Sex - Canton,MI

I have never given birth, so I can't talk about how that effects your body (we adopted); but, I can help you with libedo if you are interested. My company has a dietary supplement designed to impact that area of health. Let me know if you want the information on it.

Hang in there!

S.
____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

Girl, girl, girl!!!! Been there done that no sex drive thing. First of all, let me explain that I am on this journey WITH YOU. I'm not "out of the woods" to speak. I still have to work it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. In the meantime, here are some resources that helped me to take some steps forward.

1. My midwife recommended I think about what is at the root of this. If I could get a babysitter and have a romantic weekend away from the kids with an opportunity for wonderful sex, would I wanna go? Girl, when she first asked me this, my answer was no. That's when I knew there were some issues (both personal and relational that needed to be ironed out). At other times, my lack of sex drive was due to exhaustion or being too focused on the kids and running out of steam by the time my husband returned home from work (I'm a stay at home mom too). Sometimes male-female sexual differences also got in the way. His Needs Her Needs (I forget author--Harley?) helped to clarify this. You will notice I will turn you on to lots of books. I was too embarrassed to talk to others about this initially, or I would just hear their struggles too and never get around to what helped to get out of the rut.

I really enjoyed "Is There Really Sex After Kids" by Jill Savage. She keeps it real, gives practical advise. This book helped me to learn how to restore intimacy outside the bedroom (along with Emerson Eggerich's Love and Respect) so I was warmed up to being intimate in the bedroom again.

Simply Romantic Nights by Focus on the Family also gives great ideas and has date cards that you can use to create fun dates. Some envelopes have date ideas which keep your husband needs in mind. The other group of envelopes have date ideas that keep a wive's needs in mind.

Another resource that helped me was Shaunti Felhman's (sp?)book For Women Only. Girl, I wish I read that as a newlywed.

Intimacy Issues is also good. (Pintus and Dillard?) They also have another book with Intimacy in the title.

Girl, keep yourself looking good. Get some clothes that make you feel cute and style your hair in a way that makes you feel cute too. Refuse to let yourself go. We can't muster up a sex drive when we look like a "hot mess!" Girl, lately I ave been fighting the urge to veg out in front of the tv after the kids are in bed and jump in the tub/shower instead to relax and and "wash away the day". That way I'm freshened up and relaxed and more open to romance.

Girl, there is so much I can share if you want to chat more. You can contact me privately if you want.

Lastly, a bit of humor. I begged a friend to watch the kids for me so we could go on a date. I told my girlfriend that we needed to get out to light that spark again. Her reply was, "Girl, I need a spark and a stick of dynomite to get mine going again!) That comment still cracks me up. You are not alone. Pray for strength and the desire to connect with your hubby. Pray for him to do those special things and little somethings that make you feel close and can help "seal the deal" so to speak. I have to constantly pray for our marriage to grow and for us to function "as one" (as a team).

I pray something I wrote helps and encourages you. Hang in there and congrats on your family! You go girl!

N.

1 mom found this helpful

Talk to your hubby and be honest... NO, don't tell him you don't WANT to have sex... Tell him that after a woman has a child it takes a bit for your hormones to level out and for you to get interested in that again... It is natural. You are hard wired to want to ignore sex and concentrait on the babys for a while. Hubbys don't like it, but thats what it is.
Tell him that you need to be warmed up more... More making out before the final show. :-) Holding hands, hugs, cuddles, time spent just the 2 of you.
I was the same way after our 3rd was born... at first I thought just grin and bear it... But after I talked to hubby and TOLD him I needed him to slow it down. More fore play, I find that I look forward to the possibility more than I ever did. :-)
If it continues you should mention it to your doctor. There may be a hormonal issue that can be looked into.
Good luck! Light some candles and take a nice romantic long hot bath by yourself.(Unless hubby WANTS to join you) :-) You have to give yourself some TLC too...

