Any advice on how to go about handling a four yr old that thinks she has to reprimand the other children when they do wrong by hitting, pushing and scratchin? She for the most part has always been pretty calm and has kept to herself. For the past 2/3 weeks however she is being sent home from school (PK-3) on "red" because she is not honoring her friends. Basically this week 4 out of 5 days she has hit or pushed someone in the class. This behavior only started recently and I have tried to "ground" her for the evening, spanking, talking to her, calling my ex (her dad)to talk to her, and one day both he and I went to the school to talk to her in front of the teacher. She says everyday that she is going to make good choices, but in the end its bad choices. Any advice?
I don't know if this will help but just in case. I had a third grader who was very bossy with her peers, telling them when they were doing something wrong, reprimanding them, taking the situation into her own hands. I finally told her that I was the teacher and it was my job to do that and not hers. After we spoke, she seemed to understand and I saw a huge improvement.
When did you get engaged? Could she be acting out anger she feels at home for some reason? Does she feel that he is replacing her at home? Have you recently made a big deal of the wedding in front of her? Try to include her in the wedding plans. Let her know she can be a flower girl or be up there with you when you get married. Let her know that new man will be joinging your family, not taking it over, or taking her place...I think these are all really important things.
Now for the option you won't want to hear...I was four when my Mom married my stepdad. Shortly thereafter, he started messing with me and I had problems in school. This is an extreme case situation, but you need to be aware of the possibility and ask yourself...are they alone for any length of time. If so, show up unexpectedly sometime...that is how my MOM found out. I pray that it is just some adjustment issues, but spend some one-on-one time with her and try to avoid the punishment thing...maybe she just likes getting out of school so she can be with you. Good luck, God bless!
S.,
sounds to me that she is jealous of your soon to be husband ,attion is attion ,good or bad, have you set her down and explained the new marrage,that her daddy will always be her daddy and the new man is not trying to take daddys place give it a try
L.
Considering all the changes in her life, you may consider taking her to a therapist that uses play therapy to better understand what's gong on. That will be the best place to start.
Best wishes!
M.
Hi S.,
It sounds like your daughter is trying to 'control' her situation or her little world because she lacks control in other areas. She is frustrated and is acting out.
My mom was a single-mom who dated quite a bit and we moved around a lot too. When things really spun out of control, I began to scratch others terribly at school, usually boys, making them bleed and I would get into fights all the time. I was normally a very loving, sweet kid, but I freaked out. I had so much rage...but my mom never beat me or hit me or anything like that.
There is a good chance that your daughter is trying to voice her opinion about your engagement and all the changes in her life and cannot get it out.
Sit down and talk with her about how she feels regarding all the changes in her world. Just let her talk and make sure she feels safe regardless of what she tells you. Do not punish her for saying things like "I hate the guy you are marrying" or "I hate you". She does not mean it. She just is too immature to voice her concerns in a loving way. Reassure her that regardless of what she says to you that you love her and you will do whatever it takes to help her with all these transitions.
Get her into see a counselor that specializes in working with young children!!!!
I promise, you will see results and grow closer to your daughter in the process.
:-)
Best of luck,
S.
I'm having a similar problem with my 3-year-old--last week I signed an incident report 3 out of the 4 days he went to school because he either bit or hit a classmate. His problem is that he expresses his frustration by striking out. The only solution we've found is to have him removed from the situation (in time out) and we explain why what he did was wrong. It's going to be a long process until he learns, but the key is just to stick with it. I did want to say that I admire the way you and your ex are working together on this--I think it's so important for your daughter to see that both her parents are in agreement here, so she can't try playing one off of the other, and it's outstanding that the two of you can put aside your differences to do this.
I would take a day of work and watch her myself in her classroom environment. Don't tell your child. This may provide valuable insight to why shy is so upset and acting out only lately.
I don't know much about this but felt I needed to give an opinion...I wonder if something happened to her that she needs help with...ie...someone at school was bullying her, or worse, abused her in some way? I know this seems like a scary answer, but it is strange that she would suddenly display this behavior for no reason. I would have her see the school counselor, someone at your church or her doctor to get their professional opinion. Also, did this coincide with any significant happening with your new fiance? Could she feel threatened because you're engaged and maybe she thought there was hope for you and her dad? This could be making her very angery and she is not old enough to express it correctly.
I am sharing something that is somewhat similar in my home. My daughter is 10, always very passive, but her dad up and left for another woman out of the blue and she is slowly displaying negative behavior. I have her in for help and that is why I'm suggesting it to you.
Just some thoughts, hope it gets better soon. Take care.
She could be acting out because there is someone new in you alls life remember who you bring into your house also effects the people around and in your household. maybe you should talk to her about the new guy and see how she feels about him or maybe her father has someone new then you should see how she feels about her. Just dig deep down in yourself and pull out those mommy powers and you will get to the bottom of this.
I think that since you are pro-physical punishment , that that is a reason she feels it is acceptable. Maybe she is feeling displaced by your new lover, too. good luck-A.
When my son was 3, we had similar problems with him getting in trouble. He would knock chairs over, throw rocks, kick the teacher. The teachers thought maybe he was frustrated because his speech was hard to understand. It turned out to be quite a bit more complicated than that, but I was glad the teachers told me to go get him tested. The school district in your area may have free programs for kids who need some extra help to get ready for kindergarten, whether it's because of behavior, speech, or ESL.
My son is 6 now, and still gets in trouble from 1-5 times a week. This year, we found out that he has Asperger's, a type of high functioning autism, and ADHD. He isn't mature enough to control his impulses yet, and needs extra help to understand social situations. The school works with us on making a behavior chart. For each part of the day he gets a small, immediate reward(like a sticker) or consequence(like a time out). Then at home he gets a bigger reward or consequence based on the total number of stickers for the day.
I do try to discourage the "bossiness". He thinks the world makes sense, and everyone should follow the golden rule, even grown ups. But I remind him that it is not his job to enforce the rules. And I look on the positive side- he wants to be a teacher, a coach, or an event planner.
S., I can understand what you're experiencing because I see it sometimes as a teacher, and our wee school does not tolerate these behaviors for long, so I know you need help. If you're living with your "loyal man", this could be the first issue to deal with. All children, boys & girls alike, can feel threatened, frustrated and sometimes angry when their only caregiver/parent gives attention to someone else. Also children must be trained young to love with their hands, respect others and suffer the consequences if they choose not to. But parents must lead by example. If children see their parents fight, argue, curse and have hateful behavior, they will definitely model it. I have a blended family, my daughter was 5 when I married a great man, and it was a little rough at first, but she did not fight or hurt other children, and I believe it's because we did it God's way. We dated through church for 1-1/2 yrs, not living together, with no intimacy until after we married and now have an excellent 8 yr old son and our daughter at 14 respects herself (knows that she is a jewel, handpicked by God) and is a role model for other teenagers. So just remember that our actions as parents really do reflect in our children, so model for her what you want her to become, that's my advice. Also you may want to find a good church to get her involved in and for yourself, versus working so many hours and not seeing her as much. Believe me, this will make you a better person. God loves you and He especially loves the little blessing that you're raising. You can check out this website-www.vccaustin.org.
She is acting out what she knows. She gets physical because that is what has happen to her. So, why not?
