Seeking Recommendations to Help Reduce My Daughter's Night-time Feedings

Hi F.,
I am copying here what I wrote to Rachel. It sounds like you are in the same position I was in with my first daughter - she didn't need the night feedings, but it was a habit. Here is what we did:

I know what worked for us for training our kids to sleep through the night in their bed. We found a videotape at the library called Your Baby Can Sleep Too. The idea is that babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep like we do, rather than being rocked, fed, etc. til they are asleep and then put in their cribs. (obviously they need to be old enough not to need a feeding at night before you do this) The basics are:
1. Put them to bed awake after whatever getting ready for bed ritual you want to create. (we didn't create a routine - we would just give her a ten minute, five minute, one minute bedtime alert - so we were free to bathe, read stories, or whatever without being tied to HAVING to do anything before bedtime)
2. The first night you go back in at 2 minutes to comfort them and let them know you are still there but it is bedtime. Whatever you want to say is fine, but you are not supposed to pick them up. (the video says no touching, but we would lay our hands on our daughter and this technique still worked for us)
3. Then, as long as they are awake and crying, you keep going back in, but doubling the time in between i.e. next at 4 minutes, then at 8 minutes, then at 16 minutes, etc.
4. The next night you do the same thing except you don't go in the first time til 3 minutes. (then 6, 12, 24, etc) Each night you do this, increase the initial time by one minute. You shouldn't have to do this more than a week according to the video.

My first daughter had real sleep issues, but she took to this like a duck to water. The first night I had to go back in at the 16 minute interval, but she was asleep before the 32 minute check in. The second night I had to go in for the 12 minute but that was the last time. That night I heard her wake up at 2am on the monitor, but she never cried and was back asleep in minutes. We didn't have to do it anymore past 2 days. She just went to sleep within the first few minutes. I was really pleased with this process b/c I didn't want to just let her cry it out, so this seemed a happy medium - she did cry, (who wouldn't when your routine changes!) but I could go in and comfort her and assure her I loved her while still attaining the desired result of teaching her to sleep.

I hope this helps. Grace and peace be with you!

wish i had more advice for you...we're in the same boat at 7.5 months. we tried spacing out the night feedings. like if he woke up at 1 hour, we'd let him cry or fuss it out until 2 hours and then feed him. it was ok, but not fun. then we all got sick and things went to hell and we co-slept for a couple weeks. after that, he was up every hour on the hour so a couple nights we tried the "real" cry it out. and it was awful. we're back to cosleeping and maybe it's other factors (maybe he was sick or teething), but it's working for us. he just seems happier and i'm not going to fight it.

the spacing out feedings technique we used was from the dr. ferber book. it might work for you!

wanted to add what i just posted on another thread. this dr. sears book has helped me a lot in the last couple weeks:

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Fussy-High-Need-Child-Kno...

Just was wondering what you are giving her for supper??? Are you doing baby food like veggies and fruits plus a bottle of milk? Before bed make sure that she drinks a bottle until she is completely full. When she is getting up every 2 hours is she eating or is it just for comfort? Maybe try to rock her or just give her a drink of milk from a bottle and put her back to sleep. Maybe its just a mattery of something in her tummy. Its hard to give suggestions when you are really sure as to what is all going on through out the day/night. Good luck and I hope this gives you some idea's as to what to try next.

I have 4 children. My first slept through the night(6-8 hours) at 6 mos, my second at 2 weeks, my third at 3 months and my 4th is just started to sleep 3 hours/night (he's 2 mos). We didn't do anything different with any of them. We moved them from the cradle in our room to a crib in their own room at about 1 1/2 mos. I think kids sleep through the night when they are ready. That being said, this is how we survive it. I don't use the baby monitor during the night. I am already so in tune with him that I wake up before he really starts crying, and without the monitor on I don't get awakened by the little snuffle and startle noises that babies make in their sleep. Also, a couple nights a week I nurse my son at around 8:00pm and then go to bed while my husband is on bottle duty. He feeds him around 11:00pm and puts him to bed. I get to sleep until his next feeding at around 2am. I get REAL sleep because I know my son is being taken care of, and it provides some good daddy time. Occasionally he will even sleep a little past 2am and I get bonus snoozing! I don't know if this will help your little one sleep longer, but it might help you survive it :) Good luck!