Hi J.,

I know exactly how you feel. I have 3 kids and I have felt the same way, especially since the birth of my third. I work full time, cater to 3 kids, keep up the house, etc. and I'm tired. When the kids go to bed, I know that my husband feels "deprived." I feel like I have someone hanging on me 24/7 and to me, it feels like one more "job/chore" when I really just want to be left alone. I want to sleep or just sit and read or do nothing it all.

It really has nothing to do with how I feel about my husband or marriage. I love him dearly. This sounds horrible, but I do it once a week because it's part of a healthy marriage and I also know that it will buy me another week. Once I am into it, I am fine. It's really getting over the rut of being drained. I can't give you the advice that it will get better, because my drive has not returned and my youngest will be 2 in February. I have talked to several of my girlfriends and they have voiced the same feelings.

The only advice I can give you is to make the time for your husband and sex life because he will start to take it personally. (My husband did anyway.) I explained to him how I felt and he understood to some extent. I really think things will get better when the kids are older and more independent. Right now you are probably recovering hormonally and are worn out, which never help the situation. :)

C.

My son is 3 and I feel the same way. However, just grin and bear it or your hubby might not be a happy camper. It will pass.......so I'm told. :)

J.,

Be as open as possible with him and also talk about any other underlying issues. Just getting yourself pretty and forcing yourself through it will be worse for the long haul! Be upfront with the things you need from him and explain how your hormones have you whacked out too. You are obviously scared about this and you want to want your sex drive back. Let him know this. Explaining it to him before he puts the moves on you is key.

I'm sure with twins in the house it is so much more difficult. Women need to be completely relaxed to get themselves to want to pleasure and be pleasured. Whatever he can do to make that happen is a bonus. And men, like us, want to feel truly loved. Just letting him 'hop on' for a quickie to get it over with will still leave him needing more.

It might be a good thing to see a good counselor to help you through it before it becomes a HUGE obstacle for the both of you. (Just make sure that it's a good counselor that other people have seen RESULTS with! There are alot of good people with good intentions but not good counselors!) I hope that your husband is super understanding and that the two of you can understand each other and grow closer by overcoming this together.

Congrats on your new family and hang in there, girl!

HI J.,

7 weeks is short time post-partum,your hormones are not back to normal yet, especially if you are breast-feeding. If that is the case, time will tell. But if there is an underlying issue,that will have to be addressed. have you and hubby discussed birth control? With twins and another one running around, I think most moms would be leary to chance getting pregnant right away, the issue could be something simple like that. It is good that you are addressing this issue now, you don't want to get to the point where you and your husband get out of sync on this. Good luck.

This sounds pretty normal for where you are hormonally after having babies! :) Unless there are some other issues that are causing you to flee intimacy from your husband, I'm sure it will come back with no problems.

It sounds like there might be some issues since it started to go away 3 years ago. I would suggest seeing a counselor in a few more weeks, if you still feel the same way, and see if you can get to the bottom of what might be bothering you. Its also possible this is a mild case of post-partum depression.

One thing you might want to do is explain to your husband how you feel, letting him know it isn't that he's failing to arouse you - but that you just don't have any drive and need a little space. See about starting to rebuild your intimacy slowly, things like holding hands, kissing, where it is understood by both of you that sex is not the goal of this touching, so there isn't pressure and disappointment. As you get comfortable enjoying touch from him, I'd imagine fairly soon (days or weeks) you'll be ready to have more intimate touching. If this doesn't work, there might be some other hormonal/chemical/emotional baggage reasons and I'd seek some professional advise.

Best wishes!

J. ~
It's probably just a hormonal thing and will get back to normal eventually. Right now you're busy and tired and probably don't feel very sexy. Give yourself some time.
D.

