Seeking Reality Check from Seasoned Moms...

To enjoy your life and allow others to enjoy theirs for God sakes stop!!!

Life must be lived on lifes terms.All things come in time.The point is not to get to the finish line with everything perfect.

Seek small pleasures, set smaller goals like to clean 1 room, personal small goals walking at the park, read a book.

You will miss out on so much fun and peace if you don't.Motherhood is stressful enough trust yourself, your spouse, God , your family and friends... you'll be fine and on the truly awful occassions when they arrive you will get through those, too!

1 mom found this helpful

I see that many moms have already told their similar stories and mine was too. There are two things I have not seen anyone mention is that if you are not being comforted by your doctor then maybe the chemistry isn´t there. I had that in my second pregnancy, my doctor caused my to not be able to get out of bed for I worried so much. I changed doctors and finally got a peace of mind. Also, I highly recommend prenatal yoga!!! It is soooooo relaxing and there you will find the time to dig deep into your own mind and find that there are so many great things about your experience, things you can then focus on and start to enjoy. Please make sure your husband understands where you are coming from and that this is normal so he doesn´t fall into feeling alone and helpless with your worries. This will all be fine and you two will be great parents.

And by the way, if your worries stem from being 34 and so close to the "old age" of becoming a mom (as it was in my case) with increased danger of things going wrong in the pregnancy, please note that the standards for all testing are much different in Europe and women there are not tested until much later in life, there must be a reason for that.

Congratulations and good luck,
Hafdis

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R.,
I love your name! It's the name of our daughter's birthmom and it's our daughter's middle name!
I haven't experienced what you are going through, exactly, because we adopted our children. But, I can relate to the anxiety you are feeling. With both of our adoptions, there were several periods of time in which we didn't know if the birthmom was going to choose us, if she was going to stick to her adoption plan and if the baby was really going to come home with us. It could have been enough to drive us crazy if we didn't have faith. We would pray, pray, pray and rest in knowing that if the baby was meant to be ours, God would make it happen. It was such a relief to release the fear and anxiety and be flooded with peace. I pray that you would experience that peace today.
Blessings,
L.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi R.,

Just want to say "hang in there." It's pretty normal to feel how you are just about now. In fact, many moms feel guilty 'cause they "forget" that they are pregnant throughout the first trimester. Bonding...even in the womb...takes time and there is a process of getting to know your baby from the time he is conceived. Don't worry. It will get better. Everybody feels their babies move at different stages of pregnancy so don't get to worried if you don't feel him/her move when the books say you should either. In fact, sometimes it's a good idea to just step away from the books, websites, etc... for awhile anyway and just spend some time each day listening to your body, talking to your unborn child and enjoying each day of your pregnancy as much as possible. It seems like it will take forever, but it really goes by so quick and it is a time with your child that you will never be able to get back again. Cherish it!!!

You're doing great!

Dani

1 mom found this helpful

I used to love to fly. Not after having a baby though!!! All planes crash and I was certainly not going to die that way. Sounds crazy right? Very normal for new Mama's. As far as movement goes...I am 5'9 and 145lbs (not pregnant). Seems like I should have felt movement early on right? Not so. I was exactly 5 months before I KNEW that the baby was moving and it wasn't just gas. In fact...when people tell me they can feel movement at 3 1/2---4 1/2 months, I tell them it's gas bubbles. Look at your books and see how small that fetus really is at 16 weeks. You shouldnt feel anything right now. Seriously!!! When you look back, 10 years from now, you will laugh at yourself for worrying about everything. If you drive by a local elementary school and see all the kids on the playground, that should remind you that babies RARELY die!!! You are not crazy...not in the least. But cut yourself some slack and realize that all will be well if you just follow your instincts. Trust God!! He loves babies!!!

1 mom found this helpful

R.,
I don't know if I would call myself a "seasoned mom", but I have an 11 month old. A little about me, we tried to conceive for 3 years, went through almost 2 years of infertility treatment, until we were told assistive reproductive tech, could not help us. 4 months later I turned up pregnant naturally. It was unreal to me, and I was worried, my husband was very worried that something could happen and didn't want me to get my hopes up. I finally had to make a conscience decision to stop living in fear and worry and live in the moment. My body was in control of this, I obviously wasn't, and I had to let my body do what it was going to do. I had to give up control, knowing that the only thing I could control was what I put into my body and how I treated myself (exercise, stress, outlook etc.) My best advice is be present in the moment. If something unfortunate happens, you will have to cross that bridge when and if it does, and worry won't stop it, you can't control it. I kept telling myself, if I only get to do this once, I want no regrets! Another thing that might calm your fears is investing in a fetal heart doppler, you can always use it when you are wondering what's going on in there-hearing that swoosh of the heart beat can bring lots of peace of mind on those days you have questions. :D Enjoy this special time! It goes by so fast... And take good care of yourself!

R.

1 mom found this helpful

It is totally normal!!! There is a lull between the time you no longer feel all the new pregnancy symptoms, and the first time you feel the baby move. Those 2-3 months in my opinion is the hardest part of the whole pregnancy! You worry constantly that the baby is not okay because there are no signs or symptoms and you really don't FEEL pregnant. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do but have faith. Within the next 4-6 weeks, you will probably feel the baby move, and from then on it will be a lot easier. From then on, each time the baby moves you are reassured that all is well. We have all heard so many horrible stories about things going wrong that we naturally worry about it happening to our babies. I think it is especially bad in women that tried hard to get pregnant, waited until later in life to have children, had problems with previous pregnancies, and first time moms. Worry is your new job, and it will be with you forever more! Because you love your child so much, there will always be something to worry about. Try not to stress out any more than you have to because the baby is receiving all of your stress hormones. It will make you feel much better if you go out and buy yourself a good fetal heartbeat monitor. That way, you can check for a heartbeat when you start getting too worried. Keep in mind though that because you are not medically trained with it, you will probably have trouble finding it at least once, and freak out even more.

