. Yeah, there are worse moms than Michelle.

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N.P.

answers from San Francisco on

To me it's not god's will because from everything I've read, god has given us FREE WILL so in reality this is their righteous will to overpopulate the small corner of the earth they live on. What she's doing is not for god. It's for herself. Some people need to be pregnant to feel happy just like some people intentionally hurt themselves to get into hospitals for the feeling of being taken care of. If I were a weaker sort of person I'd love to be in the hospital all the time. Getting to sleep in. Having everyone else take care of everything.... I can understand the allure of always being pregnant. I never felt more loved and appreciated by not only my family but perfect strangers than when I was walking around with a baby inside me. People wanted to touch me and I felt so confident about everything. All my insecurities about myself melted away because I had this badge of honor. Guys at work went out of their way to help me with things. People were so NICE.

I have a feeling that Matron Duggar is pregnant for her own selfish reasons rather than anything to do with "the will of god", and to answer your question, I wholeheartedly believe in using birth control to protect your own life. I almost died giving birth to my first which turned her into my only. I am not actively trying for another and won't be because I don't want to die and I will NOT leave it "in god's hands". He's made a right mess of so much else I'm exercising my free will on this one...

"The kids thought family patriarch Jim Bob was joking when he broke the news that they would have a new brother or sister, Michelle said. They lined the family up on the staircase for a photo, she recalled, and Jim Bob said, "Smile -- Mom's going to have another baby!"
"Their mouths dropped," Michelle said, laughing at the memory. "They all looked at me to see if he was joking."

I know what those kids were thinking. Less independence and more babysitting. The Duggars are hoarders, but not of stuff, of children. Like the crazy cat lady except with her own offspring.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

The whole reason I only have 1 child is because getting pregnant again would be too risky, and I don't want to leave my daughter without a mother and my husband without a wife, raising her on his own.

No offense meant to anyone, but I just don't get using "It's part of God's plan" as a reason to not use common sense or exercise good judgement, or not be thankful for and satisfied with what you already have. I don't God wants me, and/or my unborn child, dead.

That's just insane - IMO, it became insane about 12 kids ago.

ETA: If I accidentally found myself pregnant, then I would see what I could do to minimize the risk. But just for that reason, I am not planning or wanting to get pregnant with another baby in the first place.

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I.M.

answers from Killeen on

God not only gave us a vagina, but he also gave us a brain. He excepts us to know how to use both properly.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

I worry about Michele if that is who we are talking about. However, that is
their decision. I do admire the family. Look at these kids. They have learned how to use tools, build things, how to teach, they give of themselves
by going to third world countries, they do not ask for anything, they can
function in an emergency, they can carry on conversations that are intelligent. They are well rounded, educated human beings. Look around
your neighborhood, could you find just one child who can do what these kids can do. I know I can't find one.

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P.W.

answers from Dallas on

It's hard to answer your question "would you risk your life to follow your beliefs?" in the context you ask it. Your other questions imply judgement.

Yes, i would hope I am strong enough to risk my life for an essential belief, HOWEVER, I believe God gave us common sense and that his/her goal for us is not just about making babies. Therefore I would probably choose to avoid pregnancy......But that's me.

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A.K.

answers from Houston on

Whether it is God who gives you babies, or sex - If your body is healthy enough to get pregnant in the first place, you are not depending on anyone's support, then who gives a toss?
Also, she only has around 5 kids who are still young enough to need a lot of care - some people care for that many and more, in daycare every day.
Also Homeschooling - My son has 17 kids in his class, for 1 teacher.
She only had one difficult pregnancy that I can remember - so she has a good track record really.
I would not risk my life for my beliefs, just to have a baby - especially if I already had 19 of em, but some people take faith so literally, and they are those people.
I am sure her husband understands the risks, but they love their kids - so whats the problem?