At 8 months she should be able to eat more solids. I know every baby is different, but my boys started baby foods (besides cereal) at 6-7 months and were starting to eat soft table foods at 9-10 months. I would try feeding her solid food before bedtime to keep her full longer.
Also, when she does wake up, nurse for for less time each time.

I haven't read all the responses, so sorry if this is a repeat, but I had the same problem with my youngest, and it took only one very simple thing to fix it:
Make sure the baby is aware every time you put her in her crib.

AT THIS AGE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HUNGER. It's about waking up alone in a strange place and not knowing any other way to get back to sleep. Start by making sure your baby is absolutely comfy and cozy and just can't help going to sleep, then as you put her in the crib, jiggle her just enough so it registers with her that you're doing it. Chances are she'll automatically begin associating her crib with comfort and sleep, and she might just look around a bit and fall back asleep if she does wake in the night. (Also, don't get her out of bed the minute you hear her stirring in the morning - she needs to get used to the idea that her bed is safe and a fine place to be even if you are not there.) Of course, it may not be this simple, depending on your child's way of sleeping, but keep in mind what you're trying to do is teach her she can fall asleep without Mom in her face :D.

Hi F.! This is a common issue lately! Have you read Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution"? She's a mom trying to get her son to nurse less frequently and sleep more throughout the night w/o resorting to cry-it-out. She provides a very readable, almost workbook-like approach to helping your child sleep better. I think it works for most parents (though not for us--turns out we had other issues going on w/our son).

Also, one thing I've discovered w/my daughter (now 20 mos.) is that she's very sleep sensitive. How long she naps, how late she naps, and how early she goes to bed all affect her nighttime sleep (in ways opposite from those Pantley suggests are typical). In January, she drove me crazy only napping 45 minutes/day, but suddenly she was sleeping 8 hrs at night (v. waking 5-6 times/night). Then once she slept 2 hours for a nap, and we were back to the every couple of hours waking. I have since decided to limit her to 1 nap for 1 hr waking before 1:30 pm, and she goes down by 8:45pm and sleeps for a good 7-8 hrs before waking to eat, then goes back down until 7am. Both my kids are sleep sensitive. Do you think it would help to scale back her naps a bit?

Good luck w/this!
J.

It sounds strange like a tv sit com but I did this it works.

Try having your self distance your self from the child for a moment or two (of course have hubby be there to fill in) in the daily routine... like walk around and be heard and yes selled in the room while he goes over and coos at the baby .
Then work up to he goes over and holds her or plays on the floor with her as you work around the house.

Then work up to he sits and feeds her a bottle in the easy chair.
You can be busy but not so busy you can not find a moment to lean over and talk to Daddy and say touch the baby a moment
or two.

I know for us true mothers this is hard but it has to be done.

Play soft music at night.

When the baby cries have Dad go in and sooth her.

Work up to where he feeds the child once atleast and with your shirt over his shoulder or sittin on a blanket with your sent by him it should work.

Also try asking the doctor if you can open the nipple a bit on the bottle and adding some baby rice cereal in the am so the baby gets the idea solids are ok and will be more full.

Start to break the bottle habit soon by using cereal etc as he says to.

Good night and happy sleeping time to you all.

D. Granny to many

F.,
Hey there. I feel your sleeplessness. My son woke up every two hours till he was 1 and we partially night weaned him. I found the No Cry Sleep Solution was helpful for us in trying new things around sleeping. Some of them worked and some of them we started and then stopped because we were too tired. Our kid is really persistent, so we finally had to move him out of our bed and away from me for him to sleep more. If you are co-sleeping, try putting baby on the other side of your partner so there isn't easy access to you or sleep with your back to your babe. Sometimes just that is enough and baby can still snuggle and go back to sleep.
Good luck. You are doing amazing things for your baby.

