Sex While Trying to Conceive

Updated on March 16, 2015
C.S. asks from Los Angeles, CA
9 answers

My husband and I recently decided to try for a second child. This past week I've had fertile cervical mucus (sorry TMI!) and so we had sex almost every day of the week. He started to complain that it felt like a chore and with the exception of the first couple of times, I had to get him into the mood and barely got any foreplay from him. Yesterday, I had a positive result on my ovulation kit but he told me he was too tired and promised that we would have sex today instead. This is the first month that we're actively trying and I can't believe he's so over it already. I feel like I'm begging him for sex which was never the case before and it's making me feel very insecure. He's very busy at work which I know is part of the reason why but I can't afford to wait any longer since I'm 37 years old. I know he wants the pregnancy to happen so I don't think it's that. I'm confused and feel rejected by my own husband. Did any of you go through this when trying to concieve? Our first was very easy (just happened) so I have no frame of reference... Thanks,

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So What Happened?

Am I hormonal or are some of you sounding snippy? That fact aside, the content of what you guys are saying rang true even if it wasn't packaged with any TLC. =P I'll try to relax a bit and the every other day thing sounds good. Thanks for the input.

Update: Thanks everyone! I'm trying to relax - I really am!! It's just hard when you want something so badly. =T

More Answers

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I remember my friend going through the same thing with his wife. He felt like he was just doing a "job" not really having sex for the sake of pleasure but for a specific purpose. It's the mindset. Maybe put on some sexy lingerie and make it more about wanting to have fun than needing to make a baby. And remember this when you are worn out from taking care of two kids and hubby wants sex as soon as you get them down. Then the tables will be turned and you will feel like hubby does now.

6 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Stop "trying" to make a baby. It's the first month so you need to relax because THAT is as important as fertility. It took my husband and I about 1.5 years, but he was living in another city so I only saw him every other weekend. When we switched to every weekend, it took less than 6 months to conceive.

Have sex a few times a week. Whatever your "regular" routine is, keep that. Maybe add a bit when you're fertile, but don't make it a "have to" because there's no woman out there who would put up with "my husband says I have to have sex when he wants it.".

6 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

We all know you want to achieve a pregnancy and you have your eyes on the prize.
Your husband would probably enjoy being seduced as oppose to be treated like a stud horse.
We went through 4 YEARS of TTC before we got help from a fertility specialist and finally got pregnant.
It's possible you might not get pregnant right away - so pace yourself and remember to have some fun.
You are married to each other for many reasons and only one of them is to have children together.
So try your best to be sweet to each other and be patient.

6 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from New York on

Perhaps the beating of your biological clock isn't the sexiest sound he is hearing lately. If when having sex all you are focused on is having a baby, it's not very sexy or endearing being used as a tool or a weapon of mass production.

Perhaps if you would be more focused on helping him feel wanted, desired, beyond the means justifying the ends. He would be more willing to oblige the drive of your biological clock.

Relax, take the edge off and learn how to be fine with having or not having another child. I would have loved another child with my husband but it doesn't look like that is going to happen, so I have to be happy with the hand I'm dealt. Relax and work on making him the center of attention and not the getting pregnant thing because no one likes to feel used.

5 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

My guy likes it when I tell him, "You. Bedroom. Now." but we are both long past baby-making.
I can see where if you were having to plan your sex around a calendar, it could start to feel like one more item on the "Damn Things I Gotta Do Today" list.
Maybe a bit of kink would spark his interest.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

If I were you I would take a break of several days before I had sex again especially the way hubby is feeling.

Go out on a date and enjoy each other and then come back and have a memorable relaxed evening together.

Putting pressure on making a baby puts everybody's system off.

I asked about a comment hubby made when we were considering a baby and I said to him, "You know what you said you would do at X age?" And that night I got pregnant. We weren't really trying it just all lined up on the first try.

Now that is not always the case. So just go back to being a couple and back to your old routine and it will happen sooner rather than later.

Good luck to you and hope you conceive soon. Let us know.

the other S.

PS If we are all saying the same thing in different words, there must be truth in the numbers. We are not trying to be snippy we are just trying to relay our experiences trying to get pregnant and what we did to enjoy the journey to baby. Yes we are often blunt and to the point on here but why do we always have to sugar coat things? Life is life good, bad and ugly.

3 moms found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I just started too and am going through a similar thing! It's normal but I agree with everyone to not turn it into such a big thing. Easier said than done I know :) Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

I can relate. The kits are good at pinpointing exactly when you need to get busy :) I think for us it was just 2/3 days and I kept it light and didn't expect the works .. I didn't beg, or feel rejected - but remember, for guys it's all about having fun. The minute it turns into work I think it's not quite so fun ... :)

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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