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3.B.

answers from Cleveland on

What bugs me is that they use the whole birth control is against their beliefs bologna. My grandfather was a reverend. Believe me, he was as OLD SCHOOL as you can get. To him, if you had kids and really didn't want or couldn't afford more, you used the rhythm method. Bottom line.
While granted these kids are well cared for, I don't think it's necessarily fair that the older GIRLS are expected to care for the younger ones, and really how much attention can all these kids get? Don't get me wrong they seem like genuine good people. But they're also continuing to make money off of constantly reproducing. And now if she is risking her life, I think that's extremely selfish. Who would take over her role? Although some of those girls already have.
I'm not sure if I buy the whole "beliefs" thing on this issue, But thays just me.

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N.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Ever REALLY watch the show...like several episodes? The older kids are really quite amazing. The younger ones? IMO, they are crazy brats, most of them they highlight on the show. They climb all over furniture, scream and yell and act like lunatics. I am sorry, but those kids did not and are not getting the same loving attention as the older ones got in this same family, being raised with the simple church values they follow, homeschooling stuff and all of that. I at least, see a distinct difference from THE very first episode on TLC when this was not their show, but a one or 2part thing on them ...several years before it became a whole series show.

I hope this one does not risk her life. The last one nearly cost them both Momma and baby.

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

What did that online photo say? "It's a vagina, not a clown car"

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S.L.

answers from Savannah on

I find it interesting that people support the right to have 20 kids but frown upon Octomom. I see both examples as people having too many babies that they can't afford or spend enough quality time with. Both Michelle and Octomom are obsessed with babies & need professional help before they do harm to themselves. I feel so bad for the older kids that have basically been treated as babysitters all their lives.

I'm the middle of 5 kids, oldest girl. I was second mom alot of the time. No I didn't enjoy it. Kids need to be kids, not babysitters.

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M.L.

answers from San Antonio on

Is that the Duggar mom?
I like many aspects of how they raise their kids, but I find this insane and irresponsible.
I believe God set in motion laws of nature*have sex at the fertile time with a man who is fertile and you will make a baby. I don't believe birth control is a sin. I also don't believe 20 kids can be getting the home school education or personal attention a child deserves and needs.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

I didn't think she would have another after the trauma that her youngest had to endure. But, as long as she is healthy - why not? She is a really good mom and they are self-supporting financially. There is a lot of love there.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

I would not risk my life or the life a child to have a 20th. I understand that this is part of their belief system, but I think they have more than fulfilled their requirement.

She nearly lost that last child and they are not young. At some point, you just start checking the calendar and have a mysterious "headache" around days 11-15.

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J.B.

answers from Amarillo on

I saw that and was like WTH??? I agree, when is it time to say enough is enough. And they say that they will keep having kids until God says they are done...Ummm, no. I think it's great to follow your beliefs, but she has been pregnant all her life. It's time to say enough is enough. But I guess when you don't have to raise any of them because you have enough older kids to do it for you, then you should keep having them.

C'mon, get real. It's not your job to keep the world populated!

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B..

answers from Dallas on

God gave us wisdom and free will. He gave us the earth and our bodies. He gave us free will, to use our bodies as we see fit. I have the wisdom to know I don't need to have more then one child. I have the free will, to achieve that...as I see fit. Would I die for my beliefs? Yes, if I were being persecuted, absolutely. Would I die to have another baby? No. Children are gifts from God. So is music, dancing, and so many other things. I don't constantly go around singing and dancing every second, because it's a gift. Something (or someone) being a gift, does not mean you HAVE to exercise that gift until you die, or your body simply can't. Just because the body CAN do something, does not mean God expects us to keep doing that over and over and over. I think they should crack open the Bible. What they are doing, is not commanded by God.
No, I would never put my life at risk...to make a baby...and hide behind my own false interpretations of the word of God.

In the end, she can do what she wants with her body. It doesn't bother me, that she chooses to have so many children. It bothers me, that she preaches that's what God commands. It's not. That's false, but people listen to her.

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J.F.

answers from Bloomington on

I figured that was what the announcement was going to be on the Today show this morning. Cartoons won out before I got to hear it.

I hate passing judgement on other moms. I feel most moms are doing the best they can.

