Seeking Reality Check from Seasoned Moms...

I can't stop laughing with---ok at---you! ROFL
You're acting perfectly normal so don't worry about your worrying. You're the host to a growing baby of which you're completely responsible for taking care of, also of which you have no control over while inside you! Of course you worry!

I worried like a crazy woman the first time....Am I gaining too much weight? eating right? lifting too much? Why can't I feel movement? Am I sleeping in the right position? Am I drinking enough water? etc etc etc etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try to keep in mind that the magazines and books out there are just GUIDELINES to your week by week pregnancy. If you don't feel movement until week 20 and you're doctor has no reason to be concerned, try not to worry, no matter what "the book says".

Worrying is totally normal. You'll make a great mother.
Hugs to you and blessing for a beautiful pregnancy!

R.,

Sounds like you got lots of good adive, and I will add one more: Go to a nearby medical supply store and for less than 10 bucks buy a stethoscope. Silly? OH NO NO! There will actually be many times in the coming months where your baby may 'go silent' on you and go through spurts of hours and sometimes days of no movement... and after you are USED to that movement, not feeling it suddenly can completely wig you out - our dr gave us one and my husband used to sit and listen to each of our three children periodically, and hearing their little hearts beat was something truly special we shared and giggled over.
-D.
Beaverton, OR

To enjoy your life and allow others to enjoy theirs for God sakes stop!!!

Life must be lived on lifes terms.All things come in time.The point is not to get to the finish line with everything perfect.

Seek small pleasures, set smaller goals like to clean 1 room, personal small goals walking at the park, read a book.

You will miss out on so much fun and peace if you don't.Motherhood is stressful enough trust yourself, your spouse, God , your family and friends... you'll be fine and on the truly awful occassions when they arrive you will get through those, too!

I see that many moms have already told their similar stories and mine was too. There are two things I have not seen anyone mention is that if you are not being comforted by your doctor then maybe the chemistry isn´t there. I had that in my second pregnancy, my doctor caused my to not be able to get out of bed for I worried so much. I changed doctors and finally got a peace of mind. Also, I highly recommend prenatal yoga!!! It is soooooo relaxing and there you will find the time to dig deep into your own mind and find that there are so many great things about your experience, things you can then focus on and start to enjoy. Please make sure your husband understands where you are coming from and that this is normal so he doesn´t fall into feeling alone and helpless with your worries. This will all be fine and you two will be great parents.

And by the way, if your worries stem from being 34 and so close to the "old age" of becoming a mom (as it was in my case) with increased danger of things going wrong in the pregnancy, please note that the standards for all testing are much different in Europe and women there are not tested until much later in life, there must be a reason for that.

Congratulations and good luck,
Hafdis

Hi R.,
I love your name! It's the name of our daughter's birthmom and it's our daughter's middle name!
I haven't experienced what you are going through, exactly, because we adopted our children. But, I can relate to the anxiety you are feeling. With both of our adoptions, there were several periods of time in which we didn't know if the birthmom was going to choose us, if she was going to stick to her adoption plan and if the baby was really going to come home with us. It could have been enough to drive us crazy if we didn't have faith. We would pray, pray, pray and rest in knowing that if the baby was meant to be ours, God would make it happen. It was such a relief to release the fear and anxiety and be flooded with peace. I pray that you would experience that peace today.
Blessings,
L.

Hi R.,

Just want to say "hang in there." It's pretty normal to feel how you are just about now. In fact, many moms feel guilty 'cause they "forget" that they are pregnant throughout the first trimester. Bonding...even in the womb...takes time and there is a process of getting to know your baby from the time he is conceived. Don't worry. It will get better. Everybody feels their babies move at different stages of pregnancy so don't get to worried if you don't feel him/her move when the books say you should either. In fact, sometimes it's a good idea to just step away from the books, websites, etc... for awhile anyway and just spend some time each day listening to your body, talking to your unborn child and enjoying each day of your pregnancy as much as possible. It seems like it will take forever, but it really goes by so quick and it is a time with your child that you will never be able to get back again. Cherish it!!!

You're doing great!

Dani

I used to love to fly. Not after having a baby though!!! All planes crash and I was certainly not going to die that way. Sounds crazy right? Very normal for new Mama's. As far as movement goes...I am 5'9 and 145lbs (not pregnant). Seems like I should have felt movement early on right? Not so. I was exactly 5 months before I KNEW that the baby was moving and it wasn't just gas. In fact...when people tell me they can feel movement at 3 1/2---4 1/2 months, I tell them it's gas bubbles. Look at your books and see how small that fetus really is at 16 weeks. You shouldnt feel anything right now. Seriously!!! When you look back, 10 years from now, you will laugh at yourself for worrying about everything. If you drive by a local elementary school and see all the kids on the playground, that should remind you that babies RARELY die!!! You are not crazy...not in the least. But cut yourself some slack and realize that all will be well if you just follow your instincts. Trust God!! He loves babies!!!

Aw, R.:) You sound just like me! I do that, about everything almost, but especially when pregnant! I think it is very normal! It is scarry with all of those new things going on inside your body! I had a lot of stress during my last pregnancy and my doctor had to give me a serious talk about my anxiety and how it may effect the baby...I'm not going to give you anything else to worry about, but you should really try to calm your thoughts and your feelings when you start to worry. Try yoga or some relaxing excersizes! The stress hormones in your body can be passed to your baby and possibly effect them! You don't want your baby to feel any unecessary stress, I'm sure...and worrying never solved anything, right? So, my best advice is to try to accept the things you cannot control and try to make sure that baby has a comfy, relaxing womb to grow in for the next few months....cuz after that is when the reall stress will begin!hehe! Good luck, and take care!

R.,
I don't know if I would call myself a "seasoned mom", but I have an 11 month old. A little about me, we tried to conceive for 3 years, went through almost 2 years of infertility treatment, until we were told assistive reproductive tech, could not help us. 4 months later I turned up pregnant naturally. It was unreal to me, and I was worried, my husband was very worried that something could happen and didn't want me to get my hopes up. I finally had to make a conscience decision to stop living in fear and worry and live in the moment. My body was in control of this, I obviously wasn't, and I had to let my body do what it was going to do. I had to give up control, knowing that the only thing I could control was what I put into my body and how I treated myself (exercise, stress, outlook etc.) My best advice is be present in the moment. If something unfortunate happens, you will have to cross that bridge when and if it does, and worry won't stop it, you can't control it. I kept telling myself, if I only get to do this once, I want no regrets! Another thing that might calm your fears is investing in a fetal heart doppler, you can always use it when you are wondering what's going on in there-hearing that swoosh of the heart beat can bring lots of peace of mind on those days you have questions. :D Enjoy this special time! It goes by so fast... And take good care of yourself!

R.

It is totally normal!!! There is a lull between the time you no longer feel all the new pregnancy symptoms, and the first time you feel the baby move. Those 2-3 months in my opinion is the hardest part of the whole pregnancy! You worry constantly that the baby is not okay because there are no signs or symptoms and you really don't FEEL pregnant. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do but have faith. Within the next 4-6 weeks, you will probably feel the baby move, and from then on it will be a lot easier. From then on, each time the baby moves you are reassured that all is well. We have all heard so many horrible stories about things going wrong that we naturally worry about it happening to our babies. I think it is especially bad in women that tried hard to get pregnant, waited until later in life to have children, had problems with previous pregnancies, and first time moms. Worry is your new job, and it will be with you forever more! Because you love your child so much, there will always be something to worry about. Try not to stress out any more than you have to because the baby is receiving all of your stress hormones. It will make you feel much better if you go out and buy yourself a good fetal heartbeat monitor. That way, you can check for a heartbeat when you start getting too worried. Keep in mind though that because you are not medically trained with it, you will probably have trouble finding it at least once, and freak out even more.