Good luck and Congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, R., you sound just like I was! I am a 36 year old with a 9 month old, I also had a non viable pregnancy when I was 34 and during my first trimester I was a wreck!!! Its ok to worry, but dont get all over yourself! you will be fine!! Relax! this is the beginning of a super new, challenging and freaky time for you, your body is not under your control, and you dont know what to expect and thats all right. Dont put any expectations on yourself, think of all the healthy babies being born all the time!! you can do this!! Your body knows what to do and you are not really in control anyway so just get lots of sleep and try to think about positive things. When you get your 18 week ( I think its the 18 week ) ultrasound you will feel soooo much better! Trust me, you are going to be fine!!! Take care!!

1 mom found this helpful

Mom of 3 here... I was thinking maybe NOT reading all the "what to expect" books. Get your regular check ups and maybe get a balance of the relaxation stuff (bath, pedicure, soft music...) like another response mentioned and then also find things that you can totally immerse yourself in that completely give you a chance not to think about being pregnant at all like a great book, puzzles, searching non-pregnancy websites on topics of interest....

I try to ask myself a couple of things when I get really worked up. Can I control it? If not, then remind myself that life will be as it will be. If I can't stop, what can I do if the thing I am worried about happens? How likely is it to happen? BUT...

I just watched "The Secret" on DVD and I think there are some awesome suggestions in it that may help with your worrying. One being spending time being grateful. Think of what is great in your life and get really specific. Then visualize what you want....That beautiful, happy, healthy baby complete with scents, sounds, and other details.

Hopefully not much ditto since you have plently of reading to do. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

I have 3 boys ages 6, 3, and 7 months. I used to be a never cry, never worry, very easy-going person, and while I'm not a total boob, worry-wart, or crybaby, I am more emotional and worry-prone than I used to be. It bothered me and started becoming overboard at first, but I discovered some things. First, the reality of life is bad things sometimes happen (wait, there is a happy point to this). Some of us worry about bad things instinctively and others of us assume we are "safe" and nothing bad will happen to us until something does. Either way, once you realize that bad things can happen to anyone and sometimes its totally out of your control it can be a scary thing. But the other reality is most of the time things are fine. You can be aware, cautious, and do your best to make healthy and wise choices, and then just let the rest be. There is no point (or comfort) for you to be sitting around worrying about what if... Second, anytime you care a lot about something or someone it opens you up to the potential of more hurt if you lose them. Its a two-edged sword, but you couldn't enjoy the the absolute overwhelming feelings of joy and love you feel for the baby if it didn't matter very much to you if you got to keep it or not. Maybe that doesn't help you, but it helped me put into perspective why I was feeling so worried and I realized those feelings made me an aware and compassionate person and I that could control the rest by choosing not to worry about what ifs, take the best care of my family I could, and make the most of every moment I had. I hope that helps. Congratulations and good luck on this new adventure!

1 mom found this helpful

Aw, R.:) You sound just like me! I do that, about everything almost, but especially when pregnant! I think it is very normal! It is scarry with all of those new things going on inside your body! I had a lot of stress during my last pregnancy and my doctor had to give me a serious talk about my anxiety and how it may effect the baby...I'm not going to give you anything else to worry about, but you should really try to calm your thoughts and your feelings when you start to worry. Try yoga or some relaxing excersizes! The stress hormones in your body can be passed to your baby and possibly effect them! You don't want your baby to feel any unecessary stress, I'm sure...and worrying never solved anything, right? So, my best advice is to try to accept the things you cannot control and try to make sure that baby has a comfy, relaxing womb to grow in for the next few months....cuz after that is when the reall stress will begin!hehe! Good luck, and take care!

1 mom found this helpful

R.,

Sounds like you got lots of good adive, and I will add one more: Go to a nearby medical supply store and for less than 10 bucks buy a stethoscope. Silly? OH NO NO! There will actually be many times in the coming months where your baby may 'go silent' on you and go through spurts of hours and sometimes days of no movement... and after you are USED to that movement, not feeling it suddenly can completely wig you out - our dr gave us one and my husband used to sit and listen to each of our three children periodically, and hearing their little hearts beat was something truly special we shared and giggled over.
-D.
Beaverton, OR

1 mom found this helpful

I can't stop laughing with---ok at---you! ROFL
You're acting perfectly normal so don't worry about your worrying. You're the host to a growing baby of which you're completely responsible for taking care of, also of which you have no control over while inside you! Of course you worry!

I worried like a crazy woman the first time....Am I gaining too much weight? eating right? lifting too much? Why can't I feel movement? Am I sleeping in the right position? Am I drinking enough water? etc etc etc etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try to keep in mind that the magazines and books out there are just GUIDELINES to your week by week pregnancy. If you don't feel movement until week 20 and you're doctor has no reason to be concerned, try not to worry, no matter what "the book says".

Worrying is totally normal. You'll make a great mother.
Hugs to you and blessing for a beautiful pregnancy!

1 mom found this helpful