My wish was to have several children. I had to take medication to become pregnant and my body didn't do well with each pregnancy. Hence, 2 miracle babies. I had my tubes tied and recently had a hysterectomy. We will foster/adopt in the future. I think it's important to listen to our bodies.

I think they are fortunate to have so many live births and healthy kids. I also think they should look at the signs from God that maybe they are pushing their luck.

I also don't understand how you can have enough time in your day to really mother all 20. I struggle giving everything my TWO kids need.

I wish them the best.

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G.T.

answers from Redding on

Well, that would not be something I would do, but we are all different. I have a friend you had 9 kids, two sets of twins and the rest single births. They are a tight family. If you have a good man, and you can manage to raise compassionate children, I guess you'll keep opening your legs and let the cards fall where they may. It's definitely not the norm, that's why most of us have a hard time understanding it.
Personally, I can not imagine being pregnant more than twice... that was enough for me. Some just take the statement "be fruitful and multiply" quite literal.
Who REALLY knows?
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be? When you think of the dangers of chemical birth control or maming our bodies so as not to reproduce, it can make you scratch your head in wonderment.

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

Not only the health of the parents (mother) comes to mind, but how much attention and nurturing can you really give 20 children? How well-rounded and balanced can they see you being if you are always only in your children's faces? And if you aren't always in your children's faces, then are you being a good parent? Because with that many children, there aren't enough hours in the day to give each of them the nurturing that children require and still have a minute to take care of yourself. So you make giving them that attention the responsibility of your older children. Wrong in my eyes.

I knew a family with seven children. The husband traveled a lot (weeks at a time) for business. The mother always expected the older children to be responsible for looking after the younger children. That's okay to a point. They're not their kids, though, so it shouldn't be automatic to be assigned a kid just ALL THE TIME. The two eldest were the only girls, and they were being raised to be "good" wives and mothers. When she was about 14, the eldest just burst into tears one day talking about how she just wanted a break. What to do? She has since rebelled a little from what her parents have been expecting for her life.

This mother always reminded me of Andrea Yates, and I kept my eye on her and helped where I thought I could.

I guess I didn't answer your questions. Sorry.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Her kids love each other, love God and are tremendous people.
Both he and she are patient, caring, loving parents.
I have read of other people who have adopted special needs babies and are up to 15, 18, 22.
What makes the Duggars any different? Obviously they can afford it. THat tv show of theirs just took them to Europe(?) maybe. I don't know they went somewhere. THey have opportunities most of us dream about.
She's doing something right.
I do not have any ill thoughts for her or about her. I do pray she is healthy this time.
I do not watch their show.

Would I risk my life, no. Would my husband want that, no. If I had 18 kids would I sign on for a tv show to exploit my family, no. Because if I were to have that many kids it woudn't be America's business.

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✩.!.

answers from Los Angeles on

Its their life and they are taking care of their family - so I don't think it is our place to say if they can or can not have more children.

Now I personally would not put my family at risk if I knew my pregnancy would be complicated. But if that wasn't the case I would continue to have as many children as our family wanted.

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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

Honestly I don't understand them. I wish her luck. I think they are incredibly lucky that they didn't lose the last baby. The odds are REALLY stacked against her and hope things turn out okay.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

I remember a dugger episode in the beginning of there shows that talked about the time she was on bc pills. She was pregnant and lost the child. They together went and researched the topic in the bible and together decided that "children are a gift from God" and they would have as many as they could. I would risk my life to follow my beliefs- because its part of my beliefs. Remember the Collumbine girl that stood up and said she did believe in Christ? She had just recently became a religious person. She lost her life for it. Was it God telling them they should not have anymore? IDK only they can listen to what God is telling them. I would not deny my husband as it was in our vows that we share each other. I am not one that holds sex from my husband nor does he. I personally had my tubes tied and regret it. Not because of my religion but because of the side effects. I went with that choice because I understood that the egg never has a chance to become fertile this with method. They have there reasons for doing things. I think the family is wonderful and a bit weird but they are raising "good" people. I support them and there lifestyle.

