Sexuality?

Like a lot of Moms have said.. you don't want to come slamming down on them and cause a lot of shame for what is just natural curiosity. This wasn't hormonal, dirty, or perverted - just innocent curiosity about things that are kept covered. There are more nerve endings in the most private of areas - even to children they notice this.

This is best time for you to start establish open communication with your child. Maybe time to buy a book about body differences and answer any questions your child has honestly. While you're doing that you can explain to her that her body is her own. You could tell her no one else should be touching her body's private parts unless it's a doctor and Mommy or Daddy are there.

It's not wrong to be curious. If you make her feel awful and scream, yell or punish you are slamming the door on any hope of her coming to you if something else HAPPENS. She will have an established feeling of "shame" about bringing things to you.

Honestly I tell my son, 5 years old, when he touches himself, "I know that feels good - and it's okay to touch, but that's something you do in private." (You know boys, they start grabbing at Thanksgiving dinner -- whenever the mood strikes and my boys figured out where *that* was nearly as soon as they got the muscle control. Diaper came off and hand immediately went down.)

It's perfectly normal. :) Good luck!

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Amanda,

Just because something is natural doesn't mean it's right. Selfishness is natural but we try to teach our children not to be selfish. That is the way you explain it. It IS natural, but we have to have self control. You don't let a child eat 10 chocolate bars, but they would if left to themselves. You don't let them poop in their pants but unless you teach them to potty, they would.

Scolding is appropriate without embarrassing them. Hopefully they are embarrassed enough by being caught. If they thought it was okay they WOULD NOT be hiding in a closet. They already know. You just need to reinforce it!

God bless!

M.

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I am surprised that so many are saying that this is not wrong! Self exploration is normal but "exploring" with others can quickly become a scarring experience to one or both parties.

They need to know to respect their bodies and other's bodies. There are body parts and experiences that are NOT to be shared with others. Often it's one sided, and can be very violating.

EDIT*** I feel that I need to add that I am not sqeamish about the body. I do, however, remember being the younger child and being the recipient of a neighbor girl's "exploration". I finally got up the nerve to tell her no, but I feel bad for those who are not brave enough or old enough to protect themselves.
I, for one, would rather talk with my kids and answer their questions than find them feeling up other kids in a closet.

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Find out why they were doing it...where they got the idea from and go from there. This could help with your end as just starting that conversation out of the blue could be hard and you could be at the complete wrong end of the spectrum as to why. Let them do the talking, find out what they know and how they know it. Educate from there.

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I am shocked at the number of people who find this to be OK! Maybe yelling and scolding are not the appropriate action - the FIRST time - but they definitely need to know that it's NOT ok to go around touching other people that way! Like some moms said, get a good book and answer questions and form an open relationship on the matter because you don't want them to find out elsewhere. I was "explored" as a child at age of 7, by a boy the same age. That's something I will never forget.
Moms, would you have the same view if it was with an unrelated child? A child of the opposite sex? An older child? At what age is it not ok anymore? Boundries MUST be set now! Just because all or most kids do it does NOT make it ok! We are all "born in to sin" and it's our job as parents to correct their behavior. I think our society is constantly pushing the limits as to what's considered ok and what's not....when does it end??

Amanda, I would pray and ask for wisdom before addressing it - that way you can't go wrong!!

God Bless you and your family ;oD

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I wouldnt stigmatize them for this behavior. They inherently knew it was "naughty" or else they wouldnt be hiding in the closet and they were probably embarrassed that they got caught.

I would just explain to your daughter that it's natural to be curious but that her body belongs to her and no one else and it is the same for her friend's body. Just tell her that it's inappropriate kind of touching and to please not do it again.

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Don't say anything about it. It's not "wrong," it's pretty natural at that age. As one mom pointed out, they were hiding, so they have some idea of shame surrounding it.

I had an encounter with a friend at around that age, it was a one time event, and guess what -- I'm straight today, and so is the other girl. Let it go, no big deal.

