H.P. asks from Winter Park, FL on September 26, 2012
Sex Question - Winter Park,FL
So I'm in the process of getting divorced & have 2 young boys. I was w/my stbxh for 9 years. So I'm a little rusty when it comes to dating. I've met someone & have a question re:how long do you wait to have sex. In the past, I typically didn't sleep w/a man right away. Anywhere from 3 weeks to 8 mos. I was talking to a friend today & she said that times have changed & it's fairly normal to sleep w/a man on the first date. I was shocked! I like this guy a lot & can't wait to have sex w/him, but I always thought you wait a little bit of time.I'd love to hear what others have to say.
So What Happened?™
Jeez!! I'd forgotten How harsh so many of you can be on here!!
I never said I was going to sleep w/him tomorrow or that I would ever bring him around my kids anytime soon. He has met them both b/c he has been a family friend for 20 years plus.
I was simply asking a question b/c I was so blown away by my friends statement that her friends told her that the majority are having sex on the first date. I haven't ever & wouldn't ever do that. I was just curious if this was the way things are now.
C.R. answers from Kansas City on September 26, 2012
Do what is comfortable for you. Who cares what everyone else is doing!! I personally would never sleep with someone on the first date!
6 moms found this helpful
M.B. answers from Austin on September 26, 2012
Wow... I guess I'm old-fashioned... but then again, maybe I'm just old.
It was about 10 months after I met my guy that I had sex with him..... and I married him a year later.
He was, and still is, my only sex partner. We've been married since 1981. (What is that..... 33 years? Wow!)
But, then again, I was raised that you didn't go out and sleep with just anyone.
I realize that some people do things differently..... but, I know that my oldest decided that she would be a virgin when she married... and she was. That was her personal choice, and it worked for her. Daughter #3 chose to do things differently. I tried to teach them both the same ideals, but she made her own choices.
5 moms found this helpful
S.W. answers from Minneapolis on September 26, 2012
Whenever it feels right to you and to him. Not all sex leads to marriage, or even a long-term relationship, and we don't always want that. It's great if the two of you can talk and agree where you're coming from first, though.
3 moms found this helpful
S.R. answers from El Paso on September 26, 2012
You do what YOU feel comfortable with. For me, I don't care WHAT century we're in, I'm not sleeping with a guy on the first date. Call me prude, but he's gonna have to WORK for THIS piece of a$$!
15 moms found this helpful
B.C. answers from Los Angeles on September 26, 2012
When should you have sex with this "hunk"?
After he puts a ring on your finger and he says "I do" in front of someone having the authority to perform the ceremony.
My parents told me that any woman worth having was worth waiting for. They were right.
Good luck to you and yours.
11 moms found this helpful
J.B. answers from Houston on September 27, 2012
What a bunch of prudes. Jeez. If you want to have sex, have sex.
10 moms found this helpful
G.H. answers from Chicago on September 26, 2012
Wow, first date is the new norm, how classless.
Then we wonder why the STD statistics are sooo high.
There are two kinds of dating; fun & serious. Fun can mean sex on first date. Serious is when you take the time to get to know someone.
I still believe that if a man really is into you, that he will try to get in your pants, but if you tell him not right now, that he will respect you more and take the relationship more serious. If he leaves, then he really wasn't that into you.
Figure out which kind of dating is your style.
10 moms found this helpful
L.M. answers from Cleveland on September 26, 2012
I would suggest waiting until your divorce is completely final and your kids are all stable and not topsy turvy from all the huge changes they are facing.
Honestly are You ready for another relationship? Do you know what you want so you don't end up in this situation again?
you didn't seem to imply that you slept around alot before you were married so i'm wondering why you would start now, but again, you are an adult so can make those choices.
Condom it up though when you do.
10 moms found this helpful
B.. answers from Dallas on September 26, 2012
I suppose I'm old fashioned. I wouldn't even date until I was actually not married anymore. I guess...to me...it doesn't really matter how things have changed. You still want to operate with self respect. Even if you are emotionally divorced, you are legally married.This is man who is dating a woman he knows (I assume) is not divorced, yet. More them likely, he just wants to have sex. (There is this idea out there, that recently divorced women are an easy score.) There probably isn't anything serious here, in his mind or intentions. Do you know if he has been tested for STDs? If not, you need to ask. Even if you use a condom, it can fail, or you can get herpes. Is he willing to use a condom? You need to ask. Are you on birth control? Condoms fail.
I just read an article the other day (I *think* it was on CNN. but I could be wrong) on the statistics of recently divorced people. The rate of contracting STDS and getting pregnant is so high. People forget they have to make sure the person they are sleeping with is safe, and they typically jump right in. If I were you, I'd wait. 1.Until you are legally no longer married. 2.Until you know, that he is a "safe" person to sleep with. 3.You know he doesn't just want to get some and move on.
Just my opinion. You can leave it, if it's not what you're looking for!
ETA: Since it's been said...
For the record, I would give the same advice to a MAN. Regardless if gender, this is how I feel. It doesn't just go one way.
9 moms found this helpful
M.R. answers from Detroit on September 27, 2012
Im not sure, I have been with the same man since I was 16, so I have no clue when it comes to adults dating, but if I ever get divorced, Im going to get the biggest, coolest vibrator on the block!
8 moms found this helpful
D.. answers from Charlotte on September 26, 2012
Ignore your friend. That's a sure fire way to misery and you just don't need that.
With a child, I'd wait a lot longer than 3 weeks. You need to get to know the guy yourself and gage whether or not he'd be good stepdad material. Otherwise, what is the point, unless you just want to get laid?
If you just want to get laid, then that's a different ballgame, but you open yourself up to caring about him before you find out what kind of stepdad and what kind of partner he would be. And if you care about him because you did the horizontal polka, and then he walks away to other pastures, you're going to be hurt.
Go buy yourself a "friend" from the local vibrator shop and take care of yourself while you get to know this guy. And make sure that when you DO decide to have sex, that you two talk about it first and make sure that you use protection from std's he may not even know he has, as well as a barrier to keep from getting pregnant.
7 moms found this helpful