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Self Control Issues with Almost 8 Year Old Son.

My older son is almost 8 and has been getting in trouble a lot in class because he has trouble controlling himself. He tends to blurt out, not only not raising his hand but just in general, he would rather talk with his friends than pay attention. He feeds off of other kids misbehavior even when he knows what they are doing is wrong. How do I get him to control his self? Also he knows how to read but doesn't want to, If you quiz him he does fine but when you tell him to read something(anything) he says he can't and I know that he just doesn't want to but I am at a loss as to how to help him enjoy reading as much as I do. We are reading every night(I read to both of my boys) from Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone and he realizes how much more info(better) is in the book but he still is lacking the drive. One last thing I would be appreciative of is of the ways that you have found work best in disciplining your children. Thank you all for you advice.

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The first questions that come to my mind are 1) When did he have a vision exam with an eye doctor? 2) Does he teacher notice or do you notice if he squints to read? 3) Could he be dyslexic? After you answer those questions everything is a-ok then my suggestion is to talk to him about it. Don't accuse but talk to him and prompt him by telling him you are trying to understand what it is about reading that he doesn't like. Are there certain books he would prefer to read over others? My now 13 yr old son had the same issues. He hated to read so then I found out he thinks books are boring. I found out he likes comic books so I bought him a few age appropriate and then I started designing comic books loosely based off of other books he is reading in school. Granted that is time consuming but he loved it and he now likes to read.

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The unfortunate part of schooling is that not all kids just can sit still and be quiet for extended periods of time. Some techniques that have helped kids that just "gotta move" is giving them a therapy ball to sit on at their desk. This allows them to bounce a little, wiggle a little while staying in one spot. Also, some have found that chewing gum can help concentration for those kids on the go. Ideally, the classroom setting should be dynamic, a good teacher will see the strengths of children and use them. Perhaps, allowing the child to help with the teaching, being the one who writes problems on the board, passing out papers, etc.

There is a great story of this little girl who could just not sit still. The mother was called into the principles office with the girl. The principle told the little girl that he and her mom needed to step outside the office and talk for a moment. As he did he put on some music. The principle asked the mother to look into the office. The little girl was up and dancing. He told the mother, there is nothing wrong with your little girl. She is a dancer, it would be wise to get her into dance school. The little girl grew up to become a famous choreographer, Cats was one of her most famous choreographed pieces. : )

1 mom found this helpful

Dear T.,

Maybe you and dad are just too busy with all the outside activities and you older son doesn’t want to be as busy as the two of you.

I would start by cutting out some of the activities, making school, home life, church and ONE other outside sports or scout activity for each child the main stay. I would also limit tv and video games.

A Suggestion on discipline is to say; “If you mess up in school, you lose the outside activity plus other things dear to him.”

Have a weekly or bi-weekly trip to the library. Don’t just check out a book and leave. Have him select a few and stay there and peruse the books to see which one he likes best.

They also have books on tape that might help him to get more interested in reading.

Blessings.....

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,

Wow you are busy. You have lots of cool hobbies too, I share a liking for those as well.

You can try to help your son's central nervous system with minerals and vitamins. vit b complex drops under the tounge can help with concentration and attention span. do it in the morning so it doesn't affect sleep.

In the evening (because it will induce sleepiness) magnesium oil sprayed on the skin, or Natural Calm drink, will bring up cellular magnesium. This helps muscles, emotional stability, blurting out, memory, concentration, anxiety. Eating more protien will help with absorption.

I personally like cod liver oil for a feeling of well being.I just feel calmer and less agitated after I take it. (high in vit d- it is called the mood vitamin) Carlsons lemon flavored brand.

You didn't mention hyperactivity per se, but hyperactivity can be a sign of thyroid malfunction. Much thyroid issues are due to high levels of estrogen. SOY milk and soy additives in processed foods are a major culprit. The estrogen in soy reduces blood serum magnesium further contributing to magnesium deficiency symptoms.

If you can reduce sugar and processed carbs, and of course soy, it will help greatly.

I am a christian and I use the concepts in the book "shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp.It so works for me. I am also a homeschooler and that makes it easier to discipline because my kids are always with me and have minimal outside influences. Boys do go through a phase where they go along with the pack - I sure had my boy doing the same thing at about 8. he just wanted so bad to fit in with the boys.

One thing I've learned over the course of parenting three kids is that by and large their personalities and behavior characteristics don't change much from when they're in preschool. So if you have a kid who goofs around and isn't a scholar, don't expect it to change a lot during the course of his school career. If you don't have overly high expectations, or expectations that you can actually change a person, you will not be so disappointed when he turns out different than you had dreamed.