J.,
I am so glad you posted this!! I have the same problem. Though I am 17 weeks pregnant with my fourth right now, I have had this problem since my 5 year old was born. I describe it as "feeling like a child." Children do not know about sex, therefore, do not think about it. I feel that as long as I get to stay in love with the same man the rest of my life, I would be just fine with never having sex again! My fiance, on the other hand, is a different story!! He gets so frustrated, and I can understand why. What I can't understand, is why do I feel like that? He says that everything we are and everything we do, he couldn't be happier, but when it comes to our sex life, he is not happy at all! Luckily, I have a man that is 100% faithful and devoted to me! No temptation of him going out and cheating! Though I feel really bad, I wish my sex drive was much higher than it is now! All I want is to keep my man happy, and when there is no sex, that is difficult! So to make a long story short, you are definetly not alone!!!!!

Good luck,
A.

Give it some time! Your babies are only 7 weeks old. You need time to heal physically and mentally from the process of labor. As the other poster said, you are probably not feeling very sexy and still feeling tired. If these feelings continue after several months, see your doctor about getting your thyroid checked or you haven't lost the pregnancy weight. I have heard of several moms whose sex drives decreased after second or third pregnancies due to a thyroid problem or weight gain.
In the meantime, explain this gently to your husband and get some rest.

When I had my now 3 and a half year old it took nearly two and a half months (I think it was pretty close to three) until I wanted to have sex. Some of it was healing, a lot of it was just not wanting to. But, I talked to my husband and told him what was going on and tried to find other ways to "keep him happy" (if you know what I mean). I think its pretty natural, and with two little ones, I would not worry too much. Your sex drive will come back when you, and it, are ready. Just keep your husband in the loop.

J., I am a mother of four and have been married for 28 years. Yes this happens but it is not that your drive is gone it is too darn tired to worry about it. I can tell you , once you are engaged you will enjoy it. You maybe thinking of it as just one more thing you have to do{like another chore, LOL}. But i promise you are just tired. Ask your husband if he could give you one night and morning to sleep, and he can take care of the children so you can be more rested. Keep your chin up these times pass so quickly, enjoy them while you can.

My twins just turned a year and my oldest is 2 and a half. No sex drive here either. I could care less. I feel bad for my husband and sometimes give in but it has been a while since I enjoyed sex. I assume it is normal. Your twins are so young and you are probably not getting a lot of sleep. Hang in there. Priority is that you stay happy and that means well rested. Fit sex in when you can and want to.

Wow, It was like everyone in this post took the words right out of my mouth! I know I was never alone on this, but to see my thoughts word for word spoken by someone else....
Anyways, I did some research on it because I originally thought there was something wrong with me. Heh, it turns out, that Prolactin - the hormone responsible for allowing milk production - is actually a sex drive decreaser (on the physiological level!) That gave me some relief and hope that once I stop nursing, my sex drive may come back. But one thing I know, if it does not, I have to be prepared to secretly schedule in my husband for the kind of love he needs. I've noticed he takes it personally too when its been awhile and he gets discouraged and eventually stops trying.
One thing that has helped us so far is being completely honest about the truth of what was going on. I told him about wanting to want it and that the desire to initiate is just not there. I told him about Prolactin - and that could be one of the culprits. He, in turn, saw that this was a more complex issue for me and decided that since I have changed, he will change to adapt. He is now bolder about when he needs it and leaves me alone without leaving me feel guilty the rest of the time.
Although I am anticipating that I will soon have a little more energy to dedicate to him once my 5 month old stops waking up 4 times a night to nurse! I really do hate that this is even an issue that I have to think about - before kids I was all over him! (And I think that may be another reason this has all left him a bit confused....)

Congradulations of the two new additions to the family, stay at home mom's never leave work. You can feed the kids and clean house without ever getting dressed, and your jobs never end. Try a date night, something you would like to do outside of your day to day routine. Spend time getting ready, and have no expectations of getting layed in the end, let him know you need time to heal, rest, and not to feel as tho it's one more job to do before you can have time for you. They say it takes 1 year to recover after child birth, you need time just for you. If this does not work, talk to your doctor. B.

ok your babies are very young still i wouldn't worry too much yet, but i know how you feel i have no interest in sex anymore i want to want it and thats what i always tell my husband. does he help out with the babies, you are probably just exhausted,
my advice is make your self pretty get a mani and pedi, or go get a massage or facial something to not make you feel like a mom, that might help.