I also recomend the Baby Wise book. Both of my kids were sleeping through the night around 10 weeks. Both were breast fed. I'm still breast feeding my 8 month old daughter. She sleeps 10 hours. I think the key that the book teaches is the routine and schedule during the day. The night time sleep just kind of fell into place. You really get to know their different cry's and we only let her cry when we know it's the "feel sorry for me" or whiny type cry which almost always means she's tired. If she is upset we go and comfort her. The book has a special chapter to help late starters.
Good luck. I can't imagine still getting up that often. I'd be a wreck.

When I felt that my first was waking more out of habit than hunger, I had my husband go in if she woke up at night. If I went in, she would always want to nurse back to sleep. If he went it, it wasn't an option so she would often go back down without eating. I remember it taking at least a few nights to break her of the habit.

We'll probably be heading down the same road soon with my second - he went from sleeping through the night to waking up 3-4 times. It's exhausting.

Breast feeding is tricky and exhausting. Some babies can be more attached to the feeling of your warm breast than the actual milk itself. This is the blessing of breast feeding and the exhausting side of it. We want to nurse them - it's healthy both physically and emotionally - but we need our sleep.

I know moms who drank beer in the evening to induce their babies to sleep. I tried it once and it worked really well - but I don't like beer so I was unable to make it a habit. One of the benefits of beer too is that it increases your breast milk. Women in Europe do the beer thing routinely for these reasons and because it helps them to relax as well.

One mistake moms make is to cut fat out of their diets so that they will get back to their true selves faster (this is what I did). This mistake means that your milk is also low in fat and the baby is hungry more often - not satisfied. Try eating cheese in the evening or drinking warm milk before you go to bed (whole milk of course). When the baby has more satisfying milk, she will sleep longer.

Eating a diet higher in fat will also help you to feel calm and happy. I did this with my second child to good effect. I was not thin then, but I sure did have a happy baby.

How is she nursing at night? Is she nursing a full feeding, or just nursing a bit to get to sleep?

Try cluster feeding at bedtime. Start after dinner, nurse her at 5:30pm, 6pm, 6:45pm, then bath at 7pm, then nurse at 7:30pm, and use the same breast for all those feedings, which will ensure she gets all that fatty hindmilk. Then, at bedtime, give her the other breast to empty. What this does is kind of 'stacks' the food, and she will not be hungry.

HOWEVER at 8 months old, I don't think she's hungry, just looking for the comfort. One waking a night is common this age, my youngest woke at 4am to nurse until he was 11 months old! But every 2 hours is excessive, and not really necessary.

If you are ready to be done getting up every 2 hours, you will need to employ the help of your husband. Do the cluster feeding, and if you choose, do a 'dream feed' before you go to bed. Go in, but don't wake her, pick her up and nurse her from the same breast she nursed to sleep on, then put her back to bed. If you don't do this, no biggie, we never did but I've heard lots of my friends use it.

ANYWAY, when she wakes, send in your husband. Have him pat her back, offer her lovey (blankie, stuffed animal, whatever) and have him 'shushhhh' her and pat or rub her back or tummy. Then have him leave. He'll have to go back in I'm sure, but just be consistent. She'll settle down, but she'll be comfoted knowing he's there. Don't pick her up. When she wakes again, you determine if you want to nurse her or not. If it were me personally I would cut back every otehr feeding, so let her go 4hrs between feedings the first few nights to 'wean' her off the night nursings. She WILL be used to it and be hungry, so by slowly doing it she'll ease into it.

Then you choose if you want to continue a night nursing. I personally would keep one, like 3am, 4am, ro something. BUT after you do this, sending your husband in to comfort her instead of you going in to nurse her, she'll quickly learn to soothe herself and her sleep will become more productive, she will wake less often or not at all until morning.

Also, she doens'tn eed formula. Thats an old wives tale that formula has more fat. It doesn't, its actually harder to digest and will sit undigested in the tummy for hours. Thats not good either, it will more than likely lead to 'screaming in the middle of then night tummy ache baby'. Thats not fun either.

Good luck!

