Seeking Suggestions for Name for First-time Step-Grandmother

I have run the gauntlet of being the step-mother in a blended family situation. There were already alot of the other names mentioned, but I was the only me and none of those other names seemed to suit me. So, with the first to the last (there are 12 now) I have been S. Mommy. That's my name with mommy on the end. You could be D-Mommy. It's sweet and personal and not common. As a side note, for my son and daughter (I don't do "step") who had some semblance of awkwardness about what to call me in early years, I'm S.-Mommy to everybody and they feel comfortable with calling me that too.

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How about something that simplifies your name, like DeeDee? Maybe she'll even say it first since it's easier than "Grandma". :-)

My kids call my grandma GG.

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My grandkids call me Nana but I would suggest just asking the parents what the ex has requested and make your decision from there.
OH, KUDOS to you for considering her (the ex's) feelings in a day and age when most people wouldn't give a flip!

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Truth be told, the baby will call you what he/she wants to call you. None of our grandapernts got what they wanted,, but each loves their name more. As far as for trying, yes, have an idea, but definatly find out what the other two grandmothers will be calleed first.
It has nothing to do with your possibly strained or even if it is a wonderful relationship, but just the polite and respectful thing to do. Blood grandparents get first dibs. JMO.

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I wouldn't choose what to be called, let the child choose what to call you. My son couldn't say his "g's".
So he says Mam-Maw and Pap-Paw. He is almost 5 and still calls them this. They all wear it with pride.

M.

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First of all ,Its hard to be the step parent,but you are and you are the wife now.Its always hard for the kids,but it takes time dont force the issue just be there if they need you that is your family now too.As far as the name call yourself grandma D. Its not stepping on anyones toes and it shows you are part of the family and the life of the new baby.Love them,understand them and never give up. Just a suggestion. M. D.

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Diana, Congrats on being a first time grandmother. It's really exciting. I would definately talk to you step son and Daughter N Law first but you might want to consider Gram. That is what my mother goes by not only with her grandkids but also step grand kids. It's really cute and when they want something from her it turns into Gram Cracker and she melts. Again Congrats

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My husband's step mom was already a grandma when our son was born, but it was the 1st grandchild for his mother. My husband's step mom was offended when his mom named herself "grandma" because that's what she is called by her grandson. I said why not do "Grandma (insert Grandma's 1st name)" for both but my MIL eventually picked a different name all together. She picked Bubbie, which is a Jewish name for grandma since she's Jewish. If you have a specific background, look for names that fit your background. Also, it never hurts to talk to the new parents about what they would be ok with you being called. Or you can wait & find out what the other grandma chooses & then pick your name. My mom is called Grammie by my son & my nephews, my grandma's were Granny & Mimi. Hope this helps! Congratulations on the wonderful new addition to your family!!!!
P.S. I wouldn't let the child pick the name. Who knows what you'd be stuck with. My dad called his grandmother "Dodo" (like the extinct bird) & it stuck & that's what we all called her, so be careful with letting the child pick.

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My kids call my mother & my MIL both "GranGran" and my step-mother is Nana. It works well for us.

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I myself growing up with a step-mother and a step-father understand the situation. My kids call my step-mom granny then her name and the same with my step-dad they call him grandpa- then his first name. As like your step-kids we called our step parents by their first name.

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nana is cute; also, what about Dee Dee, since your name is Diane? I know a family that lovingly calls their sweet grandmother DeeDee. Very cute!

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My sister and I were on the other side of the same boat a little over a year ago. Our dad was married to his 3rd wife and our mother had kept her married name. We were having the first grandchildren within 3 months of each other (not planned that way) and were not sure what to do about the issue of having 2 "Grandma Strauss"s.
Luckily, my dad's wife (she's never been a mom to us, nor is she 'motherly') solved the issue by requesting to be called 'Nonnie'. I'm not where she came up with the name, but my dad said that's what she goes by with her other grandchildren too.
Good luck!

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I called my step grandmother Nana or Nanny. We loved her dearly, regardless of the divorces and family politics. I think all you can do is show love and be supportive to all your family. Hopefully, your love will outshine the bitterness of family politics over time.

Good luck to you and congratulations!

