Seeking Your Help

Updated on March 06, 2007
P.R. asks from West Haven, CT
5 answers

Ok mom's what do I do with this one? I have an 18yr old, fulltime college student, p/t worker, always been an honor student, just made the dean's list 1st semester of college, and just has been arrested for shoplifting. I am beside myself. My heart has been aching all night long. I have gone from yelling, to belittling, to hugging and comforting. She is very ashamed and I am hurt and disgusted. I have taken away the cell phone, computer, and grounded her, taken away "HER" debit card and grounded her for a month. She can use the cell when at school and needs to contact me for a ride (she does not have her own car) and use the computer for school work only. She has apologized so much and assures me this will never happen again. She states she did it because she didn't have enough to get all she wanted. (just purchased a $40 pocket book but wanted the purse to match). I am so mixed with my emotions that I want to do the best thing for my child and help but am feeling such resentment and discust right now that I am having a hard time dealing with communication. Please someone help with some advise!!!! mY DAUGHTER AND i HAVE AGREED - NO ONE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS EPISODE!!

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L.W.

answers from New York on

It seems youve done everything you need to do.. dont over dramatize it it could just be a first. or maybe she is looking to do "something naughty" . Sometime kids that are really good need to do somehting bad. The next time the cops and court wont be so easy on her. ( i am geusing she got a way with it?)
Just keep the lines of communication open an let her know your there for her but if there is a next time, she will have to fend for herself ..
good luck with this. its tuff.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from Utica on

I really think most teenagers shoplift or something at some point.
I know that I had a friend who was an ace at it, and took a crack at it myself, empowered by her amazing wardrobe, and way of getting away with it!
Thank god I didn't get caught. I still think about that time, and why I did it.
You know when you are 17, the answer to a "why" question isn't always there.
Teenagers, even honor roll ones, do dumb things, and never really know why. It's part of growing up.
If she is so smart, she'll know the danger associated with certain behaviors. Unfortunately she may try a thing or two to see with her own eyes.
We all smoke a cigarette or two, maybe lifted a makeup, or snuck out a window to see that boy...
And if you didn't do it, the next girl did!
let her off hte hook, lesson learned (hopefully), and brace yourself for the next one.

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J.S.

answers from Buffalo on

Well, you have every right to be angry! She's 18, in college, and decided that it was ok to steal something because she wanted her purse and pocketbook to match?!?!?! You should not have to ground a college student. Does she have a job? If not, then she needs one. She needs to learn responsibility, and the value of a dollar. She needs to feel the pride that comes with earning her own money, and making smart choices about what to do with that money. If she does have a job, then you both need to figure out exactly why she did it, because there may be another reason behind it.

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K.G.

answers from New York on

I don't have any real advice but, I know that I was always a "good girl", never skipped school, did drugs, drank..etc but then at 18 I had more freedom and I rebelled a lot. This may just be her way of rebelling. You've done all you can do for her. She is an adult now and she needs to stand on her own two feet on this. Be there for her but make sure she knows that you're not going to hold her hand or make this "go away", she has to deal with the consequences of her actions.

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J.W.

answers from New York on

You are doing the right thing for punishing her. Now I am only 26 years old but I was your daughter 7 years ago. I was involved with every school function, straight A's through my entire life, and played sports. Although I did not get caught, my mom found the costume jewelry I had stolen and drove me to the shopping plaza and made me go right up to the security personal and tell that what I had done. The most embarrising thing that I had to do and I dispised my mom for making me. I also got grounded from everything except school and sport practices. Now I am a grown women with a 2 year old of my own and if I am ever put in the position, I will be doing what my mom had done to me long ago. After she tought me a very valuble lesson that still stays with me, I never stole again. My mom says there is a time to stop protecting and it is time for some tough love.

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