Good luck and Congratulations!

Wow, R., you sound just like I was! I am a 36 year old with a 9 month old, I also had a non viable pregnancy when I was 34 and during my first trimester I was a wreck!!! Its ok to worry, but dont get all over yourself! you will be fine!! Relax! this is the beginning of a super new, challenging and freaky time for you, your body is not under your control, and you dont know what to expect and thats all right. Dont put any expectations on yourself, think of all the healthy babies being born all the time!! you can do this!! Your body knows what to do and you are not really in control anyway so just get lots of sleep and try to think about positive things. When you get your 18 week ( I think its the 18 week ) ultrasound you will feel soooo much better! Trust me, you are going to be fine!!! Take care!!

I have 3 boys ages 6, 3, and 7 months. I used to be a never cry, never worry, very easy-going person, and while I'm not a total boob, worry-wart, or crybaby, I am more emotional and worry-prone than I used to be. It bothered me and started becoming overboard at first, but I discovered some things. First, the reality of life is bad things sometimes happen (wait, there is a happy point to this). Some of us worry about bad things instinctively and others of us assume we are "safe" and nothing bad will happen to us until something does. Either way, once you realize that bad things can happen to anyone and sometimes its totally out of your control it can be a scary thing. But the other reality is most of the time things are fine. You can be aware, cautious, and do your best to make healthy and wise choices, and then just let the rest be. There is no point (or comfort) for you to be sitting around worrying about what if... Second, anytime you care a lot about something or someone it opens you up to the potential of more hurt if you lose them. Its a two-edged sword, but you couldn't enjoy the the absolute overwhelming feelings of joy and love you feel for the baby if it didn't matter very much to you if you got to keep it or not. Maybe that doesn't help you, but it helped me put into perspective why I was feeling so worried and I realized those feelings made me an aware and compassionate person and I that could control the rest by choosing not to worry about what ifs, take the best care of my family I could, and make the most of every moment I had. I hope that helps. Congratulations and good luck on this new adventure!

Mom of 3 here... I was thinking maybe NOT reading all the "what to expect" books. Get your regular check ups and maybe get a balance of the relaxation stuff (bath, pedicure, soft music...) like another response mentioned and then also find things that you can totally immerse yourself in that completely give you a chance not to think about being pregnant at all like a great book, puzzles, searching non-pregnancy websites on topics of interest....

I try to ask myself a couple of things when I get really worked up. Can I control it? If not, then remind myself that life will be as it will be. If I can't stop, what can I do if the thing I am worried about happens? How likely is it to happen? BUT...

I just watched "The Secret" on DVD and I think there are some awesome suggestions in it that may help with your worrying. One being spending time being grateful. Think of what is great in your life and get really specific. Then visualize what you want....That beautiful, happy, healthy baby complete with scents, sounds, and other details.

Hopefully not much ditto since you have plently of reading to do. :-)

Deep breathes sweetpea, just deep breathes. You suffered a major loss and of course that is going to color this pregnancy by heightening your fears and concerns. Everyone's pregnancy is different. I think going to the doctor and expressing your concerns is a really good idea. Tell her/him that you are experiencing a lot anxiety and that you need to know where your "freak out" point should be.

I would like you consider finding a good friend (even here on this site) or a therapist, family member that you can express your fears to. I think anxiety builds up if you don't talk about it, and just expressing your fears can make it seem less scary.

If you are so sick that you can't hold down any food or water, you are too sick. I was never sick with any of my 3 pregnancies, and I thanked God every day. I hope you are the same! I gained 70 pounds with my second daughter and the same amount when I was pregnant with twins! So don't sweat the small stuff. For each negative/scary thought, try to be conscience of it, and feed yourself a positive thought.

Good luck and Blessings to you and your little miracle.

I completely relate to your emotional roller coaster ride! All four of my pregnancies came with some sort of "issue", from receiving an MMR vaccine during my 1st trimester (not knowing I was pregnant...she turned out perfect! Now is 11 going on 15 with her own set of emotions!), to having a miscarriage in between my 1st and 2nd baby (he turned out perfect too!) to being "surprised" by my "bonus" baby number three (and she's a six year old full of spit fire!).

Mom's worry because we are carrying around the most precious cargo there is! But worrying doesn't help you or your baby. Relax! It's amazing how our bodies know how to protect and take care of that little spirit growing and developing inside of you. I found it helpful to read books...lots of books on the subject of pregnancy. It eased a lot of my concerns because I had answers. All pregancies are different, they really are! And what one woman feels is different from the next.

I know how you count the weeks until the baby can be "viable" outside the womb because you lost a pregancy. That's normal. But remember, ultimately, you can only do so much to sustain this pregnancy, so that's what you should focus on...only what you can control!

Blessings to you and your baby!

L.

God bless you for reaching out. It sounds to me like you have had a lot of life changing events lately. The pregnancy last fall, the new home and your current pregnancy. I think that sometimes in this very busy world we forget that it takes time to adjust to things and that we need to feel our feelings. You sound like a busy woman with working full time and everything that has happened recently, give yourself a break and just sit and relax or get a massage or just do something where you aren't thinking about all the things that need to be done when you are finished. Take your time, enjoy where you are TODAY! Keep reaching out to other moms, we all have had the anxiety, fears, and hormones that come along with pregnancy. Let your sisters walk with you through this and share the burden. May you find some relief soon.

Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!

Get an inspirational tape/CD with music and subliminal positive messages and listen to it before you go to bed or fall asleep to it. Listen to it sometime during the day, too.

I would strongly recommend reading the book "The girlfriends guide to pregancy". It tells you about all the crazy things you may be feeling, even the ones that our friends/parents/grandparents won't share because "We don't talk about those kinds of things" and it is a really funny, easy read! All your feelings are totally normal. This book, along with remembering that our bodies are designed to do this and they will generally tell us what we need to keep that baby growing, were the things that helped me the most during my pregnancy! If you are hungry, eat. Sleepy, sleep. Want to go for a walk, walk. Women's bodies are miraculous things- trust your body and you will get through this just fine!!! Try your best to save the worrying for the teenage years when you want so desperately to protect them from everything but their independence(and size) prohibits you from confining them to your belly!

Dear R.,
You will never have a perfect pregnancy or motherhood and it will never be exactly like others explain. Just do your very best, trust yourself, and let God handle the rest! That's what we all do. Just remember that every emotion you feel, the baby feels. So when you constantly worry, that's the only thing your baby feels. Let her feel love and happiness-start now! Good luck.

R.
Well, I am 59 and I recognize so much of this that I wanted to add some reassurance. I was over 30 when I had my first baby too, and had a career I really liked and had invested much of myself in by that time. I worried about the baby too, but discovered I was transferring much of my fear of stalling my career out with motherhood and masking it with panic stories to myself about not doing motherhood well.