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This was sort of the situation with our family...my husband's father is remarried (for a long time) and when we had our daughter she decided to be called GiGi. It stands for glamorous grandma. It's fun and cute and my daughter says it well. for a while she called everyone gigi that was an extended relative though. She loves her GiGi and her grandpa!! Also we call my grandmother BaBa, it's a shortened version of abuela since we are puerto rican. she stuck with it for her great granddaughter too :)

You know, my baba was remarried to my Buelo when I was born. He has always been my real real grandfather, even if not genetically. He's passed on a decade ago, but I still love him as my other grandpa! It's really sweet that you are concerned about everyone's feelings. I hope you find a name you like. Congratulations. And may you have a very special relationship with your new grandchild.

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What about a combo between Grandma and Diana? Grandi... It's unique, personal, and certainly won't be taking anything away from any other Grandmas...

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There are a world of grandparent names out there. My mother picked Oma. It is actually her mother's middle name but is also a common German and Chinese name for a grandmother. My MIL is GranGran. My stepmother goes by GiGi(her name, but her own biological grandkids call her this as well). I personally have a Nana and Mudder. Pick a name that you are comfortable with and have one set of names for all the grandkids. It cut down on confusion later on. (My son is the oldest on my husband's side of the family. When his sister had her first child she decided that she was going to use a different set of names. Her son was very confused for a long time when the kids were all together about who everybody else was talking about. He now calls her GranGran like everybody else). Also be prepared for your grandchild to come up with some variant of the name that you pick and it stick. Mudder came about because my sister couldn't say the formal Grandmother that she wished to be called.
No matter what they call you, as long as you love them, they will love you back. After all "what is in a name?"
B.

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My sister's in the same boat. She has her grandchildren call her by a nickname, her initials (DD/deedee). I asked my mil what she wanted to be called, so it wouldn't be wrong to have that conversation with the kids and just explain that you don't want to bother their mother at all and if they had any suggestions. And, you're so excited that they are expecting. The kid may come up with his own name for you, but that way you're expressing your consideration for their own mom, but also showing that you want a term of endearment as well. Don't freak out if they aren't as warm to the idea as you are. Just have the conversation. Or have your husband begin it with you there.

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Hi Diana -

We have a similar situation as our kids have step-grandparents. There are a bunch of ways to go about it - here are a few: nana, grammie, grandma, grandma-first name, grandma-last name or any other sweet sounding name. If you have a strong heritage, sometimes using "Grandma" from that language is cute. Like in German - Oma.

Hope this helps!

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Diana,

Really, it's a very personal choice, and you have to try some names on for size to see what you like.

I have personal experience with two situations. (Actually three because my (very wonderful) maw-in-law didn't want to be "Grandma" or Grandmother") So, whenever she visited, we'd try on names. I used to call my grandmother "gran" or "gram." Maw-in-law adapted the latter to "Grammy" and that's who she is to her two grandsons. Next, her husband is not my husbands father. My husband didn't want him to be called "grandpa" or any of the usual variations, because he felt that name belonged to his father who was then recently deceased. Maw-in-law tried on "Grandpa Jim" and my son could only say "Pa Jim" at the time. And so he was Pa Jim.

The other situation is my best friend who was 40 when her step-grandchildren were born. She didn't like "Grandma" either, and started trying on names, and she's now Na-Na.

So, anyway. These are just some ideas and the real answer is, you'll have to try some names on, and see what sits well. Best of luck and congratulations on the impending arrival!

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I agree to let the first Grandmother decide what she would like to be called.. Have an idea of what you would like.. Sometimes.. the child will pick a name for a person later on..

You have a great name. Diana, you could be Gran Di Or Gran Diana, Nana Diana, Gram, Look at other languages.. My mother is Abuelita,(spanish for grandmother) but my daughter calls her Aba.

Or like one of my best friends says, when she has children she wants her children and grandchildren to just call her "Gorgeous".

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Hi Diana,
Congratulations- being a grand parent is a wonderful experience- My hubby and I have 29 grands and 10 great grands- and they are all very special.
all my grand children (both step and natural) call me Nanny- A couple call me Nonnie- makes no difference there- My great grands call me Nanny2 ... because Iam Nanny also lol- all except one- he calls me MammaJim- funny- almost all the grand kids call my husband DaddyJim- and he relates me to Daddyjim- therefore I must be MommaJim- (cute)
As long as the Ex is not Nana or Nanny- that is always a good choice- or just MamaDiane- ...... it will work out and all will be happy
blessings

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I am a child of a man in a similar situation. My step-mom wanted to be called three different names until my son finally starting calling her the name he gave her. She was showing him their cat one day saying, "look Caleb, a cat. Her name is Molly, she says "MEOW"". Well, my son decided her name was mau after that (his pronounciation of Meow). It's really cute and now both of my kids call her that. There is also no hard feeling with her kids because she is not called Grandma or any other traditional name by my kids.