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

It is a free country and they can do whatever they want. I do not understand their thinking and I do not respect their choice to have 19+ children. I don't think it's something we should be holding up as an ideal like so people are.
Looking closely at their religious beliefs, the reason they have so many children, I found that they are not people I agree with on very many levels. The subservient position of women, the belief in no family planning at all, the idea that they are having babies at God's will to populate the earth with more like minded extremists are not ideas I support.
I feel sorry for the girls in the family who are being groomed for a very limited future if they follow in thier parent's footsteps. The whole thing leaves me wondering, is it about growing a family or promoting a belief system. Being willing to risk death for your beleifs does not make your beliefs worth risking death.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/03/16/extreme-...

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

It's none of my business, but after the difficult time she had last time and the difficult start little Josie had in life, I admit that I hoped it would be her last baby. They had been extremely fortunate in that their children were all healthy and I just remember thinking "Why would they want to tempt fate like that again?"
They are very blessed and fortunate that little Josie pulled through.
Like I said, it's none of my business, but if it was me, I wouldn't risk going through something like that again.

Just my opinion.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

My daughter is my first, last, and only. She and I both almost died during her birth. I decided then and there that I was NEVER having another.

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

God does create life.
Does she know she will die with this delivery or has that been suggested by her doctor? Many women get preeclampsia and go on to have other children.
Are they supporting all 19 kids without help from the government?
Are they all happy?
Do the kids obey and seem to love each other and their parents?
Even when cameras are off I suspect they are still obedient, happy, loving children who respect their parents because that's what they've been taught and seen around them.
Whose business is it then how many they have, or what they do? I know they sort of made it others business by being on TV but other than that it's not our business. I think the TV appearances were also to show others how they can live with the beliefs they have and views on family, etc.
How many of us would love to have what they have in their lives and home?

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P.D.

answers from Detroit on

The Duggar's are a sore spot for a lot of people. I don't like them, but then again I don't care. The responses here are the reason I keep my stronger opinions to myself - and I have plenty! I give you credit for speaking your mind.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Enough is enough? And "we"? Never.

I think EACH MOM has the right to make that choice for herself, and it's no one else's business.

Myself, I can answer from personal experience.

Pregnancy gives me cancer. I shouldn't really get pregnant again. In fact, I chose to stop at one child (after many many miscarriages) once the cancer-from-pregnancy diagnosis was firm. (Had to be treated 5 times during the pregnancy with my son, and then a whooooole lot the first year of his life).

BUT... I may at some point choose to take that risk. And I CANNOT say, if I got pregnant on accident that I would absolutely abort, nor am I willing to NEVER have sex again, to avoid the risk of accidental pregnancy.

ALSO... I HAVE risked my life for my beliefs. I joined the military. And there were numerous times while I was iN the miltary that I risked my life in order to follow through with my beliefs. So I can say that, yes, absolutely would I risk my life for my beliefs.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Would you risk your life to follow your beliefs? Yes. Isn't that the point? That you believe something with your whole heart?

I believe that their point is that if God didn't want the child to be born, then he wouldn't have allowed her to become pregnant. She there are preventions she could take, but she CHOOSES not to. If this pregnancy results in her having a difficult time or being hospitalized, then that is part of God's plan for her.

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

In your question you make it sound as if Michelle Duggar is some meek and timid little wifey whose husband is making her make babies and she doesn't have a choice in the matter. The fact is that in interviews they have both been known to admit that Michelle is often the sexual aggressor, and oh God do I hate it that I know that.

They are also a Quiverfull Family. In essence that means that you're always open inviting life ie. children into the family however that may happen. Some families take it to an extreme, and refuse to ever, ever prevent pregnancy under any circumstances. For others, it simply means that if they are given the chance and "find themselves" pregnant or otherwise welcoming a child into the family, they are to do so with open hearts. There is a wide range in between.

