23 answers

Sex in Teen Age Boys

what age is normal for todays teenagers to be having sex? i am worried that my 14yr old son might be thinking of having sex sometime soon with his girlfriend cause she's moving to a new school,can someone please help me?

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When they are married and adult enough to handle the responsibility. 14? WAY TOO YOUNG. You may want to point out to him that sex can end in pregnancy. Does he want to be a dad at 14? I know he will miss her but having sex with her is not going to change her leaving and it's not appropriate for either of them.

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Kids think they're ready for sex...but we know they're not. If you feel he is thinking about this---you need to talk to him. Explain the consequences (disease and pregnancy) and explain that he should wait until he's old enough. It seems the "normal" age for sex now-a-days is frighteningly younger than when I was a teen (it seems more in the 13 yr old range than the 16 yr old range...both TOO young but 13 is REALLY young!).

It's better to talk with him about it ASAP! Good luck! I know he's probably going to do what he wants...as many teenagers do...but at least do everything you can to deter it, educate him, and protect him the best way you can.

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I taught 6th, 7th, and 8th grade for almost ten years and not a single year went by that at least one little girl ended up pregnant. They are having sex at earlier and earlier ages these days...so it wouldn't surprise me at all if he was thinking about having sex with his girlfriend. You need to talk to him now before it's too late. My personal opinion, I know most people will say that kids will do what they will do and you just have to educate them....but I think that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. A long talk on sex, some literature on the fact there is no such thing as safe sex, the morals of having sex before your married, the emotional trauma caused by having sexual relationships with girls you have no intentions of marrying because you're just too young....those are just some of the topics I would cover.

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Your son is definitely interested in having sex, and you might already be too late. I was pressured by my boyfriend when I was 13 and that was over 15 years ago. Thank God that I was taught by my parents that abstinence was the only guilt-free, disease-free, pregnancy-free route. (My parents also told me "no dating until you are 16" but I found a way around that.)
You need to be very concerned. There are a few basic things that you can talk about to help him understand. Sex is the highest expression of love you can give to a person. Help him understand the probability of him staying with this girl for a lifetime is not high. Help him understand that he will love another girl more and he will be sad that he gave away his precious gift of love to someone who he didn't love as much. Try to make him understand that marriage is the correct place for the expression of these feelings because two people who enter into marriage plan to love each other for life. And that marriage is the best place for children to be born which is the result of the highest expression of love. Try to explain that creating a human being is a gift through sexual intercourse. Until he is out of high school and contemplating marriage, it shouldn't be the motivator for being in a relationship. Of course this is the side of sexual education they don't learn in school and therefore it is your responsibility as a parent. You can and should also remind him that there are horrible diseases that are becoming almost epidemic. A person who starts having sex at 14 is going to have multiple sex partners and highly increase the likeliness of contracting and passing on an STD. Also, a 14-year-old is not ready to be a parent... and a person who isn't ready to be a parent isn't ready to have sex. Because parenthood is the consequence of sex.
Then you have to set rules with him because even those with the intentions of waiting until marriage have the temptations and "points of no return." There are ways to avoid being tempted. Teach him to respect women and womens' bodies instead of seeing them as sex objects. Tell him what things are appropriate for expressing his feelings right now- holding hands, hugging, small kisses (preferably not make-out sessions, and especially not horizontal making out.) Tell him what women like- talking, getting to know him, being treated like a lady, romantic things.
Remember that you are raising him to be a gentleman and he has to learn it from you and his father or he won't learn it at all.
Best of luck.

3 moms found this helpful

When my son was around that age, we talked openly about sex. I told him that I could give him a females' perspective on how teen girls feel at that age. I asked him to please think about the girls feelings, and reputation - not just the consequences if something were to happen. I told him to think about what he has heard about other girls that have had sex already, and does he want his girlfriend being talked about that way. It will always be "cool" for a boy to have sex, but a girl goes through so much more. We talked about protection as well. I did tell him that I would like him to wait as long as possible. To make sure he cared for the person he was with, and have respect for himself and others. He was 16 when he told me that he and his (then) longtime girlfriend had done it. (he felt he had to tell me because his girlfriends parents found out, and were very upset). I am thankful that I have fairly open dialogue with my son. I was once his age, I remember what it was like.

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Well, different time and place, BUT even 20 years back most of my friends lost their virginity between the ages of 14 to 16 with same age boys.
You can try to instill your values in them (if waiting to have sex is one of them) but you will NOT be able to PREVENT it.
They will find a way/place to do it, if they are determined.

Your best is to have a lot of frank conversations, don't stop at one! Show him how to properly use condoms and drill into him that he is to use one each and every time! Boys get HIV too and his life too, will take a turn if he impregnates his girlfriend. Make sure he has access to condoms without hurdles.
Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi T.,

Sit him down now. Sex is for married people. We as adults know that! It is not normal for 14 year old boys to have sex. It is simply accepted now and ignored. That's why we're the parent and they are the children. We have to protect them from themselves. And we need to protect those they can hurt as well. What if you were the mom of his girlfriend? How many girls do you know that enjoyed their first sexual experience outside of marriage? I have asked girls and I have yet to find one. It's because it is not normal.

Don't be fearful. Sit him down now and tell him what he should and shouldn't do. I'm sure there is a 14 year old little girl that would appreciate it.

3 moms found this helpful

What wise and wonderful mamas we have here, huh? I agree that 13-15 is about the time that teens start experimenting with sex. I also agree that if they're determined they'll find a way. Educate. I tell my 11 year old, "Alcohol, drugs and girls are going to be the items that will keep you from achieving your goals." I would talk to your son and ask him if he thinks he is ready. I read a study just a couple days ago from Seventeen magazine. I thought it was really insightful. Maybe it could be a stepping off point for the discussion about his readiness? He may actually be feeling pressure from the girl, who may be looking for a sign of "commitment" since she is changing schools. (I am such a drama queen, all I can think of is Officer & a Gentleman--where the girl says she's pregnant to 'trap' the guy and it goes down hill from there.) You could also sit down and watch 16 & Pregnant (MTV). That's a real heart stopper, but conversation generator.
Wishing you the very best!

Here is the link to the Seventeen article

2 moms found this helpful

I think a lot of kids are having sex pretty early these days, though not all. But it's a good time to talk to him anyway. Don't freak out on him, just be open and honest. Make sure he knows all the basics about sexually transmitted diseases and such, but I would really stress how sex can lead to heartbreak, stress, and all kinds of other bad emotions. Express to him that sex is not a way to fix or hold on to a relationship. I'm dreading going through this with mine when they get to that age, but it's got to be done!

2 moms found this helpful

When they are married and adult enough to handle the responsibility. 14? WAY TOO YOUNG. You may want to point out to him that sex can end in pregnancy. Does he want to be a dad at 14? I know he will miss her but having sex with her is not going to change her leaving and it's not appropriate for either of them.

2 moms found this helpful

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