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hi, my husband has a step mom who he calls by her first name. when our daughter came along, she calls her
biological grandfather "Grandpap" and her step grandmother, Grand Karen... we just added the "grand". :)
it works good and no one's feelings are hurt!

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Honey, Granny D, then you have the fun/silly ones like, ga ga, Nanna, We called my x-husbands Nanner...a personal fav. Then you could do Momma Name here....like a family member was Momma Rick..she had a long last name and it was shortened to Rick. It was fun like that. I would not do Momma Di because it sounds like momma die! Perhaps your last name could be played with. We also did Paw Paw Alex and Paw Paw Loyd. What about Grandma Diana. You could ask the step daughter/son what they want him/her to call you. Gram or even Gram Gram.

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I know you've received a lot of great suggestions. I would jut say choose the name that you would want your and all grandkids to call you. Because once you've chosen the name, all grandkids step or otherwise will probably call you that for life! PLus you want to choose a name that all the grandkids can use to prevent confusion!

Congratulations on your new grandbaby!

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My Grand daughter simply calls me G.

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How about the usual 'nanna'? Or maybe nah-nah? 'Nanna Diana' rhymes, is cute & maybe easy for the grandchild to remember. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Good luck.

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Grandma and then your first name. That is how my mother handled it. So I would assume Grandma Diana. If you live in another state you could do that too. They call their other grandma, Grandma Texas.

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You could use part of your first name. I just had my first child in November and she has two grandmas and three great-grandmas and a great-great grandma. Instead of having to figure out which name we would use that would not be the same as what I call my grandmas we just used part of their first names. My mom's name is Marsha and we call her MarMar and my MIL's name is Pam and we call her Pammie. This works since we aleady used Granny, Memaw, MalMa and my husband's grandmother is JJ.

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My stepson calls me by my first name as per the divorce settlement but calls my parents grandma and grandpa. He uses Nana and Papa for my husband's parents.

Chances are pretty good that they will introduce you in a way. They'll say things like, "Look! Here's Nana," or whatever name they have landed on. If it works for you, then keep it but if it doesn't gently speak up. I'm sure they will be happy that you are thrilled to be grandma.

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I am the step mother of three. Not a grandma by far, but the thought has crossed my mind as to what I will be called in the future. My kids call me by my first name. The youngest has attempted to call me Mom, but her mother was not comfortable with it and told her to stop. They call their mom's mother, "Nana" and they call my mom (their step grandma) Nana Chris, as Chris is her first name. Since it is a sensitive subject to some involved, but your step son appears to be more accepting, maybe you could openly discuss it with him and his wife. The kids are going to want to call you something and sometimes the babies come up with great names on their own when they start talking. Tough one. I'm anxious to hear what the other comments are.

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Children can never have too many people to love them. They are blessed you care so much. Maybe you need to ask the children what they think- if they don't want the baby to call you grandma, maybe nana would work. good luck

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Mimi D .......... D for Diana OR Nana D, in case the other grandmother chooses Mimi. OR, how do you like Grammy. Any name the children call will be cherished as the years go by depending on their closeness to you. And, closeness cannot be a forced thing; just loving interaction. Cover everything with prayer. You are very sensitive to others feelings and you will do well.

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My kids call my mom's husband (my stepdad) PawPaw and his first name, for example, PawPaw Doug. They think it is cool and don't know any different. Just find out what your stepson wants you and your husband to be called and go with that.
You could go with Nana, MawMaw, I have some friends that call their grandmothers GiGi. Hope this helps and may blessings to you and your family.

L.

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Our son has more grandparents than you can shake a stick at...lol! Most of the grandparents got their pick or at least what some of their other grandkids were calling them. Most of the step-grandparents (this is where the number is high, my MIL is on her 4th marriage and we have a relationship with all of the ex's) have names like Grandpa Charlie, and Nana Doris, and Grandma Kathy, etc. But my son has also made up a name for my step-mom, he calls her Lala, which is very close to the Filipino (she's Filipino) word, Lola, for grandma. Don't stress about it, because bottom line is, you may not get what you want anyway, your precious little grandbaby may decide for you.