I know you said that you don't agree with the cry it out method, but I'll tell you what we tried with our daughter, who was born 10/6/07. My husband and I did not read any books or take advise from others to establish our bedtime routine, we just did what felt right for us. At 6 weeks we moved her from the bassinet in out room to her crib. If she woke we plugged in her paci, took her out for a feeding, or brought her into bed with us. This went on for weeks, and got to the point that she was eating 6-8 ounces the entire day, and was waking 4-5 times throughout the night to eat. It was exhausting and we were ready to let her cry it out (she was around 3 months). We took baby steps at first and when we put her down, we would let her cry for 15 minutes, plug in the paci, and leave her room. Sometimes that was all she needed. Sometimes she would cry again for 15 minutes, we would go in to give her her paci, and walk out. It never took longer than an hour and this went on for about 2 weeks. Once she was going to bed on her own, we let her cry it out when she woke up during the night. A friend told us to try it for a couple of nights, and what do you know?? That's all it took. It was two nights of her waking for a feeding, my husband and I turning on the t.v. to ignore her at 1, 2, 3am, and after two nights of that, she started sleeping 8-10 hours throughout the night and eating 12-16 ounces throughout the day. As long as we know that she is clean, warm (not too hot or too cold), fed, safe etc., we don't see the harm in letting her cry it out. We still have family bed time in the mornings when we can all snuggle and play in the bed together. But we are all now getting a good night sleep! Good luck.

Our son slept with us and that made it less disturbing to our sleep. I barely noticed when he woke up to nurse. If that's not a full option can you have the crib next to the bed so you don't have to go to far? How often does she nurse during the day. My son is almost 14 and nursed till he was 4 1/2.
I'm home with him and I homeschool and do my own home business.
Best of luck,
S.
http://www.YesToSuccess.net/S.
helping families with health and wealth for over 11 years.

I don't have great suggestions cause my son was still feeding every 3 hours at night until he was over 1, but I have heard good things about cluster feeding before bed. Like feed her ever hour or hour and a half for a few hours before bedtime.

F., I am having the same issues with my 6 month old - but every 3 hours. I know she can't really need to eat, especially since some nights she goes without. She does take a pacifier, which I give her when she wakes up and typically this will put her back to sleep. But most of the time, I do bring her into bed for a little snuggle, and then we both fall asleep. I'm thinking lately, though, that she then smells me and wants to eat. So, round and round we go. I have pushed the cereal later in the evening with some success. She will sleep 6-7 hours after that (I haven't learned yet to go to bed then, so she is reaching the end of that time about 2 hours after I go to sleep). I won't let her cry-it-out either - for philosophical reasons, and also to prevent waking the other 3 kids!
Good Luck.

Hi F., I'm so glad to hear that you're in tune with your instincts to care for you child's emotional development. I would never leave either of my two to cry it out either, and they are some empathic, compassionate little kids too, now three and five. (I can't believe people would actually suggest some heart-wrenching version of "cry-it-out" advice when you specifically said that doesn't feel right for you!)

Anyway, I've wonderful, wonderful things about Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution". Also, I always co-sleep with my babies so that night-time nursings wouldn't actually require me to "get up". Just keep an open mind, so you will find a creative, win-win solution that works for both you and your baby.

Peace,
Angie

When you give her the bottle before she goes to bed put about a 1/2 to 1 tablespoon of cereal in her bottle. You may need a new bottle nipple with an extra hole. I did this with my son. When he was comfortable with eating the cereal with milk I added cereal to any feeding he would get a bottle. Also, if she doesn't get up in the middle of the night to feed, don't wake her up. Let her sleep until she's ready to get up. I would still set my alarm clock so I could get up and pump at my usual time and then I would either store the milk in the fridge or freeze it if I had enough for the next day. Hope this helps if you haven't tried it already. Good luck!!

I assume you WANT to be done nursing at night...I have a number of friends who decided that all in all, they really didn't mind nursing at night and that was the last nursing they weaned. On the other hand, I've done the every-two-hours for way too long thing, too, and it's hard. I think my firstborn didn't stop that habit until he was almost weaned (I cut him off on his first birthday; he'd lost interest around 9 mos) and we're working on my second child now. Having my husband take him at night helps--but that's the best advice I have. It's hard!