My suggestion is to talk with Moms you know about this concern and do what you do professionally--start a campaign to manage both the job and the baby together. Most of us can do it quite well. You know the old complaint from the 70's about how women have to work twice as hard as men to get half as far? Well, you have already proven that's easy. You'll never be richer or more satisfied with you career than you are with your child. And he/she will challenge you to grow more than any job or paycheck. I promise you it's true.
TKLL

www.babyfit.com

Free site for pregnant mothers. You can join a group that is due the same month you are. IT's really helpful to know a lot of other ppl are having the same questions and feelings you are.

I hope you check it out, I've been on there for more than 2.5 years.

Hi, I am a retired counselor and teacher, about to be a grandma for the first time, so I am interested in what new moms think and need.

I am also a worrier, and I found a book I really like that helps a lot. It is WORRY: CONTROLLING IT AND USING IT WISELY, by Edward M. Hallowell, MD. It has been out a few years, so should be available at a lower cost at Powells. His information on medications might need to be updated, and especially checked carefully with regard to pregnancy. Some worry is normal, I think, for you with your other pregnancy. If this keeps up, in spite of advice and books, please do seek out some counseling. You deserve peace and enjoyment.

Best wishes. A.

R.,
I am a mother of two beautiful boys; 5 & 7 yrs, that I consider to be our gift from God. My husband and I of 14 years consider ourselves ultra lucky. I worked when I was pregnant with our first child who is a blessing. It took us 1 year to get pregnant with him so naturally I was worried all the time but yet we both were so happy to finally be pregnant.
My OB told me to get plenty of rest and keep myself hydrated and nourished. She also told me to continue my normal activities. (During my pregnancy,my father-in-law was in the hospital,one of the doctors told me that she ran every day up until the day she delivered.) I drank Gatorade if I felt that water wasn't enough, but always drank water.(As much as my OB recommended.) I had some complications early on in my pregnancy, but thank goodness for modern medicine, I had a full term little boy. He was perfect. No problems at all.
The first time I heard the heart beat, It sunk in that I was pregnant. My husband had a smile on his face that was PRICELESS! For a long time I would feel some fluttering in the lower left side of my abdomen near my leg and I always thought it was my digestion or gas. A few weeks later I figured out that it was the baby. It was the greatest feeling in the world.
A lot of pregnant women lose weight before they actually gain so as long as your OB isn't concerned you are doing great.
Make sure you eat at least 3 times a day. Don't think that you are eating for two. That is just a wives tale. Just eat normally, but get plenty of water to keep hydrated. The baby will take from you what he/she needs, and your body will ALWAYS feed the baby first, then you.
You are so early in your pregnancy. Don't worry, everything will fall into place. It just takes time.
Be well and congratulations.
A.

I suggest education, it makes such a difference! Books I recommend....The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, Husband Coached Childbirth, Any book by Ina May Gaskin, The Birth Book ect. Also I recommend Mothering magazine on line and @ the news stand.

Also a great website on nutrition for pregnancy which can help avoid all kinds of complications is www.blueribbonbaby.ORG...a great site for good unfiltered by encouraging information is www.unassistedchildbirth.com, good information for everyone and a great forum board even if it is a little radical.

Also check out Wholistic practicioners and Midwives in the area, going to some one who gives you very personal care can do much to alleviate fears. When ever I met with my midwife she invested AT LEAST ONE FULL HOUR FOR ALL APPOINTMENTS! I learned som much from each of them!

I also would recommend you see the movie The Business of Being Born.

Hope it goes well, and worrying does mean you care. Take care in working too hard up to the end, you are growing a whole new person. ( I too worked up to the end of each, but do it with great care)

I wish you a wonderful pregnancy, it is a time like no other to be cherished and remembered. Take the time to get to know your baby and yourself before you meet baby in person.

I also recommend a doula, specifically one who has had a natural birth herself. ( even if that is not what you want, many who plan for drugs find that there are reasons they cannot be used and you want some one who believes you can do it and will know how to help you for the birth.)

....The pregnancy and birth are the easy part you will do well!

don't worry R.,
every mom will tell you it is natural. every expectant mom goes through that, no matter how many babies they have already had.
i am sure everything is fine.
when that little bundle to be starts moving around it will feel like you swallowed a worm, you little tickling feeling wiggling around.
just enjoy your time know because when the baby is born, all life changes. Again.
good luck.
and do not worry. you will be fine

There is a great book on the market that will give you alot of info its WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR EXPECTING. I used it with both my kids and have given it as gifts to moms to be. It gives you month by month info on what your body and baby are doing. Check it out at the library of buy at book store but please check out for some great info.

I also had a non-viable pregnancy before I got pregs with my son who is now 3 months old. I also worried a lot and wasted a lot of time not enjoying my pregnancy. Just remember that it is a waste of time to worry because whatever will be will be.
Good luck!

There is a difference between worry and considering a situation. Worry is a waste of time and offers no results. Consideration is making a plan to deal with a situation.

If you think of all the things you worried about in the past that never happened you'll get an idea of how much time you wasted.

Worry isn't good for your overall health, either. So you do yourself a disservice by doing it.

You really have to like yourself a lot to give up worrying. It's a bad HABIT. Unfortunately we have conditioned ourselves to worry more than to concentrate on the positive.

Worrying is also a useless attempt to control the future, which you cannot do, no matter how much you worry about anything.

Worrying is actually just made up imagining.

Hey R.,

What all the other moms are saying is so true! Becoming a mother brings worry and then guilt.

It also brings love, joy, wonder and a deep sense of purpose in life.

Two weeks before my daughter was born, I remember reading one of my baby books (for the millionth time) about what to do when baby gets sick. I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed with the realization that in just a few weeks, I would be 100% responsible for another LIFE. I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up or both.

I remembered all these stories in my family - like my older brother's asthma getting so bad, one of his lungs collapsed and they had to take him to the ER at 2am. Or when I had a 106 fever and febral seizures at 15 months or when my younger brother's head got caught in the car window. These stories are fun to rehash at Christmas now that we're all grown. They're horrifying to consider as a new mom.

Deep breaths, go for walks, talk to friends, watch funny movies. All of this will help. But I don't think any of us will ever lose the worry!

Congratulations!!! M.

R....this baby is a gift from God....enjoy the dance without fear. Confront the realities when they appear and do the best that you can do....eat right, exercise and BE HAPPY...that little life can feel you.. you are connected with that baby in a way that is beyond human understanding and he/she feels all your feelings....talk to it,bond with it. Love that precious one. I had my first Son when I was 19 and made so many mistakes you are a mature together woman with a loving home....embrace all of this with Confidence and faith. Disappointments make the end produce more sweeter...if you asked me what is my most favorite thing in life is....I would say having a newborn baby in my arms...does not have to be my baby...JUST A BABY...you have to remember you will one day have a reunion with the baby you lost...I long for that Day..but for now you need to focus on the living and prepare for LIFE.
Be blessed and thank you for listening to the rattling of my heart.
P.

Pray. Pray for your baby to be healthy. Pray for you to be at peace with whatever God has in store for you and your family. When in doubt or fearful about anything pray. He has total power over all things. This is what got us through it, my husband was the worrier though. He worried if she was too small, that she might be fat, that she was not developing at the right speed even though she was talking at 8 months and walking by 14 months. If I didn't wipe food off of her immediatley she was going to get chaffed skin (I was going to give her a bath right after dinner). He worried about everything until she was almost two years old, then he finally said "I think she is going to be okay". God's blessings to you.

