September 20, 2009,
M.G. asks from Allen Park, MI on August 29, 2009
Sex While Breastfeeding
Okay this may be a personal question but I need some input. Before I got pregnant I used to be sexually active. During my pregnancy there was a lack of sex cause my husband was usually worried about hurting me or hurting the baby but now that we are past that and the baby is here I've been breastfeeding and have had no desire to even have sex now. Some have told me it had something to do with the breastfeeding but I work full time too and then come and have my daughter so I'm just always exhausted to and breastfeeding takes alot out of you too on top of it all I also take Zoloft which could also play a part. It's probably been almost 8 months so let's just say poor hubby is getting a bit impatient...ha ha
L.N. answers from Benton Harbor on August 29, 2009
M. you may not like my reply but it is totally sincere. Have sex with your hubby, even if you don't want to. What you are experiencing is totally normal, but you are building a habit of no sex that will be hard to break when you are finally feeling better. And hand in hand with that is the fact that when you have sex with him and *pretend* to be into it, you will actually *become* into it and sexually stimulated. Your body is in the exhausting post-baby stage but hubby's isn't, and no matter how much you explain, he just can't understand. A strong foundation of great sex with your husband is God given and it's important, for him to feel wanted and for you to feel *normal*. You obviously have a very patient husband and that's wonderful! I know you are exhausted, nursing, on meds and just outright not in the mood, but sex doesn't have to take a long time. Do it for him and you will be amazed at what it does for you!
1 mom found this helpful
L.J. answers from Detroit on August 30, 2009
Breastfeeding does have a lot to do with it, but 8 months is a long time, iam surprised your husband isn't wanting to leave. anyways sometimes you need to just "do it" once you start you will start to enjoy it. that is one topic my husband and i fight about most, he is upset if he goes a week with out it. try doing it in the morning instead of at night when you want to just go to sleep. good luck
A.C. answers from Detroit on August 30, 2009
Sexual intimacy is definitely an important part of a marriage, but I certainly don't think your husband should be ready to leave you over it (as someone else implied). My husband and I went almost 12 months before we resumed activities. I'm not saying that's good, but in my case, my husband was very supportive of it. The hormones from breastfeeding definitely diminish your desire, and in my case, actually caused pain.
I would do your best to get back to normal, but don't put all the blame on yourself. It was your husband who chose to abstain while you were pregnant. And, feelings of guilt or stress over it definitely don't help the matter.
By the way, as someone else suggested, if you just "get over with" and do it, you might remember just how great it is, even when you're exhausted!
S.J. answers from Detroit on August 30, 2009
I think what you're feeling is normal. It's very similar to my experience, so there are at least 2 of us out there! I remember after I had my first child never wanting to be touched. I spent so much time holding and nursing the new baby that I felt all "touched out." It would even annoy me when the cat would rub up against my legs :)
I had problems with depression after my second child was born and took Zoloft. I don't know if it made my sex drive any less, because with the depression I didn't really have any anyway. I now have my third, who's 3 months old and I'm taking Zoloft again. It's perfectly safe during breastfeeding.
I would talk to you husband about how you're feeling. It's perfectly normal. You're exhausted from all of your responsibilities. I'd try to make you marriage a priority regardless. Maybe you can get a babysitter and have some relaxing time together first. I agree with a previous Mom who said sometimes all it takes is getting started to rev things up. I often felt like, "Oh, brother, here we go" at the start and finished asking, "Why don't we do that more often?!"
Best wishes to you!
M.W. answers from Kalamazoo on August 30, 2009
It certainly makes sense that you'd be uninterested as there is a lot going on in your life. I'd get into see my doctor and try to get to the bottom of this. Keeping a healthy sexual relationship with your husband is very important for your marriage! You might need to schedule some time for you two to be alone without the baby. Many women get into a bad pattern of putting all their energy into their children and neglecting their husbands (I'm not insinuating that you're doing this) and they grow apart and often the husband seeks to get his needs met outside of the home. Never a good alternative. So do what you can to get your drive back! Best wishes!!!!