Maybe he'll never be a scholar. Maybe he'll be really social and have a career where that is an asset. Not everyone was meant to sit still in class and get all A's.

Maybe he'll never be a huge reader. Keep reading to him anyway, it's still good for him and a great bonding experience. None of my kids is as avid a reader as I was.

My 20 year-old son is out today applying to be a Navy Seal. I wanted him to do 4 years in college and then get some kind of white collar job. Here I sit, mourning my dreams for him. They are who they are; we have to let them be that.

Hi T.,

As far as books, I have found that the books with CD's are what has helped my 7yr old like reading more. I've bought a few furing the last year through Scholastic Book Club orders.. Your can try www.scholastic.com to check it out. The Book orders are so cheap, yet fun for the kids to receive. I always buy 1 or 2 for them to keep the reading "going'......

Discipline is hard........especially finding the right way for your own individual kid. In my home, consistency was the "key" to success. I had the SAME routine EVERY single day, the boys knre what I expected of them and it was easier for them to keep up with life. This includes bedtime and waking up. My kids are in bed by 8:15pm every night. Yes, they can lay there and read and/or watch TV (yes, they have TV's in their room) but when they go to bed by 8-8:15 they are "resting" their body and makes it easier for them to rise and shine :O)

I also have a "Ticket Jar".....for simle things. They are my disciplinary tools, actually. they get 1-3 tickets for doing something good-great......then I threaten to remove a ticket if they are not behaving. once they reach 30 tickets we go pick out at $25 toy/game of their choice. I STILL use it for my 13yr old, and he saves for 50 tickets to get a Wii game :O)..... My ticket jat has been the best $10 investment for me :O) $6.00 for the roll of tickets, and $4.00 for the 2 jars......

Well, that's all of the simple 'tricks" that I have to offer you :O) Don't worry, you will find something that works for you and your boys.

~N. :o)

Hello,

I see that you attend church. You might want to check with your leadership at church about the spiritual aspects of young children reading about Harry Potter and books like the Sorcerer and the Stone.

Yes, there is a fight between good and evil, yet the main idea is to use magic which is not relying upon God's power. Harry Potter literally teaches your children how to actively casts spells. Witchcraft is like rebellion to God. He is jealous after all.

You might want to look into whether or not your child is exhibiting Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder ADHD (ADD) symptoms. If he has had these behavior issues for 6 months or more, then you need to look into it any possible learning disabilities that are in addition to ADHD.

PBS has a helpful website about learning disabilities and provides simulation of what is like if children are dealing with these issues. You can watch videos and try the examples of the simulated activities that help others without disabilities to relate to those who have them.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/

One other thing to consider is the effectiveness of exercise and sports involvement. If your son has excess energy then he might excel at sports. Also, exercise is known to increase seratonin levels in the brain and help the mind to concentrate on getting academic work done. Sometimes children need to run off their extra energy outside and then get back to work. The physical activity helps them to release the extra energy or need to squirm around when they can't sit down. Check out the following website regarding this at:
http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/adult-adhd/tr...

God Bless you,

One of the first things I would do is look at everything he eats...there is so much garbage in what we call food that affects children. Sugar, artificial colors, flavors, preservatives and on and on. I had a child that was allergic to so many things and had to meet with a dietician at the hospital that he use to go to all the time, many people felt sorry for me but I am actually glad in the way that I know how to read a label. It's really not that hard. One thing that is super easy...the shorter the ingredients, the better, if it's a mile long, I don't even bother reading it. Stay away from high fructose corn syrup which is in so many things including juices. There are many books & online to help you. He could learn along with you and you could both pack lunches together so he has choices, good ol fruits and veggies, whole wheat bread and snacks and many more good things. You might also see if he has any allergies to any foods as well and I agree about having his eyes checked. Learning about good food is fun. Who knows, he may become a chef!! Good Luck

The first questions that come to my mind are 1) When did he have a vision exam with an eye doctor? 2) Does he teacher notice or do you notice if he squints to read? 3) Could he be dyslexic? After you answer those questions everything is a-ok then my suggestion is to talk to him about it. Don't accuse but talk to him and prompt him by telling him you are trying to understand what it is about reading that he doesn't like. Are there certain books he would prefer to read over others? My now 13 yr old son had the same issues. He hated to read so then I found out he thinks books are boring. I found out he likes comic books so I bought him a few age appropriate and then I started designing comic books loosely based off of other books he is reading in school. Granted that is time consuming but he loved it and he now likes to read.

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