I also waited a bit to have kids I had my first (after multiple losses) at 33yrs old. I was filled with anxiety, everyday, every doctors appt, ect... I finally about 15 weeks along rented myself a medical grade doppler, so everytime I needed to reassure myself I could listen to her heart beat.

It did ease a bit around 30 weeks, when movement was steady and realiable.

Hope that helps
E.

In addition to regular Dr. visits with your OB, I highly highly highly recommend taking birth classes, preferably with your husband. I took the Bradley method while living in California & Arizona, and it was so informative and supportive.

Good luck!

Worrying is also hormonally kicked in with the pg :). But worry is also a "spin your wheels" kind of energy... I spent 2 years preparing to get preggers for the first time, and created 2 3" binders of information...I tend to get obsessive when I worry.

What has worked for me....write down all the things that you are worrying about-realize some you can't control and some you can....one thing about becoming a mom-your "control" on the world is often shattered and for the good... Do you have a spiritual community you belong to? Sometimes releasing what we can't control to a power beyond our own can help-living life IS faith because we don't know what will happen tomorrow.... Good luck and literally don't sweat the small stuff-take it a day at a time....

My children are 17,27 and 28 years old. And now
added grandchildren to the picture.
I have not stopped worrying yet. So sit back
and enjoy the ride. It will be wonderful.

I agree whole heartedly with the post from Annna. Read the books she recommends. I love Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Throw out the book What to Expect When You're Expecting. I believe it makes women more afraid, especially if they don't fall into the "normal" category. See the documentary by Ricki Lake, The Business of Being Born. Get a doula if you are planning a hospital birth. Look into Midwives and homebirth. A midwife will spend so much time with you and give you personalized care. I would also recommend looking for a pregnancy yoga class. Yoga will help with breathing and relaxing, as well as stretching and strengthening your body for birth. And you can meet other pregnant mama's to talk to.

Trust your body! You will know if something is wrong. Enjoy this time, and take it easy on yourself. We all worry when it comes to our babies and children.

Hi R.,

I remember going through the same thing with my pregnancy... In the beginning it was just not being able to feel the baby yet... How can I be sure that it is still okay in there? Then once I started feeling him I moved on to worrying anytime he wasn't moving. Poor kid was probably just trying to sleep! So, that being said, I think it may just be normal for a new mommy-to-be to worry about her unborn child. I would just have to talk myself through it... tell myself the baby is fine. The good news is you are past your first trimester... the chances of something happening to your baby are so much lower now. Good luck and take care of yourself (and your precious little baby).

R.,

hun, it's TOTALLY normal to worry about all those things, and inevitably, some probably well-meaning, but unthinking person somewhere along the way will make you worry about something else somewhere down the line in the next 24 weeks.
As long as your doctor tells you everything is fine, and you *feel* fine, then you *are* fine.

You should start feeling the baby really soon now, but he/she is very small, and depending on other factors like your physical make-up(some larger women--I was one--, and some slim women can't feel their babies at first), when the baby's most active, what you're doing, if you even recognize the movement, etc., you might not know the baby's moving for another couple weeks yet.

So please, relax and just enjoy your time. It is totally normal to worry, but also you should relax.

Do you have any thoughts on names yet? :o)

K. W

P.S. I forgot to say I'm sorry for your loss, but with that, it almost insures worry. I miscarried my first pregnancy, 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, and when I became pregnant with my oldest, I also worried about every, single, thing, right up until delivery. I worried so much, that towards the end, I was such a frequent visitor to the L&D floor of the little German hospital where I had her, that the entire staff knew my name from sight, and the night they induced my labor, my doctor was called from his vacation to come see to me(it was false labor when I went in, but he went ahead and induced me since it was safe to do it--I still feel bad about cutting short his vacation). I'm suprised they didn't start charging us for false alarms.

Oh, and as far as morning sickness, with her, I was sick for 3 mos., my son for 5, and my youngest, the first 3, stopped, then sick again month 8 on.

I am in my 21st week, of my second pregnancy, and I have gone through the EXACT same things that you are describing. I had my ultrasound at week 19, and since then the baby has been bouncing around like a ping pong inside!!! I talked to my doctor about how in those quiet moments right before I went to bed, when I was by myself for the first time for the day that I wasn't feeling anything and how my mind went into these dark scary places. I got the whole - oh that's normal, its still early blah blah blah stuff. Just know in your heart of hearts that you hear that heartbeat every doctor's appt. and everything is fine. You may even call your doctor just to see if you can go in to hear the heartbeat for reassurance.....It's worth asking about and would keep you from some unnecessary stress. And we all know that us pregos don't need added stress!!! ;0)
Just know that in 3 - 5 weeks, you can go in to get your ultrasound and they can see amazing things! You can know the sex (if you want) and if your docs office has a fairly new machine you can see everything - blood flow around the body, body parts, brain, etc. Its so amazing - and so comforting.

Good luck on your exciting adventure!!!

R., It's because you are professional and educated that you are worrying. I often wished when I was pregnant that I was a stupid teenager so I wouldn't worry about all the possibilities. Two bits of advice -- be sure to talk to your OB about your concerns (with a previous nonviable pregnancy perhaps you need an additional check of something) -- a mother's intuition is often very right. (One of my twins almost died in utero and I suspected things and confronted my doctor to do more tests -- ultimately my early induction saved his life!) - Second -- Be sure to get some exercise (doctor oked or take a yoga class or learn some breathing techniques to lessen the stress and worry,or pray -- ultimately this will help you and your unborn child. Continue this after the baby is born and also seek out mom support groups -- they are critical!! You'll do GREAT!
A little about me -- mom of 4 boys -- 10,8,5,5.

R.,

I have two children, a son who is 11 and a daughter turning a year old next month! I worried when I was pregnant too, but the thing that you need to remember, is that worrying that much isn't good for you and can cause stress for the baby. I can understand what you are feeling, it is only natural! There is a lot going on inside that you only have so much control over, but you need to focus on you, the baby and enjoying this experience, because trust me, you will blink and your baby will be turning a year old like mine! Take a deep breath, do the best that you can, enjoy your new changes, and relax, I'm sure you guys will be great parents!

I am 19 weeks baby #3. I was the same as you were the 1st time around. Have you heard the serenity prayer? Its all about accepting the things that you can not change and that you are not god. So let it go! even if its only for a moment beacuse almost every thing that happens in this pregnacy is out of your control.I dont know what your beliefs are but i can garentee there is a higher power involved and your not it.
So try and relax and let the miracle happen.
Xo and breathe
M.

I am quite the worrier myself. It's natural. Or at least that's what I tell myself. I had 2 miscarriages last year and am now 32 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl. I know exactly what stage you are talking about. I actually opted to rent a doppler to ease my mind. It was the smartest thing I ever did. I think it was $30 including shipping for one month, which is all I really needed before I could feel the baby move. There are plenty of sights online that are totally credible and the doppler arrives within a few days. It is definitely worth the peace of mind in my eyes. God bless you in your pregnancy!

I think what you are going through is normal. You are pregnant and a very friendly alien has invaded your body, not to mention that you are 34. Not too young to be in pre-monopause. I am 40 and there are some days when I just don't listen to anything that I think or feel. I try just to look at the facts. I am healthy, I have great kids (not perfect, but great people), my husband and I are great friends as well as lovers, and so forth. Maybe it will help you to list these where you see them everyday. I won't push my beliefs on you, but prayer helps me so much. Maybe write a letter to yourself of encouragement. Put it away until you need it and then pull it out. Also, talk to your doctor about depression. They have a wealth of knowledge at our disposal. I had determined that I was not going to be one of those weak minded women who go into depression during and after birth, but I had it with all three of my kids. So normal, but do talk to your doctor. Hope this has helped and encouraged.