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A friend of mine has this situation. Her step-sons' children call her Grand-(first name). Since Diana could be a mouthful for a little one, you could consider Grand-Di. Grand-Diana would work if they can pull it off. Obviously there are other solutions, but this is what worked for my friend. Keep loving!

A.

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Ask the mother and if she doesn't have any good ideas then suggest grandma. My son will call my husband's step dad grandpa. My husband refers to his step-dad as his mother's husband or his first name.

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I had step-grandparents. I called them Grandma Betty, Grandma Norma, Papa Chester and Papa Thedus.

I also had grandparents. Grandma Pat, PaPa Dale, Granny Harrison, Grandaddy Harrison.

There were never hard feelings..... (although Norma didn't want anyone to know she was old enough to have grandchildren... Hee Hee)

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My father remarried when I was an adult and I (as well as all of my siblings) have always called her by her first name, Brenda. My children now call her Nana Brenda.

The one thing I would suggest is to let your husband's ex choose her name first, or let the parents of the new baby decide what everyone is to be called. I'm sure everyone will end up with a name that is special for them without anyone getting hurt if you just let it play out on it's own.

Good Luck,
K.

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Babies will usually think of their own names... my daughter named her G-mas NaNa, TiTi, and Humma. It was just sort of something that she decided when she started talking.

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You have some very good suggestions. These are names that my friends use: Gran-Nan, MamMaw Dee, Gramcy, Meema,
Nom-Mee (which eventually was shortened to Nom). My favorites are GiGi and MiMi, but I have friends that have these as their nick names, so I am Nonnee and my husband is Poppee (daughter likes the double-e, so alot of our pets have their name spelled that way, Kelsee, Remee, Callee, Tawnee, Jacobee.)
It would be best to have several names in mind, and then decide after the mom decides on what she wants to be called.
I have a friend whose dad did not feel like he was 'old' enough to be a grandaddy, so he is G-Daddy.
Have fun coming up with a unique name.

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My husband's mom is "Mimi" and his grandmother is "GiGi"

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Hi Diana.
Congratulations! :o)
In our Family, My Parents have 6 Grandchildren and one due in October (my Sis). The oldest of "the bunch", who is now 15 couldn't say "Grandma" or "Grandpa" when she began speaking and her "Grandma" came out as "Gammy" and her "Grandpa" came out as "Peepaw". My Parents just loved how it sounded and all the other children adopted the name, as well. Everywhere we go people hear our children calling our Parents Gammy and Peepaw and they just love the way it sounds. My friends adore the name so much that one of them taught her chldren to say Gammy and they, too call their Grandma "Gammy" now.
Again, Congratulations on being a "Gammy"!! :o))

D.

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Just ask your step son what his mother wants the baby to call her and choose something different. I had to go through (kind of) the same thing since my daughters husband was raised by his grandparents, and I had to think of them, and his mother. I chose 'Nana' early on, because I didnt want ANYONE calling me 'Granny'! There are plenty of variations though. My husbands nieces daughter calls her grandma, "Nonny"!

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My kids call my Dad's wife (they married when I was an adult) "Mimi."
Congratulations on your soon-to-be little angel.

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What about Nanny Diana or nanny D for short. It sounds like you have a good relationship with the parents of this new baby, so just talk to them about it and see what they have to say about it. Good luck and Congratulations.

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What about Nonna? Or G -ma?

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Instead of "Grandma" how about Nana or Nana Diana.

Or just let the kids get older and decide what they want to call you themselves.

I know kids who call their grandmothers "Mrs. Smith" or "Mamaw" or "Mamay" or any number of things. Mostly, the kids think them up on their own.

Congrats on the baby!

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Not quite the same issues when I was a kid, but My actual granmothers were "Grandma H***" and "Grandma K*********". and my greatgrandmother "Nanny" which would be a good alternative. I had cousins who were children in a similar situation who called their step grandma "Mamaw". friends called theirscalled theirs "Mimi". Perhaps the baby will come up with a name over time. To my eldest son, his grandma was "Cooeee" because she called him her "cooing baby" and he called her "Cooeee". Maybe you could be "Grandma Di"? Good luck to you, and much happiness in your grandbaby.