Ok i know that you dont like the idea of letting her cry it out but i can tell you it doesnt hurt.I can say this try giving her a little bit more cereal with some friut at night along with her bottle too.that way she has a full belly when she goes to sleep.You can also try to cut back and use a bottle during the day so she know that she wont get the breast all the time.That is what i can say about that.i can say that she needs to be eating alot more solds during the day also besides the cereal.she should have friut and veggie also during the day.at lunch time and at dinner time.that will also help you.that doesnt mean that you have to stop the breat feeding you can still do it but truely she should have been on solds a while ago and that would have stop some of your problems

Have you tried giving her food? I would suggest trying to give her baby cereal before bed and see if that helps.

Hi! I have a 6.5 month old that I am breastfeeding. Every time she goes through a growth spurt, she wakes up a couple extra times a night and then we have to get it back down to only once. Also, when my husband is gone on business, she doesn't sleep well and again, we have to get back to one feeding a night. It is definitely a try and see what works thing. For us, we have found that I have to get up and put in a pacifier and then rock her standing up until she goes to sleep. If I sit down or lay down, she wants to feed. If my husband tries to do the rocking, she gets even more upset, so I have to be the one to rock her to sleep. It usually takes us 3-4 nights to reset her clock and it tiring for the nights it takes but then it is nice to have her back to a schedule where she sleeps 6-7 hours then feeds then sleeps the rest of the night. Again, this definitely not a science, just what is working for my husband and I.
We don't do the cry it out thing because I have two other children and it could become a circus if the baby were to wake everyone up 8)

I love to see that you are staying home with your baby! She will benefit so much from that! There's a world of wisdom on feeding and sleeping patterns in a book called Babywise. If you read it and use its ideas, your little one will most likely sleep, and so will you! (I wish I were getting kickbacks for all the times I recommend this book!)

One suggestion I've read is to set an alarm and wake your daughter up to feed. Do this for a few nights and then gradually move the time back, like, ten to twenty minutes at a time. The thought is that she will get used to you waking her up to feed and as you move the times back she will continue to sleep eventually sleeping through the night. Another suggestion is to make her second cereal feeding right before bed to fill up her tummy. Hope this helps.

Have you tried putting some cereal in her nite time bottle?
Maybe if it sits heaver in her stomach she will sleep longer.

We had similar issues with our son. Here is what worked for us:
* cluster feedings every two hours before bedtime - ex: 6, 8, and 10:00.
* push solids and milk (on a schedule) during the day
* If you can, get ahold of "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" and read the section on sleep problems - it's toward the back - and she has advice on this exact issue. It may take a few nights but it's well worth the try.

I don't believe in letting them cry it out either, and this worked for us. Good luck and I hope you get some rest!

I think it perfectly normal to keep waking up at night at that age. My children did not sleep through the night until 18 months when I night weaned them. I got used to it & co-slept so it wasn't a big issue. I didn't sleep through the night for about 4 years & even now even if a kid is not waking up I still wake up at least once. I think it is a genuine need of some sort being hungry/thirsty or just needing the reassurance of being held.
Brekka

Hi F.,

My recommendation, based on a strange experience...and a possible solution to give a try...

Our 2-year-old son was raised the first 8 months in foster care. (He's my husband's nephew...long story and irrelevant.) The foster-mom, like you, did not believe in "cry it out" and now at 2 yrs, he has little to NO self-soothe mechanism. In altercations with peers, he melts down and then cannot calm himself from his self-imposed frenzy. When he's put in time-out for poor behavior, he cannot calm his emotions. (He's been known to lay in his room on the floor crying for 3 hours for no reason other than he was upset about something?!) When he gets angry about something, he stays angry for DAYS, because he never learned to calm his own emotions. So, in my own personal experience, I think keeping a child from crying is detrimental to their well-being later in life.

My daughter, who we let "cry it out," is much happier and healthier than our little guy. She is able to calm herself quickly in an emotional situation. She does not over-react to minor emotional turmoil in her life...peers, time-outs, whatever. Her recovery time is MUCH shorter after an emotional outburst...like seconds or minutes vs. days. Even after nearly busting out two of her teeth, she calmed in only minutes!

That's just my opinion and you don't have to take any of it, of course, but I do have 1 small suggestion that we used with our daughter about that age. We put a sippy cup with water in her bed at night so that if she woke up thirsty (possibly the issue?) she had something to drink other than...well, me.

Good luck!