10 answers

Separation Anxiety - Altus, OK

My 9 month old daughter has always been so happy and playful. Recently you can't leave her side for a minute. My husband and i will be sittng on the couch and she will not play on the floor by herself unless you are playing with her at all times. If you are holding her and put her down she will scream until you pick her up again. Or through herself back onto the floor in anger. Ive tried ignoring it so she knows she don't always get what she wants but its so hard. She has started even doing it in the middle of the night.. Ive let her cry for 45 min. until i go and try to get her back to sleep. Her tears break my heart but i want to do the right thing.... any suggestions? Is this because of the age she's at and just a phase?

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It is just a phase. My daughter went through it as well. Just hang it there. Try to be patient with her. Sometimes you may need to let her cry, just walk away, take a deep breath, regroup, and then go back in and try to calm her. Before long, YOU will be the one with separation anxiety b/c she won't want you to do anything with her (lol).

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my daughter is also doing this right now she just turned 10 mo. and either me or my mom has to be with her and sometimes my husband can but not often, but my daughter is this way because she is teething!! so maybe your baby is getting some teeth in =) i think all kids go thru this stage just make sure you still have them around other people so they still know everyone =)

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter did that around the same time as well. She was in daycare at the time as well, and it broke my heart every morning when I dropped her off. The caretaker said it only took a minute after I was gone for her to perk up and start playing. In the afternoons she would cry as soon as she saw me and cling to me. The she would throw a fit the whole way home. I just tried to reassure her that when Mommy left she would always come back. I'd talk to her about it, that might sound odd for a 9 mo old, but I read that it was good to do. Maybe it is just the reassuring tones. I started playing peekaboo with her a lot more. Kind of a "see, Mommy is gone, but she comes right back!". It seemed to really help.

It really is their age, I think, as I have a ten month old and he definitely got more clingy at 9 months. He also seems to get frustrated, started yelling! when he wanted something (me to lift him over a baby gate so he could be with me) and so on. She's also probably learning SO much right now (crawling, standing) and sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night, because their little brains are so busy, wanting to practice their new skills.

My go to site for advice, especially on these funky stages, is www.askmoxie.org. She (and her commenters) are gold.

In the middle of these phases, it seems like it will never end and you will be trapped side-by-side with your daughter forever. But it is just a phase. She will get more independent in a few weeeks or a month. She will again feel the need to explore her toys and her environment. In a few months she will be crawling off so fast, you won't be able to keep track of her. Just know we have all been there and this too will pass.

This is common for her age. She can't understand that when you leave you are coming back, as far as she knows...if she can't see you, your not there. I suggest keeping her as close to you as possible until this stage is over(it won't last long)and this will give her a lasting sense of security.

D.

When my son started doing this at the same age, I also didn't want him to feel like he was getting his way, but it was difficult to ignore. So, this is what I did. I don't know if it exactly worked or if he just outgrew the separation anxiety on his own, but I would go to do what I needed to do, and if he was looking at me when I got up, I would tell him, "Mommy's going to go put these towels away. I'll be right back." Of course he would cry while I did it. I would go to him after I was done and hug him assure him that I was back. Sometimes I would come up with reasons to get up and leave his sight so that he would learn that I would always come back. To me, the most important thing would be to assure your daughter that you will be back and hug her when you're done and say something like, "See, mommy came back." When my son was that age, I worked in the evenings so that I could be home with him during the day and he would be with his father at night. Every time he would see me in my uniform, he would start screaming because he knew that I would be leaving. As he got older, one of the funniest things was the first time my son got up to go get a toy and looked at me, pointed his finger and told me, "My be right back". I know it's tough right now, but just be consistent and it will get better.

Well, I totally understand your frustration. Our daughter is 2 1/2 now, but she was very similar. She was so happy, go lucky and was content on playing by herself until about 10 months old and then she suddenly had to have us 100% of the time. Fear not...it's just a phase, or it was with Katie. After this happened I read all kind of stuff and the conclusion that I came to is that even if children have never had any sort of separation anxiety they can go through these odd phases and just as quickly as it comes on, it can stop. I know it's frustrating, but hang in there.

I hope this helps.

It is just a phase. My daughter went through it as well. Just hang it there. Try to be patient with her. Sometimes you may need to let her cry, just walk away, take a deep breath, regroup, and then go back in and try to calm her. Before long, YOU will be the one with separation anxiety b/c she won't want you to do anything with her (lol).

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