Michelle stated in the interview this morning that they thought Josie was the last baby because this was the longest they had ever gone between pregnancies. Now really, Michelle is no stooge about tracking her fertility. I believe they use Natural Family Planning. I'm sure that she's getting close to menopause and her cycles are starting to get wonky or her fertility just isn't what it used to be (whatever that may mean). But they never as a family ever said that they wouldn't welcome another pregnancy or another baby. They never said they would prevent another pregnancy.

I'm sure that after Josie and the trauma of that pregnancy, illness, delivery, and severe prematurity along with almost losing Michelle and almost losing Josie (not to mention how very hard the first year of Josie's life was) the Duggars know exactly how serious this is. I'm sure they're aware that this is a very, very high risk pregnancy. Michelle and that baby will be very lucky if she makes it to full term, so they are in my prayers for a very uneventful and healthy remaining five months. I imagine that as happy as they are to be expecting another baby that will be loved as much as the rest of their children, it must be a very stressful time for them. I have a very hard time judging anyone willing to welcome a baby when the children they have are clearly well cared for, well loved, and are happy.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Well, it is certainly her choice to have additional children. If they can afford to take care of them without govt. assistance, then it is certainly their business. My personal opinion is that it was ill advised to get pregnant again. As many problems as they had with Josie's birth, it just doesn't seem like the best idea to have another. If something were to happen to her, it would be so devastating for the rest of the family. I truly don't know how much a woman's body can take...

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

The Duggars I'm assuming, I hadn't heard that yet. For me, I didn't even want to divide/minimize my time or opportunities with my daughter by adding a second child. I wouldn't risk something like that but that is how they are programmed I guess. Do they feel they are getting additional gifts/attention from GOD? I don't know. In their situation I think their children are raising children with the older girls taking so much of the burden. I guess that is fine with them.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Yea, it's weird to me. That is too many kids and like another person pointed out, they can't give each kid the attention they deserve. It's just NOT possible.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

I know some women will fight to have another baby, even though they know their health is in jeopardy and could die from it. It isn't always the men who push it.

My mother in law was advised not to have any more children. She had 2, and almost died the second. She ended up having 2 more. But after those last 2, she knew she couldn't risk it anymore.

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A.S.

answers from El Paso on

Personally, in my opinion, it does not matter to me if she has 2 or 200 children. This family supports themselves without a government hand out unlike octo-mom. In fact this family gives back to their community and tries to help those that are less fortunate. If you think about it, they may even leave less of a carbon footprint than smaller families do. They buy used, recycle, and shop the thrift stores instead of the mall. If we were to look back 50 years ago, large American families were not uncommon in rural areas and society did not persecute them the way we do this family. My own mother comes from a family of 11. None of her brothers or sisters were ever neglected and I don't see the Duggar children as neglected either. I sincerely think that these children do get all the love and support they need. They are kind and caring people and if something were to happen to one of the parents they would all support one another. My grandfather died when my grandmother still had little ones at home. Everyone pulled together and even went on to have their own families. Why do people look down on them when there are many cultures around the world that do not exercise birth control and have large families. In fact caucasians by nature typically have smaller families by nature which will likely make us the minority in 50 years or less. I personally don't want 20 kids myself...2 is enough but I respect their decision (which is theirs alone). Large families are special. They operate in ways that many do not understand or could even fathom. Yes their children have to do chores, and help with the little ones...gasp...learning the concept of team work and pulling your own weight at an early age (shame on their parents!!). I know some 18 year olds who know nothing about these concepts....they are called the "me" generation.

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

Maybe she wants to die in childbirth? I don't know. Maybe it would be a relief if the alternative is coming home to 20 kids. My doctor said after my second (a nasty emergency c-section that got infected) it wasn't a good idea to have more. We live in an age of birth control I don't understand why a person would not use it if they had a medical reason for it to be necessary. To me religious beliefs that favor babies over the life and health of the mother are sexist.

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D.C.

answers from College Station on

I would not risk my life for having another baby. I would get my husband educated, like from the doctor, if he doesn't realize it and/or won't listen to me. But if I got pregnant, I would not terminate the pregnancy. God does work miracles and relying on Him is part of my faith.