You have anxiety. It's normal. When I was pregnant with my first (12 years ago)-I was working full time, my husband and I had been married for 4 years, and my brain was going a million miles a minute. I too was a nervous wreak. I was the first in my group of friends to get pregnant-so I really didn't have anyone to talk to about my anxieties. As far as my pregnancy went-it helped to read pregnancy books, and the best one (I had 4-5 of them) was "What to Expect When you are Expecting". It was so accurate. When I had a question about where I was week wise in my pregnancy, and how I should be feeling, I would read that book first before I asked my Doctor. I couldn't believe how accurate that book was. I stopped reading my other ones, because What to Expect was the most accurate one. Being that this is your first pregnancy-you won't feel the baby kick until late into month 4-5. You will feel little "butterfly" sensations (that is the baby moving). You should feel the first big kick late in month 5-6 for sure. Have you had an ultrasound yet? That freaked me out because my baby (son) was moving so much they had a hard time measuring him. But what freaked me out-I COULDN'T FEEL HIM MOVING! I saw him moving on the screen, but didn't feel a thing. As far as the sickness goes. I was kinda sick, or had nausea the first tri-mester and then once I hit my second tri-mester it was gone. With my second son, no nausea. Being sick is different for everyone with every baby. My sister has 3 kids-she was kinda sick with her first one, really sick with her second, and not at all with her third.
I'm sorry about what you experianced last fall. As long as you see your doctor, and he/she tells you everything looks fine and is fine, relax and enjoy this time you have. It should be a happy time!
Good Luck!

Mom of 2 busy boys ages 12 and 6.

Please know that what you are feeling is TOTALLY normal. You have lots of hormones raging and body changing. I know that I had very vivid dreams and would wake up thinking that they were real. Chat with your doctor to confirm, but I suspect that there are many that are in the same boat as you or have been! Good luck!

Yes, worrying is normal. In fact, welcome to motherhood! It's all about worrying, forevermore! All of us worried when we were pregnant, and all of us continue to worry about our kids. What we need to be able to do is distinguish between "necessary worrying" and "useless worrying." Are you the kind of person who always worries about whether or not you locked the door or left the stove on after you leave the house? If so, then you will immediately understand what I mean by useless worrying. Try not to worry about things you have no control over, and try to exercize the control you do have. The more you do the things that you can (exercize wisely, eat right, don't smoke or drink, etc....) the more you can let go of the things that you really can't control. Think of a practice to perform when worrying is getting the better of you, like a walk around the block or even just three deep breaths. If you feel totally overwhelmed with worry, talk to your doctor or midwife. They have seen this before!
Best wishes,
A.

Hi R.,

It is perfectly normal to worry. I am not a first time mom and I still find myself worrying every now and then. You just have to remember that worrying is just going to cause undo stress on you and your baby. Speak with your doctor and once they let you know everything is ok, relax and enjoy. You are one of the lucky ones if your not experiencing any morning sickness or anything else...

Trish

Hi R., I am a mom of 5. Every pregnancy is different and each mom is different. Count yourself lucky that you are not too sick... Being that this is your first pregnancy, the baby is moving, you are just not feeling it. Some have described it as little flutters. It is very slight and hard to tell for sure during your first. As for weight gain- again everyone is different and a lot of women lose weight during the first few months. As long as you are gaining and the dr is not concerned you are fine. Actually it is best not to gain a lot- if I remember right between 25 and 30 lbs is best. Your dr should listen to the babies heart at each visit and if your funds allow many stores and online carry fetal monitors that allow you to listen to your baby at home.
The worry is normal- I did it with each of mine- is she ok, is she big enough and as you get toward the last months you worry if she does not move for a while.
I too had a non-viable pregnancy about 5 months before I got pregnant with my last child. It is very hard and makes for even more worry the next time. Just keep in mind that when you worry, hormones and chemicals are released and make it to your baby. Are you in a baby club? Babycenter has one that tracks you progress and tells you every week what your baby is doing as well as a group for moms due at the same time. Good luck, S.

I totally understand how your are feeling-it is scary. You do not have to be throwing all your meals up to know everything is going ok. I really didn't feel sick just a little upset stomach and my baby came out almost 10 pounds and is perfect. Just relax and maybe do something for you to keep your mind off your beautiful little baby inside. Like getting a pedicure, your hair done, or just a hobby your into. You have control over your health as well (so make sure your eating your 100 grams of protein a day and lots of water) and let the rest that we don't have control of do what it does best-weaving together a cute little baby. I also have a friend who had a lot of fears and she had a heart monitor with her so she could hear the heart whenever she wanted too. I think you can rent them, but it help keep her mind at ease. What a wonderful time you are going through. So yea your 16 weeks and going strong congradulations!

First of all, congrats! Have you got the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? It helped me alot with my first pregnancy. Some of the feelings you are having are due to all the different hormonal changes you're body is going through. You certainly have reason to worry, because of what happened your first pregnancy. I don't know if you doctor said anything to you but it is quite normal to miscarry the first time. I have so many girlfriends that miscarried their first pregnancy and then went on to have 3 and 4 healthy babies. That said, I know that won't help with the worrying, it tends to have a mind of it's own. Just know that what you're feeling is ok. Maby call your doctor even, just to calm your nerves. Peace and joy to you!

Being pregnant is a strange and wonderful time...(I have 4 daughters and lost one baby). Each pregnancy is different and feels different, just like each child! On the one hand it is one of the most natural (and safe) things in the entire world, while on the other hand it is something that our culture specifically is VERY fearful about. I believe that this worrying and fear is often due to our need to feel in control and know everything. The reality is that pregnancy and birth are a beautiful miracle, not something we have ultimate control over the outcome or process of. That is comforting or frightening depending on your perspective. I would encourage you to very simply believe that your body is strong, able and was created to sustain and give life so long as you are treating yourself with a reasonable amount of care. It was literally made for this very state which it is now in! That is a wonderful thing! Get your rest, exercise and eat very well but do NOT worry. The first pregnancy feels like it takes forever and since you don't know what it is "supposed" to feel like you kind find yourself in a constant state of anxiety. Fight that with everything you've got and embrace the beauty of this mystery that is life giving life. Trust your body now and trust your body during birth. Do not give in to our culture's need to control and be fearful about everything because quite honestly when you do you may be giving yourself a true reason to fear. Overly managed and fearful approaches to pregnancy and birthing lead to unnecessary interventions and in an effort to control we create problems because we don't allow our bodies to do the work they were created and designed to do! My only suggestion is that while it is easy to think daily about each thing that is happening inside you (and you should!) also try to spend some of that mental energy reading or talking with your husband about goals in life and parenting. What are your hopes for your child's life? You will be holding your newborn sooner than you think and you will have your whole life to love them, just start imagining that part now as well! My best to you on this fantastic journey you are taking! It is the BEST thing I have ever done.

