Sex During Pregnancy?

Updated on August 07, 2009
K.M. asks from Carol Stream, IL
16 answers

Hey, mamas.
I have a personal question. My libido seems to have switched into overdrive since I have hit trimester 2 of my pregnancy. The problem is - my husband is very fearful of having sex right now. He is convinced - despite contrary books, doctors, other couple's advice - that intercourse will hurt or "disturb" the baby. So - I guess I have several questions - Did your husbands react the same way? And, if so, how did you cope?? Also, is it normal for a woman's sex drive to become extremely heightened during this time?
Thanks.
K.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

VERY normal for your libido to be in warp drive! With my son , I was maniacal! It was all I could think about. I felt like a teenage boy! After discussing with some girlfriends, I'm convinced it's because i was preggers with a boy, all that testosterone! With my daughter, not so much. I never really wanted to. But yes, my husband was the same way. We never actually "did the deed" because he was too freaked out. No matter what he read or was told, he just couldn't do it. My advice, invest in some "alone time". Hope this helps! Good Luck with your little sweetie on the way!

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E.P.

answers from Chicago on

As long as your doctor gives you the blessing and there aren't any medical reasons for the contrary, enjoy each other! It is perfectly safe and as long as you have asked your doctor, this should, hopefully, allay your husbands fears. Now is a good time! After your baby comes into the world, you may be "too tired" for a while!!!

Did my husband react the same way? Yes but he got over it.

Funny thing about my libido... my "overdrive" was definitely in place when I was pregnant with my son. When I was pregnant with my daughter - not so much. I've surveyed a few close friends who have sons and daughters and I have seen some truth to this theory. Hmmmmm???? You'll have to let us know.

Good luck to you.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

Well, without totally destroying his ego...you can remind him that he isn't um, how shall I say, *long* enough to have any impact or even come into close contact with the baby.

It is TOTALLY normal for your sex drive to be heightened. When you are sexually aroused, it is partly due to the increased flow in blood to your vaginal area. Now that you are hosting a fetus who is dependent on your blood for everything it needs, you have a lot more blood in your genital regions, thus the heightened sex drive. Additionally, a lot of women embrace their changing pregnancy body and feel wonderful about how they look which can increase self-esteem.

Coping - you can try to reassure him and I totally agree with the other posts: he'd better get the sex NOW before both of you have no energy and are sleep-deprived. If he's not on board, you can always take care of things yourself *wink*, which is totally normal and healthy.

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P.M.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know if it is normal but it happened to me. I have never be so easily aroused actually I usually have a very hard time climaxing. There have to be some perks to the whole body transformation right? If your husband dosen't want to enter you maybe you can talk him into some mutal heavy petting.Just double check with your doctor. Very late in my prenacy I mean within 2 weeks of due date I think intercourse helped start contractions, but I still had the doctors blessing, and it was sort of a secondary goal as I was big as a house. Life is an adventure and you never stop growing as a woman, wife and mother.
Best of Luck. Peggy

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N.Z.

answers from Chicago on

OMG...my drive went through the roof until almost the middle of the third trimester for me. It is completely normal. If he is concerned about "hurting" the baby, try foreplay instead of intercourse. A friends husband was the same way, she turned to a friend who is a nurse and she talked to her husband about it personally. The changed his view point. I would definitely try with the foreplay for now, and maybe once he is worked up enough he'll concede and have intercourse. If not, then I'm really sorry! It is going to be a very antsy couple of months for you!

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

Hi K.!
First of all, congratulations on your little one! I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with baby #2, and my husband sounds just like yours. He claims that he knows sex won't hurt the baby, but it's just too "weird" for him, knowing the baby is "up there". It stinks, because duing pregnancy you need to feel extra close to your husband, and lack of intimacy is not only no fun on your physical relationship, but (at least for me), has made me feel more alone and even less attractive. I've tried explaining this to him, but I'm not about to beg for sex from my husband!! During my first pregnancy, we got into some fights about this topic, especially since he's not the greatest at phrasing things well, so some of the comments he made were quite hurtful. This time around, I kind of knew what to expect, so it was a little easier. I just know that sex is off the table for 9 months. I still get upset and even angry/resentful, but what can I do? All I have to say is he better never complain when I turn him down in the future after this baby is
born! :-) I wish I had some better advice for you - just hang in there and try not to take it too personally! Some guys are just really weirded-out by all of this! Good luck!