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

If you are referring to the person I think you are, I have alot of respect for this family and their personal convictions. As far as my own pregnancies, I wouldn't bring another baby into the world if my life was at risk and my husband would support me in this as well. Women absolutely have the right to make these decisions and along with their husbands, decide what is best for them. I don't know if would risk my life or not---I would have to be in that situation to decide. I would absolutely NOT want to risk my kids losing me or my hubby, so I would do everything in my power to not have that happen.

Great questions! What would you do???

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K.A.

answers from Missoula on

who is having their 20th child? That is a lot of kids and I can't imagine that be healthy. CRAZY!!!!

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X.O.

answers from Chicago on

One of my doctors told me after my first baby (a c-section), "You should plan on only having 2 kids, because c-sections are risky." Baby #3 is now 7 months old, and my current doctor is all for a potential baby #4--she told me, "Don't worry, I'll let you know when I think your body can't handle and more." So yes, for me, if there comes a time when my doctors recommend that I NOT get pregnant, I will seek to avoid it (not thru sterilization or artificial means, but by NFP, which I have been loosely using for nearly 7 years without any "failures.")

I come from a very traditional Catholic family, where my mom's 5 kids were looked at as "the small family." I know DOZENS of families that had at least 10 kids. Sometimes the pregnancies were difficult, other times they were a breeze.

I know one mother who was pregnant with her 15th child when she found out she had colon cancer. She was in her first trimester and her doctors encouraged her to have an abortion so she could be treated for the cancer. Knowing that what her doctors were proposing to do was to deliberately take the life of her child, with the HOPES of possibly saving her own life, she refused their advice and carried the baby to term. The mother died about a year after giving birth. That baby, Philomena, is now in high school. The father remarried about 5 years after his wife died--married a widow who had several of her own children.

I have a feeling that most people who bash the Duggars do so, not because they truly have a problem with the Duggars, but because they feel inadequate because of the wonderful things the Duggars are able to do with a huge family that most of us can barely handle with only a few children. What I have seen from Michelle Duggar is a very intelligent woman who possesses great wisdom, patience, understanding & charity. Most of us can learn a lot from her. She inspires me, although I admit there was a time when I'd look at her with disgust, which I only later figured out was disgust with myself for my own shortcomings which she seemed to have conquered.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would not have 20 kids simply because I think it is unfair to the older siblings who are giving up their childhood to help raise babies. But I also get where you are coming from. We came close to losing me after I had my 2nd son, so my husband had a vasectomy.

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J.D.

answers from College Station on

I think that's way to many children. The older kids have to take care of the younger ones. It's not like they can give each child (one on one) quality time each day. They can say they can (and do) all they want, I still won't believe it. It's about the same caliber as Teen Mom. (I'll get pregnant at 15 and get on tv or I'll have 20 kids and be on tv.)That's just my opinion on the subject.

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R.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Would I consider Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar wise in their decision not to try to prevent the conception of another child given the health risks to the unborn and herself? No. But is it wrong for them to have another child? Absolutely not. That's the beauty of living in this great country called America. We have freedom to make such decisions as these whatever the consequences may be. As I read about their announcement, I was reminded that we don't make babies, God does. None of us have the power to create life or make that tiny heart start beating. God has allowed this child to be conceived and I'm praying for health for both Mom and baby. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3

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S.M.

answers from Houston on

If someone believes that the Bible in whole is inspired by God, and everything in it is truth, then there are many answers to these questions. If one chooses to pick which parts of the Bible to believe then that is a different story.

God created women to be able to have children. He created sex for marriage, for intimacy and conception. He created his own form of birth control and spacing of children through ovulation, breastfeeding, and menopause. There is nothing in the Bible that argues against having multiple children. When we read about children, it is how we are to train them, and how they are a blessing.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalms 127:3-5

There is more publicity about this family, then there is about mothers who only have 2-3 hours in a day with their children, because they choose to work. As Americans we see no harm in our children being in daycare with one teacher/12 kids or schools with a 1/25 ratio all day, and yet we complain about a mother and father who devote their life to raising and training their children.