I have 4 kids (2 are actually biological.), and I have been a mom for 23 years. My first suggestion is...RELAX! I know it's sometimes easier said than done, but Nature knows what to do. As long as your doctor says you are fine, you are fine. The baby will move when he/she is ready. I didn't get sick either time I was pregnant. (YAY!!!) And some studies say that you will have a collicy (sp?) baby if you spend the entire pregnancy freaked out. Relax. Take warm, soothing baths. Play relaxing music. Light scented candles. And above all, talk to your baby NOW. Rub your tummy, and tell that baby how much you can't wait to see what they look like, act like, who their little soul will become over time. And get your husband to do all these things, too. You can both create an unbreakable bond NOW, and it will ease the worry a bit. Believe me, all this will help, and also help create that family bond that is so important.

Also, I hate to be the one to tell you this...but the worry really doesn't go away. You will worry about that little one forever, but you can manage to make it not be the focus of your life. These things have made my family's life, and therefore mine, alot more enjoyable. And after all, you SHOULD enjoy your family.

Hope this helps.

This is totally normal. I went through something similar (a non-viable preganacy), and now have two healthy babies that keep me up during the night ;). I worried like crazy during my son's (who is two) preganacy. I'm sure the worry didn't help him along, but eventually you will have moments of clarity and then start to worry again. My daughter's pregnancy I was a little less worried, but nonetheless I worried. Just try to relax and trust that your baby is doing great. There is no real way around it, you will worry. Get a hold of a nurse line that you can call and ask questions to when you are worried. Just try to take moments to take deep breaths and visualize a beautiful healthy baby, and turn that worry into getting your home ready and getting yourself ready for your new baby. Good Luck!

Congrats on your pregnancy! You might read "The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy" -- it is very funny (which always relieves stress) and helps to put things in perspective. I loved it -- and it helped provide a balance to books like "What to expect when you're expecting". I would also recommend a prenatal yoga class -- Cara Conlin at Harmony Yoga has a great class (if she is still teaching it). I also tried to get out for walks and fresh air when feeling anxious -- to enjoy a meditative experience about the wonder of it all. And last (something I have to remind myself on a regular basis - with now a 2 and 5 yr old), remember to breathe - long, deep breaths! Hope that helps!

Rachel,

Having a 'non-viable' pregnancy is certainly something to process isn't it? Have you processed your grief around that? Since it is something that is often swept under the rug in our culture, really feeling the feelings that go along with the death of a baby--a dream, a whole lifetime, is sometimes hard to do. For your own emotional health and for the health of your family and for a healthy birth, figuring out if you have fully processed all of your stuff from that is something that will help immensely.

Also, Bach's Rescue remedy, which helps with anxiety and stress, is great for pregnancy and new mom-hood because it is safe. There may be a specific Bach flower remedy for grief and anxiety.

Best Wishes,
S.

Dear R.,

I have two little boys ages 4 and 1. I am sorry to tell you this; but the worry may never stop. From the moment you concieve your child you worry about its health in the utero and it doesn't change when they are born. THE GOOD NEWS is that with time you will become more comfortable in your role as mommy and the worry will ease. For now and for your own sanity which will slip away if you allow yourself to worry so much remeber to take a deep breath and relax. If you are unsure about something in regards to you pregnancy go out and pick out a onesie or something baby related. With my first kid it made me feel more prepaired to have "baby stuff". I also read a lot. Congrats and Good Luck!!!!!!

Hi there - I don't think I qualify as a seasoned mom, but our little one is due to arrive in about 5 weeks and I have A LOT of empathy for what you are feeling. I feel like I have had nothing but agnst and worry throughout my pregnancy from finding out that there is/was a lump in my breast, to getting a virus that lasted for over six weeks, to having my blood pressure rise (and hopefully fall) all in addition to the normal stress and worry of pregnancy. All I can speak from is that it is really hard to know what is "right" for you. Some of the best advice I got was to stop reading the books and refer to them only when I really needed to because they only tend to make you doubt yourself if you aren't following the "textbook" or that they give you all kinds information that makes you wonder if and when the bad stuff is going to happen. Be informed and talk to your caregiver, that is what they are there for, but just try and pay attention to what your body is doing and how you feel because every pregnancy is different and put aside the rest. I know it is so easy for me to say that now that I am nearing the end of my pregnancy and I am past point where if the little one comes at any point they will more than likely be healthy. I also have to say reading the book, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy really helped me realize that no two pregnancies are the same and gave me "permission" to relax . I also really related to her sense of humor and how she gave advice. Hope that helps! hang in there! T.

I see you have a lot of really good responses already, so I will keep mine short.
I felt the same way when I was first pregnant, than I realized I will worry the rest of my life, it's part of being a mom. So I stopped worrying about things I could not control. It was wasted energy and I had to conserve all my energy for my growing baby inside me! Then you will have to conserve your energy for taking care of that little bundle of joy!
Since I have had my daughter 4 months ago, I can say I look at the world differently. Things affect me more intensely and I do worry about how to be a good mom. Somedays just let yourself worry, then move on from it and know you are doing and will do the best you can.
Your worrying can affect your pregnancy so think happy thoughts and surround yourself with happy positive people, you are doing one of the most amazing things on earth, creating a little tiny being!
Congratulations and Good Luck!

R.:

I totally understand your fears. I had a miscarriage before my son was born, and I swear, at every appointment before his birth, I prayed to hear the heartbeat, even as I could feel him moving around inside me. I was 34 like you.

My suggestion would be to focus on the positive aspects of your pregnancy. Don't worry if you've gained too much or not enough weight (I did that too) but focus on the fact that your baby is growing. If you've gained a lot of weight, it will come off, and if you haven't gained a lot, then be glad you don't have to worry about losing it. I didn't feel my baby move until just after 16 weeks, so you have time...Trust your OB/GYN and try to enjoy this precious time. There's nothing like being pregnant. Good luck.

You NEED the book "What To Expect When You're Expecting". And if you have it already, you NEED to start reading it!
I was given that book when I was seven weeks pregnant with my first. I read it several times a day. It takes you through month by month what you MIGHT be feeling and what physical changes you MIGHT be going through. Almost any question you have will have an answer in that book. It's great because the book is written for all women and it recognizes that every pregnancy is different. What happens for someone else might be the complete opposite for you.
This book is easy to read so even if you don't like reading, you'll enjoy the information!
Congratulations on the new baby! Quit worrying, you are going to be just fine and so is your baby! Take deep breaths and stay stress-free. Enjoy this time you have with your husband before the baby comes and enjoy having your little one nestled safely inside you.

IT is pretty normal to have anxieties like this while preg. Try to relax and not let all this stress you out. I too did this with my last pregnancy (it was my fourth), even when I was able to hear her heartbeat.
My suggestion is check out some of the sites for expectant mothers and or get a book. This will tell you what to expect. My favorite site is Babycenter.com. They send weekly updates and is full of information, also has chat rooms for moms to be as far along as you are. Good Luck and try to enjoy!!!!

Congrats you are now part of the club called motherhood!!!

This feeling you are going through sadly wont levave you ever again. It sounds like you are doing ok though. You may not feel baby really move for a few more weeks. baby is moving but you probably dont realize what that is until they are stronger movements. I went through the same thing with my first. My husband and i had only been married a month when i found out i was pregnant and i was scared out of my mind. We didnt really have the talk before we got married on whether or not we really wanted kids we figured we had some time...yeah a month. I freaked out from anything from weight gain to being a mom and then when my son was born the hospital just sort of sent me home...and i was like ok now what the first night went ok i guess but my hub had to go back to work the next day and i remeber just looking him going ok what do i do with you can crying..i am not telling you this to scare you i want you to know how normal you are and these feelings are actually good..i think they set you up for being the best parent you can possibly be. i am now pregnant with our third boy and i fear only not knowing what to expect with three. you will be a seasoned pro yourself after about two weeks at home with the new bundle!!! just remember you are only human and we are all her to help you!! Good luck!!!