Now if you catch them doing it a number of times - then it's time for a talk.

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I don't think if it's wrong if it's not one sided, as Anne-Marie warns. It's important to find out whose idea it was and whether it was perceived as fun and interesting (or mean and scary) before deciding whether any crack down is necessary. If coercion is not involved, then it's just exploration, and that's normal. Too much squeamishness about the body isn't healthy.

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I don't think you necessarily have to worry too much about this issue. Young children are curious about their bodies at this age; it's not necessarily a statement of their sexuality and their exploration is not necessarily about sex itself. Now is a good time to speak with your daughter (I am assuming that at least one of them is your daughter) about how we all play with our clothes on, that no one is supposed to be able to look at or touch her privates and if anyone does try to look at or touch their privates, then they should yell "No", run away and be sure to tell mommy and/or daddy about it as soon as possible, yada yada yada . . . Also, let your daughter know that you will always be there if she has any questions about her body or how it works. Hopefully you will be open to that.

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The curiosity is NOT wrong and I think the biggest mistake you could make is treating it like it is wrong. The actions may have been incorrect but you should never use the word "wrong" when you are dealing with the human body. At this age they will be curious. Buy them books or talk with them and explain things. I think that schools usually have a maturation program around this age and it is important to let them learn about their bodies. Teach them that their body is special and unique. Teach them self-esteem and how wonderful a human body is. There is no reason to ever be ashamed of your body. Just because parents do not address the issues children are facing does not mean they are going to go away. Parents need to talk to their kids and find out what the kids deal with every day in their lives. It will surprise you because I was always very open with my daughter and she told me many things that I really was not prepared to hear but I always wanted her to know that I was there to support her 110% and not going to judge her.

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Why is this "wrong?" Kids do this and usually when they are not getting enough information from their parents. This isn't about sex just about their bodies how they feel and what makes them work.

Give you children a healthy attitude about their bodies and sex and you get a confident and sexually responsible adult.

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I wouldn't take the approach that this behavior is "wrong". If you take this approach chances are it'll backfire on you in the future. You want her to know that she can always come to you if she has questions or concerns. I would just casually ask, why were you in the closet? At no time try to show that your mad, frustrated, or that they are in trouble or did anything wrong. Ask if she has any questions. After that part of the conversation, continue with the certain parts of our bodies are private......

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Not by panicking! I would personally ask calmly why they were curious and then say I would get them a book to read that showed girls and boys bodies and go through it with them, this is just normal curiousity...by the way, I have six children, twenty three grandchildren and to date have fostered around 160 children so have seen it all and done it all!!

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One thing is for sure, they will not forget that embarassing moment for the rest of their lives.

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Of course some of this answer depends on exactly how much exploringb theyy were doing but what ur actually describing is pretty normal. Most kids at some point do usually explore. U don't want to shame them or make them feel bad about what thry do bc they need to feel comfortable about approaching u related to this topic. Explain to them that they r not in trouble but its not something they should continue doing and if they have questions about their bodies or someone elses body they should come to u. Check out some info on sexual development and u will find that this is pretty common. This also does not mean anything about their sexuality..kids r just curious!

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Chances are they were just curious as children are.
I agree with Kathy in finding out why they were doing it. But don't let them think they are in trouble.
Talking to them is the best thing. Now is the time to talk about how it's "your body" and it's private, etc.
Good luck. And don't worry too much.

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Time to get a good, anatomically correct book! Show all and answer any questions. And explain that body parts that are covered by a bathing suit are better kept private.

I wouldn't call it wrong. I don't even think it could be considered sexual behavior as much as curiosity (obviously I don't kno what they were doing but a 6 and 8 year old girl are unlikely to be engaged in sexual activity). I would explain to them that it is normal to be curious about each other's bodies, that we usually respect other people's privacy and that they shouldn't feel the need to hide in the closet, instead they should ask their parents any questions they have.