As for them requiring their older children to help out, especially the girls, we are commanded in the Bible to train young women to do these things. "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5.

And on the matter of the danger of pregnancy. This is a very good point! I know mothers who have developed preeclamsia with their first child. Does this mean that no woman should get pregnant, because of the dangers of childbirth. Of course not! When a woman chooses to get married, and chooses to have sex, she chooses to have a chance of getting pregnant. God allows pregnancy even when people use "birth control". There are many health risks that come with birth control as well.

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A.F.

answers from Houston on

Michelle Duggar is not "obsessed with babies" like octomom as one poster suggested. She follows her religious beliefs based on a passage in the Bible. She believes that children are a gift from God and she will be open to having as many children as God gives her. They support themselves and raise their children to be compassionate, responsible members of society.

Octomom resorted to fertility treatments, was implanted with an unethical number of embryos, and has no way to support herself or her children. Completely different situation.

BTW - for anyone who is wondering, they are of a Christian faith called the Quiverfull.

In response to the poster's question - the Duggar's believe it is not their place to tell God "enough, already!" They live their faith in every facet of their lives. They trust God enough to believe that He knows what's he's doing and they don't question it. Why is that a problem for some people (not necessarily you, as the poster - I understand you were posing a theoretical question)?

In this case, yes, Michelle has every right as her own person to say "enough!" She is not "under the thumb" of her husband. She is practicing a central tenent to her faith.

I wish I could say that I would risk my life to follow my beliefs, but I don't truly know what I would do until that situation presented itself. Lots of people have not only risked their lives for their beliefs, but have actually given their lives for their beliefs. Think about almost any war (American Revolution, Civil War, WWII, etc) people of minority beliefs in various countries who know they are risking their lives - are those examples any different than Michelle Duggar chosing to follow her beliefs other than her chances of losing her life are significantly lower than in these other situations?

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

It is my belief that God has ordained the number of our days before there was one of them. So, I can no more add to or take away from the number of my days. I do not live in fear about death, so I would not fear having more children because of that risk. We are told that to carry a baby to term is more dangerous than abortion. So, if we were to follow that logic, we would all be aborting all of our children.
I also believe that a couple should weigh issues together, and with prayer come to their decisions. I personally cannot imagine not being open to having more children, but I haven't been in that situation. Michelle's doctor has given them the green light in any case, so this isn't an issue of her health being in danger. We know people who had similar circumstances with their first pregnancy. She delivered very early, had many medical issues, but they are all resolved now. Should she not get pregnant again because her first one was dangerous? She has gone on to have healthy, non-complicated pregnancies. So, just because you have one scary one, doesn't mean that they are all turn out that way. I choose instead to trust God, knowing that He is sovereign in all things. Especially life and death.

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Are you talking about the Duggars? I haven't heard but am not surprised. Personally, I believe people should be able to live their lives as they wish. I think they are pushing it when they had #19 Baby Josie who was a premie with major medical issues, probably because of Michelles age, which I believe she is 43-44ish. So if it is her that is preggo again and has issues, I hope they won't push their luck further with other kids. In general tho, I think they are an amazing couple and family. They financially are debt free and clearly live very well, even before they were on TV and didn't have the extra income. And I also don't agree with older men having kids with younger women. Its likely the man will die when the child is still young and I don't think that is fair to the child. Just my opinion.