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Hi Diana!

My situation was different than yours. My sister passed away at age 50 leaving a devastated daugter (my niece) and a 2 month old infant. My niece asked me to be Grandma to her daugter because she had no grandmothers on either side. I of course was happy to take on my first grandchild. I didnt want to take the name Grandma because that would have been my sisters name. I wanted to honor her memory by not taking that name. I came up with Grammy G.. Since then my daughter married a man with 2 sons from a previous marriage and has given me another beautiful grandson who is 2 years old. They all call me Grammy G.! You might consider Grammy and your first name. Others I know have just changed their first name to something more endearing. Janis became Janny. Actually the name doesnt matter that much. I do think you should find out what the other Grandma will be called just so you can choose something different. That is important to avoid confusion for the child. Have fun and enjoy that new grand baby. Being Grandma, Grammy or whatever title you choose is the absolute best!!!!!!!!!!

Hope this helps!

G.

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we have a similar situation and there are 3 sets of grandparents. my husband and i chose oma and opa. the other sets of grandparents are grandmom and mimi and pop.
i am the step grandparent and i think it is better to just blend in with all the other grandparents. the little one will always think of you as a real grandparent. we chose oma and opa because my husband is of german decent and i am dutch decent. btw, my only grandfather was a step grandfather and i never thought of him as anything but my real grandfather. :-)

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What we've done in step family group is to use names from cultures we admire. My granddaughter calls my ex by the Irish name for grandfather (which I've forgotten) and his wife Grania, Irish for grandfather. My husband and I are the French version, Grandmere and Grandpere. I'm not sure what she calls her other grandparents. We called my grandmother Gigi for grandma Gladys, and my mom is called Mimi by her grandchildren and great grandchildren. You can be creative and have fun with it.

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My nephew calls one grandma Nana...my mom would not of gone for that idea!! He calls my mom G-ma-easy to say. But my neighbor who is a very young grandma is called sugarmoma. Im not sure if I would want to be called that but it sure does fit her!!

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We actually have several different names in our family for Grandma. My grandmothers are grandma and Oma (German for grandma). My son calls them the same but for his grandmothers he has:
Mimi - my mom
abuelita - his father's mother
Gammie - my husband's mother/of course his step father

Hope that helps and congratulations on the new grandbaby.

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Congrats on the new grandbaby! I also agree with some of the others in asking your stepson & DIL what they think. The child may change the name completely once he starts talking.

We also call my step-mom by her first name. My son is the 2nd grandchild- my sis who has issues with step-mom has her girls call her Grandma Firstname, but my son just calls her Grandma. To me the kids don't know the history and it shouldn't be an issue. She is their grandma in every sense other than bio, and we all know blood does not make a family. My MIL is Ama (started Grandmama, but Phoenix couldn't say that so he shortened it), my mom is Nanny, my grandma who we see a lot is MeMaw. It gets confusing sometimes at family occasions (since I'm Mama), but it's all good because he named everyone except my mom himself. He & my nieces have no problem understanding who they are talking about when they talk to each other about the grandparents although they call them different names.

We also had stepgrandparents on my mom's side, but didn't know they were until we were preteens probably. We called them Memaw Faye & Grandaddy Clyde. Though we didn't know Grandaddy Clyde well (he passed when I was very young), my mom still refers to him that way when she talks about him. And although my bio grandpa passed shortly after my step-grandpa, we still knew Memaw Faye and saw her every year though she lived in AR.

My sister's girls have 2 different dads, who both have stepparents and one of them was adopted- and both girls know them all by different "grandparent" names, some of them including the person's first or last name. Add their 10 into our 4... That got really confusing for me when we were over for my older niece's bday and all were there, but the girls (7 & 2) know who they are and who they belong to without knowing all the history. They are just their grandparents- and they have A LOT of them!

Sorry this is so long-winded... You are definitely not the only one with these types of situations. There are a lot of blended families out there who go through the same issues!

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Diana - I know you already responded and have great suggestions - but I needed to tell you my family story so you avoid some confusion!

Unfortunately, both my father and step-father wanted to be called Poppop. And both their first names are John (go figure!). So, Mommom's new husband is Poppop and my dad is Poppop John, with his new wife named Ginny, or Grandma Ginny (I just call her Dad's wife). It's a little confusing to the smaller kids at first, but it helps that they see one set of grandparents more than the other (due to location). My husband's folks are Grandma & Grandpa.