S.M. answers from Jackson on August 30, 2009
First of all, ignore the harsh comments! I nursed for 20 months and it is hard! I was also on zoloft for 10 years and it does reduce your sex drive! It is very hard to climax which is no fun! Also when breastfeeding you need extra lubrication. It will make it much better! Good luck! You'll be back to "normal" in no time!
G.B. answers from Detroit on August 30, 2009
It sounds like you have lots happening, and all are affecting this area. I'd say to create a situation on a weekend after baby is fed when you can do this now and then, even if your heart isn't totally into it. Consider it an investment in your marriage. Talk to your husband openly about how overwhelmed you are and see what the 2 of you can do to get him to help you more around the house or whatever. Good for you for breastfeeding! You will never regret it - it is the very best thing for you and your daughter. I don't think it's the reason, but part of the whole package of all you're doing for your family right now. Women always put their kids first. It's the way it's supposed to be!
J.R. answers from Detroit on August 29, 2009
I have my 3rd baby who is 6 months. Like you I don't always feel like having sex. I'm not on Zoloft so I don't know the side effects. Maybe you could talk to your doctor?
Some tips for getting more "in the mood."
First try doing the 10 second kiss - this is something I read about and it is great. Pick a time and just make out for 10 seconds, you can even count, it is so wonderful to have a passionate kiss and makes me WANT my hubby more.
Also, use lubrication! For me anyways it helps. I've hear that is a common issue when you are breastfeeding.
Last, let me say I agree with the other person who commented. Just do it! Tell your husband you are trying to be in the mood and to be patient with you - I'm sure he'll be happy with anything you give him!
D.Y. answers from Detroit on August 31, 2009
M., those who are against you taking Zoloft are dead wrong. Do not listen to them. You are not in any way harming your baby, I hope you know that.
Now, as for your question, I am currently nursing my 16 month old and my sex drive since having her has been down in the dumps. It takes a lot for me to even think about wanting sex. I also work full time. What I can recommend is making sure when you ARE in the mood to take advantage of it. I know you say you're exhausted; have you tried just relaxing with your husband in the evenings? He can give you a back, neck, or leg massage to help you relax. This might be getting a little personal but I always try to imagine how nice and relaxed I feel *afterward* to help me get in the mood.
Either way, make sure you keep yourself lubricated. Breastfeeding and the hormones that are going through your body do take a toll on your natural wetness, so don't attempt anything unless you're sure you'll be comfortable.
And hang in there - it does get better! After my daughter stopped nursing so much (right around a year) my sex drive somewhat returned. Having a nursing child is such a short span of time in your whole life span and marriage. You can get through this together as a couple with a lot of patience and a little understanding. :)
S.D. answers from Grand Rapids on August 30, 2009
I went through the same thing. I would say pick a day that you and your husband will have sex. And drink a TON of water during the day. It will help during sex for sure. And also have some ky on the side just in case. I would even suggest if you have family around, have them take the kids for a night. So then it's just you and your husband. Or if you don't, have the 17 year old watch them and go out to dinner, and spend some quality time with just you and your husband. And just have sex. You will get into it. But I agree with others, let him know, that you aren't totally into it, and you need his help to get into the mood, and he will help you out. But make sure he knows that you want to have sex with him.
I have heard and know it's true, the more you have sex, the more you want it, and the less you have it the less you want it. I know the first time after my daughter was born, i was hesitant but once we got going it was nice.
Breastfeeding does take a lot out of you, as does working, but you don't want to allow those reason to interfere into your sex life and your life with your husband at all. I was allowing all of that to interfere with my husband, and someone gave me the same advice. If you even just pick one or two days a week, and tell your husband you will plan on those nights having sex. it's not romatic, or spontaneous at all, but it will help you get more into wanting sex
K.W. answers from Detroit on September 20, 2009
We nearly went a year. I breastfed until my son was 8mo old. I didn't have the desire and still not finding myself interested. I'm hoping that it is just hormones and things will go back to normal soon.
Reading some other questions & responses maybe working out will help. I'm gonna give it a try and see.
Just really wanted you to know, You aren't alone!