Hi I have 2 boys one is 2 1/2 and the other is 7 months the second one was so different I always knew something wasn't right. I got a bebe sounds headphone set at wal-mart so I could hear the movement and possibly the heart beat whenever I wanted, It helped me so much, I would recommend it to every mother to be, hope it helps, also have you thought about having a doula? They are wonderfull and helpfull. How about a pregnancy yoga class. Congratulations and good luck.

I can relate, I had a miscarraige about a year before I got pregnant with my son who is now 7 months old. When I first learned I was pregnant I was so happy, but unable to enjoy it as much as I wanted to because I constantly worried about everything! I don't have a ton of advice but, 2 things that helped me were reassuring myself that he was really in there by buying a stethascope so I could listen for his little heart beat! And I tried to keep in mind that stressing myself out wasn't healthy for my little one, and all you can do is take really good care of yourself...vitamins, eat right, rest when needed, exercise, and try to stay possitive! A little bit longer and you'll be able to feel the baby move and hopefully that will help! Good luck to you in your pregnancy and becoming a mommy...it's the best thing in the world!

Hi R.,
Wow, I could've written your letter a few years ago! I had my daughter when I was 34, too and had all the things that you have (happy marriage, house, nice family etc.) and I also was a worry wart. It drove me crazy and probably my poor husband, too. The worst thing to hear is "don't worry" -- if you could turn the worrying off you would! I think our bodies go through some sort of change at a certain point in our pregnancies and we can relax finally. I was much calmer at the end of my pregnancy than at the beginning. A couple years after I had my baby I did seek a counselor and started taking anti-anxiety medication which has helped me SO much. I hesitated taking anything for a long time because it was hard for me to believe that it would work and also I was afraid of taking something that might have weird side effects. When I finally took the medication I couldn't believe I'd put it off for so long!
Anyway, as far as advice I don't really have any -- I just wanted to say that you're not crazy or alone, many of us have been there, too. Good Luck!
-M.

You are feeling totally normal im my opinion. I am 35 and employed full time as well. I have two girls, 1 and 3. I didnt have my first until I was 32 and I was the same way....worry wart!! It's hard to 'really believe' that your pregnant until you feel that little life moving around constantly inside you. And even then its not really a reality check until your driving home with him/her. Try not to worry so much you are fine, and until your doctor expresses concerns life it up and enjoy. I miss more than anything else being pregnant and feeling that little life inside me growing 8>)

R.:
Welcome to motherhood! The minute you find out you are pregnant...the worry starts. There is alot of responsibility that comes with motherhood. I would talk to your doctor about this, though, it will ease your mind. Also, my older child had a very rare condition that required a very dangerous surgery. I was so stressed, I couldn't even walk. Professional counseling helped me deal with the stress. Counseling is nothing to feel ashamed of. I'm sure you'll be a great mom, enjoy it! S.

I see you lost a pregnancy previously.... I went through that between child one and 2.... I now have 4 kids - the last 3 are all 14 months apart. Which basically means I was pregnant from Aug 2004 to Aug 2007.

The best book is "the Girlfriends Guide" - rent a doppler so you can listen to the baes heartbeat whenever you want. That was the biggest piece of mind for me when I was going through pregnancy #2. Join the birth month message board at SheKnows.com so you can communicate daily with other women due the same month as you. It gives you a way to ask questions of women who are going through the exact same thing as you.

Hello I am a mother of 2 little girls (3 and 1). I know that there are a lot of worries when you are pregnant. My advice would be to do anything possible to just relax! Just remember that every pregnancy is different. You might have every single pregnancy symptom in the book or you might only have a few. (For example, I wasn't very sick with my first, but with my second I was totally sick and both babies were just fine.) Also, If I remember correctly at 16 weeks you probably shouldn't be feeling the baby yet. It is more like around the 20th week or later. Also have you tried a pregnancy book? I really like the book "What to expect when you are expecting" it has tons of advice and also takes you through each month of pregnancy and lets you know what you are probably feeling, what your body/baby is doing etc. Also I would talk to your doctor. Any time I had extra questions or concerns my doctor was always willing to talk. Anyway, I hope this helps you, I am sure everything will be fine. Remember to try to relax, pamper yourself and let others pamper you too, you deserve it! M. P

I would highly recommend that you surround yourself with people who love and enjoy pregnancy and birth and who have faith in the process. I teach prenatal classes. I am certified to do so with Birthworks Int. I know what my colleagues have done to certify and their way of thinking and therefore, I would recommend that you seek a Birthworks certified birth preparation class in your area. It is an empowering class that leaves you strong, knowledgeable, ready for the most important day of your life. I live in BC, Canada, I can give you information for your specific area or you can go to Birthworks.com and look for your specific area.

You won't be worrying much longer. Very soon, you'll feel the baby move so much that he/she will probably knock the wind out of you sometime. Some people gain lotsa weight and some people don't, you will be one or the other. What I'm saying is that you're no different that any first-time mom. You sound totally normal to me. I was so worried about not feeling the baby move that I went to the hospital and had some tests done - unnecessarily because it was all good, I was just a nervous mom-to-be, already loving and concerned about my baby, as you are. Pray for a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy and to be a healthy mom. Prayers from parent to child are POWERFUL.

Rachel,

I believe it's normal to worry, especially after having a miscarriage or stillborn. I had several miscarriages before having my first child. She turned out to be a perfectly healthy baby (despite all of my worrying), and I've gone on to have three more perfectly healthy children, despite all of my problems staying pregnant in the past. I know telling you to stop worrying won't make you but I can tell you that it's not allowing you to fully enjoy this entire experience. When it comes down to it, you have very little, if any control over your pregnancy, other than what you eat and your general health (like not smoking, drinking alcohol, etc.). So concentrate on what you do have control over. Journal your thoughts. Ask questions here and at your doctor's visits to be assured that you're normal (you are!), and ENJOY your pregnancy. You're a great mommy for caring so much! ~ L. A

R.,

hello, I don't know if I'm as seasoned as you are looking for, but I have one child and am pregnant with my 2nd. I don't know exactly what to tell exept that some people do not get sick at all durring pregnancy. Unfortunalty I am not one of them :) but in all seriosness if you are that worried you should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat by now. You have to go to the dr though. if you have not been to the dr yet it would be a good idea to go. I also worried that stuff would go wrong during my first pregnancy and everything turned out fine. i wish you the best and good luck on your pregnancy! N.

I am sure that your previous loss is playing a huge role in this pregnancy not to mention that this is really your first pregnancy. Some moms don't feel the baby move much. Later in your pregnancy you definitely will. Then you will worry when it doesn't move. That's just how babies are.
I know that was the hardest for me. I had a wiggle worm and when he didn't move much one day, I was really worried. Had a similar situation as you with my first pregnancy.
I just said a lot of prayers. As long as there is a heartbeat, you are usually ok. Not being sick or too sick or not gaining or gaining too much is too much to worry about. Your physician will stay on top of it.
Just eat healthy for you and baby. Don't eat for 2. (that was my problem) You should be seeing the doctor once a week soon and if anything overly concerns you, call the doctor and speak to a nurse. Don't worry about bothering them, that is their job and they are used to new mommy jitters.
If you bleed at all, call your doctor right away. Sometimes you can spot and it is ok but you should always let them know.
Otherwise, enjoy being pregnant and make the most of it!!!
Congratulations!!!

