A.C. asks from Wayne, PA on September 02, 2009
She Cries Whenever I Put Her on the Toilet
I'm trying to potty train my almost 3 year old. I have tried off and on and everytime I get her on the toilet, she freaks out and cries. I have bribed her. How do I get her over this fear? My other daughter was the opposite - she would try really hard, but get to the toilet too late and have her accident. My daughter i'm potty training right now will sit screaming on a toilet for 15 minutes, get off, then go have an accident. Help!
So What Happened?™
Thanks everyone for your advice. I"m going to give her another month. She starts preschool next week and maybe she'll get a calmer idea of the potty from the other kids (if they are trained).
I'm going to take my time with it. I get so annoyed at other people who criticize for her not being potty trained. I'm going to block them out of my head :-)
L.G. answers from State College on September 03, 2009
Is there any other outside force that you can use? Friends, school. My son could go since 15 months, but didn't "want" to until he knew he would be going to pre-school and was fine after that. Does she have any friends her age who are pottying? If you're in a play group or Moms group, having her around other kids who are the same age and heading to the potty will help. Other than that, it is a stage and it WILL pass! Sorry this doesn't help much. One of my twins was the same (and still is somewhat)...a puddle of pee in the doorway to the bathroom. it sounds as though she isn't ready to go there, even though she's 3. Take a break of a month or so, expose her to other people and forces that are related to needing to go to the potty, then try again.
K.W. answers from Philadelphia on September 03, 2009
She's telling you very loudly that she's not ready yet. A few more months in daipers, & try again - calmly!
D.P. answers from Pittsburgh on September 02, 2009
Maybe the toilet seems too high? Try a potty chair or get a potty seat that has arms.
You could try a sticker/reward chart and begin with just 5 minutes of sitting gets a sticker...every time she gets 10-15 stickers she can pick a reward--small toy, etc.
Maybe best to just back off for a few months and let her observe and start up again when she starts to show interest in flushing, etc.
I think it helped my son understand better when I explained to him that food gives nourishment to our bodies and peeing and pooping is a the way to get rid of the waste that remains after the good stuff, that helps us grow and keeps us healthy, goes into our bodies. He also seemed to turn the corner of interest after he got the book Once Upon A Potty. You can get the girl version and I believe it even has a DVD now....she can sit on the potty and watch the DVD or read the book! Good luck. Try not to show too much frustration. She'll get it, I promise!
D.S. answers from Allentown on September 02, 2009
Your daughter is trying to please you and when she
sees your frustration, she responds.
Do you let her accompany you with you use the bathroom.
Back in those days. When I went to the bathroom, I sat the girl on the potty chair while I went.
I used that training my girls and son. Monkey see, monkey do. lol Hope this helps. Good luck. D.
A.T. answers from York on September 03, 2009
You should check out the 3 Day Potty Method. The woman who wrote this has amazing advice on how to deal with issues like this.
I bought it, it's an ebook, and you can get direct help from her if your questions are not answered in the book. IT IS SO WORTH IT! I think it costs around $20. I have recommended this to several of my friends and it has worked for everyone. I just ran into a woman at my daughter's preschool and her daughter is doing the exact same thing as your daughter, I recommended this to her and I can't wait to see if it works for her too. GOOD LUCK!!!!
L.G. answers from Philadelphia on September 03, 2009
Potty training is soooo frustrating! I found that my second child prefers the potty chair. It's in the family room so he doesn't have to stop playing to go potty.
Also, you could try putting your child on the potty fully clothed (lid down) and sing or read a favorite book or something quiet she enjoys just to get her used to sitting there. Make it positive and fun, no pressure. If you make it a slow transition, making it "her choice" maybe she will accept it better.
Best of luck!
L.T. answers from Pittsburgh on September 02, 2009
Your daughter sounds a bit like my daughter. She just turned 4 and we just got her day-time trained. We started training her about 2 years ago when we were training my son. They are 14 months apart and I thought maybe I could do both at the same time. At that time she was willing to sit on the little potty. at the first few attempts she peed in the potty. But the first time she pooped in the potty she looked between her legs, worked her face into the cutest little frown and cried, "I dropped it!" She was unconsolable for the next 15 minutes. Well, that was the end of that. She then wanted nothing to do with the potty. Up until 2 months ago she would battle and tantrum when I put her on the potty despite rewards, praise, etc. I kept all of that up, but I also did 2 other things. First, I told her that her teachers at preschool, karate and Sunday School (all of which are beginning right now) expect her to be potty trained. I explained how the kids in her classes are potty trained so we needed to practice to get ready for those classes. Second, I gave her the option of when to go potty. For example, in the morning I will say, "Do you want to go potty now before we change your clothes or right after breakfast? You have to pick one of those times to go potty." I give similar options throught the day. This has worked well for us. I guess it gives her the "control" that she likes to have and we have made much more progress than before. With whatever method you find that works, be persistent patient and positive. Oh, one other thing...my daughter absolutely does not like for us to make a fuss when she uses the potty. So now I whisper something positive to her, give her a little high five or wink at her. If we make a big deal out of it she gets embarassed and mad.
S.P. answers from Philadelphia on September 02, 2009
It would seem she isn't ready, even though you are! I'd get a small potty and take baby steps from there. Introduce the little potty. Sit on the potty with clothes. Sit on the potty with diaper. Sit on the potty bare bottom. Go pee on the potty! She is afraid and your going to have to train her not to be afraid first, before you can train her to go. You may have to let her pick out the potty or a seat that goes on the big potty to get her interested in it. Also, try rewards for doing each of the above things. I haven't trained a girl yet, just my son who had zero interest in potty training. I gave my son an M&M for sitting on the potty. Then graduated to M&M for peeing on the potty. Then, lollipop for poop on the potty. I don't keep candy in the house or buy it that often, so M&M and dum dum's are/ were good rewards for us. Good luck.
R.C. answers from Philadelphia on September 03, 2009
It sounds like you should back off on the training for awhile. When they can decide they are ready, it happens almost instantly. It seems like you are stressing your self and your child, so try taking a break!