So by all means find out what the other Grandma will be called and steer clear of that. It will make things much easier, for instance: the grandkids won't slip up and call the other grandma by your name! That tends to make birth parents mad, as I found by experience. :-)

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Hi,

My children call my mom MiMi. She even has a shirt that say's World's Best MiMi. My mom wanted to be called MiMi so whenever she was around the children we would call her MiMi and talk about MiMi. Contrary to what some of the other posters said, the kids will not just call you what they want to call you. You can teach children what to call you. My grandmother was NaNa. My aunt was a step-mother and when her step-children had children they called her Mama Karen. So, your step-grandchildren could call you Mama Diana. And my great-grandmother's name was Katie and we called her Mama Kate.

Good Luck,
L.

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Tough one-I am also a step-parent and my "steps" make it abundantly clear that I am not their mother. Given that once your "name" is started it will probably carry through with all of the grandkids..I vote for "Grammy" or just plain "Gran" Both are terms that convey positive emotions and neither is too obtrusive to the other "grandmother". And congratulations on being married to the love of your life-isn't is wonderful!

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Diana,

I see no reason for you to be called anything other than grandam, nana, gigi, etc just because you're the step-grnadma. If it makes you feel better, have the child call you grandma Diana.

Congrats!
C.

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My husband and I have a 3 yr old and a 20 month old, and they call his step-mother "Gi" or "Gigi".... She certainly didn't want to be called Granny (that's what all the grandmas are called in my husband's family!)

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I am Step-Mother to three girls and we a daughter of our own. We have a total of 10 grandchildren with only one of those from our daughter and they all call me Grannie.

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Hi Diana,

The word "Oma" means grandma in German. "Opa" means grandpa.

One of my dear friends (who is not German) is a very young grandma and didn't want to be called "grandma" so she chose "Oma". She now has 2 grandbabies and it's so sweet to hear those little ones call her "Oma". It's also easy for the babies to pronounce and is very distinctly different from anything even close to "Grandma, Granny, etc".

Just something you might consider.

Best of luck!
J.
Austin, TX

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My mom is Nana and my dad is Papa.
I agree with Wanda. The baby will call you whatever he/she wants to call you. For example, everyone calls my Grandma "Grammy" but, my sister's son calls her mawmaw. We have tried to get him to call her Grammy but he insists that she is mawmaw.

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Diana, I agree with some of the posters here, let the baby call you what ever he/she comes up with. It may just be way cuter than anything you can think of. My little one started calling my mom ganma, and my hubbys mom mamaus. (she is 8 and still in speech therapy) But cute to hear her say it none the less. my friends son calls his grandma from his fathers side grandma lita, which later we figured out he was saying "grandma abuelita" abuelita is grandma in spanish so he was just saying grandma grandma. TOO CUTE! any way worring about a name that the baby cant say for a year or so is nothing to think about now, just be the best Diana to this new baby as you can be, and a name will be bestowed upon you by this baby.

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First don't take it personally b/c of the name, I LOVE my step-mom and still introduce her that way since I feel my mom's place is sacred and she is my MOM. I think when someone raises you it may be easier to see them as 2 moms but as an adult, she may just want to pay honor to her mom for all her years on the job. Ask the mom what she is comfortable with and she will tell you and you can discuss it. She may just say it's your name, you pick then you have free rain to "be anyone". Congrats! Deenee sounds cute for your name and will be easy in the next few years to pronounce :o).

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My child calls my step-father "Papa-Dennis."

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My grandkids call me Grandy. It's not an uncommon name. It's kinda cute in a way. Maybe this will help you.
P.

nana, is usually a good alternative. That is what my friend is getting her grand daughter tocall her :) just be sure tofind out what the other grandma is being called. my son calls his grand parents Grandma Audrey and Grandma Frances, that'show they differentiate

Hope this helps

First of all I think it is wonderful that you are being cautious as not to hurt anyone's feelings ;) And congratulations on the new grand baby! One suggestion, since your name starts with a "D", is "Dee-Dee". That's what my nephew & neices call their grandmother. It's cute and doesn't sound anything like "Grandma". =)