Congradulations!
Welcome to mother hood. I remember asking the docter during my second pregnancy (1st I miscarried)when I could stop worring and she said honey your a mom now its just the begining and its true. After you have them alot of the worry has to be shared with the feelings of guilt.
All worth it.
L.

Dear R.,
It is perfectly normal to worry. I'm a big worrier myself and when I was pregnant my worrying was definatly worse than usual. However, once I was told that the baby feels what I do. I realized that it was more important for me to relax so that my precious baby wouldn't be feeling all the anxiety I was feeling. When I would find myself starting to worry I would direct my thought on my darling growing inside me and think happy thoughts (I know that might sound corny but it really helped me). I would put my hands on my belly and smile and thank God for such a gift...I know cheezy mom stuff but that really helped me relax and realize that I'm blessed!
Best of Wishes! God's Blessings!
~L.~

Totally normal!! here are some random information tid bits to remind yourself as needed. Rates or miscarriage and such drop drastically once you get to the 2nd trimester and continue to do so. The average person eats around 1500-2000 calories a day and that is well above what is needed for being healthy for your baby, My doctor said that people think they need to eat for two but really all they need to do is eat healthy and normal and maybe add an extra granola bar. Being sick seems to have no bearing whatsoever. My SIL was hardly sick with one of hers I on the other hand was sick all 9 months with my 1st and only 6 wiht my second. This is why you pee in a cup every doc visit so they check your (keratin i think) levels and that tells them if you are hydrated enough.

For 1st pregnancies you wont feel the baby move til about 20 weeks and then you might just think you have gas bubbles. With my first I knew he was a boy before I really felt him move. This also depends on your starting weight, being over weight can cause you to wait longer til you feel it. Some babies are content to just sleep alot also. A good book that I liked was pregnancy childbirth and the newborn, don't remember who wrote it though. I would prollay avoid what to expect when you're expecting, it can be slightly scary because they go over anything and everything that can happen (but probably wont.) Good luck

Sounds to me like you are a normal pregnant woman. I used to drive my Dr. crazy because I would call about every lil thing asking questions, and when I went in for appointments I would have a page long list of questions to ask, even if I had just called the day before.

Hi R., my name is T. I'm a 46yr old mom of 3. Slow down, take deep breaths & try to relax. I was just like you. And I did end up which I believe was a nervous break down. My doctor just didn't want to tell me that. I worked full time (State Farm Insurance), had 2 boys & a girl. Was the coach's wife for 13 yrs. So going to work sometime was like..a break But I worried about every thing. Was I able to help a client more, did I make the deposits, oh my sons are playing double headers tommorrow, and my husband is gonna call me at work and ask me to round up some of his little guys and/or equipment. And oh man if they win again, do I have enough money for pizza after game, and we have another game.... Girl thinking about it is crazy. Worrying is something that we all probably do, but check yourself. You & your baby could get sick, then your husband is gonna be the one worrying. My baby girl was born at 36 wks. 3 lbs. Why? Because I was so stressed out.. my baby went into fetal distress. Emergency c-section.. you know. So please for the sake of yourself, your child & your husband try hard. I ended up with high blood pressure & fibromyalgia. Dr's say brought on by stress. I'm nowat home..chasing a grandson. I had worked since 13 yrs old, so I'm not liking this too much. But I get to see my new shining star everyday. Talk to your OB GYN I did. I hope & pray that you'll be ok. Don't worry about tommorrow, it will take care of itself. T.

I am 68, mother to 4, grandmother to 21, great grandmother to 2. I worked through-out all 4 of my pg's as the controller of a large company. I had a total of 5 pg's, one miscarriage very early on and I also worried but found that worry only caused more worry and finally got past that. If you relax and stay calm and do not over do anything you should be fine. I was not sick with my Pg's and lost weight during my second one as I had been quite overweight when it started. The doctor told me I would be fine. Today they have so much more to help you than they did 45 and 33 years ago.

Dear R., Wow, you really are a wreck! Here is the simple answer, We have no control, it is and always has been in God's hands. When you get all worked up, it isn't good for the baby, and as long as you are taking care of yourself, and your baby is healthy, its all good. Try to relax and enjoy this time with your husband, soon your baby will start moving, and your heart will not be able to contain the joy, it's way cool!! I have 2 grown daughters, and 2 grandsons. Had to have a radical hysterectomy @ 44, but I am fine now, just so you know I'm no 18 year old!! I will put you in my prayers, may your baby be perfect and healthy, R.

Your pregnancy worries are normal and every "first-time" moms go through it. If your worries continue to grow to the point where your eating habits decrease and you start getting restless/sleepless, you have to consult your doctor and let him/her know what you are going through or what your worries are. Your doctor should be able to answer all the questions you have about your pregnancy; therefore, giving you the benefit of all your doubts. Don't stress it, though. Stress is really not a good thing during your pregnancy. I am sorry about your last pregnancy. You have been blessed once again and everything happens for a reason. Take time to make an appointment with your doctor so at least you would have a piece of mind about the stages of pregnancy and what you should expect. Take care and best wishes to you and your husband!

That is typically normal...
When i was pregnant, I worried about everything... and i mean everything.
I DID NOT feel my baby move AT ALL until i was 8 months pregnant. I would call my midwife all the time to have an ultrasound because it was just really weird not feeling the baby.

I know that all your fears are normal... but if you need to be reassured i am almost certain you can make an appointment to go talk to your doc.

Hi R.,
I can somewhat understand why you would be worried with this pregnancy with what you went through last fall, I have 3 kids and to think of how hard it would've been to lose one... yikes! I just went through all three of those pregnancies and deliveries, my oldest is only 3 and my youngest is almost 4 months, and what I remember most is that all 3 pregnancies and deliveries were different, what's weird is that their personalities are much like their deliveries. My oldest is stubborn and she took me 27 hours, my 2nd came out in an odd way (one hand first then his face, like he was scared and trying to stop it all from coming) and he's a bit on the sheepish side, not sure what he wants to do, and my last he turned breech on me in the last week and I had to be cut open, not a fun recovery, and he is always stretching trying to find something. So to stop myself before I go on for too long, your baby is very likely doing really well and will let you know that when he or she is ready to, and every woman goes through all her stages differently, we only go by basic guidlines.

in a word.......let go and let god/////////what you are experincing is the most natural of emotions........put good thoughts toward yourself and your baby........heaven willl take care of the rest............blesssings...janie

I had a similar profile to you same age, situation, etc. when we had our first son 18 months ago. I don't have any great advise that will make you stop worrying right a way, but I wanted to suggest you try prenatal yoga and or swimming. I had never done yoga before getting pregnant and it was truly the best thing I could have done for myself. I took classes from Shanna at Yoga Shala in SE Portland. Aside from the physical benefits, it connects you to other moms and gives you a "check in" time to share your joys, worries and concerns with a bunch of other woman that can completely understand and support you. She can give you tools to release those worries and fears. I think it could be extremely beneficial for you. Aside from that, I ended up with an amazing Mama's group from some of the other Mom's delivering at that time. (don't expect that bonding to occur now while you are all busy with life/work but just wait until your all home for 3 plus months with new babies!) Good luck and take it easy on your self!