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L.G.

answers from Chicago on

I had some of the best sex during both of my pregnancies. Luckily, my husband did not have any problem with thinking it would harm the baby. If needed, have your hubby talk to your doctor personally. All that I've read said that sex is great to do during pregnancy, shows a sign of a healthy, happy relationship. Get on with the sex now, as you may not feel like it afterwards....

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D.K.

answers from Chicago on

K.,
That's totally normal, on both counts. Bring your dh to your ob if that's what it takes, or have the doc write him a note. :)

I was in overdrive with both boy & girl, dh wasn't going to lose that opportunity, though he was freaked at first lol.

Congrats on your pregnancy!!
D.

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E.H.

answers from Chicago on

It is totally normal first off that your libido is high. It is also typical for hubby to feel strange. My husband had a really hard time when he knew we were having a girl for some reason when the first time when he know it was a boy he didn't mind. Very strange. I would just make it too hard for him to resist. Do all the things he enjoys and get him into it.

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A.R.

answers from Chicago on

Completely normal. Do you remember the Sex and the City where Miranda was pregnant and was desperate to have sex? I never understood until I was pregnant. LOL.

Re-emphasize the safety (show him in a book or online and discuss what the doctor said.) If he still hasn't come around say, "I just want to remind you that we can't have sex FOR SIX WEEKS AFTER DELIVERY and then after that we will have to squeeze it in during naps/etc and I'll be tired." All true, but make it sound bad. Then leave the room. The fear of not having sex for 6 plus weeks should freak him out enough that he will be in to initiate something within ten minutes.

Hope this helps because you still have 20 more weeks and you will need him to be onboard. Trust me.

All the best,
A.

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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

What??? Some doctors tell you to have sex to bring on labor. My husband never thought that we would hurt the baby in any way. When a someone says you may hurt the baby ask them how because in my book how are you going to hurt the baby?? And if you worry about disturbing the baby you should not be doing anything because life in general could disturb the baby. I was still doing water aerobic the week our son was born. Of course our doctor was one who believed that life does not stop because you are expecting. Life should continue on with only a couple modifications and one is not stopping your sexual life.
That is my 2 cents.

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

I think most men think that way. Even when I was pregnant with our second, he still thought that it would harm the baby, even though we had one already. I guess eventually he just gave in after hearing the doctor say that it was ok.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

My husband and I had sex up to my 9th month. It's great because there were no worries of getting pregnant. When we did have sex as my stomach gor bigger, I was on top which was the most comfortable position for me and plus my husband liked it. It does not disturb the baby, and my doctor encouraged it. When I was 9th months, my husband wanted to quit, because I was too dry and it hurt him. Ask your husband if there are other reasons too...maybe you may need lubrication? Sorry to be so graphic but you asked.

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

In addition to reminding him that sex will be non-existent for the first couple months after the baby is born, he needs to remember that after the baby is born, you will always be having sex with someone else in the next room. Will he still not want to have sex because it may "disturb" the baby in the next room?

He needs to get the sex now while he can. He is losing a great opportunity...after the kids come, sex is only harder to come by.

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M.A.

answers from Chicago on

Hey K.,

I think we always expect men to be up for sex, all the time, any time! when they are not, it is 'weird' to us. My husband was freaked out with our first, but we talked about it and I tried to be sensitive to how he felt. We actually became more 'intimate' in non sexual ways and felt really close during the pregnancy. During the second, he was less freaked out and we had sex till about month 5, and we were both okay with it stopping until after the baby. Bottom line, just keep the lines of communication open with him. Certainly don't view his decreased interest personally. Based on what my husband and I have discussed, I think he would have felt a bit less 'manly' had I made him talk to my midwife to get approval. Trust me, deep down, he probably feels a bit like 'whoa, what is wrong with me?' so pushing the agenda will likely just make him feel abnormal or misunderstood and not result in what you are hoping for. The more you can 'back off' and try to see things from his perspective, the more likely you'll end up getting the intimacy/sex you want. On a side note, after pregancy, our sex just got better and better and still does as we continue to move through life together! I hope this helps and congrats on your pregnancy..enjoy it!

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Bring him with you to your next appt and have your ob or midwife tell him that it is perfectly safe. Also, you could tell him that he may want to do it now, because after the baby, it will be a long time before you will want to have sex!

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