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J.S.

answers from Tampa on

After our second child, we almost lost my hubby to a really bad MRSA infection post surgical that got into his spine and blood. It was a long 2 year ordeal, and thank God, he is here, healthy, and alive now. I had not decided that I was done having kids at that point, however, I had been caring for him PRIOR to his being put into quarenteen in the hospital, and again after. I was the one who debreeded his wound 3 times a day, etc. I took extra precautions after we knew the type of infection, but prior to that, his wound had been "seeping" on our sheets, etc, and we had no idea what it was. (stupid me thought he would get an antibiotic and be sent home again) Long story short, I was now colonized, which many nurses and doctors are, however it's the concentration of your colonization that is the key in these cases, and I had both kids by c section due to the fact that I just NEVER dilated past 4 and probably never would. (my body just didn't work that way) So, long story sort, I decided that having more kids was something that I wasn't willing to risk, for fear of getting a MRSA infection and having to keep my c sectin site open to debreed the wound and let it close up on it's own. (can you imagine?) UGH! Anyway, years later, we ended up getting perm. custody of our very young nephew and niece anyway, so we got the 2 added children that we wanted, just in another way. I wish they didn't need us for the reasons that they did, but if we had continued having our own biological kids, I am not sure that we would have opened our home to them when the time came like we did. ( our plate may have already been too full to add 2 more children) Now I have had many other health issues of my own, and if I were t get pregnant, carrying the baby and delivering it would not only be very dangerous to me, but to the baby as well. I would never even attempt to do this, and my husband would never ask me to. (for this reason we do everything in our power to make sure that I do not get pregnant)

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J.T.

answers from College Station on

This is a question each person/couple has to answer on their own. While you or I may not do it, there are plenty of people out there who would.

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M.D.

answers from Houston on

I love Amanda S. answer. I would add, have you not paid attention. They delivered the baby early because of high blood pressure. She latter had high blood pressure related to her gallbladder. For this reason she may NOT have a bad pregnancy. Do you realize that if we had more children, then the Muslim population would not overtake us. In England Muslims are the majority or real close.
I have 3 grown children and always wish we would have had more. My children are 29, 30, 31. All were C-section. That is 3 in less than 3 years. I was told I could not have another that close. So we had my tubes clamped. The idea was to have it reversed in 3 years. We could never afford to have it reversed. So only 3 children. My youngest is expecting there 2nd child this month and hope to have 5. His wife is one of 7 kids. Our middle child got married in June and is due in April. The hope to have as many as God blesses them with. Our oldest is still waiting for the right man and is the only one that wants only 1 or 2.
As long as the Dugger's can afford to have there children and give back to the community why should we be judging them. It is their right in this country to do as they please and have as many children as they want.
May the Good LORD Bless them.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I think all of us that enjoy seeing Michelle and the rest of her family make their home a happy well managed place to live will be watching closely to see how things are handled.

I think, if the docs advise her health could be in danger, that she might have to consider having some kind of tubal procedure done to protect her from having any more pregnancies. If the doc thinks she'll be okay then it is between her and her lovely husband.

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S.D.

answers from Austin on

I guess you saw TLC's "19 Kids and Counting" last night too. I'm not sure what sect of the Christian faith they follow. I heard Baptist at some point, but then they left to form a smaller church that wasn't a mega church. I have some Baptist friends and all of them I know are allowed to wear pants and shorts even--so I'm guessing the Duggar's are of a very fundamentalist sort.

As for deciding when enough is enough, I decided after 2 kids and being 38 it was enough for me and had my tubes tied. I realize some may think I'm not following God's plan, but while I may be God's creation, he did give me some power to make decisions on my own regardless of what a particular religion may say about the matter.

While I may not follow Michelle Duggar's choice of still having children at 45, I do respect her enough to try not and judge her because I don't know all the facts about the situation. Maybe she got swept away in the "reality" tv show she's on and will keep squeezing out the babies until she no longer can. Each child she has will get paid so maybe it's her way of setting up a trust fund for every baby. Maybe she does follow a strict code of believing God will give to her only what she can handle. I don't care for her husband Jim Bob much and thankful I'm not married to him.

Don't judge the Duggar's too much, they seem to be doing just fine!!

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Of course the doctors will say that. They say a lot of things. But in reality, she's probably perfectly capable of having a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy and baby! She definately has the support and help. If she didn't want any more and her husband was putting pressure on her, then I could see a problem. But they seem like they are in agreement. pregnancy.

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