Diana,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are not your their stepmother. A stepmother is someone who is defined by the involvement of rearing a child that is the biological child of a spouse. According to the numbers you have provided, it is clear that you came into their lives and married their father long after the fact. If they choose to call you Mom or Stepmom, that is fine, however they are not obligated to address you in that fashion as you are simply (understated)their fathers wife. As far as the new grandbaby, I'd choose something that's more personal to you as children learn what they are taught. You could be called DiDi, Di, Mimi, Gigi, etc. You should choose something spunky as a fun name may correlate to a fun grandma! Since you will be involved with this child from birth, I think you are in spirit his/her "grandma". It may be a good idea to get some input from your DIL. If there is resentment from the ex, it's not going to matter what you want to be called, she's not going to like it anyway. I wouldn't worry about stepping on her toes. Just make sure that your DIL is ok with it.

I would say anything without the words Grand or mother so the ex doesn't get offended would be good;-) Maybe use some initials in your name and call yourself De De or Lou Lou or Ci Ci or even Nanna or Me Me would be ok I would think...good luck! ;-) and congrats!
C. 34 yr old SAHM of 3 yr old girl and 1 yr old boy

I think that you should let the childs parents decide what the baby should call you. My husband and I had to come up with 4 different nicknames for the "grandfathers" in our life. all of them wanted to to be called grandpa but we didn't want our son to get confused if we said we were going to visit one of them.

Just let that baby come up with your grandmother name, it will be wonderful and unique because it will come from the baby when he/she starts talking. When toddlers start babbling, they make up words and it is wonderful. I had to take custody of my niece when she was 3 months old, and have been her legal guardian since she was 2. About that time she started calling me Nina, a name she came up with, a name that absolutely melted my heart. I treasure the name that she gave me!

Let the grandchild call you what he/she will when that time comes...or there is memaw, nana, gigi, Grandma D or Diana, grammy, granny. Just love them no matter what they call you, just hope they do call on you, it is a blessing.

At 40 I became memaw when my granddaughter tried to say grandma and couldn't. It's an old fashion one, but it stuck & I think it will stick when other grandchildren come along. She was the first so I'll bet any others will follow her lead.

I understand the stepchild situation all too well. Best of luck and God Bless.

Do not worry. Young children are loving and kind they will call you grandma immediately. My kids had 2 grandmas on the paternal side, one irish, one italian, the kids called both "mom" my kids called both grandma, one was grandma M. and the other was grandma kay. We all loved both of them.

Unfortunately, my own kids not only call the step mom "mom" they introduced her at weddings saying, "i want to thank my mom and dad for the wedding supper." my son was looking at his stepmom and his father. MY EX SHOT ME A LOOK OF GREAT SATISFACTION, I was across the room sitting by myself. None of the family would invite me over to sit with them as a member of the family at my eldest son's wedding. My son and his wife have since divorced and I know my son cringes just thinking of how I was ignored at his wedding. My ex is very rich, so he controls my daughter and my youngest son with gifts of thousands of dollars. My eldest son has never taken a nickel from his dad. He never took a nickel from me. He is the only child that is not controlled by his dad's money.
My prayer for you is that they call you grandma, but grandma by blood ties should never be ignored, or left out of family celebrations. And this includes even if she is present, you must be the one to pull her into the activities, visit with her. Don't allow the dad to exclude her from the grandkids lives, or the children's lives. MY EX has spent the last 40 years "getting even" with me for divorcing him. He threatened to never "forgive me". I am innocent of any wrongdoing in our marriage. He has won his kids in their adulthood, never mind I raised them and provided for them while he refused to provide. Now he controls them. Help your step children to love their mother, help your grandkids to love their grandma, and never leave her out.

I have, also, become a grandparent through a step-child. The naming process for this one is different (I think) than the one for the stepchildren because we all started fresh with the baby, as opposed to someone (step-) walking into something already established. She's more "my baby" than she is her grandfather's. My husband and I figured out our names together and let the parents know what we were to be called. It worked out fine. (There's also a story with this ex-, so it hasn't all been pleasant.)

I haven't had a chance to look at the other responses, so maybe this one has already been made: Try using "GrandDiana" or some permutation of that. My dad's parents were always "GrandSue" and "GrandMike" to us, just because when they first became grandparents they thought "Grandma" and "Grandpa" sounded too old!

You can play with the idea, morph it into something that works for you ... just a thought!