I had the same problem when I was married. I never wanted it and he wanted it all the time. I finally broke down and went into therapy and found out it is a hormone imbalance and the added stress of being a parent that drove my sex drive into the ground. I was suffering from post partum depression and for me it has turned into clinical depression. I'm divorced now (for other reasons) but am satisfied still with not having sex at all. My kids are first in my life (all three are special needs) and I don't get any time for myself which means I don't have time to consider what I might be missing so I don't feel like I'm missing anything. You might want to talk with your doctor and see what he/she suggests. It's very likely you're just in a lull that can take care of itself with a little self indulgance away from the stresses of family. Good luck - I hope I've helped.

S.

We all go through this! Something in your mind changes when you become a mother and it makes things difficult for a while. Not to mention your babies are still very young. Be patient, help your husband to be patient and things will improve. I breastfeed both my kids for about 18 months and it took about a year after I was done breastfeeding before I returned to normal. Shortly after my drive was higher than ever! Talk to your husband. It seems like waiting a few years for a wonderful sex life to be back is a LONG time,,,,but trust me that time will FLY by!

Your twin girls are 7 weeks old. 7 weeks! That's 49 days ago that you gave birth to them! Are you freaking kidding me? Stop being so hard on yourself and let yourself recuperate for a minute! Jeez! It was almost a year before I got back to feeling pretty "randy" and only then, I was back to probably 1/2 the "randyness" as before children! You've got to let your body get back into some sort of shape other than 'just had a baby and breastfeeding every 15 minutes' shape. You've got to let you mind wrap itself around being a sexual being again instead of 'mommy' which is also another word for slave basically. When giving yourself to the needs of your kids, cut yourself some slack. Help him out in other ways - and do it as often as you can make yourself, but sex will come.

I think it's normal, but that doesn't make it okay. Don't be afraid to be honest with hubby, and be honest with the doc. Your body has been through amazing things, any of which can throw things out of sync. Your doc has heard it all, trust me! That should be your first step...and if you don't think you can bring yourself to say the words, tell the receptionist when you make the appt to write it in the 'notes' line of the appt. Also, you can write it on a piece of paper and hand it to her or to the nurse who does your intake.

~L.

With all you've got on your plate, this sounds very normal to me! Hang in there. Things will change over time.

You have a very busy schedule. Sounds like your children demand a lot from you since the twins are infants and then a 3 year old. My first thought is that you are tired and sleep may be more of a priority than being intimate with your husband. I believe all of us moms get exhausted and would like "me" time. Does your husband ever give that to you? If so, you may be more inclined to be initimate with him.

So getting the body in balance will help with your sex drive and your health. Get fresh fruits and vegetables in your diet, supplements, and it is important to get a non-GMO soy protein. Each of the cells in our body requires protein to be healthy.

Me time, healthy diet, exercise, supplements, and a pure source of soy protein. Getting all of this into a regiment will help your overall health and in turn your sex drive.

I provide personal nutrition consultations. If you are interested, contact me at ____@____.com and we can set up a time to talk.

M.

I have a 10 month old and I am just starting to get my sex drive back. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel.
I found that if there was a little more foreplay than usual, and no pressure to actually have sex, I was more relaxed and enjoyed myself.
I also found the more I had sex the more I enjoyed it.
This is normal, and it will pass.

I tend to lose it once in a while if we don't have it for a week or so, but once we do it again, then I want it more often. Maybe you should just try it once and see what happens? At least give it a try.

I totally agree. Answer to your body. If you don't want it right now, you don't want it. It will come in time. MAKE your husband understand this as best he can. Women are not given enough credit for all they go through!